Breaking Boundaries

by M. A. Lee

  Deciding my drink was not worth this guy’s harassment, I turned and began making my way back through the crowds and to our table.

  Lunging toward me, the guy grabbed me and forcefully spun me around. Just as my head jerked in his direction so that I would be forced to look at him, a large body guard appeared. Throwing his hands around the guys’ shoulders, he began pushing him toward the exit.

  “Sorry miss. I saw this guy giving you some problems. I will escort him out.” He called over his shoulder.

  Fighting back tears, I ran this time through the hordes of dancing people. I pushed and shoved everyone out of my way until I reached Brody. With my body shaking from anger, I quickly rushed to his side.

  “Brody, a guy just attacked me,” I cried out.

  Turning to look at me, Brody took another swig of his beer. “Did someone help you?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I cried.

  “Okay. Good. I would hate to deal with anyone tonight. I have a big interview Monday morning with the Gold Law Firm. I don’t need something messing that up for me.” He stated with a sigh.

  Trying to hold in my anger I felt sadness overwhelm me. I don’t know what I expected Brody to do. Maybe yell? Maybe go searching for the guy? I expected some reaction from him, just not this reaction. Would it have killed him to act a little more concerned?

  Pushing my anger and frustration aside, I sat next to Brody and spent the rest of the night wondering what he would have done if he had seen that guy touching me.

  6

  I could feel the world shifting as I walked out of my apartment. A slight breeze wrapped its arms around me as I inhaled a whiff of the clean, crisp fall air. I had decided to walk to work today, feeling as though I needed a calming moment by myself. I glanced up to the light blue sky where only a few white puffy clouds were slowly crawling across the sky. Smiling, I began my ten-minute walk to the publishing house.

  There was a quaint little coffee shop on my way, and it had become one of my favorite things to do, getting a cup of coffee and drinking it the rest of my way to work. As I walked into the small building, the smell of coffee smacked me in the face. I loved it here. I found my way to the line and began searching in my purse for some cash to use. Thankfully, my parents had wired birthday money to my bank account so I was able to afford rent that month and enjoy a few luxuries like my daily coffee as well. I never asked my parents for money; I believed in being independent and making my own way in life. Sure, I made a little money working, but I barely made minimum wage. The little bit I did make barely compensated for enough to help buy gas for Lauren’s car.

  While they seemed to appreciate my independence, that didn’t stop them from every once in a while helping me out financially. Part of me thought it may be their guilt causing them to continue to pay my bills even though I was an adult and almost out of college. Either way, I appreciated the help until I could get a real, full-time job when I graduated.

  Just as I found a few dollars to cover my cup of coffee, I heard my phone chime somewhere below my wallet. I dug it out as I gave my order to the barista. Retrieving my phone, I saw it was a text from Cole.

  Cole: Hey Mel, thought I would say hello.

  Me: Hey Cole.

  Cole: You busy?

  Me: Not really, I am on my way to work.

  Cole: Okay. Cool. You’ve got my number so give me a call or text anytime.

  Me: Thanks.

  I hadn’t meant to sound so cold or distant in my responses, but he really surprised me. When he had put his number in my phone, I thought he was being cute or maybe he felt bad for me. I had never thought about actually contacting him, until now.

  Later that afternoon at work, I mulled over the idea of talking with Cole. Sure, we had agreed to be friends. But I wasn’t sure what that meant. Were we the texting type of friends? Were we the say hi and have friendly conversations when we see each other friends?

  Deciding to test the waters, I quickly pulled my phone out of my purse and typed a quick message to Cole.

  Me: Hey, just thought you would want to know I am reading a fascinating text on dog grooming.

  I bit my lip as I waited his response. I was trying to show him that I could be fun and laid back, and did, despite what he had seen so far, have a sense of humor. It only took a few seconds before I saw my phone light up with a text from Cole.

  Cole: What? Who reads about dog grooming? Do you have a weird fetish I need to know about?

  I almost laughed out loud as I read over his response. Peeking over my cubicle, I made sure no one was paying any attention to me. I didn’t want to get caught texting at work, especially with the dumb grin I was wearing right now. Smiling, I began typing back a response.

  Me: Lol What?! No! I have to edit the text for my boss. For some reason, books on dog grooming are big sellers.

  Cole: Sounds...boring. Glad you thought to share this with me. Gotta go, I’ll text you later.

  I wasn’t sure if I were flirting or just having fun, but I was sad that our conversation was about to end.

  Me: Okay. See you later.

  Cole: Bye.

  Throughout the afternoon and during my two afternoon classes, I read and re-read my short conversation with Cole. There wasn’t anything exciting about what we had said, nor was there any personal revelations. But, for some odd reason, reading our messages made me happy. I decided to keep this as a secret. I knew if I were to share this with Lauren, she would take it for more than what it is. Plus, it was fun keeping something to myself. So much of what I have done and felt has been displayed for everyone to see. I needed something that was mine and I could enjoy without worrying about what others may think.

  ***

  “He called again,” Lauren screamed into my ear as I sat at my desk, working on reviewing some notes from another manuscript.

  “That’s great,” I whispered into the phone. Ms. Harvey wasn’t necessarily a strict boss, but I didn’t want to seem unprofessional, even if I were only an intern. “Isaac really seems like a nice guy, and I think he really likes you.” I added.

  “We talk every day and he asked me last night if I wanted to be his girlfriend. How cute is that!” she exclaimed.

  “I am happy for you Lauren,” I added, trying to hold the phone between my shoulder and cheek.

  “Oh, he said Cole has been asking about you too. I think he may like you.”

  Rolling my eyes, I tried to mask a smile that was growing on my face. I didn’t know why, but the mere mention of Cole’s name would make me giggle or smile like an idiot. I never did that with any of my previous boyfriends, not even Brody. I stifled a laugh as I thought back to earlier in the week when I had heard from him. Man, Lauren would have a fit if she knew!

  “No, we are just friends.” I said, the word friends emphasized.

  “Whatever,” Lauren said as she dismissed the idea. “Anyway, it is Friday night and I have off. Isaac is having a small party at his house, and we are invited. Cole will be there too.”

  “Lauren, I don’t know. I have a lot of work to do.” I knew she could tell I was lying.

  “No. You are going with me. Now, when I come get you we are getting our nails done.” Before I could protest she hung up the phone, leaving me with nothing to do but prepare myself for a Friday night out. In the last two years, I have only been out a handful of times. I just didn’t like being out where a discussion could arise about that night.

  Holding true to her promise, Lauren picked me up from work, and we got our nails painted and manicured. She picked out a pair of jeans and a form-fitting, baby blue sweater for me to wear. I loved how Lauren never trusted me to dress myself when we went out. I guess some things never change.

  When we got to Isaac’s house, there were already a few cars parked in the driveway so we had to park on the street. Inside, a few people were standing around a television, sipping beers and talking. I could hear Isaac and Cole’s voices coming from a small kitchen that opened into the small living r
oom. The house wasn’t very big, but it had an open concept so you could see throughout the main rooms.

  Spotting Lauren, Isaac walked over and kissed her before introducing her to a few of his friends. I stood by the door, noticeably out of place. Isaac’s small house was exactly what I expected. It was clean and well kept, but absent of any decorations or feminine touches. The walls were bare except for a car poster hanging near the kitchen bar that separated the two spaces. A small fold out table served as a kitchen table and an old plaid couch with a wooden rocking chair sat facing a large flat screen television. It was clear the television was the most expensive thing in the house. I could see into a tiny bathroom with a navy blue shower curtain to my right and a closed door that I assumed led to the one bedroom in the house. It was perfect for a bachelor like Isaac.

  “Are you leaving already?” A familiar voice asked me. I looked up to see Cole standing in front of me, smiling. He had on a pair of baggy jeans and a tight white tee shirt. He looked amazing.

  “No, I am just observing,” I stated watching the people in the room.

  “I was glad you texted me the other day. I thought I may never hear from you again,” he joked nudging my arm with his.

  Looking up, I noticed how wild his black curly hair looked right now. It was screaming for me to run my hands through each strand, but I kept my hands to my side instead. I wanted to explore his body like my own personal wonderland, but I knew better than to act out my fantasies.

  “I am glad you were amused.” I added.

  “You should do that more often. Text me, I mean, not tell me about weird dog grooming books,” he laughed throwing his head back so his curls bounced on top of his head.

  Laughing, I agreed.

  “Come with me,” he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the living room and into the small kitchen. “We made a fire pit last year in the back yard. No one wants to go out there. You want to sit out there and talk?” he asked, already leading me toward the back door.

  We walked out onto the small patio space and I could see the small fire pit in the yard with a few lawn chairs circled around it. Two large oak trees stood in the tiny yard, providing a dark canopy over the space. The trees cast a shadow against the house, making the night seem that much darker. “This is great.” I remarked.

  “I like it.” he said, happy I agreed. “I don’t live here, but I spend so much time here that I thought I might as well contribute something.” he added pointing to the fire pit.

  We sat down and I began to feel how relaxing this was. The sky was black and only a porch light glowed in the corner. We were in the dark, but the glow from the fire provided enough light to make it seem so calm.

  “Hey, thanks again for the other night.” I said, looking at him through a fog of smoke that a sudden gust of wind had created. “I really appreciate you helping me and not judging me.”

  “I had a good time. You are pretty cool,” he added.

  Rolling my eyes, I laughed. “I don’t think I am cool. But, I did have a good time.”

  “You know, our best friends are dating now, so...” he laughed, leaning in like he was going to kiss me.

  Shifting back, I almost jumped out of my seat. Sucking in a deep breath, I felt my body grow stiff. Cole started laughing, holding his stomach as he bellowed. “I am just kidding.” he said, noticing my horrified expression. “Wow, I didn’t think you hated me that much.” he joked.

  “Sorry,” I smiled, shaking my head. “You just freaked me out. I am not ready to date anyone right now, maybe not ever.” I said, as I considered my own words.

  “He really hurt you, huh?” Cole asked, the humor in his voice gone.

  “Yeah.” I said. “But, there’s more to it though. I am not just a quiet and shy girl. I used to be fun, I used to be happy.” I said, startled by my honesty.

  “Maybe we could be friends. I don’t have a lot of friends, well, friends I can trust. It seems like we could be good for each other.” He was being serious as he watched me, examining my reaction. “Plus, it’s been fun texting you. You can be funny sometimes too.” he joked.

  “I would like that; I could use a friend to talk to. I mean, I tell Lauren everything. But, she needs a break. Sometimes I feel like I take her for granted, you know. She is always there for me; she gives up so much for me. It would be nice to talk to someone else for a change.” I smiled at Cole. I knew I couldn’t care for Cole the way my heart and body wanted me to, but I could care for him as a friend.

  “I know what you mean. Isaac was there for me during a pretty dark time in my life. What about your parents, are you not close with them?” he asked.

  “Not really. My parents were always too busy for me. I don’t want to sound like I had a bad childhood or anything. I mean they gave me everything I wanted and did take me on some pretty great vacations. But, they just sort of lacked in the comforting part. I guess my story is pretty complicated.”

  “So tell me, what is your real story?” Cole asked, his eyebrows pulled together as he settled against the lawn chair. “I think I can handle complicated.” he smirked, his eyes glowing in the firelight.

  The fire pit was crackling and for a moment I was transfixed by the illuminating light cast against the black sky.

  “What do you want to know?” I asked, teasing the situation. I knew he would eventually ask about my life and me. I just wasn’t sure how I would feel in that moment.

  “I want to know why you are so sad,” he stated, turning his head to me. The glow from the fire made his eyes almost dance. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. “I know something else has hurt you too, besides that jerk.”

  “I am not sad,” I lied, trying to smile through my nervousness. “I am just guarded.” I added, looking down at my hands, which were shaking.

  Reaching over and taking my hands in his, Cole pulled me closer to him. The act was forceful but kind. It was clear that Cole was not going to let me get away this time without spilling some of my deep and dark secrets. His eyes bore into mine as he searched for answers. “I want to understand you. I want to know what happened to you that has made you so guarded and sad. Look, if we are going to try being friends, then we have to be honest with each other,” he pleaded.

  I inhaled a sharp breath. This was it. The moment I had been dreading for two years. It was time though, time for me to finally tell someone else what had happened. Tears built up in my eyes. As I knew that once I told him what I had done, he would never look at me the same. I would be different to him. I may even lose him as a friend. Silence filled the space between us as I struggled with where to begin.

  “Okay,” I paused. “I will tell you everything, but please, even if you hate me afterwards, just let me finish telling you everything.” My voice broke as I rushed to get the words out.

  Cupping my head in his hands, Cole forced me to look at him. “I could never hate you.”

  Nervously laughing, I gazed deep into his eyes. I wanted to believe him, I truly did. But, I had enough experience with people to know that once he learned what I did, he would have no choice but to hate me and push me away.

  “You say that now. But you don’t know me well enough to say that,” I said.

  “Well, maybe not. From what I do know, I could never think badly about you.” Cole’s eyes watched me carefully. His words punctured my heart and for a brief moment, I allowed a ray of gratitude to overwhelm me before I shared my secret.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I began. “Two years ago, I was engaged to Brody. I thought he was the most amazing guy I had ever met. He was like my own prince charming.” I noticed Cole rolling his eyes, so I smacked his arm. “I am serious, at one time he was a good guy, or so I thought. He showered me with gifts and made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. I knew I was young, probably too young to be that in love or to get married, but I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him. I was young, but I thought I knew what I was doing. As the
months leading up to our wedding became more hectic, Brody started to change. He stopped calling as much and seemed to be busy all the time. “I paused and blinked a few times, trying to clear my eyes.

  “One night, I decided to surprise him at his apartment. He had said he had a long night ahead of studying after working his internship. He was preparing to take the LBAR exam. I knew it was stupid, but I just wanted to see him. I felt like he was being distant, and that I was losing him. I guess I just needed to put my fears to rest and be near him that night. Looking back that must have been my mind telling me something was wrong. Anyways, there was a storm that night, a big storm. On my way over to his apartment, the meteorologists were announcing tornado warnings. I considered turning around and going home, maybe surprising him another night. But something inside me told me to keep going. When I got there, I let myself in since I had a key to his apartment. Our plan was for me to move in once we got married. When I got there, I saw two glasses of wine and candles. Stupidly, I thought he was expecting me and had planned a romantic dinner. Only, when I heard voices coming from the bedroom, I knew something was terribly wrong.” I stopped for a moment and looked at Cole who was still watching me closely. I shifted nervously in my seat as I felt the tension building deep inside.

  “I heard Brody’s voice it was low and seductive; a voice I thought he had only used with me. As I moved closer to the room, I discovered that he was not alone, but he was with my best friend, my other best friend, Alice. Lauren, Alice, and I had grown up together. We were just like sisters—I had trusted her; I had loved her. I just remember screaming as I caught them in bed together, on the sheets I had bought for us. Hearing how they giggled and talked to one another made me sick, and enraged. They were both obviously startled and they both tried to explain but I ran out of the room and the apartment and headed for my car. Alice came after me chasing me through the parking lot. The storm intensified and the rain felt like tiny rocks against my skin. The wind was howling so loudly I barely heard her pleas and screams for me to stop. I got in my car and began screaming. I was so hurt and angry. Alice jumped in the passenger side of my car and refused to get out. I begged her to leave me alone, I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. But she wouldn’t budge. So, I started driving. I could barely see through the rain and darkness. Debris was flying around, slamming into my car as I drove through the madness. Alice begged me to pull over, to calm down and talk to her. I didn’t listen. I couldn’t stop. I felt as if I were driving into the eye of the storm, and the harder I pushed the accelerator the farther I would get from the pain in my heart. I remember screaming at Alice, telling her I hated her and I wanted her to die as I continued to plunge through the storm. Before I knew what was happening, my car was shifted by the wind and I hit the median. My car must have flipped two or three times.” I paused as I allowed myself to take in a deep breath before continuing.