Bad Attitude

by K.A. Mitchell

  Quinn’s smile wasn’t smug this time. It went all the way up to his eyes. “I am.”

  “Oh my God.” Eli bounced into the kitchen and flung himself on Quinn. “Gavin says he knows this gallery owner, and he’s going to call him and tell him about my work and then maybe I can get a chance to show something.”

  Gavin had followed. Jamie caught his eyes, asking, and Gavin nodded in a way Jamie knew meant that the offer was serious. Jamie nodded back in surprise. Then Quinn cut between them to shake Gavin’s hand.

  “Did you leave those guys alone?” Jamie asked. “I think one more muttered comment about imperialism and religious interference, and your new bud is going to deck Eli’s ex.”

  “They’re all right.” Eli had gone back out for the smaller lasagna dish made with rabbit food. “Nate snorted his wine when Gavin said that about the gallery owner, so Kellan is pounding him on the back. Besides, Kellan is good for Nate that way. Keeps him from getting too high on his horse.”

  Kellan was good for Nate, Eli was good for Quinn. Maybe Jamie could be good for Gavin? Quinn and Eli moved around each other, putting stuff away in a kind of dance where they knew all the right moves, a touch and a stroke here and there. Comfortable.

  Jamie realized that Gavin never seemed to be in Jamie’s way at his house. He hated if his mom or sisters came over, hated people in his space. Gavin felt right there. But maybe that was because Gavin was so good at trying to disappear when no one was looking at him.

  “Seems weird having the cake and all when Silver took off.” Eli peeled the plastic wrap from the top of the pan.

  “Better this way. No one needs to sing.” Jamie eyed the cake. The frosting was chocolate buttercream. Though his mouth watered, his gaze was fixed on Gavin, and Jamie was hungry for something else. “Let’s move this along.”

  “Kellan brought his guitar, and Silver actually has a great voice,” Eli said.

  “He wouldn’t be singing happy birthday to himself, now would he? It would just be us croaking along,” Jamie pointed out.

  Because the birthday boy wasn’t there to cut the birthday cake, talk turned to Silver and Eli’s family having cut them off when they found out their sons were gay. Jamie figured it was Eli’s way of getting the attention back on himself, but it turned into a roundtable discussion.

  “Mine are evangelicals, so I waited until I was graduating from college to tell them.” Zeb had a habit of sounding like he thought he was really profound. No wonder he pissed off Eli’s know-it-all ex.

  “How did they take it?” Kellan leaned forward.

  “Badly, of course. It’s still rather frigid, but I’m their only child so there’s some civil contact. Usually in the form of urging me to get counseling to fix me.”

  “Frosty I get.” Kellan nodded. “Man, do I get it.”

  Nate gave Kellan a look that almost made Jamie forgive them for having so much fun playing fairy godmother when they’d dressed him for Gavin’s fancy party.

  “Well, it must be nice to have a dad who gave money for marriage equality even when the archbishop came to talk to him.” Eli stared at Gavin.

  Gavin rested his fork on his dish. His face was blandly polite, but Jamie read the tension in the rigid way he held his body. “My father’s support is gratif—”

  “Hey, just because his family makes the papers doesn’t mean you get to pry into his business,” Jamie cut in.

  There was a sudden silence, not so much as a bit of chewing. Quinn reached for his beer.

  “You’re right.” Eli grinned, showing his sharp crooked tooth. But the speed at which he gave in made Jamie feel more like he’d won a battle and lost the war.

  “I enjoyed meeting your friends,” Gavin said as they came into Jamie’s house. He’d been quiet—extra quiet considering he wasn’t usually one for blabbing—during the drive back. The mist had stopped, so they rode with the top down. It wasn’t quite like being on the boat, but it was nice, the warm night air cooling with their speed. Jamie noticed they stayed within fifteen miles of the limit.

  “They’re not all my friends. Really only Quinn. Eli, eh, he grows on you. Like a bratty case of fungus.”

  “How did you meet Quinn?”

  Jamie tried to remember how many personal questions Gavin had flung at him while they’d been sleeping together. It seemed the more time they spent together, the less likely Gavin was to ask. “We met at a Gay Vet support group, back when he was fresh out of the service.”

  “You’ve known him a long time then?”

  “Seven years.”

  “I can see that you struggle with commitment.”

  Jamie started to laugh, then narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to make some kind of point with that? Is this one of those indirect-speech things?”

  Gavin shrugged. “It seems for you, action speaks louder than words.”

  Since Gavin’s next action was to get on his knees and undo Jamie’s fly, words stopped being a priority.

  The guy was pretty intent about stripping Jamie of everything but the need to get more of his cock in that mouth. This wasn’t foreplay. This was a focused attack to get Jamie off hard and in a hurry.

  His dick loved it. But something unpleasant coiled up his spine, even while the pleasure pulsed in his balls, which Gavin was right now giving attention to with a warm tongue.

  Jamie put a hand on Gavin’s cheek and, with Jamie’s downstairs brain screaming for him to not be an utter fucking dipshit, moved Gavin back.

  “Something wrong?” Gavin’s voice was cool, polite. Distant like the night of the party out past Edgemere.

  Jamie tried to talk, but Gavin’s tongue flicked across his lips and Jamie shuddered. He cleared his throat—twice—then managed, “Want the bed.”

  Gavin nodded, and despite a lot of hands-on interference delays, they made it to the bed clothes-free, hard and eager. Jamie wanted Gavin on his back, wanted to be able to kiss him, to watch his face, to feel those lean legs locked on as Gavin pulled himself harder into a thrust, but Gavin had a plan of his own.

  Jamie wasn’t sure how it happened, but he was blaming the electrical shock from jumping the solenoid and Gavin’s amazing mouth for it going as far as it did. Jamie was flat on his back, Gavin straddling him, holding Jamie’s lubed cock steady as Gavin rubbed back and forth over the head. It felt so fucking good, all that sensation on the head of Jamie’s dick, the soft rippled skin of Gavin’s hole, muscles jumping, waiting for Jamie to push in. Jesus. The heat on his skin.

  It wasn’t until Gavin started to sink down that Jamie realized what was different.

  He grabbed Gavin’s ass and tried to pull him up. “No.”

  “Oh yes.” Gavin moved back off, then dipped again.

  It was close. Christ, was it close. If there had been something in Gavin’s face other than cold calculation and determination, Jamie might have given in. Might have said, Fuck yeah, go for it. Take my dick raw. Might have driven up deep inside Gavin and flooded his ass with come.

  But this wasn’t an accident in the heat of the moment. Not the way Gavin was looking down at him.

  “No.” Jamie managed to separate them a little. Gavin was a lot stronger than Jamie had suspected. “Don’t do this to me.”

  “To you?” Gavin stopped resisting him for a moment.

  Jamie swallowed. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to forgive either one of them if he let it happen. “To us.”

  Jamie was ready to push him off hard, but the confusion, the hurt on Gavin’s face, made him stop.

  “What if I wanted to do it for us?” Gavin whispered.

  “Then we talk first. Please,” Jamie said.

  Gavin nodded and released Jamie’s dick, shifting forward onto his knees. Jamie pulled Gavin down until he was stretched out on Jamie’s chest and legs.

  “I trust you to have told me if there’s a reason not to.” Gavin breathed the words into Jamie’s neck.

  “Thanks.”

  Gavin lifted his head to stare at Ja
mie, like he was back to looking for hidden meanings.

  Jamie tucked Gavin’s head back down under his chin. “Babe—”

  “Babe?” Gavin raised his head again.

  “Listen for a second. I appreciate it. And I’m not saying I don’t ever want to. But that kind of risk—jumping into something like that—it’s not— You don’t have to prove something. Not to me. And not that way.”

  “So what do you want?” Gavin asked.

  “I was enjoying everything just fine.” Jamie grinned, folding his arms behind his head. “We don’t have to rush that.”

  Gavin nodded and swung off, got a rubber and rolled it down, covering it with more lube.

  He was barely back on top before he sank down, every inch of him tight and squeezing and hot. Not like that early tempting slick skin, but still so damned good. And deep. Each time Gavin came back down he took Jamie deeper.

  Though Gavin’s mouth was open, neck arched back, a bright flush coating his throat and upper chest as he moved, Jamie felt pretty fucked himself. He reached for Gavin’s hips to slow him down, but Gavin caught his hands and held them, their fingers intertwined, palms fused together like their bodies.

  Jamie had known he couldn’t even risk a few strokes inside Gavin bare, because the load weighting Jamie’s balls was close, damned close to exploding already. Gavin tightened his muscles, his ass pulsing on Jamie’s dick, grip like a fucking fist, and Jamie arched his back and came hard. Came out of his skin it shook him so fast.

  Gavin dragged the condom off and settled down next to Jamie as he caught his breath.

  Jamie rolled on his side and slipped a hand over Gavin’s hip, rubbing his ass to make him groan before sliding back to stroke his cock lightly.

  “Thought you liked my fat cock. Now you’re screwed.” Jamie smiled. “Or not.”

  “I’m good,” Gavin said, though there was a slight catch in his breath as Jamie stroked harder.

  “Yeah. You are.”

  Gavin blinked and that split second when Gavin’s guard was down, Jamie got it. At least he got what the hell was going on tonight.

  Sitting up, Jamie dragged Gavin until he was on his back in the middle of the bed, then put his ass up on a pillow. “Comfy?”

  “Uh.”

  “Relax.”

  In Gavin’s mind, if ever there was an expression guaranteed not to induce a lessening of tension at such a moment, it was relax.

  That Jamie had something in mind was obvious from the way he grabbed the lube and pumped it all over his fingers. Gavin propped himself on his elbows to watch, but as Jamie slid the first two in, Gavin flopped back with a groan.

  Yes, the stimulation was good, not as full and pleasant as a cock in him, but if Jamie started sucking him, it would be fine. After, Gavin could invent some sort of reason to leave and put some distance between himself and this evening.

  First, he’d tried to secure Jamie’s attention at the party and failed miserably. Now, he felt like an idiot for having proposed going bare. No matter how gently Jamie had declined, he still had insisted on getting the last word, still insisted on things on his terms. Even now he seemed willing to take his time, when all Gavin wanted was to get off and get gone.

  Jamie’s eyes were another touch on Gavin’s skin, an intent look scraping his body, probing like the searching stretch and stroke from those fingers. At last Jamie started rubbing steadily against Gavin’s gland. His legs dropped open wider, a soundless breath pushing his lips apart, his eyes squeezing shut.

  “Open your eyes.”

  Easier said than done. Gavin couldn’t have said why he complied, why he wanted to meet Jamie’s stare. It felt as if his eyelids were weighted with lead, but that was nothing compared to the way Gavin’s balls felt, heavy and full as Jamie did nothing but move his fingers. The tension was building in him, nowhere to go, just pools of tingling heat in his ass and balls and a desperate ache in his dick.

  He might not be able to see what Jamie was up to, but he could feel it. Jamie’s fingers slid out, more lube, then…Gavin tried not to tense as Jamie tucked three back inside. It didn’t hurt, but there was a lot of pressure, a solid, angled push of it on his skin from where Jamie’s knuckles worked the rim.

  Gavin shuddered at the contrast of the sharp, scary stretch and the soft kiss on his inner thighs, a whisper of warm breath on his balls, a hot, too-quick lick on his shaft. His hips were rocking, though Gavin couldn’t remember when he’d started doing that. He wanted it over, wanted pressure and friction on his dick to release the terrible weight of need in him, and at the same time he wanted to stay here, see how much his body would yield to Jamie’s insistent, steady push inside.

  Even without words Gavin knew where Jamie thought this was going and wondered if they would get there. It wasn’t fear of pain that kept Gavin rooted in his head instead of giving in to the sensations of his body. It was yielding this way, knowing that if they went further, he’d be giving a piece of himself, opening more than his body, exposing himself to much more than physical hurt.

  Jamie’s fingers seemed to come from all different directions when they swirled against the gland inside, sending constant shocks of pleasure that were almost like the warning before Gavin came but not strong enough, not big enough, to send him over.

  He wasn’t moaning, but his breath tore at his throat, harsh gasps that seemed timed to the movement of Jamie’s fingers inside him. Gavin swallowed and pushed the words past his dry lips. “Have you…ever?”

  “No. You?”

  Gavin shook his head. “Not sure—”

  “Relax. I got you.”

  That was more literal than figurative at the moment. The fact that Gavin could still think right now, with Jamie’s hand making Gavin’s nervous system go crazy with all the pleasure neurons it was firing, when he felt so amazingly stretched and full and aching to know if he could take a little more, that he was able to keep a part of his brain on something else was a mark of how seriously fucked up he was.

  Jamie squirted more cool lube over them both, and Gavin tensed.

  But the pressure didn’t increase. Jamie kept moving the three fingers that were inside until Gavin felt the burn of knuckles sliding past the rim, back and forth. The solid rub on his gland built up endless waves and shocks of pleasure, everything tinged with the hard edge of fear and expectation.

  He needed, God, he needed, but when he reached for his dick, Jamie’s hand caught his and stopped him.

  “Just concentrate on this,” Jamie said, as if there was something else Gavin could possibly be aware of than most of a man’s hand in his ass. “Open up for me, babe. I won’t hurt you.”

  Easy for Mr. Control Freak to say. Most muscles healed faster than heart tissue. And what if he couldn’t—if he disappointed Jamie?

  “Look at me,” Jamie whispered. “Yeah, like that. I want to watch how you feel. Show me, babe. Want to see everything.”

  His fourth finger teased, a promise and a threat. Gavin had never gone this far, never felt so torn open and exposed, and it wasn’t only what Jamie was doing with his hand, but what he was demanding with his eyes and his voice and his presence, making Gavin come to him, making Gavin want it. His whole body shook, striving to reach for what Jamie held just out of reach.

  Then it wasn’t.

  That fourth finger burned, stung, took him to the edge of what he could stand, and Jamie held his hand there while Gavin’s body fought to accept it. Maybe it would be too much. If it hurt too much, Gavin could quit. But it didn’t.

  “Push with me.” Jamie’s voice was whiskey and honey, smooth and rough and hot and sweet.

  There wasn’t much Gavin could do. He was suspended on that knife edge, but he took a deep breath and tried to take Jamie in.

  “Fuck.” Jamie’s cry was as raw as if it were his dick involved, and that made Gavin want to stretch that little bit more.

  A bright spasm of pain the first time Jamie’s knuckles dragged through the tight ring, but then he
was so full, and the tiniest movement rubbed him everywhere, made every part of him alive with pleasure.

  The feeling Jamie pushed into Gavin with that impossible pressure finally dragged Gavin out of his head. He was flying, lost in a space where all he could do was feel, be. Take what Jamie poured into him. Good, so good, pleasure exploding with every pulse of his blood, every flash of electric sensation. He’d swear he’d been coming forever, but then it really hit, bigger, longer, hotter than he could take, his dick pumping, burning. A flash to consume him from the inside out.

  When the last little bit of it had been wrung out of him, his body clamped down and he slammed back into himself in time to hear Jamie gasp in pain.

  “Take a deep breath and let it out,” Jamie whispered.

  Gavin nodded, but he knew there was no way to do this that wouldn’t hurt like hell. Didn’t matter. He didn’t regret a second of it. A hum still buzzed in his balls, a sweet pulse of it in his dick and an incredible echo of sweet soreness in his ass. If he went off the bridge in this minute, he wouldn’t fight it. Because he was never going to feel better than he did right now.

  Jamie curled up behind Gavin, wrapping him in a hot embrace. The heat sinking into his bones was good now that sweat had cooled him to almost a chill.

  “Jesus, Gavin. You are fucking amazing.”

  Gaze fixed on the wall, Gavin tried to laugh. “You would seem to be in the minority with that opinion.”

  Jamie grabbed his shoulder and pulled Gavin onto his back, forcing eye contact. “You know, I get it now. What, you think your money and your dick is all you’re good for?”

  “Other than the boat ride, you’ve shown a marked lack of interest in anything to do with my nonphysical assets.”

  Jamie’s lips twisted. “Listen. You said I’m the only guy you’d brought back to your house.”

  Gavin nodded.

  “Well, you’re the only guy who’s meant anything to me since—for as long as I can remember.”