by Emma Quinn
“I chose my clothes,” said Lottie, her face setting in the stubborn, closed lines that Alana knew meant nothing good. “This is my favorite outfit. I don’t want to dress like you. You look stupid.”
Blinking with surprise and shock, Eleanor stood back up.
“Lottie,” Jack began despairingly.
“Well, of all the…I was trying to be nice!” Eleanor told Lottie.
“Well, you should practice more, because you’re not very good at it,” Lottie shot back.
Alana had to slap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. She knew she should probably reprimand the girl but, to be fair, Eleanor had started the whole thing and Lottie’s come-back had just been too perfect.
“Come on, Lottie,” she said instead. “Why don’t we go work on that rock project?”
“No!” said Eleanor, stamping her foot despite the treacherously high heels she was wearing. “Apologize this instant, Lottie. That was so rude.”
“You were rude first!” Lottie replied, her voice spiraling towards a wail. “You said my clothes looked like they’d been found in a dumpster!”
Eleanor took a deep breath to respond, but Alana got there first. She scooped Lottie up, backpack and all, and pushed past Eleanor into the house. Lottie was big to be carried, but Alana didn’t have to get her very far.
Alana managed to get all the way to the kitchen before her arms gave out and she put Lottie down as gently as she could, sinking to her knees beside the little girl. Lottie sobbed and wrapped her arms around Alana’s neck, clinging to her.
“Oh honey,” Alana sighed, hugging the little girl tightly. “Eleanor didn’t mean to hurt your feelings when she said that about your clothes. She didn’t know they were your favorites.”
“It was still a mean thing to say!” Lottie protested through her tears.
“It was, but some people just…they aren’t very good at saying the right thing,” Alana said. “But that doesn’t mean we should say mean things back.”
Lottie just wept harder and Alana gave up talking and stuck with just hugging. She couldn’t really blame Lottie and she knew that the little girl’s tears were more to do with having her perfect day ruined than with what Eleanor said.
As Lottie cried, the kitchen door gently swung open, revealing Jack. His eyes met Alana’s and they were sad and lost-looking. Despite herself, Alana felt sorry for him. But, before he could say or do anything, Lottie lifted her head.
“But why didn’t my dad defend me?” she asked Alana through her tears. She was facing away from the door and hadn’t heard her father open it over the sound of her own sobs.
Jack’s face crumpled and he stepped through into the kitchen, letting the door swing shut behind him. Without saying anything, he took Lottie into his arms. She looked at him for a moment, surprise clear on her face, before she threw her arms around his neck and kept crying into his shirt.
Over her dark hair, Jack looked at Alana as they all sat there on the kitchen floor. His blue eyes were full of pain and confusion, but Alana didn’t know what to say to help him. And, if she was honest with herself, she didn’t know if she could help him and be good to Lottie. And Lottie had to come first. She needed someone on her side, after all.
Once Lottie had stopped crying, she and Alana retreated to her bedroom upstairs, with its view of the backyard. Jack had taken Eleanor away for dinner, to keep her and Lottie apart and to try to soothe his furious girlfriend. Lottie didn’t talk about what had happened, choosing to focus on her rock project instead, and Alana didn’t push it. Lottie had had enough turmoil for one day.
Later, though, as Alana was helping her get ready for bed, Lottie brought it up again, catching Alana off guard.
“I don’t hate Eleanor,” she said, as Alana brushed the tangles out of Lottie’s long dark hair. “I mean, it’s not like some fairy tale with a bad step mother who makes her stepdaughter work in the kitchen all day. But I do think she wants Dad to herself, and I get in the way. I just wish she’d stop trying to control everything I did.”
“You’re his daughter,” Alana pointed out. “You know he loves you the best, right?”
Lottie sighed. “Yeah, maybe. I just wish he was around to show it more often. Sometimes I wonder if I remind him of Mom.”
Alana didn’t repeat what Jack had told her. Instead she put down the brush and met Lottie’s eyes in the mirror. “You still miss her, don’t you? I mean, like, a lot.”
Lottie’s face grew sulky and sarcastic. “What? Did you think that you just forget about your mom ‘cause she’s been dead for a few years? That you just move on?”
“No,” said Alana evenly. “I know you don’t. At least, I didn’t. But I didn’t let it make me bitter and angry either.”
Lottie blinked, turning around to face Alana. “Your mother’s dead?” she asked, sounding very young again.
Alana nodded, sitting down next to Lottie on the end of the bed. “She died when I was about ten and my sister was eight. I was pretty messed up for a while. My dad tried to help, but for some reason I sort of blamed him for her death, even though it was a car crash and he wasn’t even there. It was like I thought…I dunno, like he should have protected her somehow. It took me a long time to get over it.”
Lottie looked at her feet. “I get that…” she said quietly. “Sometimes I blame Dad, even though I know she was sick and he tried everything to make her better. It’s just…it’s easier to have someone to blame.”
Alana sighed. Jack’s words from earlier that day came unbidden into her mind: Someone so young shouldn’t be so wise. Then, to her surprise, Lottie leaned against her and, without thinking, Alana wrapped her arms around the little girl and hugged her tight.
5
O
ver the next month, Eleanor didn’t come to the house as much, and Lottie was happier and more carefree than Alana had ever seen her. She was also, slowly but surely, growing more and more affectionate. These days, when Alana went to pick her up from school, instead of silently trailing behind Alana to the car, Lottie would grin and run across the playground, leaping at Alana with her arms wide open, just like a normal, happy child. Alana would laugh and catch her, swinging her into a low arc before putting her back on the ground.
But, one day, Lottie’s teacher came across the playground with a determined look on her face. Alana sighed. Lottie hadn’t been in any trouble in class for weeks. She wondered what had happened.
“Is there a problem?” Alana asked as the teacher came within earshot. She plastered a big smile on her face and steeled herself for news of a tantrum or swearing or whatever other stunt Lottie had devised.
Amazingly, the teacher shook her head. “On the contrary,” she said, smiling at Alana. “Lottie’s been excelling lately. She got top marks on her geology project. It’s wonderful to see. And I’ve never seen her greet anyone with such enthusiasm.”
Lottie, leaning against Alana’s leg, scoffed. “That’s because Alana’s better than everyone else.”
Alana suppressed a snort of laughter and ruffled Lottie’s hair. “Thanks, kiddo,” she said. “I’m glad someone thinks so.” Then she crouched down to look Lottie in the eyes. “You didn’t tell me you got top marks on the rock project! Show me!”
Lottie blushed and shrugged. “I didn’t think it was important.”
“What!?” Alana made a show of being appalled. “You worked so hard on that project. Of course it’s important! Show me what your teacher said.”
Still blushing, Lottie pulled a piece of paper from her backpack and held it out to Alana.
Alana smoothed the wrinkled sheet and read the comments. “Wow!!! Lottie, this is awesome. We have to celebrate! What do you think? Ice cream?”
Lottie nodded quickly. “Gelato?” she asked.
“Obviously!” Alana got to her feet again and smiled at Lottie’s teacher. “Thanks for letting me know. She’s so smart. I’m glad she’s learning how to show it.”
The teacher nodded and sm
iled down at Lottie. “Enjoy your ice cream,” she said.
Lottie grabbed Alana’s hand and nodded, clearly not sure what to do with compliments from a teacher that she was usually at odds with.
As they walked to the car, Alana took out her phone and texted Jack.
If you’re not in the middle of something, Lottie and I are going for gelato to celebrate. She got top marks on her rock project. Meet at Angelo’s?
“Who are you texting?” Lottie asked.
“My sister,” Alana lied, not wanting to get her hopes up. “My dad is going in for a checkup today and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.” This part wasn’t a lie. Her dad was going in for a checkup and Alana had texted her sister earlier that day to find out what was going on.
“Is he okay?” Lottie asked as they got into the car.
Alana nodded as she fastened her seatbelt. “Yeah, he hurt himself last year, but he’s doing a lot better. Is your seatbelt fastened, young lady?”
“Oh!” Lottie made a face and reached for her belt, snapping it into place. “Is your sister cool?” she asked, when she was done.
Alana laughed, pulling out into traffic. “Super cool. She’s a chef so she makes me amazing food.”
Lottie nodded again and looked at her shoes. “Do you miss them?” she asked after a moment.
Alana blinked. “No,” she said. “I see them on my day off. And how can I miss them? I have you!”
Lottie made a face. “You can still miss people!” she said.
“You’re giving me permission? That’s so generous of you,” Alana joked.
Lottie giggled. “Nooo, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know,” Alana smiled. “But it’s true. Spending time with you is so much fun that I don’t have time to miss them. But I’m going to see them next week and I am looking forward to it.”
“You really think spending time with me is fun?” Lottie asked, trying to keep her voice from showing too much hope.
Alana glanced at the child, who was studiously avoiding Alana’s eyes and trying to act nonchalant. “Of course!” she replied gently. “It’s the most fun I’ve ever had.”
“Really?” Lottie looked up, her face breaking into a radiant grin.
“Really,” said Alana. And it was true. While Lottie might not have been her easiest charge, she definitely kept Alana on her toes. And, somewhere along the line, Alana had well and truly grown to love Lottie’s quirky charms. “Cross my heart,” she added for good measure.
Lottie giggled and turned to look out the window. “I’m going to count all the yellow cars,” she told Alana, seriously.
“Sounds good,” said Alana as she signaled to turn.
Ten minutes and fourteen yellow cars later, they pulled up in front of Lottie’s favorite ice cream shop: Angelo’s Gelati. It made all kinds of interesting flavors that Alana would have thought an eight-year-old wouldn’t be interested in. Instead, Lottie loved them. Whenever they went she would get a scoop of vanilla and whatever the experimental flavor was. Last time it had been basil-lime and, after two licks, Lottie had declared that it reminded her of winter sunshine. Alana had shaken her head. The kid was too smart for her own good.
Lottie was almost bouncing with excitement as they parked, and only got more excited when she got out of the car.
“Daddy?!” she called, shocked to see her father waiting outside the gelato shop. “What are you doing here?”
Jack opened his arms to his little girl and she flew into them, her face alight with happiness. Alana locked the car and, smiling, crossed the parking lot slightly more slowly.
“I wanted to celebrate with you guys!” Jack said as he swung Lottie up, around, and down again. “A little bird told me you got the best mark in the class on that rock project.”
Lottie turned to look at Alana. “You lied!” she accused. “You weren’t texting your sister!”
Alana grimaced jokingly. “You caught me. But wasn’t it better as a surprise?”
Lottie nodded and hugged Alana around the middle. “Thank you,” she whispered into Alana’s dress. Alana ruffled the girl’s dark curls and smiled.
Lottie let go and went to take her father’s hand, leading him into the shop. “Did you know that Alana has a sister?” she asked. “But don’t worry. She doesn’t miss her because she’s too busy having fun with me.”
“I didn’t know that,” said Jack, throwing Alana a smile over his shoulder.
Alana shrugged, giving him her own, much smaller, smile. Keep it together, girl! she reminded herself.
As Lottie inspected the gelato flavors, Jack came to stand next to Alana. Too close for comfort, as always. She could feel the warmth of him next to her.
“Thanks for letting me know,” he whispered, leaning in conspiratorially. “I’m so glad Lottie’s doing better in school. She was having a really hard time last year.”
Alana nodded. “Her teacher told me. Said her behavior has been improving as well.”
“I’m starting to think you’re a miracle worker,” said Jack, his grin widening.
Why are you standing so close to me?! Alana thought, desperately trying to control her blush. “Oh, Lottie’s so smart,” she said instead. “She’d have gotten there by herself either way.”
Alana played that sentence back in her head and wondered if it made any sense. But just then Lottie decided what she was going to have and Jack’s attention shifted back to her and he left Alana in peace. Thank God, she thought, putting her hands to her cheeks. They were warm. Alana suppressed a groan of frustration. She’d worked for attractive men before, but none of them had ever made her feel like this. Maybe she needed to get a boyfriend. Or someone to distract her at least. Which was a lot easier said than done when you lived where you worked.
“What are you having, Alana?” Lottie asked, turning back to her nanny.
“Hmmm,” said Alana, frowning exaggeratedly. “Hmmmm…I think…maybe…hazelnut.”
“Noooo,” Lottie giggled. “You always have hazelnut! Try something new!”
Alana made a face. “But I like hazelnut. Well…what are you having?”
“Avocado!” said Lottie proudly, holding up a pale green ice cream.
“Avocado ice cream?!” Alana repeated, trying to control her face. “Blech!”
“Noooo, I tried it!” Lottie took Alana’s hand. “It’s delicious! Come on! Have some with me!”
Alana laughed and squeezed Lottie’s fingers. “Okay, but if I don’t like it will you be able to eat mine and yours?” she asked.
Lottie nodded eagerly. “Yes!”
Alana pretended to think for a moment as Lottie looked on. “Hmmmmm….ok.”
“Yes! One more avocado!” Lottie grinned at the server. “See, now you’re the only boring one, Dad.”
Alana raised her eyebrows as she accepted her pale green ice cream. “What are you having?” she asked Jack.
Amazingly, he blushed slightly. “Hazelnut!” he replied, holding up his own milky brown ice cream.
“What!” Alana replied, pretending to be indignant. “You let him have hazelnut?”
Lottie giggled at Alana’s dramatics. “Yeah, but only because he’s old and boring. You’re still young and cool.”
“Oh, well, in that case…” Alana joked.
“Hey!” Jack pouted, looking down at his ice cream. “I can be cool.”
“I dunno,” Alana said, looking pointedly at his ice cream. “That’s a pretty passé ice cream flavor you’re eating there.”
Jack laughed and took a long lick of his ice cream cone. Please don’t blush, please don’t blush, she begged herself as his tongue swirled through the creamy treat.
“It’s not passé, it’s a classic,” Jack replied once he’d finished savoring his taste. “And at least I’ll get to enjoy my ice cream,” he said with a pointed look at Alana’s green cone.
She pouted, looking at the green ice cream. “Touché,” she replied. “Oh well, here goes nothing.�
�� She closed her mouth over the tip of her cone and steeled herself for something gross. She was pleasantly surprised.
“Actually,” she said once she’d swallowed, “Lottie was right. This is really good!”
“No way!” Jack shook his head. “You’re just saying that!” And without warning, he stepped closer, closing his hand around Alana’s and bringing her cone up to his mouth. His skin was warm and slightly rough on hers and Alana didn’t even bother telling herself not to blush. She could feel her cheeks glowing.
But Jack didn’t seem to notice. Without letting go of her hand and the cone, he raised his head, savoring the flavor and thinking. Then, he licked his lips and nodded. “You’re right,” he said, grinning. “It is pretty good.” And, finally, he let go of her hand.
“See!?” said Lottie. “I told you! No one ever believes me! Too bad you’re stuck with hazelnut, Dad!” she said, sticking her tongue out playfully.
Grateful to Lottie for distracting her father, Alana ate a mouthful of ice cream. Anything to cool herself down. But she had to wonder at the strength of her attraction to Jack. No one had ever affected her so much before. Usually she was a master at keeping her cool.
She swallowed her green ice cream and sighed. She needed to talk to her sister.
6
T
he Sunday after the gelato incident was Alana’s day off and she couldn’t wait to get home and talk to Claire. She could always count on Claire to talk some sense into her. And sense was exactly what she needed right now. She’d dreamt of Jack the night before and woken up flushed and sweating that morning. Her dream had been entirely too realistic – and entirely too X-rated - for her liking.
Alana sighed as she pulled up in front of their apartment building. She’d never had feelings for one of her bosses like this before. She’d always been pretty judgmental when it came to other nannies who slept with their bosses. She understood the attraction that money and power could wield, and she also understood the fear that that money and power could instill. But she’d always thought that, if it were her, she’d either just get over the attraction if the guy was beautiful or quit the job and find another if he was a sleaze. Now that it was her, she was realizing that it wasn’t quite that simple. There was no way she’d let some silly infatuation cut short her relationship with Lottie. Not to mention, she really didn’t want to have to back on the job hunt after only a few months.
