Faithless

by Amanda Bennett

  I opened my eyes as I heard a loud group of teenagers heading out into the water, and I couldn't help but long for the youth I had missed out on. One way or another I wasn't going to let my adult life slip through my fingers. I needed to take a hold of my future and make my life the one I had always wanted.

  I knew eventually I was going to have to go back to work, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it just yet. I needed to know that Riley would be okay, even if she never spoke to me again. I debated heading out for one last ride, but the better part of me told me to go find her, to try and talk to her, even if she didn't want to hear it. I gathered my belongings and grabbed my board. It wasn't too far to my condo, but it was a long enough walk for me to plan out exactly what I wanted to say to her. That is, if she would talk to me.

  As I walked up the last flight of stairs to my place, I saw a young girl sitting by my doorway. I instantly knew who she was and I didn't waste a second dropping my board and running up the rest of the stairs. I swooped the small blonde girl in my arms and spun her around. She looked older somehow, but still as young as I had remembered her. She was beautiful and I was having a hard time fathoming how she was here, with me in this moment.

  "Grace, how are you here?"

  "I'm here because you need me to be here, Tristan."

  My state of confusion didn't go unnoticed. "You don't know how long I've waited for this day, Gracie."

  She smiled a knowing smile, "Oh I think I do, big brother. Now are you going to invite me inside or what?"

  "Yes, yes come in." I grabbed my board and towel and unlocked the door, ushering my sister inside first. I still couldn't get over the fact that she was here. The reality of the situation still hadn't settled into my brain enough for me to comprehend what was going on. Once we were settled inside, I sat on the couch next to my sister and reached for her hand. Her skin was cold and clammy. I looked at her perplexed, but she just smiled.

  "Don't worry about it. So, are you going to tell me about the girl?"

  I pulled my hand back onto my lap. "What are you talking about?" I should've known better than to think she wouldn't figure it out.

  "You haven't been surfing since I left. There has to be a reason now, and I know you all too well. So tell me about her."

  "Her name is Riley." Just saying her name brought a smile to my face. "She's everything I never knew I wanted, Grace. Sure she has her issues too, but she's amazing. She's been through so much and she's so strong and brave."

  "She sounds amazing. I'm happy for you."

  "Don't get too excited. She's pretty pissed off at me at the moment. It's kind of a long story." I frowned.

  "Tristan, I've got nothing but time. Tell me."

  "Well, when I first started doing the whole private investigating thing, her mom was one of my first clients. I know what you're thinking, but I didn't know it was her then." I proceeded to tell my sister the entire story about meeting Riley's mom, the cancer, and even when I saved Riley's life. "So now here we are. Now she knows everything, and just like I thought it would happen, she hates me. I don't know what to do, Grace. No matter what I do, I can't get her out of my damn head. I want nothing but to be there for her. I don't even know how to explain it. I feel like if I don't have her in my life, then I have nothing." I hung my head in shame. I had never needed anyone in my life and it was a new feeling, needing someone I barely knew.

  My sister placed her tiny hand on my broad shoulder, "Tristan, she'll forgive you. Even if she doesn't realize it yet, she cares for you just as much as you care for her. I'm sure it'll all work out."

  "I'm not so sure. There's this other guy, London. He's a total douche and I want to beat his ass on a daily basis, but she has seemed to take a liking to him, as he has to her."

  "Oh! Does she know about your issues?"

  My head snapped up and I looked my sister dead in the eyes, "No, and I plan to keep it that way." I stood and started pacing across the living room.

  "Tristan, you can't expect her to tell you everything, but you give her nothing. If you care for her like you say you do, then she deserves to know what she's getting into."

  "Grace, I can't. She'll never understand."

  "You don't know that."

  "I do! You didn't see her face when I told her about her mom. It literally broke my heart to see that amount of hurt in her eyes. I can only imagine how she'll look at me if I told her everything."

  Grace's hands reached up, cupping my face gently in her palms. "Tristan, I will always love you. You're my big brother and nothing will ever change that. I'll always be here, if that's what you're worried about."

  A stray tear escaped from my eye, but I didn't brush it away. I needed to feel these emotions that I had closed off for so long. "But, you did go away. You were gone for so long. I don't think I can handle that again, Grace."

  "I had to go, Tristan and you know that. But now I'm back. I promise I won't leave until you ask me too."

  "That's not going to happen."

  "Maybe it won't, but when it does, I won't be mad or hold it against you."

  The tears were now falling endlessly down my cheeks. I had missed my sister so much in the last three years. I had needed her so badly, but she wasn't there. As I pulled her fragile frame into a deep overdue hug, my phone began to ring on the coffee table. I didn't have to look at the screen to know it was our mother calling. I had programmed in her ringtone the day I left her house.

  "Are you two still not speaking?" My sister's voice broke through my train of thought.

  "Occasionally we do. I just don't know what to say to her anymore, Gracie."

  "Tristan, eventually you're going to have to forgive her and move on. Life's too short to not make amends. You should know that better than anyone."

  "Soon Grace, I promise."

  "Thank you." She whispered as she hugged my tight around my waist. "Now what are we going to do about this whole Riley situation?"

  "There's not much I can do. I can't force her to talk to me."

  "I have a feeling she wants to talk to you. Check your missed calls."

  I reached over and grabbed my phone from the table to notice a missed call from the hospital. I wasn't sure if it was really Riley who called, but I guess I had nothing to lose at this point. I clicked on the number and waited through the rings. It was late when I had gotten the call, but hopefully Jan was still the one working the front desk. I was about to give up hope when Jan's melodic voice broke through the line.

  "Sacred Heart psychiatric ward, this is Jan speaking."

  "Hi Jan, it's Tristan."

  "Well hey there stranger. We missed you yesterday. How are you?"

  "I'm okay. Hey, I noticed a missed call from there last night. Do you have any idea who it was?"

  "I believe I do. I let Riley call you."

  I let out a relived breath. She had called me. "Do you happen to know what she wanted?"

  "I don't, but she was pretty insistent in calling you. She looked pretty disappointed when you didn't answer. I don't think she knew you weren't really a patient here."

  "Okay, thanks Jan."

  "Hey Tristan?"

  "Yeah."

  "If you want her, you might want to fight for her. Looks like the new guy is trying to weasel his way in. Just thought I'd give you a heads up."

  "Thank Jan."

  "Always."

  I hung up the phone and rushed to my bedroom. I quickly changed out of my board shorts and threw together an outfit. When I came running out of my room to grab my keys, my sister stood at the kitchen counter waving them in front of me.

  "I'm going with."

  "I don't think that's a good idea." I reached for my keys but she quickly pulled them out of my reach.

  "You do realize I am bigger than you, right?" I chuckled.

  "Yeah, but I have your keys and I'm not afraid of you. So just agree to this and we can be on our way."

  "Fine, let's go."

  Grace threw my keys at me and w
e rushed down the stairs to my car. I knew by the time we got there group would be half way over, but I didn't care. There was no way I was letting that piece of shit London, get my girl.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Riley

  I sat across the table from London wondering how I had gotten myself into this situation. London was a nice enough guy, and he was definitely something to look at, but something with him just felt off. I picked at my salad as he continued rambling on about his absentee father and how he busted his ass to put himself through school, blah blah blah. I had never been so bored in my life. I'm sure I wasn't giving him a fair chance, given the fact that all I could think about lately was Tristan, but I just wasn't feeling it anymore.

  "Riley, did you hear me?"

  My head shot up. "I'm sorry, what?"

  "Look, I get it but can you at least try here?"

  "I'm sorry, London. Can we just go outside and get some fresh air?"

  "Of course." He stood and held his hand out for mine. To my amazement, I actually took it. As much as I had been fighting it, I still felt that spark whenever our flesh connected with one another.

  We made our way out to my favorite spot, where I could get a full view of the ocean. I leaned over the edge on my elbows, closing my eyes as I took in the faint scent of the salty sea air.

  "You know, you look more beautiful than ever when you do that?"

  I sank back down on my feet and glanced over at London. His eyes were sizing me up and came to a sudden stop when they found my lips. I knew what he was wanting and as much as I wasn't ready and didn't want to, I leaned in and let my lips slowly fall onto his. I must've caught him off guard because he didn't' kiss me back at first, but after a few seconds, he was reciprocating my actions. I couldn't help but notice the difference between his and Tristan's kiss and how it made me feel, but I promised myself I would try. I didn't let the kiss linger for too long before I was pulling back. I licked my lips as I took in London's shocked expression and let a small smile form across my lips.

  "Well, that was unexpected."

  "Sorry."

  "No, don't apologize. It was a good surprise. You don't know how long I've waited for that. I honestly have wanted to do that since the first day I laid eyes on you. You're special, Riley."

  "So I've been told." I muttered as I leaned back over the edge with my elbows against the rough concrete wall. "I'm really nothing special, London."

  "I don't believe that for one minute. I just wish you would let me in, even just a little."

  "Doesn't everybody? Look London, I'm a complicated person and opening up isn't something I do very well. I'm sorry, but that's just how it has to be."

  "You sure about that?" He whispered, as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I knew exactly what he was doing, but he was going to be sadly disappointed when he didn't get what he wanted from me. "Close your eyes, Riley."

  I didn't want to do what he was asking, but part of me yearned for the closeness of someone's touch, so I did. His lips crashed against mine with a force that almost knocked me over. I gave a little back, but held myself back from completely letting go. As much as I wanted to feel his touch, I was also picturing Tristan as his lips moved against mine. Just as his tongue slid across my bottom lip, I felt him quickly being ripped away from me. When I opened my eyes, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Tristan had him pinned against the wall, his arm across his throat cutting off his air. I ran over to Tristan and tried to pull him off of him, but I was unsuccessful.

  "Tristan stop, please!"

  "She's not yours, London."

  "TRISTAN!" I yelled and my voice finally caught his attention. His eyes were as black as night and I couldn't help but notice the vacant look in them. I'd only ever seen that look one other time and I wasn't about to sit around and wait for the same abuse to happen to me all over again. So I ran. I ran all the way to my room and locked myself behind the door. I pulled the blanket over my head and prayed for the fear to fade away. For the first time in almost three weeks, I wanted the darkness to take me under. For good this time.

  A sudden banging on the door had me sitting straight up, tucking the blanket tightly around myself.

  "Riley, please open the door. Talk to me, Riley." Tristan's voice was slowly melting my heart and I wanted to run to him and wrap myself up in his embrace, but I just couldn't. "Riley, I'm so sorry. Please just talk to me."

  I shook my head in disbelief. As much as I tried, I couldn't get the look he had out of my head. "Please just go away, Tristan." My voice was shaky and I knew he would hear it.

  "Riley, please. I have to talk to you. I need you, Riley. Please just open the door."

  All I could do was shake my head. I was now standing on the other side of the door with my face pressed firmly against the grainy wood. My hand was splayed across the door as if he could feel my touch through it. I tried to hold back the tears, but there was no use. They were steadily falling down my face and there wasn't anything that could stop them, besides Tristan's touch. When I heard his voice again, it was low and soothing.

  "Riley there's so much I want to tell you. I need you to let me in. I need you to show me that I can trust you. I need you, Riley."

  I reached for the cold brass doorknob and just as I was about to let him in, I heard a loud voice booming through the door. "We're going to need you to come with us, sir." It was security. My grip loosened on the knob and I hesitated to open the door. This was my out, if I wanted it.

  "Now, sir!"

  "Please, I just need to speak to her."

  "Well obviously she doesn't want to speak with you. You need to come with us."

  "Okay."

  I could hear the defeat in his voice and before I knew what I was doing, I was pulling open the door and running in the direction of Tristan's large, strong frame. Seconds before I would've ran into the back of him, he turned wrapping his strong arms around my waist. He pulled me tightly against him as he spun me in a circle. My arms stayed wrapped around his neck until I was forced to let him go.

  "Miss, is it okay that he's here?" The one security guard who had pulled us from our embrace asked me.

  I stood nodding my head, "Yes. Yes, it's okay. Thanks." I whispered, ashamed that it took me as long as it did to go to him.

  "Okay. Call us if you need us."

  "She will." Tristan uttered.

  I looked into his cloudy blue eyes, taking in every single ounce of him that I could. I couldn't shake the feeling that at any second, he would be ripped away from me. My hand brushed his cheek as I caught a falling tear from his reddened eyes.

  "I'm sorry, Riley. Please know that I would never do anything to hurt you."

  I cupped his face in my hands as I gently pressed my lips against his. "I know you wouldn't." I muttered against his mouth before he captured my mouth with his. My arms slipped around his neck and his went around my waist, pulling me against him. His lips slowly made their way from my lips, across my cheek and eventually to my neck leaving a heated trail in their wake.

  "I've missed you so much, Riley. I know it's only been a day, but it was the longest day of my life."

  My eyes were still closed in ecstasy as I replied, "I know exactly what you mean."

  My hand slid down into his as I pulled him back into my room. There wasn't much we could do here, but I was willing to take things as far as he would allow. As we entered my room, he kicked the door shut and I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my mouth.

  "You're adorable, you know that?"

  "So I've been told." Before another word could be spoke he was capturing my mouth again as he slowly backed me up against my bed. He gently laid me down and then sat back as he removed his shirt.

  My mouth dropped open just a bit as I took in the breathtaking sight of his half naked body. When my eyes eventually made their way back up to his face, I could see the desire he had for me built up in his stare. For the first time in my life, I felt wanted and it was an amazing feel
ing.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Tristan

  My hands slid underneath Riley's shirt and I shuttered at the feel of her warm skin against my palm. I was practically trembling with the anticipation of finally being able to feel her smooth skin against mine. She must've sensed my trepidation because her hand made it's way up to my face and soothingly brushed against my cheek. Her touch almost instantly calmed me and my nerves slowly started to fade.

  I pulled her shirt over her head and sat back on my heels to take in the sight of her beautiful body lying beneath me. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life. Just knowing that this amazing creature beneath me, trusted me enough to be this exposed and vulnerable meant more to me than I think even I would ever know. A small sigh escaped from between her lips and I felt my body shutter in anticipation of those lips being on mine. With her legs wrapped tightly around my waist, I leaned forward on my elbows.

  My fingers gently stroked each strand of her hair as we stared into each other's eyes. Her lips were slightly parted and her warm breath tickled my skin causing goose bumps to break out across my hypersensitive neck. My lips pressed gently against hers and just as I was about to deepen our kiss, Riley's hands gently started to push against my chest.

  "Are you okay?" I whispered.

  "Yes. No, I don't know." Her hands fell to the bed. "I just don't know what to think right now. My emotions are all over the place. I know how much I care for you Tristan, but I find myself second guessing everything I do around you."