Her Boss by Day...

by Joss Wood

  ‘Begged? What?’

  ‘It’s all about you. When I say that I want something—something more from you—you think that I’m asking you to handle a vial of Ebola. I’m good enough on your terms, but not for anything more!’

  ‘We both agreed on nothing more!’ Rob roared as he pushed his chair back so hard that it skittered over the dark shiny floor.

  He loomed over her desk and Willa, feeling at a disadvantage, leaped to her feet.

  ‘You’re the one who is complicating this! I don’t do complications! I fancy you, I adore your body, I enjoy your friendship and I think you are an excellent accountant—’

  ‘Influenced by the fact that I give you sex at the end of the day,’ Willa interrupted with a hot shout.

  Rob’s eyes hardened. ‘That comment isn’t worthy of you and it’s an insult to me.’

  Willa slapped a hand on her heart. ‘Dear God, I’ve insulted you. I’m so sorry!’ she fake gushed.

  Rob raked both hands through his hair. ‘Why can’t you just take this for what it is? Why are you pushing for more?’

  Willa slapped her hands on the desk. ‘Because I deserve more, dammit! Because I deserve a man who will love me and trust me, who wants to be with me, who wants to complicate the hell out of his life because of me.’

  Rob, his chest heaving, stared at her for a long time before slowly shaking his head. ‘I’m not that man, Willa. I said I could never be that man. I’ve always been honest with you.’

  Willa stepped back and folded her arms as her temper drained away. ‘Okay, then. But I am not prepared to settle for less than I deserve.’

  Rob looked astounded for a second, before his I-don’t-care expression slid back into place. ‘You’re breaking it off?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’re sure you want to do that? I don’t go back...ever.’

  Willa wanted to hyperventilate. This was a big step—a huge step...an irrevocable step. Was her self-respect worth it? Was not having more of Rob worth the pain of not having any of Rob? Was she just acting out of anger? Fear?

  You deserve more...you deserve it all.

  She did. She really did. She was no longer prepared to settle for the crumbs of life. She wanted the meat and potatoes and the sushi and the tiramisu of life. She wanted it all.

  She sucked in a breath and nodded her head. ‘The only thing I’m sure of is that I want more than this.’

  Rob swore softly, stood up straight and jammed his hands in his pockets. A stranger took the place of her lover and she wanted to weep.

  ‘And your job?’ he asked.

  Ah, her job. ‘As you said, the one has nothing to do with the other. I’ll carry on for as long as you need me.’

  ‘That might not be for much longer,’ Rob stated, his voice cool and his expression remote. ‘Patrick will be back to work in a couple of weeks or so and he’ll take over. However, I do need to go home anyway. We can correspond via email—at a push by phone.’

  Behind her back Willa linked her hands, squeezing them so that she kept her tears at bay. This was it. He was walking out of her life and it was the most dreadful experience...ever.

  Rob gestured to the door. ‘I’ll just go and pack my stuff.’

  ‘Some of your clothes are in the laundry.’ Willa managed to get the words out. ‘Just lock the door when you leave.’

  Taking my heart with you...

  * * *

  Rob flung his clothes into a duffel bag before stomping to the bathroom and, with one swipe, dropping his toiletries into the bag as well. What the hell had just happened? One moment he was irritated that Willa hadn’t spoken to him about the valuers coming round and the next he was being booted out through the door like a bad smell.

  And what was all that about it all being his way? He didn’t understand this...any of this.

  Except that wasn’t true, he thought, sitting down on the bed where they had spent so much time laughing and loving and being together. For the first time in his life he’d tumbled into a woman’s arms, into her life and world, and forgotten to put up barriers to keep her out and to keep his emotions tightly corralled.

  He’d allowed them a little bit of freedom and in the process had totally forgotten that freedom always came with a price.

  ‘I want more than this.’

  He didn’t have more to give her—he couldn’t. He had responsibilities back home, a life he’d worked very hard to establish. He didn’t want to let her go but he couldn’t give her anything more than what they currently had.

  Rob rubbed his hand over his face. Yes, he was establishing his company in Australia, but that didn’t mean he’d be in the country for any length of time in the future; managers would be hired and he’d only be around occasionally.

  Willa wouldn’t settle for a man who dropped in and out of her life. She couldn’t be his priority and she was right: she deserved to be. She deserved a man who could give his whole heart—someone who was willing to love her and be loved in return...someone who knew how to trust, to try.

  Rob rubbed at his chest above his heart. It felt as if it was being put through a mincemeat machine.

  Feeling ridiculous, he hauled in a deep breath. It was just a short fling, he told himself, happy for the first time ever to lie. There was nothing to feel hurt about. She’d just blindsided him with her talk of wanting more. He didn’t do more—never had, never would. It was better that they were calling this quits now, before they got in too deep and too far and someone got hurt.

  She’d asked, he’d answered, and now they were done.

  Except that he didn’t feel as if he was done...as if it was over. He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to manage walking out of her door, out of her life.

  His heart wanted to stay yet his brain insisted he go. And he always, always listened to his brain.

  His heart was too vulnerable to make decisions like these.

  * * *

  A week later Willa’s divorce, which she’d all but forgotten about, was finally granted. Kate, refusing to let her slink back to her house to lick her very wounded heart alone, dragged her off to Saints, where Amy and Jessica waited at a secluded table in the corner of the Surry Hills restaurant.

  After accepting their hugs and congratulations on having The Pain officially removed from her life, Willa slipped into a chair and couldn’t help the tears that slid down her face.

  ‘Oh, dear God,’ Amy said, grabbing her serviette and trying to dab Willa’s eyes from across the table.

  ‘Why are you crying?’ Jessica demanded. ‘I thought you wanted to get divorced?’

  Kate smacked Jessica’s hand with the back of a spoon. ‘It’s stress relief. It’s a fairly natural reaction; I see it all the time.’

  As if she would waste any of her tears on Wayne-the-Pain, Willa scoffed. He wasn’t worth it. No, she didn’t care about Wayne, or her divorce, or anything to do with her past.

  Except Rob. That was the only part of her past she regretted. That she wanted back. Who would ever have thought she could miss someone she’d only known for a month so much? Her heart ached from morning to night and her house had never seemed bigger or emptier or lonelier before. Her fridge was empty, she’d made quite a dent in the contents of the wine cellar, and she spent hours looking out to sea, reliving her too-short time with him.

  One minute she was cursing herself for not taking every minute he could give her, and then she felt that she’d done the right thing—that she’d been right to ask for more. She loved him, but she knew that he wasn’t obligated to love her back. That wasn’t in the rulebook of life.

  These feelings would fade, she realised. The hurt and the despair would go away eventually. But his memory never would.

  Another batch of fat tears rolled down her face.

  ‘
Hey,’ Kate murmured, putting her arm around Willa. ‘It’ll be okay, honey. Let’s get some cocktails into you and dry up your tears... Didn’t you tell me that you and Rob were going to do something wild to celebrate your divorce?’

  ‘If he was here... He’s left.’

  Three sets of eyes locked on to her face.

  Willa sniffed, wiped her eyes and lifted her shoulders. ‘It’s over. He went back to South Africa a week ago.’

  ‘Why didn’t you call me?’ Kate demanded.

  ‘Or me?’ Amy added.

  Because she’d needed to be alone. Because she was used to being alone. Her friends would have come running, bringing ice cream and sympathy.

  She’d done them a disservice, Willa realised. If they asked her for help she’d give it without hesitation...why did she assume they wouldn’t?

  ‘I’m sorry; I didn’t think. I should’ve called you...’

  Kate leaned forward. ‘Are you sort of over or over over?’

  ‘And why?’ Jessica demanded.

  Willa wondered how to answer that, and eventually decided she was too tired and too sad to sugar-coat the truth. Maybe Rob’s honesty had rubbed off on her.

  ‘There are a couple of reasons—the big one being that I am in love with him and I want more. And he doesn’t. I’m tired of being in relationships that work for the men in my life and not for me. And Rob had it great—he had an accountant on tap, and when he was done with her he had a lover. All very nice and easy and uncomplicated.’

  Amy looked from Willa to Kate and back to Willa. ‘I understand the bit about you want more and he doesn’t, but what are you on about with regard to your job?’

  Willa shrugged. ‘He needed someone to do the work. I was handy. It wasn’t like he interviewed anyone else...he took the easy way out.’

  ‘Willa, don’t you remember how hard you fought him to get that job?’ Amy cried, exasperated. ‘It would have been a hell of a lot easier for him to hire an accountant with experience, and with no messy personal ties.’

  ‘Not to mention cheaper,’ Kate commented, her chin in the palm of her hand.

  Willa frowned. ‘What?’

  ‘Do you remember that discussion we had about your future? I asked you about what income you could expect? You told me what rate Rob was paying you and I was slightly irked because it was more than my hourly rate. Then I looked it up and it’s more than double what experienced CPAs are getting.’

  Amy grinned, and Willa knew that she wasn’t picking up the point Kate was trying to make. ‘I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.’

  ‘She’s saying that Rob would never pay anybody double the going rate if he didn’t think they were worth it,’ Jessica stated.

  ‘Not even you are that good, honey.’ Kate patted her arm.

  Willa’s mouth opened and shut like a fish. ‘But—’

  ‘But what?’ Amy demanded. ‘Willa, how did you manage to forget that Rob is the most honest, direct, man you’ve ever met? Hell, we’ve ever met!’

  ‘Um...’

  ‘If he employed you, he thought you were worth that money. If he was with you, it was because he wanted to be with you. His honesty would demand nothing less,’ Amy raged on. ‘He could have just walked on out after that first night, but he didn’t—he stuck around.’

  ‘Um, I—’

  ‘If you told him you loved him and he didn’t return that love then that’s one thing,’ Kate added. ‘But you can’t accuse him of not being honest, Willa, of having ulterior motives.’

  Willa looked past Jessica but didn’t see the customers in the packed restaurant. She just saw Rob’s face...confusion, hurt and panic in his eyes.

  ‘I didn’t actually tell him that I loved him.’

  Amy dropped her face into her serviette and groaned. Willa thought she heard a muffled swear-word. ‘This just gets worse and worse.’

  ‘I just said that I needed more. He said not to complicate things and I ended it.’

  Kate took a big sip from the glass of wine at her elbow. ‘Dear God in heaven—you shouldn’t be allowed out on your own. You said you wanted more...what does he think “more” means? Marriage? Living together? Donating a kidney?’

  ‘Nothing like that. I just want to be with him—be able to know that he is mine, and I’m his...that we can give this...thing between us a chance,’ Willa protested.

  ‘Boys need to be told carefully and in short sentences, using small words, what you want,’ Jessica told her, her face serious. ‘Like Winnie-the-Pooh, big words baffle them, and an open-ended statement like “I want more” sends them into a tailspin.’

  ‘Especially men who are as commitment-phobic and distrustful as Rob,’ Amy added.

  Willa sighed. ‘Maybe I should give up on men and get me to a nunnery.’

  ‘And never have any fantastic sex again? Pfft...’ Kate muttered.

  Willa cocked her head, happy to move the spotlight off her. ‘Are you having fantastic sex that I don’t know about?’

  ‘Only with Big Burt—and his batteries are flat.’ Kate sighed. ‘I keep forgetting to replace the damn things.’

  Jessica’s eyes widened. ‘Why would anyone name their vibrator Burt?’

  ‘From Here to Eternity...Burt Lancaster?’

  Jessica looked blank and Kate rolled her eyes. ‘Seriously? You’ve never heard of either the film or the star?’

  ‘As fascinating as your sex-life is or isn’t...’ Amy smiled at Kate but refused to be distracted ‘...we’re talking about Willa and the utter cock-up she’s made of her life.’

  ‘Just for a change...’ Willa murmured.

  ‘Stop whining,’ Amy said sharply.

  Willa heard Rob’s voice saying the same thing. Okay, no whining—even though she felt as if her life was falling apart.

  ‘And tell me what you are going to do about Rob. And if you say nothing, I swear I will stab you with my butter knife.’

  * * *

  What could she do about Rob? Willa thought later that night, sitting at her desk in the study, the night inky black behind her. What did she want to do? What did she want from him?

  Marriage? Kids? Fifty years of sharing beds and bathrooms and domesticity? Did she want to be someone’s wife again? She’d just become Willa again, and she didn’t think she was ready for such a drastic step—with Rob or anyone.

  So what was she ready for? What did she know?

  She knew that she missed Rob—that every day without him, instead of getting easier, just became more difficult. She knew that her house, when he was in it, became a home and not a collection of expensively furnished rooms.

  Rob being gone was confirmation that she definitely didn’t need a gentle man, as he’d once said. She didn’t need someone to ease her into life again. She needed Rob’s unflinching honesty, his way of making her see her surroundings and herself clearly. And maybe her friends were right—maybe she had been stupid to question his desire to be with her, to spend time with her. Rob, honest to the core, wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want to.

  When he’d been with her it had been because he was exactly where he’d wanted to be. Even if it was as a temporary fling...for an affair that had an expiration date. He’d never promised or even suggested more...

  It wasn’t his fault that she wanted more than they’d had. She wanted love, obviously. And fidelity. And a level of commitment—not necessarily marriage. But mostly she just wanted him.

  Gruff, honest, direct. Full of integrity.

  And she wanted him to trust her. With his business, his heart, his love, his life. That was non-negotiable—the line in the sand. She knew what it was like to live with a man who didn’t respect her, didn’t include her, who thought of her as a possession and not with pride. She wanted to be a fully invested pa
rtner in every way possible.

  But to be that Rob would need to trust her. The one thing he couldn’t do.

  Willa leaned back in her chair and propped her bare feet on the desk. She couldn’t accuse him of deceiving her...the opposite was true. Rob had always treated her fairly, with honesty. From the first time she’d suggested they sleep with each other he’d told her that they couldn’t have anything but good sex. She was just a way to pass the time while he was in Oz. Then she’d said that she wanted more, and he’d said no.

  Honest, direct, final.

  Willa placed her forearm over her eyes and sighed. But if you could make him change his mind, universe, that would be great.

  Any time you want to.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  BACK HOME IN Johannesburg, Rob was in the pool, two feminine arms looped around his shoulders and an exquisite face buried in the crook of his neck. He smiled when he heard low chuckles as his fingers tickled her ribcage.

  Little Kiley, her chubby legs kicking against the water and narrowly missing his crotch, squirmed in his arms and he let her drop into the water. She fell like a stone and popped up a couple of seconds later, laughing. At four, Kiley was a fish, and she loved the water as much as he did.

  Her hand clutched his arm and he looked down into her face, thinking that he’d like a little girl one day—or a little boy with greeny-silver eyes and dark hair, Willa’s stubborn chin...

  Not going there...

  To distract himself he looked around and saw that his mum, on the veranda, was putting the last platter of food on the long wooden table and his Uncle Sid was taking a seat at the head of it.

  ‘Grub’s up,’ he told his family.

  Patrick was lying on a double lounger next to his wife Heather, under an umbrella at the shallow end of the pool, and his sister Gail was snuggled up in the colourful arms of the tattoo artist playing tonsil tennis.

  Gack.

  ‘Cut it out before I turn a hose on you two,’ he called, and ignored Gail’s rolling eyes when she surfaced for air. If he wasn’t getting kissed then nobody else should be either. Especially his baby sister, who surely wasn’t old enough to be kissed like that!