Ms. Infinity (Book 1): Earth's Greatest Hero

by Kirschner, Andrew

  Hal reached the roof of the garage just in time to see Bonnie finish talking to herself. She was clearly distracted, looking up in the air for some reason. He was about to say hello, but then something extraordinary happened. She began to transform.

  It only took two or three seconds, but in the freeze-frame unreality of the moment, it seemed like more. Bonnie said the cryptic words “Infinite Power.” Then there was a small explosion, and right before his eyes, her entire being changed. When the smoke cleared, she had grown by nearly a foot. Her face and body had reshaped. Her clothes had morphed into the famous costume of the superheroine. Hal gasped at what he had just witnessed. It couldn’t be, but it was. He had just discovered that the woman he was dating was really a figure of legend, the superhero of his dreams. Bonnie Boring had just changed into Ms. Infinity!

  As she finished her transformation, Ms. Infinity gasped as she looked at the stunned Hal in front of her. “Hal!” she shouted.

  “Oh my god!” shouted Hal, “It’s you! She’s you! You’re her! Bonnie! You’re…”

  “Oh no,” said Ms. Infinity, “Listen Hal. I have an emergency to deal with. I know this was an accident, but we have to handle this situation.”

  “Umm…wow! I…I just can’t believe this. Wow! Bonnie? I had no idea it was you. Did you know how much I idolize you?”

  “Thank you, Hal. Wow. But Hal, you can’t tell anyone what you just saw. And I don’t know about you walking around like that. You really have to calm down. Maybe I can take you home. Can you make an excuse and punch out?”

  “I did just punch out. I’m on split shifts. Is it possible…”

  “Pardon?”

  “Do you think I could come with you?”

  “You know what?” said Ms. Infinity, “Let me take you out of here first, then we can discuss it. This could be a big one.”

  With that, Ms. Infinity scooped Hal up in her arms and flew away.

  Back at customer service, Lisa waited for Bonnie to return. As she watched the door to the parking garage, it soon became clear that she would not. She sighed and shook her head, resigning herself to another one of those inevitable frustrating days.

  “Alright Bonnie,” she said under her breath, “I get it. This is just how it must be. Fine, but I’m not waiting. This thing is my project alone.”

  7. Starship Infinity

  Hal looked back at the roof as it rapidly disappeared from view. He was enthralled, if a bit frightened, to be flying with Ms. Infinity. After a minute, he turned to her and spoke.

  “May I ask a question?”

  “You just did,” said Ms. Infinity.

  “What? Oh…”

  “What is it, Hal?”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Well, for you, nothing is decided yet. But at least for myself, there’s a villain who has been dogging me. Her name is Misery. I have to handle several of her threats. I’ve also decided to deal with her in person.”

  “So that’s where?”

  “In space,”

  “Space?”

  “Yes.”

  “Um…Okay,” said Hal, “Another question…”

  “Yes, Hal,” said Ms. Infinity,

  “Since we’re going into space, and you might take me with you…”

  “Yes?”

  “Were you planning to take a spaceship?”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m pretty sure you can fly to distant planets just as is, but you know, I’m human. I need to breathe and stuff.”

  “It’s okay, Hal. I’m bringing a spaceship. It’s a long trip and I want to be comfortable.”

  Ms. Infinity then landed with Hal on a high rooftop in Midtown. As Hal looked out around the city and beyond, Ms. Infinity produced her cellphone, apparently from her cape. “I just have to try something,” she said. She made another attempt to call her mother on her cellphone, but there was no answer.

  “So Ms. Infinity,” said Hal, “I’m sorry about before. I just assumed you put glasses on or something.”

  “Oh, Hal,” said Ms. Infinity warmly, “Never mind that. That is not your fault. I can transform myself, and if I’m going to do that, then obviously I don’t want to be recognized. Clearly I should not be upset with you if you did not recognize me.”

  Hal was even more awed with his crush than before. Yet he was having a hard time assimilating the new information he was confronted with. He was especially confused and disturbed about the woman he had increasingly strong feelings for, and thought he knew. So was Bonnie simply a disguise? Was the woman he was dating just a form that Ms. Infinity changed into to fit in? Was he falling for a made-up person? Who was she really?

  “Listen Hal,” said Ms. Infinity, “This may not be the mission you want to go on. It could be dangerous. I don’t think Misery is too much for me to handle, but one never knows. Yes there is a spaceship, and I have worked to make it a comfortable one, but I’m not certain exactly how long this might take. Do you still want to go?”

  Hal may have been overwhelmed by the day’s events. Or perhaps he saw an opportunity to live a dream. Either way, he did not seem to think much of the warnings given to him by Ms. Infinity at that moment. All he said was, “Of course I do.”

  “Very well then,” said Ms. Infinity, “Off we go.”

  She picked him up and flew into the clouds, extremely fast. Hal might have expected the experience to be very frightening. Yet somehow in her arms, he felt not only safe, but even comfortable.

  In fact it was a wondrous thing, experiencing Ms. Infinity’s flight. She held him in her arms in front of her, and as he looked out to see ahead, he saw and felt things he had never imagined. He felt his heart racing as they passed through the clouds. A moment later they were high above them, and beyond them was only the deep blue sky. He felt the wind of the stratosphere, strangely gentle as he was caressed in her arms. That should have been a mighty blast. In fact, as he looked out and listened, he could discern that it was every bit as powerful as he’d imagined. Yet he seemed somehow sheltered. The clouds seemed to race beneath them, and the wind roared like a hurricane that was somehow outside of them in every direction. It was like a dream, yet even more fantastic. It was perhaps even better than he could ever have imagined. Put simply, it was magic.

  The flight lasted only a minute or two, until they came to a remote place in the mountains. She placed him down on a cliff.

  Hal looked around for a minute, then looked at her, shivering, and asked, “We were going really fast. I didn’t see where we were going. Where are we? The Catskills? The Berkshires?”

  “The Himalayas.”

  “Oh.”

  “You see,” said Ms. Infinity, “We have to be somewhere very remote. I need a lot of room. I’m about to call my ship, and it’s a big one.”

  It was time to call Starship Infinity, which was hovering at the ready at the dark side of the moon. This was technically the ship that she and her mother had arrived in years ago, but now it was vastly improved. It was now many, many times bigger, and indeed changed in countless other ways; altogether it was a very different vessel from the ship that had once landed in Rockaway Beach. This being her “Infinity Powers Project,” she had given it an overhaul that was truly superhuman in scale. It was a tremendous creation in every way, a heroic expression of her many powers, as well as the product many hours of time and sweat.

  Many of the additions on the ship had made use of what she called her “Power of Creation.” Technically it was transformation. She could not make something out of nothing. This power could also not be used to create life where there was no life, nor even organic materials such as food.

  This may have seemed like effortless magic to an onlooker, but it was far more complex than that. It was a skill that she had to develop and perfect with endless practice. Indeed with this as with all of her powers she was always stretching herself beyond her limits. So it is with anyone who possesses a tremendous natural talent. Becoming truly skilled still requires dedicat
ion and devotion. And this was an extremely difficult craft. Even creating a seemingly simple object required tremendous concentration and discipline, as well as endless attention to detail. Far from making a wish and snapping her fingers, she had to make thousands, even millions of miniscule decisions in the space of a split second.

  “How do you like my spaceship?” asked Ms. Infinity.

  Hal looked but could not figure out what she was talking about. There did not seem to be anything in front of him except the same great expanse of air that was there before. After a few seconds, he looked back and said “Where?”

  “Ah. Sorry,” she said, “Let me open it up.”

  With a wave of her hand suddenly a narrow, dark crevice opened up in the air directly in front of him. At least, it seemed dark at first, but as he peered inside, he could faintly see through a long, narrow hallway that there was a room inside.

  “Go on,” said Ms. Infinity as she flew up beside him. “Let’s go inside.”

  Hal was amazed before, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw when he stepped aboard Starship Infinity. It looked nothing like a spaceship. It came closer to a futuristic mansion. He entered into a great hall, essentially a tremendous atrium. The room was brightly lit, and nearly big enough to be a parking lot. It was beautifully furnished, with large leather couches, swiveling chairs, and coffee tables. The ceiling toward the end of the room was extremely high. In fact, he could not be sure just how high it was. There were doorways in every direction. He could only guess where they might lead. One of them seemed to be a kitchen. Another, if he could see properly, and if his eyes didn’t deceive him, might have contained a hot tub.

  “Here it is,” said Ms. Infinity, “Starship Infinity! So please make yourself comfortable. Explore a little bit, but don’t get lost. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I have to stock the fridge.”

  She flew away, and Hal again felt bewildered. He began to explore, though he stayed close to the main hall for fear of getting lost. There was indeed a large, full kitchen, several luxuriant bathrooms, and at least one bedroom. There was also a den with a large entertainment center. Many other hallways yet remained unexplored.

  After a few minutes, Ms. Infinity returned with many canvas bags full of groceries. It was a surprisingly awkward sight. Though she clearly was not struggling with the weight, the bulkiness made it a little hard to maneuver. She actually looked a bit comical carrying the load.

  “Listen Hal, “ she said. “I’m having second thoughts about this. I don’t want to make you a prisoner. Are you absolutely sure you want to come? I can still take you home. I do trust you to keep my secret.”

  “This place is amazing!” shouted Hal. “So this thing is yours?”

  “Yes. I’m glad you like it.”

  “Please! Please take me with you! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that may never come again. Please. I promise I won’t get in the way.”

  “Alright. It will be fun to have you along.”

  “Oh. I have to call work.”

  “Oh don’t worry. I took care of that.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. I promise. It’s fine.”

  “This thing is amazing. I mean, this is a spaceship with how many rooms, and a full kitchen and bathrooms. I’m relieved that there are bathrooms.”

  “Well of course. Powers or no, I’m still a living creature. I need to breathe, eat, sleep, pee and poop just like you. What did you think?”

  Hal blushed. “I…guess I didn’t know.”

  “It’s time to take off. I’m going to the bridge. Speaking of eating, it’s already the afternoon, and I have barely eaten all day. Why don’t you go to the kitchen and make us something? I bought a pretty good supply of groceries.”

  “Oh!”

  As Hal grabbed the grocery bags and took them into the kitchen, he noticed the ship lifting off. He was amazed at how smooth the ride was. They were going extremely fast, how fast he dared not imagine. Within a few seconds the earth was in full view from the kitchen window. Soon it was disappearing into the distance. The movement looked rather like an old science fiction movie, or maybe even a cartoon. Yet it barely felt like moving at all.

  He began to go through the groceries, looking for perishables to put away and trying to figure out what to make. He noticed she had done her shopping back at The Big Box; several of the canned goods bore the store brand. He marveled once again at how quickly she had flown halfway around the world and back. Unfortunately the selection did not offer much. It was mainly microwave meals, with a number of cans of vegetables mixed in. There were also a couple of cartons of eggs and some jugs of spring water, some coffee, tea, and milk. Not much to work with.

  The kitchen was certainly nice enough. It had all stainless steel appliances, including a tremendous refrigerator with a built-in water filter and ice maker, a beautiful electric stove, a large sink, and an espresso machine. It seemed a shame there wasn’t more food to work with.

  The inevitable thought came to him about what the guys would think if they saw him now. There would certainly be insinuations of emasculation, and he might never live it down. Or maybe that would not be the case, considering the woman he was cooking for.

  But Hal liked cooking. It was something he took pride in, one of his small, daily pleasures. He relished the thought of cooking for a woman he admired, or indeed for anyone besides an alcoholic roommate who left the table looking like a war zone. He wished he could do some real cooking, rather than putting together a kid’s lunch.

  Hal tried to think of what to make. What did she eat, anyway? At first it seemed a crazy thought: What to cook for Ms. Infinity, Earth’s Greatest Hero. But it suddenly occurred to him that he did know Bonnie Boring, and he had indeed seen her eat lunch. That could not have been an effort at disguise. At any rate, Bonnie’s lunch was almost always the same thing: Two hard-boiled eggs, with canned asparagus thrown in, uncut. She would usually squeeze a couple of ketchup and mayonnaise packets in, and call it a meal. It seemed like a half-hearted effort. Could that really be all the world’s most powerful woman could do?

  There wasn’t really much to cook anyway, so he made Bonnie’s usual lunch. He varied it by cutting the asparagus and eggs and mixing the dressings beforehand. It looked somewhat more civilized. For himself, he scrambled a couple of eggs and opened a can of carrots. Then he called “Mealtime!” Suddenly there she was beside him.

  “So!” said Ms. Infinity, “What have we got?”

  “I made this for you,” said Hal, “More or less the same lunch I always see you with, but I thought I’d give it a little more attention, if that’s alright. There aren’t a lot of choices here…”

  “That’s so sweet! Thank you! My goodness. What a man! Thank you, Hal.”

  “You’re welcome,” said Hal, surprised that such a powerful woman would be impressed by such a small deed.

  “This is very thoughtful of you,” she said warmly.

  “There isn’t a lot to work with. If you brought a few rolls, I might have reworked this and made you a hero.”

  “Pardon me?” she said, “You would make me a hero?”

  Hal was momentarily confused at the answer. Then he realized the misunderstanding. “I mean a hero sandwich. You know, what some people call grinders, or wedges, or subs, like submarine sandwiches.”

  “I know. We’re New Yorkers. That’s our local dialect. I was just playing with you.” She began to hum something, though Hal could not identify it.

  “What is that?” asked Hal.

  “You know,” giggled Ms. Infinity, “‘Yellow Submarine.’”

  “We have a song by that name by The Beatles, but…”

  “I know. That’s the song.” She then began to sing the refrain, though “sing” might be a generous description of what she did. She got the words right, but she accomplished only a passing resemblance to the melody. The result was not much more tuneful t
han a school bell.

  “Wow.” said Hal, looking with a curious amazement.

  “What is it?”

  “There is something you can’t do!”

  “You don’t like my singing?” said Ms. Infinity.

  Hal looked at Ms. Infinity, and saw the wounded look on her face. To his surprise and alarm, he saw that he had hurt her feelings.

  “Oh! Listen,” he said, “I admire you. I revere you. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you or bring you down…”

  “…Because I can’t sing.”

  “I’m sorry,” said Hal, “It doesn’t bother me. You know I think the world of you.”

  “You’re right,” said Ms. Infinity, her head in her arms in a sulking position, “I’m a lousy singer.”

  “And so what? So you’re not perfect. Big deal. Singing isn’t required for a superhero anyway. You’re expected to do things like fly, and lift huge boulders, and save people. You can do all that and much more. Look. I was only surprised because it always seemed to me that that you can do just about anything. I mean, it’s right there in your name.”

  “You think I can do anything?” said Ms. Infinity, “That’s sweet. Wrong, but sweet.”

  “I can’t think of anything else you can’t do.”

  “I can’t accept an expired coupon.”

  “Well, right. I suppose that’s a something we have in common.”

  “Alright Hal,” said Ms. Infinity, “I’m sorry I got so upset, but I want you to think about something else now. Maybe I overreacted. Okay I definitely overreacted. But you should never forget your own part here. Are you so surprised that you can say something that affects me? What you say matters. What you do matters. You are part of my world, and I’m part of your world.”

  “I am sorry,” he said.

  “Not the point,” answered Ms. Infinity, pointing at him in a whimsical tone, “Just remember that you have power too. Use it wisely.”

  “Well, thank you,” said Hal, blushing.

  “You know what? Never mind singing. Let’s dance!”