Broken Open

by Lauren Dane

  “Oh yeah, definitely.”

  Tuesday texted back the info and they signed off.

  “This is so exciting for you.”

  Chips and salsa were delivered with the drinks so they dived in. “She said something to me. When she came to the shop I mean. I’ve been thinking about it a lot since then. It’s actually something you said first so you can actually say I told you so here.”

  Nat leaned in, delighted. “Yeah? Do tell. You know how much I love being right.”

  “She said that the shop wasn’t a shop, it was a gallery. She said I should call it that.”

  Natalie’s brow rose. “I could lord it over you, but there’ll always be time for that as you well know. So what I want to say instead is it’s about time you let yourself hear it. And so what do you think now that it’s totally clear I was right?”

  “I need to point out, Nats, that your last sentence was sort of lording it over me.”

  “So it was. I guess I’m petty enough to do a little I-told-you-so-ing after all.”

  They both laughed, clinking their margarita glasses together.

  “I called the guy who did my signage. He’s working on a bid for a new window and over-door design. Easton Gallery. That’s what I’m going to call it.”

  Nat’s eyes went wide as she sat back. “Easton? Not Eastwood?”

  When Tuesday and Eric had married, they’d decided to create a name fusing their last names—hers, Easton, his, Heywood—to make a whole new name. It had been a way to make a deeper commitment to one another when they were both still treading carefully after their reconciliation. Eric had mixed feelings about his last name as it was, but he wanted them to be proud of him. So his agreement to do it had been a much bigger deal than it seemed from the outside.

  But that time was done. The person she’d been then didn’t exist anymore. Not in the same way.

  “I’m not her anymore. It’ll be five years in a month. I’ve been without him almost as long as I was with him.”

  “I don’t know, Tuesday. I think that’s kind of bullshit.”

  “You what?”

  “Don’t swivel your head at me. I don’t disagree that you should go back to Easton. I don’t disagree that you’re different than you were six years ago. If you want this to be your next new start, so be it. Own it. You get to move on with your life. You get to have a boyfriend instead of a lover. You get to introduce him to your parents and sleep over at his place. All that. You get to think about your future and let yourself accept that Eric is only in it as a memory.”

  “Wait, so you call me out and say I’m full of shit and then you agree with me about changing my name back?”

  “I think you’re full of shit to not just call it what it is. Look, you made me accept the truth a whole lot in my life. I’m doing the same for you. Just say you’re moving on and that going back to Easton would ease your heartache and let you step away from your past enough to truly enjoy your present and your future.”

  The thing about a best friend was that they knew you. They saw your flaws, knew your crap, could tell when you’re avoiding a topic. They would steal your shoes but let you borrow theirs and a true best friend like Nat would let her avoid the truth until she was ready to face it. As she had for a very long while.

  And it looked like Natalie felt right then was that time.

  “I’ve backed off for years. Not going to now. You held on to Eric to protect yourself. He was your shield. You had all the heartache you could process and so he kept you safe as you got stronger. You’re ready to step away from being Eric’s wife. It will always be part of your history. But you don’t need him to protect you anymore.”

  “This isn’t about Ezra, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “It is so. Not entirely.”

  “Goddamn you and this truth-tea bullshit.”

  “Whatever. You can be mad all you want. But I’m right and you know it. You don’t need a man to be whole. No. You didn’t need a man to be healed from losing Eric. But Ezra’s part of this. He’s part of why you’re taking more steps at long last. That’s not weakness. It’s merely a reason.”

  “Where did the nice Natalie go?”

  “Nice Natalie let you hide because nice Natalie loves you and wanted you to get strong before you jumped out into the world again. Baby-step time is over. Get off your ass and gut up. You’re a fucking gorgeous woman with a successful small business. You’re smart. You have a really pretty best friend you feed so much she would have wasted away without you. In lots of ways.” Natalie reached out to squeeze Tuesday’s hand briefly and tears sprang to the backs of her eyes at how much her best friend meant to her.

  “I am pretty fucking gorgeous.” Tuesday patted her hair with a wink.

  “Saucy. Now, back to the topic you’re still trying to avoid. You’re forged by fire, Tuesday. You’ve spent the last year and a half or so taking baby steps and now you’re seeing the difference. It’s miles away from where you were three years ago. Even two years ago. I like it. I want to see it. You deserve to have a new chapter that is happy and wonderful. Oh sure, you’ll be hurt here and there—that’s how it works. But you survived a horrible thing. You’re ready for Ezra. And to change your name if you want. And to finally admit you make art.”

  “I’m going back to Easton and not because I don’t love Eric and not because I don’t cherish that part of my life but because I need to let it go. To move forward.”

  Nodding emphatically, Natalie raised her glass. “Damn right. We keep motoring because the future is ours. And Ezra?”

  “He’s a risk, Nat. He’s scared and skittish and there are times I know he’s deliberately not calling or seeing me. Times he holds back. There’s so much grief in him. Guilt. I may never get through his defenses.”

  “It’s a risk you think you should take.” Natalie shrugged. “If you didn’t, you’re the one who’d be holding back. So take the risk and trust yourself. He’s different with you. I can see it. Heck, everyone can. I think you guys are good for one another.”

  Tuesday thought so, too.

  “You going over to Paddy’s tonight?” Tuesday asked, effectively changing the subject.

  Natalie shrugged. “No. I have a lot to do with this grant stuff and he’s dealing with alfalfa apparently. Plus I like my house, darn it. I miss not being in it as much. And you know spending the time up at the house in the mountains last weekend made me miss hanging out with you more, too.”

  “Well, you have work. I have work. You have Paddy and you love him and you’re building something. Eventually you’re going to move up there. It’s just how it’s going to go.” Which was wonderful and all, but it made her sad, too.

  “Just because I won’t be living with you anymore doesn’t mean we won’t still see each other all the time. I mean, it’s sort of fantastic you’re dating Ezra so we’re all together more than we were before.”

  “I hang out with you two so stop acting like I dumped you in Bend and left you to walk home.”

  Natalie threw a chip at her.

  “I hate being the third wheel. I guess it’s how you felt with me and Eric. Hey! This is what they call the shoe is on the other foot moments. Though that’s such a weird saying.”

  What she hadn’t said to Ezra during their conversation in the hot tub was that Eric had been a person she’d known immediately would be part of her life, too. They’d connected right away and were a couple by the third week of that first year of college. And remained that way, despite bumps in the road, until he’d died.

  “He was one of my closest friends, too. It worked that we all ended up together a lot. Then you got married and we lived in different places so that took adjustment. This is just another chapter in the Natalie-Tuesday story, dumbass.”

  “Going to wash your mouth out with soap, blondie.”

  “You’re all talk now that you get laid a lot more frequently. Much less violent than normal.”

  “I’m a freaking Nobel Peace Pr
ize winner compared to those Hurleys.”

  They paid the bill and headed out. “I know. Though it’s sort of sweet that they all seem to miss Vaughan so much.”

  Tuesday snorted. “I think Ezra is a little at loose ends with Vaughan in Gresham. He went over there yesterday he said. Saw the girls.”

  “Is he living with Kelly again? What’s her perspective on this?”

  “I’m totally asking her tomorrow if I get the chance. He’s been there with Maddie as she recovered. Ezra said he’d been missing them after being out on tour and Kelly was good enough to let him stay in her guest room awhile. Ezra says the girls are really happy to have him around. But he got tight-lipped about the situation between Vaughan and Kelly. I said, ‘Oh, is that bros before fros?’ He got all nervous until I laughed.”

  Nat giggled. “I wish I could have seen his face when you said it.”

  “It was on the phone. I haven’t seen him since we got home from the mountains. But it’s only been a few days and I’m seeing him Saturday night.”

  “This is me not even saying how cute it is that you miss him if you don’t see him for a few days.”

  “If so you get an F.”

  Natalie cackled. “I like this. I get to tease you, too. Ha!”

  “Joy.”

  “Don’t front. I know you like him. It’s cute.”

  “I am fierce and fantastic, not cute.”

  “Sure. Whatever you say.”

  * * *

  EZRA LET GO of the chin-up bar and landed on his feet with a sweaty grunt. He’d seen her last on Monday as he’d dropped her at her house.

  He’d last kissed her then, too. It hadn’t even been a week since he’d seen her last and he missed it. He’d got used to her, especially after those days up in the mountains.

  Each day without her, the energy had built along with the craving.

  The energy he could deal with. There were a lot of things to be done on a ranch so he had lots of opportunities to burn through any excess. But it was the craving that made him panicky.

  At the end of the day when he’d not given in and gone to her, he’d been proud that he’d resisted. And then miserable he even considered what this thing was between them marginally close to what he’d lived through as a junkie.

  Paddy called out a hello and Loopy tore out of the yard to greet him.

  Ezra grabbed a towel to mop his face and neck. “Just over here.”

  “Ugh, why do you work out? You make me feel bad. Then I have to do it or all the beer and pizza will settle in my belly.”

  Ezra looked at his brother and rolled his eyes. “I have to lift and haul crap all day long. If I don’t keep strong the ranch will eat me alive.”

  Ezra wasn’t exceptionally superstitious but he did believe that he needed to be his healthiest to keep the ranch at its healthiest. There was a synergy between him and the land.

  “But you can also sex up a fine lady now. Which seems more fun than pull-ups. Things are okay between you guys, right?”

  “Things are fine. She’ll be up here tomorrow night.”

  “Make me some of that shitty wheatgrass you drink and tell me things.” Paddy leaned over the fence to pat Violet’s head.

  “Come in. It’s too late for wheatgrass, but I was about to have some dinner and you look hungry.”

  Paddy grinned. “Score.”

  They headed inside and Ezra pointed toward the kitchen. “Get something to drink. I’m just going to shower and change.”

  Paddy was already playing with the cats so Ezra ducked down the hall to clean up.

  * * *

  BY THE TIME he came out, Paddy and Damien were in his living room drinking his juice and eating his food. Just a normal Friday, he supposed.

  “We left enough for you so don’t frown.” Damien pointed at a glass.

  “You’re in my chair.”

  “I figured you’d be up cooking anyway. But I also figured that since I came over with a huge amount of food that my very pregnant, frustrated, achy and nesting wife prepared, you’d be fine with me sitting here.”

  “Fuck off. I’m fine eating food your way-too-good-for-you wife makes, though.” He grabbed his glass and headed into the kitchen where really good smells hung in the air.

  He was a decent enough cook, but Mary was magic and her food was, too. He opened up containers, poking around, grabbing a fork to taste things.

  “Don’t get your spit in the food.” Damien strolled in along with Paddy.

  “My kitchen, my spit. Also, I’m not actually sharing this with you two, so you don’t need to worry about my spit.” He ate directly from the container of cellophane noodle salad with fat, succulent shrimp. “I don’t know what you do to keep Mary around, but keep it up.”

  “I don’t know most days, either, dude. She loves me and feeds me and likes my weird family so whatever it is, I’ll just try to do a lot of it so she’ll overlook my flaws. You’ve been ducking me for a few days.”

  “Ducking? In case it’s escaped your notice— Hey what’s that?” Ezra pointed his fork at whatever Damien was putting on his plate.

  Damien finished dishing some up before he replied. “Don’t know. It’s mushrooms and some sort of Italian ham stuff. It’s awesome.”

  Paddy snatched the container before Ezra could, laughing all the while like a mushroom-stealing jerk.

  “Don’t you people have women to be with? Why are you at my house drinking all my juice and stealing my chair?”

  “You’re such a baby.” Damien took his food back into the living room, Loopy following hopefully.

  “Loop.”

  She gave him a sad face and he gave her a little cheese and then of course the cats needed a treat but luckily for his brothers, neither of them were in his chair when he finally made it to the living room.

  “My woman told me to take the food and leave her alone for a few hours. Her hips are hurting so she’s napping and secretly watching reality television she thinks I don’t know anything about. I wish I could help her, make it better. Gestation is hard work. It’s tough on her body and I can’t do it for her.”

  “She was looking a little pale when I saw her earlier today. I’m glad she’s resting.”

  “Mom came by to help with some project for the baby’s room. I keep telling Mary to hire some whiz-bang designer to do all the work or at the very least let me do it, but she won’t have it.”

  They’d spent several days earlier that month getting the outline of the nursery in place. Mary’s friend Daisy had come down to paint a mural and ouitfit the baby’s room with bedding and stuff while Damien and his brothers had put together the crib, installed a custom kit for the closet, hung shelves and the like.

  It had been a happy time, watching his family continue to grow and fill with people who loved one another.

  He’d hung out some with Levi, Daisy’s husband, who happily toted around their five-month-old daughter who adored her dad right back. Similar in temperaments, Levi and Ezra had hit it off quickly and that weekend for the very first time the desire to have that, a wife and a kid, to make his own part of the Hurley family had sprouted, growing roots rather quickly.

  And after all the time he’d spent with Tuesday recently it had left him a little unsettled. Expectant. She’d become important to him and he wasn’t sure he was capable of not fucking up in some way with her. He didn’t know what to do with the intensity of feeling she brought his life, either. He knew enough to understand he liked it. A lot. But he wasn’t sure if he should.

  “Should we tell Nat then? There’s still time to get the food for Tuesday’s party elsewhere. I don’t want Mary running herself down and I know Tuesday wouldn’t want it, either.”

  “Do you now? Know what Tuesday would think? Pay the hell up, Ez. You have this shit going on in your life and Paddy gets to see it and I don’t and I feel left out and it’s making me grumpy. You’re way better at grumpy than I am so cut me a break and share.”

  Ezra cleared his
throat. “We don’t share a mind meld, Damien. I know enough to understand she’s a good person who cares about her friends so of course she wouldn’t want Mary to do too much. Mary doesn’t need to be our caterer.”

  “Ezra, Mary is a caterer. It’s not just what she did for years, it’s also in her nature. She uses food to care about people. Uses food to be sure they keep strong and healthy. She uses food to make people smile and feel loved. My woman lives for stuff like cooking for surprise congratulations parties. Even at eight months pregnant. But I’m going to tell her about this anyway because she’ll like knowing you two were concerned over her. She says you and Tuesday are serious about one another. She right?”

  “Paddy, stop feeding the cats.”

  “They’re hungry! Look at these faces.” Both cats stood on the back of the couch, leaning down on Paddy’s shoulders, rubbing their cheeks against his head.

  “They’re whores is what they are. And you only make it worse when you reward it.”

  “Sure. Because you never give them treats or spoil them at all.” Paddy sent him a raised brow.

  Ezra turned to Damien. “To answer your question, I like Tuesday and she likes me. We’re seeing each other.” He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “I don’t know why this has to even be a thing.”

  Paddy interrupted. “Because you’ve been alone. As long as she’s been alone from what I understand. Years and years you isolate yourself and throw all your energy into this ranch.”

  “How the fuck you think it stays running?”

  Paddy flipped him off without even pausing in his shove-food-in-his-piehole process. “Don’t get defensive, asshole. I’m just saying you have an actual personal life instead of whatever it was you did before.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Damien ate, his attention on Ezra and Paddy as they volleyed.

  “So we really going there?” Paddy looked to Ezra and then to Damien.

  “Why is this sounding like an intervention all the sudden? I’ve done that. Don’t have any desire to repeat it.”