Phoenix

by Crouch, Janie

  He didn’t wait, just reached down and grabbed her under the armpits, yanking her out of the water. Even literally soaking wet, she didn’t weigh much.

  “I tripped. I fell.”

  “It didn’t look like you fell. It looked like you were doing some sort of goddamned chicken dance and flopped into the water.” He kept his hands on her shoulders.

  “I—I…”

  “Let’s get you back to camp so you can dry off and get warm.”

  She looked a little panicked. What the hell? Was she in shock?

  “Okay look, let’s get you out of your wet clothes. At least your top half. You can have my jacket.”

  He thought she was going to argue, but she just nodded. He let go of her shoulders and reached down and pulled her jacket and sweater over her head. It was a very mild November day, but being soaking wet could get miserable quickly.

  His mouth watered a little at the sight of her standing there in her bra, because hell, he was never not going to appreciate her breasts, but he didn’t waste any time. As soon as her clothes were off, he stripped off his own lightweight jacket and pulled it around her.

  A look of bliss crossed her face as she slipped her arms in and he zipped it up. “Thank you.”

  He locked his arms around her and pulled her up against his chest, relaxing a little when she didn’t pull away. “I’m glad you’re okay. It’s a little chilly for swimming without a wetsuit. What the heck were you doing?”

  “I, uh, thought I saw a spider, and I guess I overreacted.”

  “I thought you said you tripped.”

  She was silent for a moment. “Yeah, I meant I tripped because I saw a spider.”

  He wanted to pull her away and look her in the eyes. Tripped because she saw a spider? Her story wasn’t really making sense.

  But the need to hold her close won out. She could keep her reasons for her icy jump to herself if she wanted.

  Before long, she pulled away. “I need to get back so I can change. And so you can get your jacket back.”

  He’d stand out here stark naked for hours if it meant he could be holding her. But instead, he dropped his arms.

  Damn it. He hated that he wasn’t sure exactly what to do. He’d never had any sort of indecisiveness when it came to Wildfire. From the very beginning, there had been a solidness between them—unshakeable and steady. He’d always wanted her close. Had always been able to pull her close. But now that was missing.

  “Okay.” He took a step back, feeling the cold more from the distance between them than from the actual temperature. “Let’s get you back to camp.”

  She took a few ginger steps, and he held a hand out at her back in case he needed to assist. Was she dizzy? Was something wrong?

  He was about to ask when she seemed to find her center and begin walking normally back toward camp. Maybe he’d just imagined it.

  They were almost back to camp when she turned to him. “I’m going to go around the back way so no one can see me.” She gestured to his jacket. “I’ll get this back to you in a few minutes. Thanks.”

  She didn’t quite meet his eyes before turning and walking away.

  Shaking his head, he watched Riley sneak around the outside of the camp circle so no one would see her.

  Was she embarrassed that she’d fallen in the water? Is that why she didn’t want to walk into camp?

  He rubbed the back of his neck. The Wildfire he knew would’ve marched into the camp, trumpeting what had happened and providing descriptive details about the spider, the water, and her own hysteria. She would have made it into a huge, funny story about her own clumsiness. Would’ve used it to make the first-time racers feel more at ease.

  That was one of the things he’d always loved about her—her ability to find joy and humor in everything, even her own mistakes. She’d never been self-conscious or embarrassed about them. Never one to sneak around camp to hide them.

  Yet here she was sneaking around the back of camp to her RV so no one would see her.

  He watched her go. When had she become that person who felt like she had to be embarrassed by her mistakes? Had he just been oblivious to changes happening in the woman he loved?

  He scrubbed a hand over his face as he walked back into camp. He needed to cut her some slack. She was here in a professional capacity. If she didn’t want to announce that she’d fallen in the water because she was afraid it might hurt her effectiveness as a medical professional, that was certainly her prerogative.

  Or maybe she wasn’t embarrassed by the fall into the lake at all. Maybe she just hadn’t wanted to walk back into camp with him.

  Shit. This just kept getting worse.

  Baby, sitting down on a giant fallen log to eat, lifted an arm to wave at him. He grabbed the now half-cold MRE he’d left and sat down next to his friend.

  The only thing that tasted worse than rehydrated beef and rice was half-cold rehydrated beef and rice.

  “Did I just catch a glimpse of you walking with Girl Riley? I heard you guys broke up. Sorry, man.”

  “Yeah. It only happened four days ago. How does everybody know what happened?”

  “That’s small-town life for you. Everything moves slowly except the gossip.”

  Riley wasn’t from Oak Creek but had been hanging around long enough to know that was the gospel truth. “I was pretty much blindsided. Everything seemed fine, and then I got a call saying our relationship wasn’t what she wanted anymore.” He forced himself to chew a bite of his barely lukewarm meal. “I thought maybe there was another guy involved, but she said there wasn’t. Riley isn’t a liar or a cheater.”

  Baby took a bite of his own food. “If it helps, I haven’t seen her around with anyone. Although…”

  “What?” Riley prompted when Baby trailed off. “Anything is better than knowing nothing.”

  “I’ve been pretty busy with Cade and Peyton. It’s not every day your best friend finds out he’s a father, so my intel may not be great because I’ve been dealing with that. But it seems like Girl Riley has been pretty distant over the past couple weeks.”

  That wasn’t good. “Any particulars?”

  Baby shrugged. “You know Riley, she’s pretty independent, doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve. Last time I saw her was about three weeks ago for a girls’ night out when they all showed up at The Eagle’s Nest. Riley seemed fine except…almost too fine, you know? Like she was determined to be happy or die trying.”

  Three weeks ago. That was just about the time the weird behavior had started.

  Baby shrugged. “Sorry I’m not more help. And I’m really sorry you guys broke up. Everybody always thought it was pretty amazing how you two made it work even with all the distance and the fame and everything. Plus having the same name. Seemed like it was predestined or something.”

  Baby shifted to grab his water bottle and groaned in pain. “When Finn told me to do this race because it would be a life-changing experience, I didn’t know he meant it would be because I would want to kill myself.”

  Riley chuckled. “I would tell you it gets easier as the days go on, but we both know I’d be lying.”

  Baby groaned again. “That’s what I’m afraid of. Siblings, man. They’re trouble. Got any brothers or sisters?”

  Riley nodded. “Older sister. Well, half-sister.”

  “She do crazy stuff like this? Extreme sport stuff?”

  “Oh hell no. Quinn is a college English professor. I’m pretty sure she disapproves of anything even remotely as immature as extreme sports.”

  Baby’s fork stopped midway to his mouth. “Does she teach at Wyoming Community College?”

  Riley let out a bark of laughter. “A community college? Dearest half-sister would never set foot in such a place. She teaches at Harvard.”

  This whole conversation reminded him that he needed to call Quinn. They’d never been particularly close. An eight-year age gap meant she’d been out of the house before he’d gotten old enough to really know her.


  He’d only seen her one time in the past couple of years—his schedule was always crazy. They talked on the phone every once in a while, but not often enough.

  Yet another person he was letting down. A lot of that going around.

  “Yeah, community college. That’s for people who can’t hack it in real college, right?”

  “Don’t ask me, man. I’ve been putting off college for years, much to Quinn’s dismay. There’ll be time enough for that once this part of my life is over. Where did you go to college?”

  Baby laughed, but something about it was forced, not the natural chuckle everyone was so used to, the one that put everyone at ease. “Me? I didn’t even make it all the way through high school. Your Harvard sister would probably think I’m the biggest moron on the planet.”

  “Naw. Quinn isn’t that way. She’s never mean, just too smart for her own good.” At least, book smart. Quinn tended to close herself off in her academic tower. The two of them couldn’t be more different.

  “Book smart. Yeah, that’s definitely not me,” Baby muttered. “I’ll just stick with my cars.”

  “Nothing wrong with that. I mean, unless you want to go to college.”

  Baby just shrugged. “Some things aren’t meant to be.”

  Riley finished his last bite and stood and stretched. He was also feeling pretty sore for it only being the first day. Bo was right. Riley was going to have to get his head out of his ass and into the game if he had any hopes of avoiding injury, and forget winning.

  Wildfire opened the door to the RV, clothes now changed and looking dry and warm. “Baby, you’re up for your medical check. Get in here.”

  “Coming, Mom!”

  With a salute to Riley, Baby stood and jogged off, tossing the food packet into the trash as he went.

  Riley watched as Baby said something to make Wildfire laugh, then swat at his shoulder as he entered the RV. Riley wasn’t worried about it; Baby wasn’t going to make a move on her.

  But if Riley couldn’t figure out how to fix whatever was wrong between them, he would have no say over who Wildfire dated. A knife twisted in his gut.

  “Briefing in ten minutes,” Zac called out to everyone. “We’ll be going over tomorrow’s course and what evil events we have in store for you.”

  Baby exited the RV just a couple minutes after he’d entered, obviously no serious wounds. But the knife was still twisting in Riley’s gut when Wildfire walked out just before the briefing started.

  She looked warmer and drier but still had that pinched look in her eyes.

  He pulled her over to edge of the group gathering to hear what Zac had to say. “Enough of this nonsense. I want you to tell me what’s going on.”

  “There’s nothing going on. Thank you for your jacket. I have it hanging over the heater in the RV. It should be dry by morning.” She turned away, but he shifted so he was in front of her and she couldn’t escape. “Move, Phoenix.”

  “Aren’t you going to give me the required medical check?”

  She glanced over him for a brief second. “You look fine.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You’re seriously not even going to check me out? Now my feelings are hurt.”

  “I won’t be seeing everyone every single day. If you have medical concerns, you can let me know, and I’ll be sure to keep an eye on it. Otherwise, I’ll walk through camp for checks on some of the athletes. There’s no need for you to come to the RV.”

  “Is this because I’ve seen you half naked twice in the past two days? Afraid you won’t be able to resist me again?”

  It was a dick thing to say, but it got her attention riveted back to him.

  Everybody was quieting down as Zac stood up in front of them to give the briefing. Riley dropped his voice to a whisper. “You check out everybody else except me. That’s because you know what happens when we’re alone together.”

  “Or,” she shot back in the same low voice, “it’s because I’ve been watching you do stupid shit so long, I know when you’re hurt or in pain and when you’re not. So don’t flatter yourself.”

  “Are you ready to tell me what’s really going on?”

  “Fuck off, Phoenix.”

  She said it just above a whisper, but it happened to be right as everyone got quiet so Zac could start the brief.

  Everybody heard.

  After a startled moment, everyone chuckled.

  Everyone except Wildfire.

  She shot Riley a look that had him checking to make sure he wasn’t on fire.

  Zac cleared his throat. “You might not want to make an enemy of our medical staff there, Phoenix. After I explain what we have in store for you over the next couple of days, having someone qualified to save your life might come in handy.”

  If so, by the looks of it, Riley was in trouble.

  Chapter 9

  Riley woke up before the dawn on the third day of the race. She’d always been an early riser, no matter what sort of shifts she worked at the hospital. Watching the sunrise had always been a favorite part of her day.

  Even when she was pretty successfully screwing up her life.

  Fuck off, Phoenix.

  It had been the running joke around camp all day yesterday since everyone had heard her say it to him during the briefing the night before that.

  Boy Riley had taken it all with his good-natured smile. Which just made her feel like an even bigger bitch. None of this was his fault. She knew he was trying to process the situation without having all the info.

  And she was feeling more and more like she was drowning under all the weight of the info. About to crack.

  She walked out of the RV into the fading darkness. The sun would be coming up soon. She gave a small wave to the volunteer who was setting up the hot water for the race participants. But right now, all the athletes were sleeping, their bodies needing as much rest as possible after the first two grueling days of the race.

  She sat down at the edge of the bench and just looked out at the purple sky. She’d always found such centering and peace during the sunrise moments. But lately those moments had been missing. Was she ever going to be able to find any sort of emotional peace ever again?

  Was this one more thing MS would steal from her?

  Because right now, it felt like that damn condition was stealing everything important to her.

  She wanted to scream up at the dawn. Just bellow with rage and pain and despair. But what good would that do except confirm to everyone around her that she was bat-shit crazy? She was on the constant verge of a panic attack. Her mental state had gotten so bad yesterday that Zac had pulled her aside to ask her, as gently as possible, if he needed to replace her.

  Shit.

  She’d been mortified. Wanted to go crawl under a rock somewhere.

  Not once in her medical career had she been reprimanded for not doing her job thoroughly. To be reprimanded when it wasn’t even MS at fault, but her own basket-case mental state, had been a cold, hard slap in the face.

  The talk had at least gotten her back on track. And just in time too. Like Zac had predicted, the physical demands of day two were rough on the athletes’ bodies, particularly getting up and down the hill to the river.

  She’d been needed to treat multiple cuts and bruises. One person had needed stitches, one was out of the race completely with a broken wrist, and another she’d observed closely all evening due to a possible concussion. He’d have to be checked out this morning before she cleared him to continue the race. If she cleared him.

  So yeah, her focus was needed here. These racers needed her to concentrate on them.

  Being busy had also given her an excuse to ignore Boy Riley. Thankfully, he hadn’t pushed. After he’d seen her fall into the lake, and then her none-too-gentle outburst everyone had heard at the briefing, distance had been necessary. It was all she could do yesterday to hold it together. Arguing more with him—or sidestepping more of his questions—would’ve just put her completely over the edge.
/>   She hated feeling so weak. She closed her eyes and rubbed her cheeks with her hands.

  So weak.

  She felt the warmth of steam against the back of her hand and looked up.

  For a second all she could see was a coffee mug in front of her face—the collapsible kind the racers carried.

  “I don’t want to fight.” Riley’s voice was soft as he sat down beside her. “I just want to have a cup of coffee and enjoy the sunrise with you.”

  Like they had so many times in so many places. He didn’t say it, but she knew he was thinking it. They had experienced sunrises together all over the world, had sat in comfortable silence with each other as a new day had formed.

  She didn’t have the strength to fight him. Didn’t want to fight him. Just wanted to watch the sunrise with him.

  She took the cup and brought it to her lips, sighing at the dark, earthy taste. This was coffee from his personal stash.

  “I shouldn’t drink this. I know you’re limited.”

  “I brought a little for you, don’t worry.”

  She nodded and took another sip. She recognized it for the gift it was. Riley loved his coffee. In a race where the participants spent hours getting their backpack weight down as low as possible, he had deemed coffee necessary enough for his survival to be carrying it with him.

  To offer her some now meant a great deal more than it would under normal circumstances. Participants were only allowed to consume what they carried themselves. Boy Riley wouldn’t be allowed to drink any coffee she offered him, and to offer her some of his was a peace offering she couldn’t turn down.

  Not that he was the one who needed to be making the peace offering…

  “Thank you. I’m sorry about everyth—”

  He shook his head, his little smile just visible in the early light. “No sorry. Just sunrise.”

  She passed the cup back to him so he could take a sip. She sat next to him, sharing the coffee, watching the sunrise.

  The weakness pooling inside her seemed to fade away with the darkness as dawn rose around them. Having him next to her, not demanding anything, not expecting anything…strengthened her.