Broken Open

by Lauren Dane

  “I have almonds and some apples.”

  “I said good, not apples and almonds.” She frowned, still managing to look gorgeous. “So for God’s sake, tell me about it. Tell me how you feel after last night,” Natalie burst out.

  “I’m hungry. Come on. Let’s lock up and I’ll make pancakes.”

  “Wow, you so don’t want to talk about it.”

  Tuesday put a cloth over the work she’d been doing and slid the tray into a drawer. “I’m still processing it. I feel fine. He’s...well, you know.” She threw her hands up, frustrated that he was so appealing. “I don’t know. We haven’t even actually fucked yet. We barely know one another.”

  Natalie washed out the coffee stuff as she spoke over her shoulder, “You and Ezra know each other. You have since that first meeting. I see the way you look at each other, the way you circle and get all flushed. I’ve been going out with Paddy since July of last year and in all that time I’ve never seen Ezra with a woman. Or talk about a woman. Other than you.”

  “Pause the lecture.” Tuesday turned off the interior lights except the security ones and then hit the alarm before returning to gather her things and lock up.

  “I’m sure you walked so I’m up here.” Natalie pointed to her car.

  Natalie started in again once they got on their way home. “And you, well you’ve built a wall around your heart.”

  Tuesday held up a hand Natalie couldn’t see because she was driving. But her friend would know it was happening anyway. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “Too bad. I’ve let you avoid it for way too long.”

  “Natalie, I can’t do this right now. Everything is fine. We will eventually have sex and I will fill you in on it and that will be that. We’ll do it awhile and it’ll wear off and we’ll be those people who fuck every once in a while when they need it from someone they can trust to be a good time but not develop feelings.”

  “Oh god. Seriously? This is how you’re going to play this thing? You and Ezra are fuckbuddies? You bang awhile and then you see each other all the time and it’s totally hunky-dory?”

  “I’ve seen people I’ve had sex with in town or around and I don’t burst into tears that I never bore their children, Natalie.”

  “Don’t get defensive with me. I know your tricks. When Paddy first came around, you told me to let him in because I didn’t have anything to lose. I’m saying that to you now. Let this be good. You deserve that. You can’t just let that part of you die.”

  “I’m not some sort of defective goods, Nat.”

  Natalie parked and they went into the house, heading to the kitchen, where they began to ready for the pancakes Tuesday had promised.

  Neither of them spoke as they moved through the kitchen, washing hands, tying on aprons, getting the griddle heating and then mixing up the pancake batter. Natalie was a horrible cook so she gathered ingredients and then cleaned them up when Tuesday finished.

  As they did all this, Natalie put out all the items they’d need with just a little too much force because she was pissed off. Normally, this was the place Natalie had stopped when the topic of Tuesday beginning to date again came up.

  But things had shifted over the past year or so and it seemed pretty apparent to Tuesday that Natalie was going to push some more.

  The problem was that Tuesday could lie to herself better than she could lie to Natalie. Which was also a testament to the friendship they’d had since the first day of college. They’d celebrated so many things together, grieved others, like the unthinkable when, four years prior, Tuesday’s husband had been diagnosed with cancer and had died three months later.

  Through it all, through grief so deep it was simply inescapable, through that numb place she’d floated into, it was Natalie who’d grabbed hold and gave her roots. Friendship that saw everything and loved because of it saved her over and over.

  So she couldn’t lie to Natalie because Natalie understood Tuesday’s grief and her avoidance behavior, too.

  Once they’d settled at the table with a heaping platter of pancakes between them and two big glasses of orange juice, they began to talk again.

  “He’s sexy. I like him.” Tuesday poured warmed-up boysenberry preserves on her pancakes. “Before you get huffy over there, I know it’s more than that. There’s this intensity between us that...” That she’d never in the entirety of her life felt with anyone. “I get caught up in it. It’s like he gets near and all my parts samba. He’s powerful. He takes up oxygen and space. He’s big and sexy. So. Sexy. I can’t even with how sexy he is.”

  Tuesday put her face in her hands a moment before she got back to her pancakes. “Anyway, it’s not like I don’t enjoy sex. He and I are clearly compatible. He’s a grown-up. I’m a grown-up. We do our thing and at some point we don’t. Stop arguing with me on this right now.”

  Natalie huffed but held her tongue. For a minute or two.

  “I’ll stop for now. But you said it was like right as you were putting a condom on so that means he was naked and really I have to know.”

  Tuesday guffawed. “He is one of the universe’s finest creations. I didn’t get to study as much as I wanted to because we were busy getting it on. Next time I’m going to make him stand still and just circle him slow so I can take it all in.”

  “He’s so broody and emo and protective. It’s scary and hot all at once. Paddy is hard enough to manage. I can’t imagine how tough a job it will be to keep Ezra out of trouble.”

  “Ha. Not my job. He’s a big boy.” Boy was he ever.

  Natalie and Paddy both had a lot of scars and hot buttons, but they both seemed willing to confront them when they came up and deal with working things out, which was how to make a relationship work.

  “I guess maybe I’m starting to believe you can want to hit someone in the nose with a newspaper and still love them. And that in a day or a week you won’t want to hit them anymore. So far. He’s sort of vexing so I shouldn’t make declarative statements.”

  Tuesday burst out laughing. Natalie was beautiful in the way only pale blondes who look really great with short hair could manage. She was classically pretty but with an edge you’d miss until you looked a little closer.

  The real Natalie, the one only those who were close to her saw, had a bawdy sense of humor. It had been a joke, all those years ago, that had planted the seed of friendship that made them close to that day.

  They’d all been so young that first day in the dorms back at college. Their group of friends—1022 they called themselves informally, after the dorm room they all shared way back that first year—forged a friendship that was like a family.

  They’d all been strangers, these five women who all seemed very different from one another.

  Over the years they’d known one another, Tuesday had learned that Natalie had a great sense of just exactly what Tuesday needed, even if Tuesday herself hadn’t. And it was the same for her when it came to Natalie. Their connection was something big and special, a friendship that’d carried them both through some major life storms.

  “After we finish up let’s get ourselves set and you call Mary to see when she wants to go over there.”

  Natalie paused. “Wait a minute. I thought you had a hair appointment. You do! You were saying you’d hit the second show up looking fantastic and all done up.”

  “I do, but I can reschedule.” Tuesday patted her hair. “And, we all know I’ll look fantastic either way.”

  “Truth. However.” Natalie raised a brow. “You’re canceling a hair appointment to be nice to Ezra. You like Ezra.” But she sang it and it made Tuesday smirk a little.

  “I’m canceling a hair appointment because a little girl and her family need the support and the ability to be together right now. I am a nice person, you know.”

  Natalie snorted. “You are a nice person. Who totally has it for Ezra because you never give up hair appointments.”

  “Listen, it is hard to find someone who knows what to do
with all this.” Tuesday waved a hand at her hair. “I gotta take my appointments when I can get them when Nina is at the salon.” She’d learned the hard way that she needed a salon that had stylists who knew how to style and treat black women’s hair. Tuesday had found Nina, a stylist who worked two days a week at a local salon and that’s who touched Tuesday’s hair. Otherwise, she drove up to Olympia and went with her mom to a friend who did hair on the side.

  Natalie’s grin undercut her attempt to be serious. “I understand. Well, actually I don’t, which is sort of sucky but anyway. I do think I need two more pancakes before I call, though. Going to be a full day—it’s really in everyone’s interest that I have all the fuel I need.”

  Tuesday snorted. “You’re a giver.”

  “Also—” Natalie paused to eat a little “—I want to wait until I hear back from Paddy. If they cancel the show we’ll know soon, but he didn’t think they were going to.”

  “Smart.”

  “At least tell me if he asked you to come tonight. You’re very stingy with details.”

  Tuesday sighed and shook her head. “I can’t remember if you were this nosy with Eric.”

  “I didn’t have to be. Your bedroom was next to mine. I heard how things were going.” Natalie winked.

  It had been a really long time since they’d shared like this. It felt nice and Tuesday realized she’d missed it. “Yes. He asked me if I was coming tonight. He invited me to his house afterward. Obviously for sex.”

  “Did you like it? That he’s interested?”

  “Oh my god. Are you going to keep this up?”

  Natalie laughed really hard and then nodded. “You did it to me with Paddy.” She sobered and looked at Tuesday. “I know it’s not the same. But I also know it’s not what you’ve been doing, either. Are you scared?”

  It hurt to breathe for just a moment and panic raced through her system until Natalie took her wrist. “Hey, I’m sorry. I just...it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.”

  “I know I need to let it happen. Or stop it. Or not think about it. Or maybe think more about it. I guess I don’t know what to do and...”

  “And you’re not used to admitting maybe you don’t know what to do. Because you’re so fierce and strong and awesome that you don’t know how to let yourself be a little weak.”

  “Please. I fucked around for eighteen months after Eric died. I was nothing but weak. Fluttering around in the breeze.” Running from a truth she did not want to accept.

  Natalie’s softness hardened up immediately. “You stop. Right now. You had less than ninety days to go from learning he had cancer to burying him. So you took a little while to deal. So what? God, you’re so hard on yourself. It makes me mad.”

  “Oh hush. You’re so full of shit. Who is hard on themselves? Hypocrite.”

  “Of course I’m a hypocrite. It’s like you don’t even know me, Tues. But now that I’ve found true love and all that, I get to condescend to you. Jeez. This is outlined in the papers you signed back at the beginning of our friendship.” Natalie snickered and Tuesday tossed her napkin at Nat’s head.

  Tuesday wasn’t totally sure of the words, but she needed to say them the best she could at that moment. “Please don’t make this into a big deal. That’s what I’m saying. I am trying to take this step by step. It’s new, even though we’ve been heading here for a while now. I am so freaked out that the only way I can get through at this point is to pretend it’s not anything.”

  Natalie came around the table and hugged her. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I know you’re trying to help.”

  Thank goodness for this. Tuesday hugged Natalie back and then let go. “We got shit to do. So let’s quit this foolishness and weeping. You and I are beyond that nonsense.”

  “Okay. Fine. But I think we should seal this with doughnuts.”

  “You think we should seal everything with doughnuts.”

  Natalie straightened. “That’s because doughnuts are perfect for every occasion.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  TUESDAY ENTERED THE ROOM, drawing his attention. She moved like music. A long stride and yet she made it look like dancing instead of ground-eating purpose.

  She wore pert cat-eye glasses and when her gaze found his, the big brown eyes behind them warmed as their connection sizzled.

  He hadn’t even thought of heading to her before he was doing it.

  “Hello,” she murmured once he’d reached her.

  He kissed her, again before even thinking about it. She curled her fingers around his forearm to hold him closer for a bit longer.

  “That’s better. Hello to you, too.”

  “You do know how to make a girl feel welcome.” Her smile sobered. “How’s Maddie?”

  “We spoke to the doctor about an hour ago. If all continues the way it is now, they’ll discharge her in the morning. She’s managed to get Vaughan to promise a whole bunch of stuff once she’s home—like a pro.” He looked over her shoulder to where Mary smiled up at his father. “I hear you guys came with lunch. Thanks for that.”

  Tuesday waved a hand and the bracelets on her wrists jingled. “Wasn’t me. That was all Mary. I just came along for the ride.”

  He leaned in very close. “Well, remember you and I have just that very thing on the menu later.”

  Her fingers tightened on his arm. “I never forget a promise, Ezra Hurley.”

  Damn she spun him around. Something deep inside him had roused, slowly filling him. It was so good. Hot and sticky.

  “Tuesday, it’s so good to see you, honey.” His mother came over and pulled Tuesday into a hug. He hid his annoyance at having to let her go. His mother winked at him once she broke the hug with Tuesday.

  Sharon Hurley was sneakier than any secret agent the country had ever produced. She had a master plan in that head of hers—Ezra knew it. And the thing was, his mother knew he knew.

  “Nice to see you, too, Ms. Hurley.”

  “I know I told you to call me Sharon.” His mother looked up to Ezra. “Maddie is tired and needs to rest. Kelly has invited us all over to her house to eat all the stuff Mary brought so I’ll see you there.” Sharon’s mouth flattened just a tiny bit. Ezra knew his mother didn’t like Vaughan’s ex. Never did really.

  But he also knew his mother respected the job Kelly had done raising Maddie and Kensey. Yes, Vaughan was involved. Ezra’s baby brother was a damned good father and he loved his daughters with all he was. He saw them frequently, as often as he could.

  And yet, when he toured, it was Kelly who was there every single day. Kelly who gave up a lucrative career in modeling to stay near and raise the girls near their father. Kelly who dealt with the daily slog that parenting could be.

  So his mother would be civil because she, too, loved those little girls and it was in everyone’s best interests to pull together.

  And, Ezra hoped, because his mom knew her opinion of Kelly wasn’t fair. It was set back when Vaughan had first left and didn’t tell the whole truth of the situation. Over time it was clear to anyone who bothered to really look that it had been Kelly who’d stepped up from the start and done what needed doing.

  After one last hug, his mom headed toward Natalie, and Tuesday turned his way again. “I know this is a family thing. I’m going to head into Portland for a while. Do some stuff. I’ll see everyone at the arena later.”

  He shook his head, not pleased at all with the idea of her going off anywhere. “No, I want you there. Natalie will want you there. If Nat does then Paddy will. My mother—you’ve met her so you can imagine how often she gets her way—will think I did something to upset you and drive you off. She’ll harass me forever about it. Have a heart. Do it for me, Tuesday. Do it for Maddie.”

  Her eyes widened. “You’re diabolical. Maddie’s not even going to be there.” A smile hinted at the corners of her mouth and he gave in to his.

  “But it’s for her. And you know, it’s neighborly, to
o. You haven’t even met her mom yet.”

  “I’m sure she’s superexcited to meet some random friend of her ex-husband’s brother’s girlfriend. She probably has it on her bucket list.”

  “You should know I find a dry sense of humor one of the sexiest qualities.” He stepped closer. “It’s already four-thirty. We stay for a while, then the band has to leave for sound check anyway. Plus, you’re driving home with me. Paddy drove in with me so he can ride home with your blonde roommate there.” He tipped his chin in Natalie’s direction. “Did you actually even throw this idea past her? I doubt it or she’d be pouting all pretty like.”

  Tuesday shook her head. “I did, and she said all the stuff you did. You’re as bad as she is.”

  “Maybe. But my kind of bad comes with orgasms.”

  Her smiled bloomed. “True. You do come in handy that way. Though I think I need more research. It’s really the only way to be sure.”

  “You keep saying I’m trouble but it’s really you. I’m going to be thinking about the way you felt on my tongue all night long.”

  “You’re going to pay for that.”

  “I sure as hell hope so.”

  “We should go. Everyone is leaving now.” Her voice had gone breathy and he liked that. A lot.

  “Be sure to eat your vegetables today. You’ll need your strength later,” Ezra told her as he led her out of the waiting room in his family’s wake.

  Natalie turned, trying to catch Tuesday’s eye, but she caught Ezra’s instead. He shook his head, waving her off. “I have it. She’ll ride with me.”

  Natalie’s brow rose but before she could say anything else, Paddy caught her around the waist and steered her out.

  Hurleys against the world. Fuckyeah.

  * * *

  TUESDAY HAD TO suck in a surreptitious breath to calm herself after Ezra got her all hot and bothered.

  Again.

  He and Nat thought she hadn’t seen their little exchange. She had, but because it was also in line with her own plans, she wasn’t going to argue. And he did come out and say he liked to be in charge. Tuesday needed to see how that worked and if she liked it or not.