Ms. Infinity (Book 1): Earth's Greatest Hero

by Kirschner, Andrew

  “That made you decide to become a superhero?”

  “Well, my mom does things differently. She has not created any separate identity. She does things quietly behind the scenes. She can be so subtle that nobody will even know that this invisible hand was at work. She privately likes to call herself the ‘Guerilla Public Servant.’ That’s actually a thing. A guerrilla public servant is someone who fixes local problems secretly, but my mom is that with superpowers. You might know some of her work. Remember how they used to call Queens Boulevard the ‘Boulevard of Death?’ You know, used to.”

  “Wow! Really? So does she float over it all day or what?”

  “I’m kidding. Well, part kidding. She used to do it that way sometimes. But she’s also civically involved. She goes to a lot of community board meetings and is active in local affairs. So she was involved in the effort to make safety improvements, the way any citizen might be. But then, the city gets some credit there too, as do a number of citizens. She has stopped her share of accidents though.

  “Anyway for me…” she smiled and looked wryly at Hal, “I read a few comic books, and I thought to myself, ‘Yeah I can do that!’”

  “Really? Just like that?”

  She was enjoying the discussion more and more, and her energy built up as she continued. “The name ‘Ms. Infinity,’ I suppose you were right when you said that something in the name suggests omnipotence, and maybe it’s a little bit of hubris. Like I said, I’m far from omnipotent, although I understand why it may seem that way. My mom is constantly reminding me not to think of my powers as infinite, but then I had to go and name myself that anyway. I’m funny like that. But you know something? It often seems that many of these heroes in the comics make much the same claim, and fall much shorter.”

  Hal wasn’t quite sure whether to react with amazement or laughter. The suggestion behind that last statement seemed one boast too many. After looking at her for a moment with raised eyes, he finally replied, “Oh really?”

  Ms. Infinity laughed, “Okay. That was a little over the top. I admit it. I’m not going to say I’m more powerful than any superhero from the comics. Actually, if anything I don’t know what to think with some of them. You know, sometimes the creators seem to be guilty of a little hyperbole. But then, if I were writing this stuff, I’m not sure I’d do better.”

  “How do you mean?” asked Hal.

  “Well look at it this way. They’ll have a character who might have a defined set of powers, but then how often does it seem like the writers are suddenly just making up powers just for the convenience of the story?”

  “Like when?”

  “Just a second. Is your chair a little wobbly?”

  “Oh. Yeah. I guess just a little.”

  “Yeah, mine too. Give me a second.”

  Ms. Infinity closed her eyes for a few seconds, as if concentrating. Then she opened them and said, “There! Is that better?”

  “Uh, yeah actually,” said Hal. What did you just do?”

  “Nothing much. I just rearranged the universe slightly. Now what were we talking about?”

  “I don’t remember…”

  In fact Bonnie Boring didn’t read a few comic books. She read hundreds of them, maybe thousands. She collected them voraciously, with stacks in her room, and many more in the attic. Betty seemed annoyed by the clutter, but then many a time Bonnie caught her reading some herself.

  It was only natural that Bonnie would love the genre. After all, this was the literature about people like her, near as could be anyway. True they sometimes betrayed many false perceptions, but this she could find forgivable. She was much more frustrated at the scarcity of female superheroes, and even more angered at the way the few females were portrayed. Yet she was a staunch supporter of the few published titles she really loved.

  For a time, she tried to find a community on the internet, first on the chat rooms, then on the social networks. Yet she was always frustrated by the “trolls,” and more generally by misogynistic sentiments that often dominated the discussions. By no means did they represent everyone, but there were enough to make it an unpleasant experience. It didn’t take long before she decided she’d had enough.

  Before becoming a costumed superhero herself, she tested the waters by visiting the New York Comic Con wearing a costume. She went as an obscure superheroine that had long since been discontinued, but amazingly there were many people who recognized the character. She found herself mildly annoyed by the leering, but she could not deny that the overall attention was something that she really enjoyed. Between posing for pictures with fans, high–fiving with young girls, and pretending to perform super feats, she was having the time of her life. She had not felt that alive in a long time. The whole day, she was fighting a temptation to use her powers.

  When it was over, she finally slipped away, and flew far into the clouds. She felt euphoric. Never before had she been more herself than in this moment. Suddenly she knew in her heart that this was who she was, and that in that discovery lay something tremendous and important that she needed to do. Why settle for “cosplay” when you can do the real thing!

  For some time Ms. Infinity worked the controls while Hal attended to the kitchen. After a while, she returned. “I just remembered. We never really talked about Misery.

  “I didn’t know her growing up. I started to see her around shortly before I left. When she did appear, things went from bad to worse on my end. I haven’t exactly been up on the politics of Center since I left, but this much I know: She is a shill for people in power, but at heart she is a bully. She’s ruthless when it serves her. It seems to me that the leaders are comfortable with a strong female, as long as they think they can control her. Anyway, I’m not sure exactly what her game is. She probably is after me.”

  “Oh” said Hal, looking very apprehensive. Something in this story seemed off. It seemed to him that there was more to this than she was telling.

  “Now don’t worry,” said Ms. Infinity, moving in closer, “I can handle her.”

  Seeming not to notice her tone or intention, Hal asked, “Do you need help? I mean, you seemed to run into this very suddenly. Do you want to talk about this? Maybe I can help you plan.”

  “Oh Hal, dear, don’t worry yourself about this. This is my mission. You just sit back and watch, and enjoy yourself.”

  “Something occurred to me. Just how far are we going? I mean, are we going to your native planet? How far is that?”

  “Oh no. Of course not. Center is many billions of light years from earth. I’d never get home in time to watch Stephen Colbert. No. I scoped it out. Misery is operating from a space station in relative proximity, right here in our own galaxy. Just sixty thousand light years.”

  Hal’s face nearly turned white. “What? Sixty thousand light years? I don’t even have one light year to spare? I didn’t know I’d be dying in space!”

  “Calm down, This isn’t one of your NASA rockets. If we operated the way human technology did then yes. It would take more time than human civilization has existed. But I have other ways. Trust me when I tell you that you will not be away from home long at all.”

  She felt his shoulder amorously. “Now you know who I am. I can take care of you. Don’t worry about a thing. You’re in my power here.”

  Their eyes met once again. She was clearly making another advance on him, but Hal demurred once again. He nervously looked away. She struggled to compose herself.

  Then stepping back, she spoke again, “I’m glad you brought it up though. There are some more things to take care of. First I have to handle the waves of antimatter. Then there’s the next stage of the journey. You see, now that we’ve cleared the solar system, we’re ready to go express. This will take some manipulations that you will definitely not be used to. So be warned. This ride is about to get bumpy.”

  9. Store Rules

  In the deepest regions of The Big Box, Lisa had just been called to the office of Yvonne, the store manager. She wait
ed outside in the hall for a few minutes, wondering what could possibly have prompted the call. The crowd noises of the store were slightly distant, the many complaints and conversations all coalescing into one mass; the soundtrack in this region of the store was dominated by the music. Standing on a hard white floor, she leaned against a marble wall, next to a picture of the founder of the Big Box chain. From there, she looked outward at the back of the sales floor, watching guys from a distance, occasionally finding a good-looking one to ogle, but it was hard to keep her mind off her troubles.

  It was unusual to be called to the store manager. Was she in that much trouble for the earlier incident, or was there something else? Lisa was nervous but determined to move forward with her own concerns. Maybe this could be an opportunity.

  The door opened. A tall woman was behind it. “Hello Lisa,” she said, “Come on in, and please close the door.”

  Lisa entered. The office was fairly large, even a bit luxuriant. It was carpeted, with a large desk of finished wood toward the back. Behind it a wide window looked out toward the urban landscape, largely dominated by train tracks. There was also a bookshelf on the side, with several hardcover books on the subject of management.

  Yvonne gestured to Lisa. “Sit down please.”

  “I’m glad you called me in,” said Lisa, “I had something to speak to you about too.”

  “Do you know why you’re here?”

  “I don’t know exactly.”

  “Well, we had a bad quarter, and we cannot continue like we have been. I have made the decision to crack down on things that we might have let go before. Often it’s many small things that are the cause of larger problems. So do you know what this is about?”

  “Umm, I might. Is it alright if I ask you what it is?”

  “Alright, but in the future I hope you are more on the ball. Now a few minutes ago, Denny was watching you on the camera, and he noticed that you were checking out Bonnie. Now I happen to know that the two of you are best friends. When she was hired, you agreed that she would be treated as though she were family, so you would not check her out. Remember that this is a conflict of interest.”

  This was a rule that some stores had, that cashiers could not check out family members. It could also extend to close friends. The fear was that the employee might be tempted to help steal or discount items. Nonetheless it was a fairly minor rule, and not usually something a store manager would be likely to get directly involved in.

  “Oh! I am sorry about that! Bonnie did kind of pressure me.”

  “I see. I might have to talk to her too.”

  “You know what? Blame it on me.”

  “Besides the point. You really both should have known better. What was your excuse?”

  Lisa clearly realized she had said the wrong thing. She hadn’t meant to get Bonnie in trouble too. She had tried to tell Bonnie not to use the customer service desk, but at the moment, it was the only place without a long line. Bonnie obviously needed to hurry out for some unspoken reason. She was trying to be nonchalant about it, but her eyes had suggested that the world depended on it. Or maybe she had a guy waiting. Or…considering the circumstances, Lisa wondered if maybe it was both. Be that as it may, Lisa was, typically “on the ball” in case the matter did come up.

  “Anyway,” Lisa said, “I thought it might be that. I actually have a copy of the receipt.”

  “You do? Why didn’t you say so before?”

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t be sure.”

  “Alright Lisa, let me see the receipt.”

  She handed Yvonne the receipt. “I assure you there are no irregularities.”

  Yvonne read through the paper for a moment and laughed grimly. “Well that depends on what you mean. Maybe she hasn’t stolen anything, but she sure seems to eat like a high school kid.”

  “Yeah, I know,” laughed Lisa, “I’ve stayed over. If Mrs. B isn’t around, I insist on ordering in.”

  “Mrs. B?”

  “Mrs. Boring, Bonnie’s mother.”

  “Whatever. By the way, Denny also caught you texting right after that. You’re far from the only offender, but let me remind you, no texting on the job.”

  “I really don’t. There was kind of an emergency…”

  “So they all say. Okay. I’ll make another copy of the receipt. I’ll just talk to Bonnie about it next time she’s in. Is that tomorrow?”

  “Yes. Tomorrow morning. So listen. There is something else I wanted to discuss…”

  “It will have to wait.”

  “It is important. It’s a problem…”

  “Mention it to your supervisor. I’m very busy here. Have you seen Hal? I need to speak to him as well.”

  “He left. He’s on split shifts.”

  “Fine. I’ll talk to him later too. I’m expecting him back on time. That’s another thing I hope all of you remember. No more latecomers. I expect Hal on time. No excuses. Nothing short of an alien abduction should keep him from arriving back here on time.”

  Lisa reacted with a silent, wide-eyed look of worry. Misinterpreting it, Yvonne shot at her, “Yes, Lisa. That means you too.”

  “Believe me,” said Lisa in an injured tone. “I do know that. I’m nothing if not punctual. Four years here should have shown you that.” She began to leave, frustrated and worried. But then she turned back after one more time.

  “You know, I think you may really want to hear…”

  “Your supervisor!” said Yvonne abruptly.

  Lisa returned to the customer service desk, frustrated and angry. Maria looked at her compassionately. “So,” she asked, “What was that about?”

  “Denny caught me on the camera,” said Lisa, “I wasn’t supposed to check out Bonnie before. There’s that conflict of interest clause.”

  “Wow. He had to really dig deep. Hey. It means you’re a good worker. Take heart.”

  “Thanks. But why does Yvonne care so much?”

  “Oh, she’s on a kick too about catching small things. I think Denny promised to crack down. That’s his whole thing. He’s ‘Mister Discipline.’ He got me too. For me it was wasting plastic bags, and not smiling enough.”

  “What is all this about? Why do they feel a need to nitpick on the people on the lowest rung of the ladder?”

  “That’s how it’s done, babe. They pick on you because they can.”

  Denny was clearly picking and choosing whom to “nitpick,” based on his own biases. Yet while his vendetta against Lisa was recent, the problems between Denny and Maria ran much deeper. There were several reasons for this, but one had to do with his promotion. Both had been up for the position of Front End Manager at the same time. Maria had the advantage of being already in the department while Denny worked in electronics.

  More importantly, during the period when the powers that be made their selection, the two candidates worked in very different methods. Maria was ever efficient, faithful, dutiful and above all a team player. She would also go out of her way to bow to the needs of management. By contrast Denny was a bully even then. He did everything he could to sabotage Maria, from interrupting her at meetings to purposely ruining her work to starting cruel rumors about her. Yvonne could not have been entirely oblivious to his actions, but she found his style appealing. His aggressive nature seemed to support his promise to bring discipline. Even now, months after he had prevailed over Maria, he still resented her even more than she resented him. Perhaps he was afraid that she knew his true nature. Lisa knew the story as well as anyone. With Bonnie gone, and Yvonne refusing to listen, Lisa now hoped that Maria would be a useful ally.

  “So what do we do about it?” asked Lisa, “It’s awful. They should pick on the people who really screw up. I’m getting really sick of working here.”

  “Oh honey, welcome to the real world. You can’t let these kinds of things bother you so much. It’s just work.”

  “And how do you handle it?”

  “Well, these people may be more powerful than you, but they�
��re still just people. They may be able to make your life difficult. The worst ones can really put you through the ringer. But just remember that they’re just as human as you.”

  “But I still don’t see why you would stand for this treatment. C’mon Maria. We have to do something.”

  “My dear Lisa, I appreciate what you’re trying to say, but it’s not as simple as you think. Believe me, I have my own notions too of what should be done here, but I also have kids to support. They know that. Again, that’s why they are able to mess with me. Honey, welcome to the work world.”

  “I guess I understand. But why do they do this to us anyway?”

  “Honey, this is how they show power. Most of them aren’t as mean as Denny. I’ve had good managers too. Yvonne isn’t so bad. I think she’s just a little out of touch. She has her reasons for leaning on Denny right now. Didn’t she mention to you that the store had a bad quarter?”

  “Yeah. She did say that.”

  “Well, the way it’s explained to me, she believes this is addressing the central problem at the source.”

  “And what problem is that?” asked Lisa.

  Maria raised her eyebrows, “Poor employee morale,” she said.

  “Well,” said Lisa, “If nothing else, she has found the problem.”

  “Oh! She’s right on the money.”

  10. Hyperspace

  Ms. Infinity stood at the bridge once again with Hal, now preparing for her next action.

  “So in a moment,” she said, “I’m going to fly out into the antimatter. Watch if you like, but it might not be easy for you to follow.”

  “Oh,” replied Hal, “So I take it you have a plan.”

  “The thing is, this isn’t simple like stopping a meteor shower. Sending gigantic waves of antimatter to Earth is actually a very destructive action. It may be hard for you to visualize this. I mean, these are the actions of superhumans. But think of it as the equivalent of detonating a few nuclear bombs. You see how it might keep me slightly on my feet. Anyway, I have to put a little more effort into this intervention.”