The Shakespeare Incident

by Jonathan Miller

  Denise stared at her. What was wrong with her spark today? She could read nothing from the figure. The woman held out her hand stiffly. Denise shook.

  “Don’t you recognize me, Denise?” the woman asked. “I knew you when you were little. I’m a little disappointed, I used to be famous.”

  This was clearly a biological relative on her mother’s side, although Denise couldn’t place the gray business suit and severe coke bottle glasses.

  “Umm…” Denise said. She was getting a residual spark from the handshake. She knew this person.

  The woman flashed her magical smile. Even with a few missing teeth, Dew saw her former idol, at one time the most famous female golfer in the world.

  “Susie?”

  Susie Song had the billion-dollar smile that had once sold golf-clubs and yoga pants when she was only a teenager. Had that only been fifteen years ago? This woman once hit a golf ball three hundred yards when she swung for the stars but now could barely swing her cane much less a golf club.

  “I guess I’m not so famous anymore, even to family.”

  “You’ll always be famous to me,” Denise said.

  “I don’t really believe you. Your mom looks stable at least,” Susie said.

  “No change,” Denise said.

  Susie did a careful inspection of the room. Once everything passed inspection, she nodded at Denise.

  “Come downstairs with me,” Susie said. “I need to meet with all of you.”

  Outside in the parking lot, the desert night air was crisp and dry. Denise, Dew and Luna sat on cold metal benches. Denise half-expected to hear ominous music coming from the massive granite pipes of the Organ Mountains. The Lexus and its visible dent were parked right in front of them.

  “What’s going on with Jen?” Luna asked. “You know what’s going on, Susie. We have a right to know.”

  “It’s a long story, but I’ll start from the beginning. I now work with Cygnus Moon in ‘special affairs.’ Cygnus Swan Bank was a financial consulting company in Korea that merged with the Wagatsuma corporation of Japan. They formed a joint venture with Zhang corporation of China which eventually bought out Dragon Moon here in America to form Cygnus Moon. A few years ago, I got Jen a job at the company. Jen was supposed to ‘manage me’ when I did appearances all over Asia. It was the least I could do.”

  A manager? What did that mean? It could either mean that Jen worked for Susie or Susie worked for Jen. And why was that the least she could do?

  “I think we know all that,” Luna said.

  Denise didn’t really know the difference between Cygnus Moon and Dragon Moon. She had lost track of the various corporate entanglements. All she knew is that when she started high school, her mom had moved to Asia. Since Luna was her godmother, Luna raised her.

  “Does this have something to do with why my mom gave legal custody of me to Aunt Luna?” Denise asked.

  “Jen accompanied me on my Asian tour that summer before you began high school at Albuquerque Academy,” Susie said. “You were still at the group home getting home schooled because of your issues.”

  “I know about that,” Denise said.

  “We were touring a nuclear facility to promote the corporate health plan or whatever. We did a lot of corporate promotions for Cygnus Moon.”

  “Nuclear?” It was all starting to make sense to Denise.

  “While we were there, there was an accident, an industrial nuclear accident. Your mother was exposed to radiation. I was exposed. At first, they thought it was radiation poisoning, it was a new type of radiation—gamma rays, omega rays, whatever it was—and no one knew its effects, and they feared that it might be contagious. She didn’t want to be around you and possibly infect you. But no one really knew the extent of her... illness.”

  “She was good a year ago,” Denise said.

  “She was fine, or so we thought,” Susie said. “Her doctors called it remission, but there was another relapse a few weeks ago. A bad one. She hasn’t been the same since. I was infected along with her back then, and I haven’t been the same since.”

  A cloud slowly eclipsed the moon while Team Song sat in silence, absorbing Susie’s dark story.

  “Is there anything I can do for my sister?” Luna asked. Jen apparently was a full sister and not a half-sister now.

  “Is there anything I can do for my mother?” Denise asked, simultaneously.

  “Not right yet,” Susie said. “She needs her sisters.”

  “We’ll be there,” Luna said.

  “I know you will.”

  Denise winced when Susie said the word “sisters” instead of something more inclusive like the word “family” which would have included Denise. Luna gave Susie a hug.

  “Can you two excuse us?” Susie continued. “I need to talk to Denise alone.”

  Luna and Dew left. Susie rose, but indicated to Denise that she should remain seated. Even stooped over, Susie towered over her.

  “I’m sorry that it has come to this, but you’ve left us no choice,” Susie said. “That’s your mother’s rental car with the dent in it, right?”

  “Are you pressing charges against me for keeping the rental car and the credit card?”

  “Not yet. Neither your mother nor the corporation is pressing felony fraud charges against you for taking the rental car for over a year and using a corporate credit card for your own purposes. All you had to do is ask, and we would have helped you out.”

  “But I did ask. You didn’t return my calls.”

  “Your mother had a relapse when she returned to Korea,” Susie said. “She couldn’t call.”

  “I had no idea,” Denise said.

  “Then you stopped calling and that hurt your mother very deeply. Right now everything is in flux, while we’re waiting to see…”

  “To see if she dies?”

  “We’ll see. However, once she learned of her son, your mother recognized that he would need our help, need your help.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “You can continue working the case, under Luna’s supervision, but you will be on a strict financial diet. We will give you another credit card to live on during the trial. All major financial and legal decisions have to be run by me.”

  “You’re not my mom, Susie,” Denise said. “You’re not even an attorney.”

  “From now on, I might as well be. I’m your mother’s power of attorney. You can’t practice law without my say so. Or your aunt’s.”

  A power of attorney was more powerful than a real one; they controlled the purse. Susie sat back down and they both sat still. The moon was now totally hidden behind the cloud. Another ambulance pulled into the hospital and EMTs came out with a body which they put in a hearse.

  “How will I be able to still practice as a clinical law student?”

  “Your Aunt Luna will be signing off as your attorney-mentor through that barely legal online law school you allegedly attend. All legal documents will be signed by her. You will be able to handle the other hearings solo in Hidalgo county only, short of going to jury trial.”

  “Where will I live? The case will take months.”

  “You’ll probably need to live in Lordsburg for the duration. A room will be available for you there. I’m sure you can stay with your cousin here on weekends.”

  “What about my mom? What happens if she umm…dies?”

  “There is a trust set up for you, and one for your brother, fifty-fifty. There are some ummm… issues that still need to be resolved that could affect the final distribution. Let’s just say that Cygnus Moon can certainly review all their civil and criminal options regarding your behavior over the last year, so I wouldn’t necessarily count on inheriting anything.”

  “This isn’t about money.”

  “Everything’s about money,” Susie said.
Denise looked at the Lexus and sighed. She knew what was coming next.

  “One more thing,” Susie said. “Give me your car keys.”

  Chapter 24

  Tuesday, July 21

  It was well into the wee hours, and Dr. Patel wouldn’t let Denise spend the rest of the night with her mom. After some humiliating begging, Dew reluctantly came back to pick her up. Dew drove the world’s dirtiest Mercedes sedan. The black exterior was caked with desert sand. Inside, it smelled liked Dew used the car to transport tigers, or their prey. There were bloodstains on the floor.

  “I forgot how much I hate your car,” Denise said. “I probably should have taken an Uber or something.”

  “Desperate much?” Dew asked.

  Dew’s off-campus neighborhood was not just a student ghetto, but a real one. The students were just part of the mix. Dew lived in a two-story Spanish-styled apartment building called Vista de Estrella, aka the Star View.

  A few young people were partying in the parking lot, drinking beer and smoking pot around a fire in a trash barrel. One man looked like a Hispanic John Belushi from Animal House and wore a New Mexico State University football t-shirt that failed to cover his vast gut. His “outie” belly button was pierced with a giant rhinestone. It looked like an alien about to erupt from his gut. To top off the look, he had on a pair of plaid shorts and rattlesnake cowboy boots. He also sported a pink sombrero.

  Was this the same pink sombrero man she had seen over in Lordsburg? It was too dark to tell.

  “That was odd,” Denise said as they went up the stairs to the second floor of the Vista. “I felt something weird just now from that group, but maybe it was the heat from the fire.”

  “They’re harmless,” Dew told Denise. “Well, mostly harmless.”

  That was a private joke between them, a line from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

  Inside the apartment, Denise collapsed on the couch. There was a squeal, and Denise jumped. She had disturbed the nap of Dew’s two cats—a white cat named Sahar and a black cat called Suri. The cats must have stunk up the Mercedes, and the apartment was little better. For some reason, Dew always had cats named Sahar and Suri, so Denise called them the Star Cats, the Next Generation. Sahar was always white, and Suri was always black. Dew often explained that Sahar and Suri would be the names of her real children someday.

  “In the future, my kids will probably have the Star Cat DNA mixed in,” Dew had always joked. Sahar the white cat had sunk her teeth into a Star Wars plush toy, a laser pistol shaped like a mouse. She pointed the laser’s barrel right at Denise, marking her territory.

  Near the couch, Dew had two framed pictures on an end table. One was a picture of a seven-year-old Dew and her father, the late Sam Marlow, flexing in tandem on top of Acoma Pueblo. Another showed a teenaged Dew, her mother Luna, Dan Shepard and an infant Marley (who had been named after Marlow—yes, the family history was complicated). Denise had been in that picture, but she had been cropped out, so Dew was in the center of the square frame.

  Denise reached for the pictures, but Sahar jumped up on the end table, the Star Wars toy still in her mount and pointed at Denise, ready to pounce.

  “I’m family, Sahar,” Denise said.

  That worked. Sahar dropped the laser toy and snuggled against her.

  “We’re good, Sahar?” Denise asked. Denise saw a chewed pen cap on the floor and handed it to the cat.

  The cat purred and then bit the pen cap. All good.

  * * *

  A few hours later, a sleepless Denise went out to the balcony of the Vista to get a breath of fresh air. Denise turned her eyes down to the parking lot where the last of the partiers lifted up their cans and bottles to toast the dawn.

  “Hope we didn’t keep you up all night,” the drunken man in the pink sombrero slurred to Denise.

  “No, it’s cool,” Denise lied.

  “Hey Dew!” he shouted when Dew came out behind Denise. Dew was wearing an oversized t-shirt for Laser Geisha Blue, but Blue was crossed out and TURQUOISE was written in. Denise recognized that that was Aunt Luna’s old shirt from back in the day. Had Dew stolen it from her mom? Was Dew wearing anything under the shirt?

  “Who’s your new girlfriend?” the man yelled, slurring his speech.

  “Hey Petro!” Dew responded. “This is my cousin, Denise Song. She’s a lawyer.”

  “Kinda,” Denise said sheepishly.

  Petro smiled. “Any friend of Dew is a friend of ours. I always need legal help.”

  “You were at the rally in Lordsburg,” Denise said. “You were the guy on the picnic blanket.”

  “Guilty as charged.”

  “I’m going to call the cops,” yelled a resident from a window.

  “We’re not going anywhere,” Petro said three times, his eyes closed. For some reason, his words—his rhythmic chant—had gravity. Denise had to brace herself to keep from falling over the railing. Did this drunk have psychic powers?

  “We’re not going anywhere; we’re not going anywhere!” he kept chanting. The others joined in.

  “We’re not going anywhere!” Denise was surprised that Dew had joined in, chanting along.

  Denise didn’t know how a drunken chant from an overweight college dropout in a pink sombrero gave him control over the earth below; but it definitely did something. It was like he had become one with the planet, and had roots that extended all the way down to the core.

  After five more chants of “We’re not going anywhere,” the cop-calling resident slammed their window shut.

  Petro opened his eyes and then leapt up as if on a trampoline. He did a clumsy victory dance around his grounded sombrero, a cross between the git-up dance and the macarena.

  “You’re never going anywhere, Petro!” Dew said with a smile.

  “I still got it,” he shouted, and took another chug directly from the keg.

  Dew and Denise hurried back inside. “What was that all about? The ‘We’re not going anywhere’ chant?”

  Dew shrugged. “That was something Leo said when he was playing the disabled kid in the film, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “We’re not going anywhere!” Dew chanted. “Petro says ‘We’re not going anywhere’ and they all join in and sure enough no one can ever make them go anywhere. Ever.”

  “How do you know that? You dated that fat slob? Alcoholic much?”

  “He’s not all bad. And I only dated him very, very briefly. And I wouldn’t call it dating. He’s really smart when he’s sober.”

  “Was he actually enrolled in school?”

  “He was into astrophysics before he became an alcoholic.”

  “His name is Petro?” Denise asked. “Like petroleum?”

  “It’s short for something, I don’t know. He’s got a funny name. Or maybe he was a petroleum engineer in addition to him being a rocket scientist.”

  “But is he a psychic or something?” Denise asked.

  “He might have been. Now he’s just an alcoholic. But his heart’s in the right place.”

  * * *

  Dew left for class and Denise spent the rest of the morning alone in Dew’s cramped, smelly apartment at the Vista, getting judged by the star cats.

  “I won’t take your toy away, Sahar,” Denise said. “Ever.”

  Sahar finally agreed and sat on Denise’s lap. Suri was lurking somewhere, coughing up the occasional furball. After a few anxious calls to the hospital, Dr. Patel got back to her. “It’s touch and go,” the doctor said. “I’ll call you if there’s a change.”

  Denise and Sahar fielded hourly jail calls from Denny. “How’s my mom?”

  “I don’t know.”

  * * *

  Dew finally returned from her morning computer lab and expressed disappointment that Denise w
as still there. “You couldn’t get in to see your mom?”

  “I’m waiting to hear something, anything.”

  On cue, Luna called Denise. “You’re still at Dew’s place, Denise?”

  “Yes, Aunt Luna.”

  “Put this on speaker.” Denise did. “Girls, we need to meet in Dew’s apartment this afternoon.”

  “Shouldn’t we meet at your hotel, Luna?” Dew asked her mother nervously. “Aren’t you staying at the Encanto?” The Hotel Encanto was the nicest place in Las Cruces.

  “I think I want to see how my little Sacka-Dacka-Dew actually lives,” Luna said. Denise stifled a laugh. “I’m paying for it.”

  “Hey Luna,” Dew said. “I can always come home, move back with you, and go to a community college.”

  “Moving on,” Luna said. “Denise, you’re going to need help with this, and I can’t do everything for you. Your brother was discharged from the military. He was stationed over at Holloman and then at White Sands. Do you know any private investigators or paralegals? I need someone with a security clearance.”

  It all came together in a flash. “Yes, my friends, Aunt Luna,” Denise said. “I’m pretty sure that Rayne Herring has a clearance because of her mom, the colonel. Hikaru Yu probably has one because he works for a military contractor.”

  “They were on your mock trial team, right?” Luna asked. “Team Terror?”

  “Turquoise. We can put the band back together,” Dew added.

  Denise looked over at Dew, who nodded. “Team Turquoise!” they both said at the same time. They were about to say “Jinx” but thought better of it.

  “Well let’s see if you can have your band together by six tonight,” Luna said. “My little Sacka-Dacka-Dew, please clean your room before I get there. I don’t want to get infected from all the radioactive cat shit.”

  Chapter 25

  With the star cats scrambling to stay out of the way, Dew and Denise did a mild cleaning of the apartment, but it was a lost cause as Dew and the cats quickly grew distracted. She played film maker and made a video of Sahar and Suri playing with the plush laser pistol toy. After frantically directing the cats, she edited the final product to depict Sahar firing a laser with Suri rolling over, playing dead. Dew fiddled with her phone to add special effects and uploaded it with a smile.