Too Naughty

by Brenda Hampton

  “Blair Underwood or Fifty Cent?” Jamaica yelled.

  “No comparison,” Bernie said. “You know damn well that Blair is a force that can’t be reckoned with.”

  “Are you crazy?” I yelled. “It’s Fifty Cent all day long. I guess you didn’t see his movie, did you?”

  “Movie or not, Blair is a man with class, and he is well put together. He—”

  “No, no, no,” Jamaica interrupted. “Fifty is a straight-up thug! A woman needs a man who will beat the pussy, and based on what I saw, Fifty will beat your pussy good. I don’t know if Blair is capable of all that.”

  “That’s what I’m saying.” I stood up to give Jamaica five. Most of the ladies in Jay’s agreed.

  “What about Idris Elba?” Jamaica asked.

  “Who in the hell is that?” Deidra asked.

  I quickly responded. “Daddy’s Little Girls, baby. That brotha is off the chain, but it’s a toss-up between him and Shemar Moore.”

  “Toss-up, my butt!” Jamaica yelled. “Did you see Shemar in Diary of a Mad Black Woman? Girl, them braids made me look at him in a different way. He was thugged out and—”

  “And it’s obvious that you like thugs,” Bernie said.

  “Love ’em. Can’t get enough of them, and I’d take a thug any day over some wannabe, fake Negro who gon’ turn into a thug, anyway, when you get him in the bedroom. That’s why I don’t care what anybody says. I love me some Flava Flaaaav!”

  “Wowwww,” Deidra said, sounding just like him. We all laughed and said Flavor’s name in unison. “Flava Flav!”

  “Flava ain’t no thug to me, so next!” I said, continuing to laugh. “Anyhow, what about Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Richard Gere, or Justin Timberlake?”

  “What the fuck!” Jamaica got serious. “Do you see any white women up in here? Now, I dig me some white men, but we on the brothas right now. Stick to the brothas, all right? If you can’t, then I got a pair for you.”

  Everybody waited for Jamaica to respond.

  She slowly let their names fall from her mouth. “D-en-z-e-l Washington and j-a-y-l-i-n Rogers.”

  Bernie quickly spoke up. “Now, that’s a tough one for me, because y’all know how I feel about my Denzel. However, after seeing Jaylin again, I just don’t know!”

  “It’s Denzel for me,” I said. “Jaylin ain’t got nothing on Denzel.”

  “Of course you would say that, Your Fakeness,” Jamaica said. “If Jaylin had dicked you down while he was here, you’d be jumping up and down for Jaylin like they just called your name on The Price is Right, telling you to come on down. And since you won’t be honest, I will. Denzel the mutha-effin’ bomb, but Jaylin done surpassed him.”

  “I’m gon’ have to disagree,” Deidra added. “Now, I’ve seen Jaylin, and he fine, but not like Denzel. Jaylin can’t touch Denzel’s swagga.”

  “Deidraaaa,” Jamaica whined. “But you didn’t see Jaylin’s dick. It was a pretty sight, wasn’t it, Bernie?”

  Bernie nodded. “Yeah, it was rather interesting. Scorpio, I hate to say it, but how in the heck did you let something that ... that delightful get away?”

  Everybody laughed, and all I could do was shake my head. When Jamaica decided to compare Jaylin to Shane, it was time for me to go.

  “Why you leaving?” she asked.

  “Because y’all up in my business, that’s why.”

  “For me, it’s Shane all the way, baby,” Deidra said. “Anytime a man can get down with you like he did in a limo, at a club, and on a motorcycle, he definitely has my vote.”

  Jamaica added her opinion. “Baby, from what I heard, Jaylin wasn’t short stopping. He laid it down at the movies, on the MetroLink, and on a pool table. And any man who can dig into you on a roller coaster has got to get some votes.”

  “Y’all are so damn silly.” I laughed. “Why are y’all making up lies about my relationships?”

  “I guess you told us lies, then,” Jamaica said. “Truth or consequences ... didn’t you tell us—”

  “I’m out of here and the game is o-v-e-r.”

  Everybody griped as I headed back to my office. I closed the door and walked over to my desk. I wanted to call Shane, but I was tired of the back and forth. I said he’d have to pay for his mistakes, and I meant it.

  FELICIA

  24

  I kept waiting and waiting for Shane to come home. I wasn’t sure what had gone down between him and Stephon, but I was even more nervous than before. I kept peeking out of the windows, and every time I heard a door slam, I’d run to it. Since Shane had moved to his new place, I didn’t think Stephon knew where he lived, so I was a bit relieved. All I could do was sit around and watch TV, while biting my nails.

  Finally, when I heard the door unlock, I was sitting in Shane’s hearth room, watching the news. I quickly stood up, and he came into the room to join me.

  “I see you’ve been to the hospital,” I said.

  “Uh-huh,” he said, unbuttoning his shirt. He removed it and laid it across the chaise. He then unbuttoned the top button on his jeans and sat down to remove his shoes. Once he got comfortable, he sat back and placed his hands behind his head.

  “Anything good on cable?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure. I’ve been watching the news.”

  “Toss me the remote.”

  I tossed it to him, and he caught it. “Are you going to tell me what happened or not? You know I’m dying to know.”

  He flipped through the channels. “I don’t want to talk about it, Felicia. The least you know, the better.” He paused and changed the subject. “Did anybody call?”

  “How would I know? You told me not to answer your phone.”

  “That doesn’t mean that you didn’t look at the caller ID.”

  I smiled. “Your mother called, somebody from the Mayor’s Group and Bradstone Broadcasting called, Amber Watson, Jaylin Rogers, and three other names I didn’t recognize. One a female.”

  “What time did my moms call?”

  “She called early this morning, right after you left.”

  “Jaylin?”

  “He called about an hour ago.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. Sooo, have you eaten anything? If you haven’t, I can go in the kitchen and whip us up a li’l somethin’ somethin’.”

  “That’s fine, whatever.”

  I stood up. “I know you’re tired. But do you think that you can take me to my house later on so I can get some clothes? This shirt and sweatpants aren’t working for me.”

  “They look all right to me.”

  “Please,” I said, raising his big shirt. “Do you see this rubber band I had to tie on the side of these sweats to hold them up?”

  Shane looked at my bare midriff and tied-up sweats. He snickered. “I’ll take you tomorrow. I’m in for the night. Besides, I have to return some after-hour phone calls to my clients.”

  He went into his office, and I headed for the kitchen. I’d already skimmed through his cabinets and fridge earlier to see what he had to eat. It wasn’t much, but the thawed chicken had to do. I saw a can of creamy corn and worked my magic.

  I spent the next hour or so preparing dinner. Once I was finished, I took Shane’s plate into his office, where he was. He was working on a design, but when I placed the food on his desk, he stopped. He looked at the seasoned baked chicken, buttered rolls, and creamy corn to go with it.

  “It smells good. I appreciate it,” he said.

  “Do you mind if I join you?” I said.

  “I’d rather be alone.”

  I left his office and closed the door behind me.

  Leaving him in peace, I ate my dinner in the kitchen. Once I was finished, he still was in his office, so I went back to the guest room and got ready for bed. I took off the oversized sweats and left on the shirt. I lay in bed for about an hour but tossed and turned. When I heard Shane go into his room, I waited for a while and then got out of bed. I grabbed my pillow, and since
his door was shut, I knocked.

  “What?” he said sharply.

  “Can I come in?”

  “For what?”

  “Be ... because I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be by myself.”

  He didn’t say anything, so I opened the door. The room was dark, but soon he touched the lamp on his nightstand and it came on.

  I searched his nearly bare body from head to toe. The only thing that prevented me from seeing what I wanted to see was his navy blue jockey shorts. I noticed his glassy red eyes.

  “Were you sleeping, or have you been crying?”

  “Neither.”

  “Well, why are your eyes so red?”

  He didn’t answer. He got off the bed and went over to the small sofa near the window to lie down.

  “You can have the bed. Please don’t ask me any more questions, and don’t forget to turn off the light.”

  I climbed in his comfortable bed and turned off the light. I lay on my back for a minute, staring at the ceiling. Moments later, I placed a fluffy pillow between my legs and turned to my side.

  “Have you talked to Scorpio today?” I asked.

  “What did I just tell you?”

  “I know what you said, but I’m bored. Besides, it’s good to get things off your chest.”

  He hesitated. “Yes, Felicia. I talked to Scorpio today.”

  “What did she say?”

  “None of your business.”

  “It is my business if you’re in the dark, crying over her.”

  “I told you I wasn’t crying. I was just thinking.”

  “Thinking doesn’t make your eyes water and turn red.”

  “Yeah, but a lack of sleep does. Now, please be quiet so I can get some sleep.”

  I waited for about five more minutes and then spoke again. “Last night, she told me to tell you to go to hell. I forgot to tell you.”

  “Good. I guess that sums up what she told me today.”

  I sat up, wanting to celebrate the good news. “Did y’all break up?”

  He hesitated again. “If that’s what you want to call it, then I guess we did.”

  “Did she call it off or did you?”

  “What damn difference does it make? Listen, if you keep on bugging me, I’m going to leave you in here conversing with yourself. I had a long day, and I need to get some rest. Please be quiet.”

  Because I didn’t want to upset Shane any more, for the rest of the night I kept quiet. Actually, he was the one who interrupted my sleep. He complained about his body being sore, he got up to take a shower, and then he had the nerve to turn on the TV. I got a little rest, but it was obvious that he didn’t get any.

  By morning, Shane was up and out. I didn’t know where he’d gone, and when I called his cell phone to see where he was, he didn’t answer. I took a quick shower and found another pair of sweatpants and a shirt in his closet to put on. As I was getting dressed, he came through the door. He had some donuts and coffee in his hands and handed them over to me.

  “Drink up so we can go,” he said. His phone rang, and since I was sitting near it, he asked me to look and see who it was.

  “It’s Jaylin. Do you want me to answer?”

  “Nope,” he said.

  “Why not?”

  He ignored me and left his room with the donuts. I followed behind him.

  “Can I have one?” I asked.

  He tossed the donut bag over his head, and I caught it. I opened the bag and took out a glazed, round donut. Afterward, I sat on his couch and crossed my legs yoga style.

  “So, where are we on our way to?” I said, biting into my donut.

  “To your house,” he said, sitting across from me.

  “And after that?”

  “I need to stop at the pharmacy to get my pain medicine, stop at the grocery store to get my mother a few items, and then get back here so I can do some work.”

  “I ... I hope I’m not a bother. Maybe by next week I’ll feel comfortable going home, but just not right now. Stephon scares the hell out of me. Had I known he was that messed up in the head—”

  “Well, now you know. You can’t stay here forever, Felicia, so you need to go get a restraining order against him. That way, if he comes near you, you can have him arrested.”

  “Did he say that he was going to hurt me yesterday?”

  “If he did this to me, what he will do to you might be more severe.”

  “I can’t understand how you got so banged up like that. You’re much bigger and stronger than he is, and don’t you have a black belt in karate? I would’ve put my money on you any day of the week.”

  Shane looked as if he were in a daze. “He caught me tripping, Felicia. Motherfucka straight up caught me tripping.”

  He downed his coffee, and so did I. I ate one more donut, and we left.

  The day was enjoyable. I gathered a week’s worth of clothing from my house, and then we stopped by Shane’s mother’s place. When we dated before, I had the opportunity to meet her then. He didn’t take a woman home to meet his mama unless he really cared for her. That was how I knew how much he loved me, but I was the one who messed up a good thing—all for the power of a bigger dick. If I had known things would’ve turned out as they had, I sure as hell wouldn’t have ever let him go. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know how to work me, because he always worked me good. And as for the size of his dick, it wasn’t no Jaylin-sized dick, but it was long and thick enough for me to say, “A job well done.” I was just too excited about getting with a man like Jaylin, who could give me multiple orgasms within a short period of time, and he had mega money. Stupid me, I guess. And as for Shane, I’d be willing to turn back the hands of time any day.

  As we drove off in his Lexus, Shane’s mother waved good-bye to us. She was so nice to me, and I couldn’t help but keep smiling.

  “I don’t know what you’re smiling so much for,” Shane said.

  “Because your mother likes me, that’s why. I know she wishes I would’ve been her daughter-in-law.”

  “Shit.” He laughed. “My mother does not like you, Felicia. As a matter of fact, she can’t stand you. She was just being nice, that’s all.”

  I cocked my head back and snapped, “Are you crazy? That woman offered to make me some cookies, she invited me over anytime, and when we left, she gave me a warm and motherly love embrace.”

  “And that’s the same woman who pulled me back into her room, yelled at me for bringing you over to her house, and told me she’d kill me if I started dating you again.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Hell, yeah, I’m serious. My mother hasn’t forgotten what you did to me in the past. I’m her baby, Felicia, and when you hurt me, you hurt her.”

  “Why did you tell her what happened between us? You ain’t have to tell her everything.”

  “I told her that my dick wasn’t big enough for you. I don’t care to repeat what she said about you after that.”

  “Oooh, you need to stop,” I said, lightly punching his arm. “You didn’t really tell her that, did you? She must think I’m some kind of whore or something.”

  “You said it. She didn’t.”

  I rolled my eyes and looked out of the window. We sat quietly for a moment, and then I asked him about Scorpio.

  “The last time I asked, you hadn’t taken Scorpio to meet your mother yet. Has she met her yet?”

  “Nope. I was getting around to it, but I never found the right time to do it.”

  “It’s not like your mother lives in Egypt or something. She’s only twenty minutes away. Just as we went there today, you could’ve taken Scorpio to meet her ... if you wanted to.”

  He looked away. “Maybe I didn’t want to.”

  “If you love her like—”

  He snapped, “I’m not going to spend the day talking about Scorpio. If you want to, I can take you back home.”

  “Excuse me,” I said, rolling my head in circles.

  When we got back to Shane’s
place, things calmed down. He went back to work in his office, and I was back in the kitchen, cooking. Every time the phone rang, he asked me who it was. After I told him, he never took one call. Not even from Jaylin. I couldn’t believe Shane wasn’t answering his calls. Something must have gone down between them. Surprisingly, Scorpio hadn’t call. I was so sure she was missing what was between his legs, but it wasn’t easy for her to find someone else to fill her void. Yes, her not calling was a bit surprising to me, but I was also surprised by the other females who called Shane’s house. What in the hell was up with that? I thought his skeeza had him tamed, but evidentially, I was wrong. I wondered what Scorpio said when she was here and his other women called, especially during the middle of the night.

  Shane and I stayed up late, eating, playing Scrabble, and talking. Before he called it a night, it was almost midnight. I knew he was tired from all the yawning he’d been doing, and I suggested giving his bed back to him so he could rest.

  “You were on the couch tonight, anyway,” he said. “I missed my bed last night. That’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Don’t lie. You couldn’t sleep, because you were thinking about Scorpio.”

  As was his a habit, he ignored me. I smiled and watched him down three pain pills before heading off to his room for bed.

  Getting comfortable in the enclosed patio, I chilled on the chaise and watched TV for at least another hour. When I was ready to turn in, I slipped into my popping peach silk nightgown. I headed back to Shane’s room and could already hear him lightly snoring. I stood in the doorway, watching his muscular chest heave up and down. He was down to his jockey shorts, and his hand was right on top of his dick. The light was on, so I quietly made my way over to it, turning it off. I stood for a moment to see if he’d move, but he was out. I moved his hand away from his goods, and his hand limply dropped by his side.

  Knowing that he was out of it from the pain pills he’d taken, I pulled my nightgown over my head, and naked, I straddled him. He swallowed and moved his head to the other side. Other than that, he lay motionless. His snores got louder, and finally I was ready to go where I wanted. I wanted to taste him, but I knew time wasn’t on my side. First, I had to get him inside of me, and then maybe I’d have a chance to taste him later. With that in mind, I reached down and slowly removed his dick from the slit in his shorts. It was rather limp, but I came prepared.