Lyrical Lights

by Maria La Serra

  “Yes, I love what we do on these white sheets. I only hope to worship your body like it was my holy place. I don’t know how you did it, but you’ve made me into a believer. And I swear to you it’s love that pulls me into your temple … Never doubt it—my devotion to you,” I whispered in her ear.

  I looked back at her face, and I knew she believed me.

  “After what I’ve lost, what I’ve been through … This is far beyond I ever thought I would do again—fall in love. But now I don’t think I could do without it—do without you, Mable. I want to be yours.”

  She exhaled. “See, when you say crazy things like that, it only makes me...” She put her hand on her face, hiding her eyes from me. “Shit, I’m in trouble.”

  “I like causing you trouble.” I kissed the back of her wrist. “So we’ll keep seeing each other, and no one else,” I whispered.

  “I don’t want to see anyone else, because I love you, too.” She brought her hand down and stared, causing an uncontrollable rush over me.

  “You have me smiling ear to ear, love.” I playfully pulled her closer, kissing her deeply. We pushed boundaries that maybe we shouldn’t have crossed. We remained in this space so we didn’t get hurt, but it hurt the same to be silent—it benefited no one. I would take a chance, because Mable was worth it.

  Light a match, and there we were.

  There was nothing better than this, the thrill of knowing how alone we were together in that room. Unknown to the rest of the world that right now we were making magic. I didn’t know what would happen beyond those doors. I couldn’t predict the limitations of tomorrow, but, at least for now, Mable was mine, and that was all that mattered.

  I got a text from Simon, which had me thinking. It had been three days since I had seen him, and at the very least I had wanted was to hear his voice. But I wondered if my past insecurities were causing my sudden affliction. When I read his text message, all my concerns took a back seat.

  Christ, what a morning I’m having. Only makes me miss your eyes and sweet lips like crazy.

  I never thought I could be this kind of person, giddy and lovesick. Good grief, I was such a cheeseball.

  Are you at work? I wrote. He would be, since it was nine in the morning in L.A.

  Yes, and it’s going to be a long day, a lot of drama going on the set. I’m regretting I agreed to this project. I should be there with you.

  Then he added that I should send him a sexy picture of myself to ease his pain.

  Poor baby.

  I wasn’t able to make it work, since I was sitting in a restaurant, in a crowded room. My eyes glanced up, scouting the sea of people who were already digging into their lunch. A broad smile came across my face, and I knew exactly what he needed to get him through his day. So I found a random picture of a sweet old lady on the internet and pressed send.

  Wow, I definitely need a shower after this, he replied moments later, and I laughed to myself.

  “Is that Mr. Rowe?” Tracy glanced over my shoulder, catching me off guard. “I was wondering why you had a freakishly big smile on your face,” she said, coming around the table and sitting in the chair in front of me. Tracy had called me last night saying she needed to talk about something. It was not unusual that we went out together without Gloria, but I hadn’t the faintest idea of what it could be about. I sent Simon a text saying that I would call him later, and I put my phone on the table.

  “So I take it things are going well? Gloria said she’d never seen Simon so happy.” Tracy moved her chair in. She was wearing her business attire, a blue shirt underneath her fitted suit jacket, which I made a note to borrow sometime.

  “Everything is great,”

  “Hmm, but?” Tracy was good at seeing through people. Maybe it was a talent she cultivated over time with her line of work.

  “No, there’s no buts … it’s just that we’ve been together for two months, and I’ve only seen him a few times.”

  “But you knew what you were getting yourself into with Simon, right?”

  I loved Tracy, the way she got everything into perspective. There was no muss or fuss with her; she always told it how it was.

  “I knew our crazy schedules would be an issue. I’m not going to whine. It’s just that I miss him.” I waved my hand in the air. “Anyway, he’ll be back Friday.”

  “It’s hard, I get it. You can’t help falling for who you fall for, but no relationship is perfect. I work fifty plus hours a week at the firm, Gloria is constantly on location. But you have to find a way to make it work. Love has to be bigger than yourself, and at the end of the day you’ve got to think there’s no one else you’d rather run to.” Tracy studied me for a slight fraction of a second. “This is all new to you, Mable. The relationship, the job. You have a lot on your plate right now. Just don’t lose sight of what’s important.”

  “It’s just been so bizarre. This time last year I had nothing going on, my love life was a flatline—it’s all or nothing.” I reached for the menu.

  “What you have to remember is that real love can’t be jeopardized. Love may bend, but it will never break. Never let your pride come before true love—that’s what my mother always told me.”

  “How is your mom doing?” I asked.

  “She’s better now and back in her residential home.” Tracy’s eyes focused across the room before they returned to mine. “It’s hard for her, you know, being alone. She has a couple of friends, but after my father died … I don’t know, it got me thinking.”

  “About what?”

  “Making it official. I mean, I know that’s what Gloria wants—what we want. So what are we waiting for?”

  “Are you thinking of proposing?”

  “Yes. I’m going to.” Tracy slightly lowered her menu.

  “Really? Oh my God, that’s great.” I reached out to her. “We will officially be family!”

  “I need your opinion.” Tracy unzipped her purse. “Gloria doesn’t think I have any taste for jewelry.” She pulled out a teal box and handed it to me.

  I opened the case to find a pear-shaped diamond ring. “Good grief, it’s gorgeous!”

  “You think she’ll love it?”

  “Of course she will. If she turns you down, then I’ll marry you.” I closed the box and handed it back to her.

  “No offense, but you’re not my type.” Tracy smiled at me.

  “Why wouldn’t I be your type? I’m everyone’s type, I’m fun and—”

  “You’re all over the place. You forget we once lived together?” She picked up her menu, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Geez, you leave one dish in the sink and suddenly you’re pegged as a sloppy moppy,” I said.

  “Sloppy moppy? You and Gloria are definitely two peas in a pod.” She shook her head.

  With Tracy, everything in her life had to have a place and time, which was okay, but I couldn’t live like that. Maybe that was why Simon and I went well together. We allowed the waves to take us where they would. We weren’t too pretentious about the small details.

  “When are you planning on asking?”

  “Well, I was thinking this Friday,” Tracy replied.

  “Her surprise birthday party? In front of everyone? Wow, you’re courageous. That’s a lot of pressure.”

  “Tell me about it. But I figure Gloria won’t see it coming.”

  I smiled, knowing better. Gloria couldn’t be surprised. She always found a way to somehow ruin it. I had to keep my distance from her until Friday.

  “Hey, I wanted to ask—are you still getting those calls in the middle of the night?”

  “Oh, the creepy heavy breathing? They stopped suddenly.”

  “Did you think about getting another number?” Tracy asked.

  “Ugh, it’s such a hassle. If I change my number, then I have to call everyone with the new one. I’m not afraid, it’s just some asshole trying to have fun with me.”

  “I don’t know … Now you’re in the public eye, it could be some crazed f
an.” Her eyebrows knitted together. “Have you told Simon about it?”

  “No. Simon has a lot on his plate with work, and I don’t want to worry him. Anyway, it’s three days now. They must have gotten bored with me.”

  My phone dinged, and I coolly glanced over at it. Simon had shot me another message. He told me he’d call me after work and added that he couldn’t stop looking at my picture.

  You’re sure one beautiful woman.

  Lol, the old lady pic?

  No, the one I took of you in my bed the other day while you were sleeping.

  I must have blushed, because I felt Tracy’s eyes over me.

  “Jesus, you guys can’t get enough of each other. I bet Simon is great in bed,” Tracy said with a sideways smile, putting her menu down. “Creative people usually are.” She shot me a knowing look.

  I smiled and shook my head. I knew she was trying to get some gossip out of me, but I divulged none. What was it about people? As soon as they knew you were in a new relationship, they wanted to know everything about your sex life. But I was never one to kiss and tell.

  Simon caught a flight back to New York that arrived at nine in the morning, but I didn’t rush to see him. Instead, I took my sweet time, waking up later than usual, and when I came back to my apartment with my morning coffee, I installed my new blue drapes in the living room. I was aware I was stalling for time, trying to distract myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see Simon—I wanted to catapult myself to his front door. I felt alive when he was around, and when he wasn’t, I ached for him. Honestly, it scared me, wanting Simon so madly. When someone you love becomes your all, there’s a danger that, if they leave, they’ll take everything with them. And what are you left with? Hopefully, a jar of Nutella … a big one. I felt like I needed to create some distance and remind myself that there was me before us. Besides, it was always good to let a man wait around for you. It gave him time to reflect on how much he missed you.

  After I stepped off the ladder, I looked up and admired my handiwork. My little apartment was coming along, feeling homier with each moment and dollar I had to spare decorating it. Thanks to Amanie, I could keep more of my earnings, which had allowed me to rent this little place. There was a knock at the door, and I smiled. I didn’t need to guess who was on the other side.

  I opened the door and found him standing there, lost in his thoughts. It almost took him a minute to realize I was in front of him.

  “Simon, is everything okay?” I asked, observing the lack of brightness in his skin. His eyes met mine, and there was something in them that should have had me concerned. But, like a light switch that was flicked up, Simon’s face returned to its natural glow when he looked at me.

  “Yeah. Nah, I was just thinking about something for work.” He shrugged it off, and I closed the door behind him.

  Simon’s mind was always spinning. If he wasn’t shooting, he was researching for his next project, ripping out images from magazines or snapping away at something he could use later for inspiration. Sometimes he had his assistant pin those images on a board, to generate his artistic flow when he worked on a project. I knew how he ticked—that’s mainly the reason we worked great side by side. But we agreed that, when we were together, we focused on us and whatever normal couples did. I sometimes wondered if I was his only reason to disconnect from that part of his life.

  “How was L.A.?”

  “Shitty, and I don’t want to talk about it because I’m here in my happy place.”

  I thought I sensed a tone of guilt, but when I turned around, I discovered a look of yearning flashing in his eyes, and he reached for me.

  “I thought we were supposed to meet later at the restaurant?” I giggled at the way he was staring at me, like I was fresh meat to a predator.

  “I couldn’t wait. Every minute is like torture when I don’t see you.” He brushed his fingers across my jaw; his eyes took me in like he was memorizing every inch of my features. “I don’t want to lose you—ever.” Simon’s expression became serious.

  “No, you won’t. What’s going on, Simon?”

  He searched my face like he was trying to understand it himself. “I’m okay. I’m just exhausted.” He moved my hair from my neck and kissed it, melting me like butter.

  “Hold on—wait.” I sighed. “You’re going to make us late.” I took his arms off my waist and stepped back. He tried again to take hold of me, and I moved farther from his reach.

  “What’s the matter?” His smile sagged a little, a brief look of something in his eyes. Confusion?

  “We have Gloria’s surprise party to go to, remember? And I’m running out of time to get ready.”

  I left to go, but he grabbed hold of my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. As his lips went up the length of my arm, he pulled me closer. His eyes always had a way of disarming me. I knew Tracy would reprimand us for being late.

  “You don’t need to. You already look beautiful.” He began to kiss the crook of my neck, and it sent me wild again.

  “Yeah … I reek of sweat … And I’m not wearing a sports bra and sweatpants to the party.”

  “Hmm.” Of course, this wouldn’t bother him. I gently pushed away.

  “Simon, I’m serious. I’m going to get cleaned up.”

  “Is that an invitation?”

  “No.” I laughed, unraveling from his arms. Again.

  “I thought you would be excited to see me.” His brows knitted together. “I’m a little disappointed not to have found you at my home this morning.”

  When we first started seeing each other, I was surprised by how reluctant he was to make me a key to his apartment, but he had never asked me to officially move in with him. But then, the more I thought about it, I realized that he probably wasn’t ready for a big step like that.

  “Of course I’m excited. I had stuff to do first.” I refused to be the psycho clinging girlfriend type, even though, deep down, she was raging to come out.

  “What’s more important than wanting to see your amazing boyfriend?” He playfully arched a brow.

  “Simon, I’m not going to be at your disposal every time you need me,” I said.

  “Sure you will.”

  I rolled my eyes as I moved away from him. “Nope, sorry, but you’re going to have to get used to the fact that I’m a girl who can’t easily be pinned down.”

  “Pinning down is exactly what I had in mind.” He smiled wickedly, taking a step closer toward me.

  “I’m serious.” I giggled.

  “So am I.”

  “Stop right there.” I held up my hand to prevent him from coming closer.

  He sighed. “I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. I only want to give you a kiss.” Simon flashed those innocent eyes, but there was nothing innocent about Simon Rowe.

  “No, you don’t. I see right through you. Why is it that men rush when they think they’re going to get laid?” I said. I knew that, once he’d gotten home from the airport and saw that I wasn’t there, he’d come straight to my apartment.

  “On the contrary.” He raised his eyebrows. “We’re more patient when we know we will.” He gave me one of his charming smiles.

  “I don’t have time for this,” I said, placing my hands on my hips. “And it’s a big deal tonight. Tracy is going to propose, so we can’t be late.” I noticed his attire; he was already dressed for the occasion. A cute white button-down cotton shirt and a pair of black dress pants.

  “All right,” he said, with defeat in his eyes. “Go on, get ready. I’ll be a good boy and wait out here,” he said, but he still followed me toward the bathroom. Just before I closed the door, he leaned in the doorway.

  “Can I at least get a kiss hello?” He tried one last attempt, but, unluckily for him, I wasn’t buying it.

  “Nope.” I closed the door. I smiled when I heard a deflated sigh coming from the other side, footsteps leading away from the door.

  “Nice curtains.” His voice boomed over the no
ise of the running water. “Are they the reason you’re not in my bed this morning, tangled in my sheets?” He continued. “I feel lucky about getting up in the morning with you there next to me. Having your beautiful eyes meet mine and your sweet smile to coax me—getting me back in.” I didn’t hear him moving around anymore. “Shit, I should have said something to you, that I was ready to have you there indefinitely.” Simon’s voice went low, but not enough that I couldn’t catch it.

  I caught my reflection in the mirror and allowed my hair to fall down on my shoulders. I was anxious to give Simon my full potential, because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew he would get bored and leave. They always did. But what I had never considered was that Simon felt the same way. He, too, had insecurities about our relationship, and was, in fact, normal. Maybe there was nothing to be afraid of, because every time we were away from each other, it only solidified our love. This connection just grew stronger, and it made me believe that this was where we were supposed to be, and it was only fear that kept those walls up. I hadn’t had a clear view before … I had wanted to love, but I was only opening that door an inch at a time. Love demands for the door to be swung open, the rush … That’s the only way it comes in—it needs to take hold of you. Love shouldn’t be feared or denied for the sake of not getting hurt, but reckoned with. Yes, romantic love is risky, but I would have lost out on so much more without Simon. I was having the time of my life, and whatever it was worth was more than heartbreak could ever bring.

  I opened the door with such force that Simon glanced up from the sofa. I loved it when he looked at me like that— like he could fulfill every desire in me.

  “I need you,” I whispered. He jumped over the back of the couch and came for me. With one motion he scooped me up and I wrapped my arms and legs around him, stumbling further into my white bathroom.

  “I missed you … my sexy little bird.” He held me tight and kissed me like he was about to lose me. “I’m so glad to be home.”