Conviction: Devine

by Sidebottom, D H

  I sucked in a breath when his blood and brains sprayed all over me, bits of his skull catching in my hair as my pink dress instantly changed to red and I stumbled back against the wall in shock.

  “It’s okay,” the woman soothed as she swiftly came to catch me. “It’s okay, Isla. It’s okay. It’s over now.”

  My breathing was rapid, my pants becoming uncontrollable as I leaned on her for support. The man rushed over to us, scooping me into his arms before I fell to the ground.

  He quickly carried me to the car, a few men climbing out of the rear and assessing the mess that greeted them. I knew they were cleaners. I knew how it worked. I’d lived with Jake long enough to understand.

  “I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure yet.” He smiled softly, the wrinkles around his eyes making him appear gentle and gracious, yet the glint behind them made me aware he was anything but what he appeared to be. The same darkness was in them that Jake’s eyes held. “I’m a friend of your husband. Mason Fox,” he said. “And this is my wife, Ava,” he finished just before I passed out in his arms.

  I WOKE WHEN ARMS slid around me and Jake’s amazing scent filtered into my head, his unique citrus and musky smell making my heart clench.

  “Baby,” I whispered with a whimper. Just the sight of him had the sobs starting as the past hour finally caught up with me.

  “Sshhh, sweetheart, I’ve got you,” he said then placed a gentle kiss on my head as he lifted me from the car. I turned to look over my shoulder and smiled at Ava. She must have been supporting me in the back of the car.

  “Thank you. I . . .”

  She smiled and winked. “No worries. I had fun.”

  I stared at her when Mason laughed loudly. “Don’t frighten the poor girl, Ava.” He looked at Jake. “Come for dinner. Ava will cook.”

  Jake grinned. “If Ava’s cooking then you’re on.”

  Mason grumbled something incoherent under his breath.

  “Aww, baby, they all know you, don’t they?” Ava laughed. “Say seven-ish?” she asked Jake as she slipped into the front seat of the car.

  Jake nodded in reply before they sped off and he carried me into the villa, his tight hold on me making me snuggle into him as I took huge gulps of his familiar smell, the need for him to console me becoming overwhelming.

  “Who are they?” I asked as he gently sat me on the toilet and started to run a bath.

  “Mason and Ava Fox used to run South London before they moved out to Portugal. They’re Katie Fox’s parents. We’ve been friends for a long while.”

  I nodded. “Is he the reason we came here?”

  He flicked a glance at me. “One of the reasons.”

  “And the other?”

  He came to kneel in front of me, his eyes full of pain and love. “You. I wanted to spend some time with you.” His expression darkened when he looked down at my clothes, the blood and bits of brain causing a darkness to ooze from him. “Deacon Nessi is a dead man!”

  “Who is he?” I asked quietly as Jake lifted my dress over my head.

  “He was the one who sent someone to tell your mum of Seb’s death.”

  I frowned. “I don’t understand. I’ve never heard of him. Why would he do that?”

  Jake looked guilty for a moment, sadness covering his face. Lifting his palm to my face, he cupped my cheek. “I think it’s more to do with me. I’ve had intel that he was working with Freddy Brackendale. Both of them wanted North London, the area that is mine, and has been mine for a long, long time.”

  I nodded to let him know I understood. Sometimes Jake had a tendency to ramble on in terms that I didn’t understand, so he always waited for me to nod and advise that I was with him.

  “The trouble with our world is that there are always two sides. Sometimes, the two sides work perfectly together and things in the circle run smoothly. However, there are times when it doesn’t work like that. Jealousy is a greedy emotion. Some people are never happy with what they have and they think they can just walk in and take what isn’t theirs.”

  I nodded again. “Like that man today,” I whispered.

  He screwed up his face. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” I smiled. “It’s okay. I’m stronger now, Jake.” I framed his face with both hands. “You have made me stronger. Life before you was a life full of false pretences. Everything was seen through rose tinted glasses. I didn’t want to see the realities of life, how this world really is. You were right.”

  “Right?”

  Nodding, I sighed. “The time you said I looked at life through a little window and only looked at what I wanted to see. Life isn’t like that. It needs to be seen in its entirety. Finally I’ve accepted that. I look at the bad and the good now. There’s nothing I can do to change things so now I greet them head on. I concede to what’s inside me, and what isn’t.”

  “There’s nothing but beauty inside you, Isla.”

  I scoffed. “I wouldn’t say that. You didn’t see what I wanted to do to that man today. It certainly wasn’t beautiful.”

  He smiled then lifted me and gently lowered me into the bath before slipping in behind me. Taking the sponge when I leaned back against him, he kissed the top of my head and leaned around my shoulder so he could see to wipe the filth off my face.

  He sighed. “I’m pretty pissed that you just took off.”

  “I left a note.”

  “You don’t get it do you?” His voice took on the tight tone that I recognised; he used it when he was fighting the furiousness inside him. “You’re the wife of the most wanted criminal in England, not just by the police but by other men in the circle. People will try and hurt you to get to me.”

  I nodded, disliking the self-hatred he radiated.

  “This is the very reason why I stayed away from you for a long time.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “But what you don’t realise is that although I’m still learning, I will fight just as hard as you to stay by your side.”

  “Sweetheart.” He sighed as he kissed my neck. “No one will ever get the chance to take you away from me.”

  As if someone flicked on a switch, a sob burst from me. I turned into the man that had sworn since the first time he kissed me to protect me and buried my face into his strong chest. His arms enveloped me, his need to soothe my despair as strong as my need to get it out.

  “Shush, sweetheart. It’s over. It’s over.”

  I shook my head. “It will never be over, Jake.”

  He chuckled and I lifted my face to stare at him, his amusement hurting me. “Isla, all you need to know is that if anyone touches you then they deal with me. When I say it’s over, believe me, it’s over.”

  I studied him, the glint in his eyes making me shudder. “What have you done?”

  He lifted a brow at me. “Surely you know by now that if anyone hurts you, they will pay . . . painfully.”

  “You can’t play God, Jake. People have hurt me throughout my life. You can’t kill them all. And besides, you killed Dr Lovejoy before he even had the chance to hurt me, so I don’t think your reckoning works.”

  Jake sighed dramatically. “I warned the doc to stay away from you. He didn’t listen.”

  “So you killed him.” I rolled my eyes. Although I’d never had confirmation from Jake that he’d killed Dr Lovejoy, I gathered after many attempts to contact him that something had happened. I wasn’t sure how I felt about his affirmation.

  “Uh-huh,” he mumbled nonchalantly as his tongue traced the shell of my ear. “Now shush, I need to love you.”

  And he did. He gave me back what I had lost that day. We made love gently as Jake worshiped me in the depths of the water, his words this time full of so much love. They had the same effect as his dirty ones and saw me coming over him many times.

  There were two sides to Jake. His loving side that only I was witness to, and his dark side, the side that had people running for cover when his wrath emerged. I loved them both. And although it was his dar
k side that maimed and tortured, it was his love and tenderness that hurt me the most. I was scared to the very depths of me that one day it would be snatched away. The world we lived in was like a roulette wheel; the ball dropped deciding whether we would have a peaceful day or one full of risk. A win or a loss, something neither of us could bet on.

  Yet, every day I woke I braced myself for both. Taking the darkness was worth every second of the agony when Jake gave me that smile that was only for me, or how just one touch from him lit up my soul. The way he looked at me every morning and every night, with so much adoration, made all the bad times disintegrate and die.

  My heart was made for his to beat alongside and my soul was the monster in his.

  As he came inside me with a fierce cry I knew we’d be okay. We’d get through life because, as much as Jake had a dark side, I had the light that lit the corners for him. And when my darkness threatened to choke me, Jake held me and breathed for me, his own darkness fighting for me and winning time and time again.

  We had been created for each other, and it would only be the death of us that could break us apart.

  I just hoped we got a few laps in before Satan called for us.

  I WASN’T SURE WHAT the crack was but I looked at each of the four people around the table curiously. Mason and Ava Fox were lovely; they made me relaxed and feel like one of the family immediately. It was the other couple, Kade and Grace, that had joined us for dinner that I couldn’t work out. Don’t get me wrong, they were as lovely as the Fox’s but something about them had my mouth opening before my brain filtered it.

  “So,” I asked quietly as I slipped a piece of chicken into my mouth and regarded them all across the table. “You all live together?”

  Ava smirked as she sipped her wine. “We do.”

  “And you’re all . . . together?”

  I could see Mason trying to hide his amusement as he nodded. “We are.”

  Kade, who was sat opposite me, smiled. “I know, it confuses a lot of people.”

  “So how did that come about?”

  “Isla!” Jake grumbled when my lack of diplomacy once again embarrassed him.

  Kade laughed and shook his head. “It’s okay, Jake.” Looking at Ava, Kade directed his gaze back to me. “I fell in love with Ava when she was with Mason.”

  “Oh.” I grimaced, imagining what their story had entailed.

  Ava shrugged. “I’m afraid we have little choice who we fall in love with.” I nodded, completely agreeing as I smiled at Jake. His eyes twinkled and he winked. “I fell in love with Mason. I had an affair with Kade then, miraculously or extraordinarily, whichever way you want to look at it, Mason and Kade fell in love too.”

  I choked on the green bean I had just swallowed. I gawped at them. Jake groaned when he saw my mouth opening. “So when you say you’re all together, you really are!”

  Laughing, Mason nodded. “We really are.”

  I smiled widely. “Good for you.”

  I swallowed back the throb in my belly when a picture of them all together snapped into my head. I squirmed and took a sip of my ginger beer.

  Grace laughed, her long blonde hair falling into her face. “Looks like your wife has a new fantasy, Jake.”

  My eyes widened when I blushed. Jake pursed his lips and lifted a brow. “It seems that way.”

  Shaking my head, I scowled a little. “I don’t think I could cope with Jake and another woman.”

  “Oh, it’s actually quite hot,” Ava said. “Although only Grace is allowed that part of my husband. And it’s only because I love her.” She leaned towards me and lowered her voice. “But when both men are inside me and my face is buried between Grace’s legs, there isn’t a better feeling in the world.”

  “Okay!” I coughed, shifting again in my seat. “I think we need to change the subject.”

  “Before you need to change your underwear.” Jake laughed.

  “Speaking of which,” Mason said as he pushed his chair back and stood. “Jake and I have business to see to.”

  “Do you need me?” Grace asked as she downed her glass of wine.

  Mason bent and kissed her forehead. “Nah, we can handle it. Just keep the bed warm for when I’m back.”

  She nodded and turned to Kade. “That means you can take me out. I want to dance.”

  Kade rolled his eyes but I could see his love for his wife. “I suppose. The things I do to keep you happy.”

  She slapped him playfully. “Kade, you take over the dancefloor more than I do.”

  He shrugged and scooped her up. “Only ‘cos I have to fight all the men off you.”

  “You love it,” she whispered when he carried her out of the room.

  Jake leaned down and kissed me. I didn’t miss the way his eyes had covered with the darkness in him, the tell-tale sign that he was preparing for something. “Stay with Ava. We won’t be long.”

  Knowing not to ask questions I nodded. It wasn’t hard to see that they were going to ‘have words’ as Jake always said, with Deacon Nessi. “Okay, be careful.”

  Mason chuckled. “Bloody hell, don’t you sound like Ava.”

  Ava snorted. “Mason, you know how I worry about you when I’m not there to protect you.”

  Mason rolled his eyes, the malevolence surfacing as both of them clenched and unclenched their fists. It was like they craved the violence and the withdrawal grew inside until they had no choice but to let it out.

  “Go.” Ava laughed as she blew him a kiss. “Isla and I will gossip about how big your dicks are.”

  “I bet I win.” Jake smirked when he kissed me again.

  “I bet you don’t,” Mason countered as they both walked out.

  Ava and I laughed as we cleared the table and took our drinks through to the living room.

  “So,” Ava started as she studied me. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded and smiled. “I don’t know how to thank you. Being pregnant is wonderful but at times like that it can be a bit of a hindrance.”

  Waving me off, she nodded. “Tell me about it, although I’d kill to once again house a little person inside me.”

  “Mason doesn’t want any more?”

  “Oh yes, he’d love more. I can’t have more and Grace can’t have children either so I’m afraid we have to accept that we won’t be welcoming another little one into the world.”

  “Have you thought about adoption?”

  Ava chuckled as she sipped at her vodka and cranberry. “Although this life has many ups, the downsides are just as plentiful. No judge would ever allow Mason and me to adopt.”

  I looked at her, the sadness seeping from her. Leaning forward, I took her hand. “I owe you one. Let me get in touch with a friend.”

  She stilled and looked at me. “What?”

  “One of my best friends is a judge.” I didn’t need to say more.

  “Are you for real?”

  I nodded and smiled when her eyes filled with tears. I could see how much it meant to her and I swore I’d get her approved for adoption. “Mason is helping Jake out with Nessi and you saved me from experiencing something that haunts my dreams. It’s the least I can do.”

  “You do get over it,” she whispered.

  “Over it?” I asked, not quite understanding what she meant.

  “Rape. It haunts every minute of every day but you learn to accept the ghosts and live with them.”

  “I know. It helps when you get to make your rapist into that ghost,” I added with a wink to lighten the mood.

  Ava laughed and nodded. Holding up her glass to mine, she tapped them together. “To revenge.”

  Grinning, I nodded. “To revenge.”

  I had a feeling there was more revenge to come. Well I hoped so anyway.

  A FEW DAYS LATER we were back in England and Jake was dealing with some ‘business.’ Henry was at Leah and Eve’s for the night as I struggled with another migraine. Jake had been checking in with me every hour and was driving me nuts.

&nb
sp; “I’m trying to sleep,” I grumbled when he called me for the fourth time that night.

  “But you’re okay?”

  “Yes, Jake. I’m fine. Go sort out whatever needed you. I’m fine.”

  “Okay,” he whispered. “I love you.”

  Placing my phone on the nightstand again, I turned over in bed and snuggled into Jake’s pillow, the ritual I had whenever he was out late.

  My phone rang again and I lost it. Snatching it up I barked into it, “What the hell is it now?”

  Silence greeted me. I frowned and took a peek at the display. My eyes popped wide when Kris’ name stared back at me. “Kris?”

  Pressing my ear to the phone when silence greeted me again, I struggled to listen. “Kris?”

  “Isla.” His voice was small, the pain in it loud. Snapping upright I placed a hand on my chest in attempt to settle the rampant beat. “Kris, are you okay?”

  He answered with a groan.

  “Where are you?”

  There was a crackle on the line before it went dead. “Fuck!” I hissed as I shot out of bed and fired up Jake’s laptop. Plugging in the leads, I started the trace programme Adam had developed and quickly dressed as it did its thing. I picked up the landline phone and called Jake. It rang for several minutes before I gave in and ended the call. As an address scrolled across the screen, I bit my lip. Jake would flip his shit if I took off on my own, so calling him again, I left a message on his voicemail. “Baby, don’t be cross but Kris needs me. I’m going to look for him. The address from the trace software is 125 Benjamin Way. I promise I’ll be careful.”

  As I went to recheck the address I squinted at a small file to one corner of the laptop desktop. I only noticed it because it was named ‘Kris.’

  I hated that I was prying but as soon as I opened it, a sob erupted from me. The video that popped up had me swiping at my tears and pulling out my knife and gun, slipping them into the back of my jeans before I pulled on my shoes.

  Jake knew all along where Kris had been. I was so angry, so fucking angry that he had kept it from me. Sitting on the edge of the bed I stared at the image of Gen whipping my best friend to within an inch of his life, the skin hanging off his back the very thing that provided channels for his blood to run from.