PUGILIST

by Peter Hallett

  “You think I’m afraid of you? Do you think I’m afraid of that cunt Dennehy? You can hear the way he’s talking to her, can’t you? Sally was wrong. You’re the pussy, Logan. What kind of man let’s shit like this happen to a girl like Sophia?”

  I hit Logan’s hands from me again, but he pressed his forearm into my throat. I couldn’t budge him no matter how hard I tried. I’d say it was exhaustion from the cage fight, but I’d barely worked up a sweat. Logan was just too strong for me. “I know what you’re feeling. Trust me, I know better than anyone you’ll ever fucking meet. You’ll take her. You’ll eventually make her safe. Just be smart about it.”

  “What’s smart about letting that fuck treat her like that?” I could hardly get the words out he was pressed that hard into my throat. I was struggling to breathe, my windpipe closing.

  “Lucas, listen to me.”

  “Fuck you!” It sounded like I’d used nails as mouthwash.

  “Listen to me, that’s a fucking order!” My back straightened and my feet snapped together instantly. “When the time’s right, I’ll help you. This whole fucking operation would be better off without Dennehy, not just Sophia. I know it hurts to feel like you’re doing nothing, but you’re not. You’re doing something very fucking important. You’re giving her love. Love gives people strength... It gives them hope... Do you want this girl? Answer the fucking question, soldier! Do you want this girl, forever?”

  “Yes, sir!”

  “Then do what I’m telling you. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, sir!”

  “Good man... I’m going to let go. You don’t leave this room until you’re summoned. Do you understand that?”

  “Yes, sir!”

  Logan removed his forearm from my throat and I rubbed at the pain he’d caused as I tried to catch my breath. My throat was painfully raw. My lungs were burning. “Trust me, Lucas.”

  I didn’t say anything. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was so confused, angry. My mind was a fucking mess. I’d never let anyone get away with half of what Logan had just done to me, and I had no idea why he was different, but he was somehow. I didn’t trust him. I only trusted Sophia, Maria, little Stevie, but Logan was commanding... Just like my brother was. Just like he’d been when he ordered me to stop shooting that sniper scum.

  I was dressed and had my backpack on my shoulder when Colossus came in the room. He was carrying Sally. He placed her on the floor and as she walked past me she raised a boxing guard and threw a few punches in the air before she went and sat on Logan’s knee.

  “Dennehy’s office,” Colossus said to me before he left the room.

  I turned to Logan. He nodded. “You wait for my order and you’ll have her. You act too soon and you’ll both be in a world of hurt that no one, not even me, can save you from... Just wait for my order.”

  I left the room. Colossus was standing outside of Dennehy’s door. He gestured with his head for me to go inside. When I was in the office Colossus closed the door behind me but stayed outside. Sophia wasn’t there anymore.

  “Lucas, my pugilist, that fight was fucking beautiful.” Dennehy was sitting behind the desk. I wanted to tip the desk over, grab his fucking throat and choke the evil out of him until his face was blue and his flesh was cold, but I hadn’t been given the order from Logan. “I made so much money on you tonight. I can spot a good fucking fighter when I see one, can’t I? And the gloves, I know I said it earlier, but what a fucking stroke of genius. People will be talking about you for a long time.”

  “Thank you.” I tried to sound calm.

  “You okay? Are you still riled up from the fight?”

  It hadn’t worked. “I’m fine.”

  “Good... The envelope on the desk, it’s got your cash inside, plus the date and time of when you’re fighting again... Enjoy the money, Lucas. You’ve earned it, that’s for sure. Maybe get yourself a nice girl and make use of some of the gifts I left in your apartment... You did notice them, didn’t you?”

  “I did. I’ve already used them with a nice girl.”

  “A man after my own heart.” He held his hands to his heart and smiled. As I walked to the desk to get the envelope he lit a cigar. “This is going to be a very successful partnership.”

  I opened the envelope and looked inside. “This is less than I thought I’d get for the fight.”

  “There’s plenty more where that came from... I’ll have to make a few slight deductions until your apartment’s paid for though... I’m sure you understand.”

  “Totally.” I turned and headed toward the door.

  “Lucas, we’re cool here, aren’t we?”

  “Icy cold, Dennehy.”

  “Good... See you at the next fight, champ.”

  I left the office. Colossus went in. I walked through the corridor with the pipes that spat steam toward the exit, figuring the car that had picked me up and taken me to the fight would be there for me when I exited the warehouse, but it wasn’t.

  Sophia was though.

  She had a long coat wrapped around her, hiding her pretty dress. She had her head hung low too. “You figured the car would be here for you? My daddy’s only nice to get what he wants. He’ll get you to the fights in style but he doesn’t give a fuck what happens to you once he’s made his money.”

  It was dark but when I walked close enough I could see her lip was cut, swollen. “That motherfucker. Dennehy’s the car door, isn’t he?”

  Sophia began to cry. She hugged into me and I wrapped my arms around her. “Please don’t do anything, Lucas.”

  “I... I... I should.”

  “Not yet, please.” She was sobbing, begging.

  “Why does everyone keep telling me that? Logan ordered me to wait, to attack only on his command.”

  “Listen to him, Lucas. I couldn’t live with myself if you lost the money you need to help your sister-in-law and her kid.”

  “And you can live with this, the abuse?”

  “Yes, if it helps someone in need.” God, I loved her. “At least I have a reason to take it now. I can take all that fucker throws at me. I’m stronger than I look.”

  My teeth clamped shut. I held her tighter. I felt like crying. All I wanted to do was keep her safe but I couldn’t. My heart was breaking. “I’ll fix this situation, Sophia. I swear.”

  “I believe you.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry... We’ll be fine, Lucas... We’ve just got to fight, both of us in our own way, until you have enough cash... Okay, soldier?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” My cell began to ring. “I’m sorry, I have to answer that. Only Maria has the number.” Sophia gave me some space and I answered my phone. “Maria, is everything okay?” It was hard to make out what she was saying, but I was able to discern enough. “Okay, I’m on my way.” I hung up. “I’m sorry, Sophia, but I’ve got to go.”

  “It’s okay, we shouldn’t be seen together anyway.” She reached into her pocket and handed me some keys. “Take my car.”

  “Thank you.”

  “We’ll get through this... I love you.”

  VI

  I hit the brakes outside of Maria’s apartment and the car skidded to a stop. The smell of burnt rubber hit me as soon as I jumped from the vehicle. I ran up the steps toward the apartment’s door. Maria opened it for me before I even had a chance to press the buzzer. She had tears running down her face. She didn’t say anything though; she just stepped aside and let me in the building.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her when I was inside.

  “I’ll be fine. Thank you for coming, Lucas. I didn’t know what else to do.” She closed the door and folded her arms across her chest. She shut her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She looked exhausted again.

  “I don’t really know what to do myself, but I’ll try to help. Where is he?”

  “He’s in his room, in the closet, hiding. The poor kid. It’s really getting out of hand. He’s terrified. I would be to, if I was see
ing what he is.”

  “I know this might not be the best time but...” I removed the envelope and handed it to her. “That will hopefully be the first of many. Start looking for a professional that can help him.”

  “I will.” She smiled at me as she opened the envelope and looked at the cash. “Lucas, this is a lot of money. You made all of this as a dishwasher?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “You didn’t hold the place up, did you, empty the register?”

  “No. Nothing like that.”

  “But this money was illegally obtained? It has to be. How could you get this much so damn fast? Not that I’m not happy to have it, it’s just... I have enough trouble. I don’t want anymore.”

  “You won’t have anymore. I’m here to make life easier for you.”

  “Did you do something illegal for the money?”

  “No... Kinda... It’s hard to explain.”

  Maria removed a small white piece of paper from between the bills. Her brow furrowed as she read the note. “According to this you have a fight tomorrow. Are you boxing again? Is that how you got the cash?”

  “Yeah, in a way.”

  “You don’t have to do that for us. You could get hurt. I don’t want Stevie to have to see you in a hospital bed, or in a fucking coffin too.”

  “I could get hurt, but I won’t. I’m very good at hurting people, hurting them more than they could ever hurt me. It’s what I do best. I wish it wasn’t, I really fucking do, but that’s the gift I’ve been given. Let’s utilize it for something worthwhile.”

  “Is that why your eye’s swollen, because of a fight?”

  “It is.”

  “You’ve just come from a fight, haven’t you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Don’t tell Stevie. I don’t want him to worry... But please be careful, Lucas. Is there no other way to get money?”

  “Not as much as this... or as fast. Once we know how much we’ll need for the treatment, I’ll only fight enough times to make that amount. Not one fight more. You have my word.” She handed me the note and I placed it in my pocket. “I’ll go and chat with Stevie, see if I can help.”

  “Thank you... Come and get me if you need any help... I’m going to make some coffee. Do you want a cup?”

  “No thank you.”

  “Some pills, for the pain?”

  “No, really, I’m fine.” I nodded and Maria managed a smile. She moved to the kitchen and I walked down the hall toward Stevie’s door. It was already open, but I had to push it a little ways to fit through. I tried to walk as slowly and as quietly as possible, so I didn’t spook the kid.

  A light was coming from inside the closet, through the wood slits. It shut off once it illuminated me. “Daddy, is that you?” He was full of sniffles. His voice was shaking, breathy. He was still panicked from the nightmarish experience he’d just had. “You don’t look as scary anymore.”

  “It’s Uncle Lucas.” I sat on the floor next to the closet door.

  “Uncle Lucas?”

  “Yeah, how are you doing?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Didn’t your mommy tell you?”

  “Nope.”

  “I live close by now. I’ll be able to see you a lot more. That will be good, won’t it?”

  “Yeah... I thought you were Daddy when I saw you.”

  “We do look alike... You look like him too.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “He’s burned, his face is falling off, and you can see bone and blood. It’s so scary. He... He tries to burn me too. He poured gasoline on my bed tonight and was standing over me, laughing, and he had a match in his hand. He kept pretending he was going to drop it, so I’d get burned too. Don’t let him burn me, Uncle Lucas.”

  “He wouldn’t burn you.”

  “Then why did he pour the gas on me?”

  “That wasn’t really your dad. I know it must have looked like him, felt like it was him, but it wasn’t.”

  “It was. I saw him. He spoke to me. He told me it was him. He said things only me and Daddy would know, our secrets.”

  “Sometimes when people are afraid, and when they’ve lost someone they love, they see them, even when they’re not there... Would your dad ever hurt you?”

  “No.” He didn’t sound too sure.

  “That’s how you know it wasn’t him... Don’t you think if your dad did come to see you he’d have angel wings?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “He killed people. You’re not supposed to kill people. It’s one of the rules. When you kill people you go to hell, not heaven. That’s why he’s burned. It’s not because of the bomb; it’s because of the devil. The fires in hell have done that to him. He’s being punished for breaking the rules.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “The man on the TV.”

  “What man?”

  “The preacher. The one that screams and shouts.”

  “That guy’s full of shit.”

  “You’re not supposed to curse.”

  “Your mommy tell you that?”

  “No.”

  “The man on the TV?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Like I said, he’s full of shit.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I’m a smart guy.”

  “You are?”

  “Don’t sound so surprised.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” I smiled. “Can I tell you a secret?”

  “Sure.”

  “You won’t laugh? You won’t tell anyone what I tell you?”

  “I swear I won’t. I’m very good at keeping secrets. My friend, Johnny, told me about this one time he found a dog toy in his mommy’s drawer, in her bedroom, one that when you pressed a switch on it the rabbit ears rumbled, and how he dropped it out of the apartment window when he was playing with it, but I haven’t told anyone... Apart from you.”

  “You’re right, you are good at keeping secrets.”

  “I know.”

  “Okay, here’s mine... When I was your age, after my dad died, I was afraid to go to sleep at night. There was a troll in my closet. He was an ugly fucker too. At night he would hover above my bed, just float in the air, dripping slobber on my face.

  “He had a satchel, and in this satchel he had some kind of magic dust. He would try to drop the dust on me, so I’d float out of my bed. If he got me with enough of the dust I’d pass through the ceiling and fly all the way to the sun. I’d get burned by the sun and vanish in a cloud of black smoke.

  “I’d always make sure he never got me with enough of the dust. I’d run from the room. I’d feel his long toenails brush on the top of my head when I passed under him though. It wasn’t nice. I’d be so afraid. But he never got me.”

  “You were afraid?”

  “Yeah, shit your pants terrified.”

  “But you’re a soldier.”

  “Everyone’s afraid of something.”

  “Does the troll still come for you?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because your dad told me he wasn’t real. When you know the truth about a lie, even if it’s one you’ve told yourself, tricked yourself into believing, it doesn’t have any power over you anymore. That’s what I need to teach you, but I don’t think I can do it alone. Would you like the burnt man to stop coming for you?”

  “Yes. Please, take him away. I don’t like it. I used to see Power Rangers and Transformers at night, not horrible monsters like my daddy.”

  “Would you let me and a doctor help you?”

  “A doctor?”

  “Yeah, doctors are very good at finding the truth. I’m not as good as your dad, that’s why I need help from a doctor.”

  “Okay.” He didn’t sound sure again, but it was good enough for me. He needed to want the help or it wouldn’t work.

  “I’ll get your mommy to call the doctor so
on, okay?”

  “Yeah... Will you be with me when I see the doctor?”

  “If you want me to.”

  “Please.”

  “Then I will be.”

  “Uncle Lucas?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m going to open the closet door. Will you come inside and sleep in here with me, be my guard?”

  “Sure... I thought I’d managed to get out of guard duty when I left the army.”

  Stevie opened the closet door. He was sitting with his legs crossed, the flashlight in one hand and the teddy I’d seen him hugging the last time I was there in his other. He smiled at me and then scooted back to give me enough room.

  I moved into the closet and closed the door. “Put your head on my legs, you can use me as a pillow.”

  “You won’t let anything bad happen, will you?”

  “Of course not. The burnt man doesn’t have any power over me.”

  Stevie placed his head on my legs and closed his eyes. “I’m glad you’re here to help, Uncle Lucas.”

  “So am I.”

  VII

  Maria woke us both by opening the closet door and knocking on the wall inside. We’d spent the whole night in there. When I opened my eyes the light beaming in through Stevie’s window caused a headache to erupt. It took me a few moments to stand; my body had been locked in the same position all night and my joints and muscles had seized up. The smell of the cup of coffee Maria had in her hand for me was the perfect remedy though. Stevie just rubbed his eyes and was able to run from the closet without having to stretch the tightness from him.

  “Thank you,” I said as I took the coffee from Maria. I walked to Stevie’s bed and sat on the edge. I had a sip of my drink and cracked my neck.

  “I should be thanking you.” Maria sat next to me. “Thank you for looking after him... How’s the coffee?”

  “It’s great.”

  “How did you finally manage to get him to sleep?”

  “I told him a story.”

  “A fairy tale?”

  “Far from it, but it worked.”

  “I’m shocked by how much easier it was for you to get him to sleep so quickly. I’ve tried everything I can think of... I did some searching online last night and I’ve found a doctor I think should be able to help. He’s expensive though.”