Sunshine, Tequila & Sea Monkeys

by S. Allen

“Jim, what’s going on?” Ro asked in a calm, steady tone.

  “Darcy’s here. Why she’s here is not right. Why she gotta be trying to ruin our nice holiday?” Jim answered Ro and then turned back to Darcy. “You ain’t family or friend. I’m gonna call it as it is even if you’re girl. You’re trouble is what you are, bad news. All coming up in here and making demands. You can ask Ro for a meeting or whatever bullshit, but you don’t walk into the man’s home. And look at you all up in trouble again, why ain’t you with your own family?”

  Ro stopped to take a real look at Darcy. She looked the same with too much makeup and signature sneer, but instead of a skintight spandex half-shirt or mini-dress she wore a long-sleeved shirt that billowed out at the belly, a round pregnant belly. She watched Ro look at her and pointed a long red fingernail at him. “That’s right, I’m pregnant and you’re the father.”

  Julian watched the color drain from Ro’s face as he stuttered out a no. Julian put his hand on Ro’s back in reassurance. Ro had talked about Darcy and how much trouble she was. Ro had been disappointed she chose to throw away the opportunity him and Vinnie had given her and instead kept following the path that promised no future.

  “Is this your boyfriend?” Darcy focused her attention on Julian. He tried not to flinch under her glare. “Did you know he forced me in order to keep my job? I had to quit because I just couldn’t take it any more.” She turned back to the young man with her and buried her face in his chest as her shoulders heaved.

  Julian saw it for what it was, fake. He knew Ro would never do anything even remotely close to what she was accusing. Julian was gearing up a defense when she abruptly turned back around.

  “You don’t believe me. Well how else would I know he has a birthmark on his inner thigh in the shape of a heart.” She rattled on as Julian pictured that birthmark, he has kissed it lovingly just last night. He stood strong against the doubt that was developing from her words as she continued to described him in intimate ways.

  It was Jim that stopped her mid-sentence just as she was beginning to describe what Ro had forced her to do. “We’ve all see Ro basically naked. He lost that bet to Vinnie and had to pose in a speedo for the summer flyer. Stop going on. And we all know he’d never force himself on anyone. That behavior don’t just start outta nowhere. He’s a good man and we all respect him.”

  “Fine,” she huffed. “Maybe he didn’t force me, but it was still wrong ‘cause he’s the boss-man.”

  “And I’m gay. That hasn’t changed,” Ro finally spoke up.

  Darcy slid her eyes down Ro’s body obviously stopping at his groin and smiled evilly. “Didn’t seem to stop you.”

  “Enough,” Vinnie cut in. “Darcy, unless you have any proof—which we are all sure you don’t—get out of here before I call the cops.”

  “Here.” Darcy pulled out a plastic bag from her purse. “Swab your cheek and seal the bag. It’s for a paternity test. That’s how sure I am.”

  Ro just stared at the plastic bag is if it were poisonous. The doubt lurking in Julian’s mind thrummed loudly at Ro’s reaction. Why wasn’t he just calling her a liar and why didn’t he just grab the bag and do it knowing it would prove his innocence, unless it would seal his fate as an expecting father. No, he believed in his boyfriend’s innocence. Grabbing the bag he pulled out the swab and handed it to Ro. “Just do it so she’ll leave.”

  Ro stiffly did as he was told and swabbed the inside of his mouth. Julian took the evidence that would either prove his boyfriend’s innocence or condemn him a liar and sealed it securely in the lab sample bag before handing it back to Darcy. “There. Now leave.”

  “You gonna stay with this lying, cheating man? I know how this is gonna turn out. Do you?” Darcy’s smug smile made Julian want to strangle her. He watched her confidently walk away before turning to Ro. He looked like he was going to pass out. Vinnie guided him to the couch and Jim followed. Most of the other guests tried acting like they hadn’t just witnessed a scene worthy of any reality TV series. Julian slowly shut the door and went to see Ro.

  “Ro, what is going on?” Vinnie fiercely whispered.

  “I don’t know.” Ro’s shoulders were rounded forward and his head hung low.

  “What’s with the paternity test? I know you want kids someday, but please tell me she’s wrong,” Vinnie begged. When Ro just shook his head Vinnie continued, “What about Julian? Your boyfriend who stood by your side, you know the man who you said could be the one? Even if you don’t want to talk to me, you owe him an explanation or something.”

  “I think I’m going to throw up.” Ro hurried to the bathroom. Julian overheard the entire exchange and wished he hadn’t. Why hadn’t Ro defended himself? It didn’t mean it was true, right? Greyson had cheated countless times and Julian hadn’t done anything about it. Was it different because they had been men? No. Julian attempted to put a stop to his thoughts. He trusted Ro, but he needed some time to sort his feelings out. Trembling, he decided he couldn’t be here any more and silently made his way out.

  ****

  Ro rinsed his mouth out and splashed water on his face. He looked up and stared at his dripping reflection and asked out loud, “What just happened?”

  When there was no response he wiped his face dry and shook his head before slowly opening the bathroom door.

  Vinnie was leaning against the wall when Ro exited the bathroom. Everything that happened was a little fuzzy now that he was coming down from the shock. “That bitch. How dare she?”

  “Now you get angry?” There was no humor in Vinnie’s voice. “You’re a little late.”

  “I couldn’t believe it was happening.”

  “Well, you better make sure that test comes back negative. Otherwise, you might be minus a boyfriend.”

  “Of course it will. I never touched her.” Ro was waving his hand around as the last part of Vinnie’s comment registered. “Julian. Fuck, where is he?”

  “He left and he didn’t look good. Not that I blame him.”

  “I have to go after him.” Ro grabbed Vinnie’s keys. He couldn’t afford the time to get his own keys and headed towards Julian’s hoping he’d be home.

  Ro pounded desperately on the door needing to see his boyfriend. Julian opened the door with a frown. He didn’t say anything but stepped to the side allowing Ro to enter. Now that he was here Ro just stared at him in awkward silence.

  “Why are you here?” Julian crossed his arms defensively.

  “I needed to talk to you.” Ro took a step towards Julian with his arm out stretched. When Julian stepped back, Ro dropped his arm. “I, um, there’s no way I’m going to be a dad.”

  “Why is she so sure? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I was in shock. It was like I was watching the whole thing from an alternative universe or something.” Ro shook his head. “That didn’t make sense. But seriously, what she was accusing was so out of left field I really didn’t know how to react.”

  “You could have done anything and it would have looked less guilty. It was hard enough having to listen to her describe your body. Fuck, that birthmark, I loved that mark. It was mine and now…” Julian trailed off.

  “I’m yours, every part of me is yours. She never touched me, nobody has ever touched me the way you have.”

  “Don’t exaggerate. I know you’ve had other lovers.”

  “True, but none of them have kissed every inch of my skin, counted my freckles or smiled at my birthmarks.” Ro felt his boyfriend distance himself even more as Julian turned his back to him.

  “She’s so sure. She may be a manipulative bitch, but she can’t fake a paternity test.”

  “I don’t know what she’s up to, but there is absolutely no way I’m the father of her baby.” Ro kept his voice firm. He wondered the same thing. Why would she take his DNA knowing they’d never had sex? What was she up to?

  “I need you to leave.” Julian faced Ro. He looked tired and sad and Ro hated that he was the reason.


  “Are you sure? Maybe we could just sit together and watch TV or something?” Ro was desperate to stay. He felt that if he left he might be saying good-bye forever.

  “No. I need to be alone. I believe you, but all this hurts on an unreasonable level. Grey cheated on me countless times and I knew for sure, but none of those flings hurt as much as the possibility of you cheating on me. I needed you to defend yourself earlier, defend us. I…please leave.”

  Julian sounded so defeated. Ro left not wanting to cause him any more discomfort. He sat in his car trying to decide where to go. Home was out of the question, too many people. He could head to the nursery; there was always paperwork to be done. But Ro knew it would be a waste of time. He’d sit at his desk replaying the last hour and not get any work done. So, he drove to Pete’s.

  Pete lived twenty minutes out of town. It had been months since his last visit. He really needed to make a better effort at keeping in touch. There’s nothing better than the holidays to bring family together, or maybe a personal meltdown.

  Ro locked the car and headed up the walk towards the first place he really called home. He noted the yard had been mowed recently but the bushes hadn’t been trimmed or the flowerbeds weeded. He wondered if Pete’s arthritis was flaring up or if there just hadn’t been time. The guilt of his absence added to his already deflated mood.

  “Ro Ro!” a small voice squealed. It was the only warning he got before a little body wrapped around his legs.

  “Kennedy, how’s my girl?” he asked as he swung her up in the air. “What are you doing?”

  “I was sitting on the swing talking to Santa.”

  “Oh really? It’s pretty neat Santa was here talking to you instead of working at the North Pole.” Ro grinned, happy to play along with Kennedy’s imagination.

  “Don’t be silly. Santa wasn’t actually here, but he can hear me. He listens too.” She bobbed her curly head in emphasis.

  “Well, what were you telling Santa, or is it a secret?” Ro sat on the porch swing holding her in his lap.

  “I’ll tell you because I trust you.” She looked him in the eyes before laying her head on his shoulder. “I asked Santa to make Mama better for Christmas.”

  Ro’s heart ached at hearing her wish. Kennedy was six and had been living with Pete and Marlene for almost a year. Her mother was an addict and frequently left her daughter with their next door neighbor for days on end. Unfortunately, the neighbors were only a step up from her mother. One afternoon they left her at the grocery store, wearing the same clothes she’d been in for a solid week and the manager called the police. Once the police found her mother—soliciting on the corner—they realized Kennedy needed to be put in foster care. When she came to Pete she was shy and would hardly make a noise. Now she was a chatterbox and Ro cherished every word that came out of her mouth. Every sound was proof of a happy, thriving little girl.

  “Kennedy, I don’t know if Santa can do that. Your mama has to want to get better, too.” Ro wasn’t comfortable having this conversation, but he was not going to lie to her. She knew too much for her young age and would know a placating remark immediately.

  “Can I tell you another secret?” she whispered. After Ro nodded his head and began to gently rock the porch swing she continued, “I want Mama to get better, but I don’t want to leave Pete and Marlene. They’re nice and they don’t yell and I’m not hungry anymore, you know?”

  “Oh, baby girl, I know.” Ro held her just a little tighter. “Remember I came to live here too, just like you did. And it’s okay to feel like that. I know you still love your mama and it’s okay to want to be happy and safe here with Pete. You just keeping being the sweet, good girl you are.”

  “Ro, you’re the best. I knew you’d understand.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek before hopping down and entering the house.

  Ro was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t even realize Pete had come outside and sat beside him on the swing. He didn’t say anything, instead patiently waited for Ro to begin.

  “Hey, Pete.”

  “I’m surprised to see you here keeping the porch swing company.” Pete chuckled good-naturedly.

  “Well, I was talking to Miss Kennedy before you came out here and so rudely interrupted my personal porch swing time.”

  “Sorry, son.” Pete patted Ro’s thigh and made like he was getting up full well knowing Ro was going to stop him.

  “Sit down.” Ro looked, really look at Pete. The grey at his temples had taken over his whole head and the smile lines around his eyes had deepened. Ro hadn’t seen a more welcoming face in a long time. “I needed to talk to you.”

  “My ears are always open for you.”

  “I should visit more often. Maybe I can swing by next weekend and help put up the Christmas lights and stuff.” Ro absently picked at the loose fibers on the seam of his jeans.

  “Enough stalling,” Pete said sternly. “What’s brought you home?”

  Ro closed his eyes and listened to the family sounds echoing through the screen door, turkey and cinnamon scented the air and he pictured the bright eyes and tentative smiles of the kids currently living in this house and his heart swelled at all the love Pete had to give.

  “I met someone,” Ro began without opening his eyes.

  “Yeah, a special someone?”

  “I might have screwed things up.”

  “Anything is fixable.”

  “Even trust?” Ro looked desperately at Pete.

  Pete clucked his tongue in thought before answering, “Well, I think that depends on the situation and the strength of your relationship. Tell me what happened.”

  Ro went through his history with Darcy and then outlined his relationship with Julian. “I just can’t understand what she’s thinking. There is no possible way I’m the father of her baby.”

  “Is it possible that she’s caused the damage she intended by confronting you in front of your young man?”

  “Maybe.” Ro considered Pete’s suggestion.

  “No more sulking. Give Julian some time, but keep on him and make sure he knows how you feel. If he’s the right one, you two will move past this. And as far as the little troublemaker is concerned, you’ll just have to wait and see what she does next. Now, let’s join the rest of the family and eat.”

  Ro conceded, stood and followed Pete into the house and towards the kitchen. Marlene was at the sink, Kennedy sat at the table with a coloring book and crayons and Dennis—a fourteen-year-old who had been living there for the last five years—sat with Kennedy but was completely occupied by his phone. Ro walked up to Marlene and kissed her on the cheek before he joined the kids at the table.

  “Dennis, you too cool to color with Kennedy?” Ro ribbed the teenager.

  “What? I was texting with my boys about meeting up to play some ball.”

  “No. It’s Thanksgiving and family time.” Ro placed his hand on Dennis’s forearm knowing that teenage hormones where flaring and daring to accuse them of not being a family. “We are your family. We care about you and want you here with us. So how about you and me show little miss how coloring is really done?”

  There was a pause as Dennis thought about what Ro said. Ro held strong and smiled when Dennis huffed and grabbed the nearest book. Ro began coloring a princess castle and thought about all the children that had sat at this table. They all might have been dealt a losing hand, but those who worked hard would thrive and grow into healthy adults. He had worked hard and he would continue to work hard. He wanted Julian to be a part of his family and he wasn’t going to give him up.

  ***

  The following day Ro ate some leftover turkey before he went to face Julian. He had some serious groveling to do.

  “You going to beg Julian to take your sorry ass back today?” Vinnie plopped down next to Ro on the couch.

  “Yup. Any suggestions?”

  “Do guys like diamonds? I mean it works every time for them cheating famous people.”

  “I didn’t
cheat!”

  “I was just saying.” Vinnie shrugged.

  “Do you really think I did it? Fuck, if you don’t trust me then how in the hell am I going to convince Jules I’m innocent?” Ro sulked.

  “Look, man,” Vinnie said sincerely, “it’s not that I don’t trust you, but that chicka was slick and you did nothing at the time to help the situation.”

  “I know I was an idiot.” Ro dropped his head back against the couch.

  “But seriously, Julian stood by you like the type of partner you always carry on about, so I don’t think all is lost.” Vinnie stood and added before leaving, “I sure hope you suck cock real good.”

  “Thanks for the stellar advice,” Ro answered drily, but Vinnie had already left. “Fuck, it’s Black Friday, maybe I can get a deal on a watch or something before I head over to Julian’s,” Ro muttered.

  An hour later he stood in front of Julian’s door and waited anxiously for it to open.

  “Ro,” Julian acknowledged when he finally answered the door.

  “Are you going to invite me in?” Ro asked bravely.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Please? I really need to talk to you,” Ro begged.

  “Do you have anything worth listening to?”

  “Jules, please let me in.” Ro’s shoulders dropped with relief as Julian stepped back and allowed him entrance. Once inside he took stock of the man before him. Julian looked like he’d just gotten out of bed in rumpled sweats and unruly hair. He looked adorable except for the frown pulling down his face.

  “Here.” Ro pulled out a bouquet of flowers from the bag he’d had with him.

  “What?” Julian’s eyes lit up instantly at the brightly colored flowers.

  “They’re snap dragons. I used to love these things when I was a kid. Look, if you pinch right here the mouth opens up like a real dragon. Well, I guess not really like a real dragon, but you get the gist.” Ro carefully showed Julian how to pop the mouth of the flower open. When Julian smiled in wonder and actual joy, Ro knew he’d gotten the perfect gift.

  “I also got you this.” Ro pulled out a small pink box. “I wanted to get you a cupcake or something, but the only bakery I found open was a donut shop. It’s a bear claw. I hope you like it.”