“Yes, I remember. That’s why Owen comes with me to the office, he loves people.”
“Yeah, he’s a cute dog. Sometimes he lays under our desks on top of our feet.” Jamie laughs.
“Well, I’m glad he has company,” Sam says as he turns back around to open the office door.
“Well, what I wanted to ask you is why I didn’t meet him sooner,” Jamie said quickly as she stopped him from going inside.
“What do you mean?”
“What I meant was you went out of your way to ask me if I wanted to meet him and then nothing, you kind of disappeared,” Jamie said.
“Disappear? I’m sorry I’m not understanding.” He said confused as he walked back to her.
“We made plans, and you never called.”
“Plans?” Sam said with his eyebrows raised.
“Yes. Like I said, you went out of your way and asked me if I wanted to meet him.” Jamie suddenly felt embarrassed at the realization that it may not have been legitimate plans and merely small talk. She could sense by the look in his eyes. “You know what, never mind, I misunderstood you,” Jamie said quickly and tried to head into the building.
“Jamie, wait.”
“No, it’s okay. I assumed you meant something more than it was.” Jamie said not meeting his gaze as Sam put his hand on her arm to stop her.
“Jamie, listen to me. I did want you to meet Owen, but I’m sorry if you mistook it as actual plans. It’s was fun to meet someone here in this city that isn’t trying to be famous or hit on me. It’s rare to find someone that I could just talk to about things that we both enjoy and not have to worry.”
“Great, I’m one of those people,” Jamie said as she pulled her arm from his grasp. She was humiliated and tried to get away.
“Jamie...” Sam called after her as he grabbed her hand. “Jamie, I like you a lot. I really do but just not in that way. Amy and I…”
“Oh, you two…I get it. You don’t need to tell me. Can I go now please?” Jamie said refusing to meet his gaze.
“I…” Sam sighed.
“No, it’s okay. I jumped to conclusions. It was silly of me to think that it would ever be something. You’d think by now that people like me don’t win.” She said for the last time before heading inside.
Chapter Five
“I am such an idiot! I should have listened to everyone. I mean I did, but I didn’t actually.” Jamie cried to Lily.
“You couldn’t have known he was actually with her. I know in the beginning we all tried to steer you away from thinking recklessly, but from the stories you’ve been describing your interactions with Sam, I started assuming the same thing. Sam was more than friendly with you.”
“That’s just it. Sam wasn’t exactly friendly. He was kind and attentive, he’s just a good guy. That’s all it was. He had a girlfriend. Damn it.”
“What?” Lily asked.
“I can’t even tell when someone is nice and when they are genuinely interested anymore.”
“Jamie, you know he was more than nice. We all saw you talking that night. He showed all of the classic signs: close proximity, eye contact, smiling…” Lily encouraged.
“There are no signs. You are either interested enough, or you are not. If you are interested enough, you have the courage to ask the person out. In this case, he didn’t do anything because he wasn’t interested. He already had someone!” Jamie lamented.
“He did ask you out, though.”
“No, he didn’t. He said I was more than welcome to see his dog sometimes. That wasn’t a date nor an invitation. It was an idea. There’s a difference, asking to see his dog, Lily and not to see him.” More tears flowed from Jamie’s eyes as she collapsed onto her bed and cried into her pillow. “The worst part was seeing that look he had.”
“What kind of look?”
“He had the look of disgust and guilt. The exact second he realized that I was interested in him, he had a guilty look in his eyes. Ugh, his eyes. I saw pity, Lily.” Jamie cried into her pillow again.
“Oh, Jamie. It isn’t the end of the world. There will be other guys.” Lily consoled.
“No wonder Amy had been treating me the way she did, she sensed my interested in Sam. I cannot believe I left a stable and an entirely perfect job for all of this. It was all for nothing! I don’t want to face them tomorrow. They are probably at home laughing about it right now!”
“Oh, come now. Jamie, just head into work tomorrow and focus on nothing but your projects. Five o’ clock will come before you know it.” Lily smiled and gave Jamie a big hug of reassurance.
“Sure, focus on my work, but it’ll be a matter of time where I run into him. My position supports him and Amy. That means I have to work on projects with them, that’s if I still have a job. There isn’t any way I can avoid him forever, Lily.”
“Then you will have to face him. The sooner, the better.”
“That is easy for you to say, you weren’t completely humiliated. I was so foolish to think that an attractive and wealthy guy could ever be interested in me. I mean look at me; look at where I live. What would I have to offer? Nothing. He could do so much better, he already did. Why did I ever think he’d choose me instead of her, or anyone for that matter.”
“Jamie, don’t say that about yourself. You are an amazing person, any guy would be proud to be in your presence.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my friend. We all know that I’m not exactly someone most guys choose when they are looking for someone to date let alone spend the rest of their lives with. Do you understand how that feels like? Knowing that every day of your life?”
“Jaime…” Lily sighed.
“Oh, what do you know? You’ve never had any trouble, you’re married.”
“Jamie, stop…”
“No, you’re right. I’m done. I’m done with all of it.”
****
Jamie managed to avoid Sam for a few weeks because their schedules never coincided much. He was off traveling doing interviews, promotional spots, meetings, conferences and product releases. Things that Sam said Jamie was to assist him with on once they had revised her position. Whenever he was in the office, she was helping Amy with training events, presentations or simply on the phone.
Sam did communicate with her but managed to keep it professional with tasks and questions. She always responded in a courteous manner, but most of the communication went through Amy, so she was safe from him. She was getting used to not seeing him and started getting through the day the busier it got. Potential awkward situations aside, she loved working for the Foundation. Unlike her previous job, everyone, for the most part, was down to earth, intelligent, and hardworking and they actually cared about her career growth. She was starting to see that it was the best choice she could have made as long as she didn’t run into Sam. As far as Amy went, it didn’t look like he told her about their conversation because her attitude towards Jamie didn’t get worse than it already was.
“I’m going to head on out, Jamie. You should think about doing the same, it’s already seven o’clock.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize it was that late, I lost track of time. I was trying to get the reports ready for our presentation next week in front of the distributors. It’s my first time doing it, and I want to make a good first impression. Thank you for giving me the opportunity.”
“I didn’t, Sam did. Whether you felt ready or not, Sam felt we needed you on this. With Sam away on other important matters we are a person down, and he believes you’ve been filling in fine.”
“Thank you so much. Mind if I stay a little bit longer, I have a few things to finalize, and then I’ll head home.”
“No need to thank me. Thank Sam, your personal cheerleader. Make sure you lock up.” Amy had said before she headed out the front door.
“Okay, I will, and I’ll be ready, have a good night.” Jamie waved goodbye. She was acutely aware that Amy still wasn’t too fond of her and didn’t exactly kno
w why but continued to ignore it.
The front door began to unlock, and before Jamie could react, Sam was standing in the doorway surprised to see her sitting there in the office. He figured she had already gone home.
“Jamie? What are you still doing here, it’s late.”
“I was just finalizing the report for our presentation to NSK Distributors next week. It’s my first one for us, so I wanted to make sure that all bases were covered. Didn’t think you’d be back in town until tomorrow.”
“I caught an earlier flight, I’m sure your report is excellent, you will do well. Thank you for agreeing to assist us.”
“Thanks. I guess you are right, there is not much more I can do.” Jamie said nervously. “I suppose I’ll just head home and get some rest.”
“Jamie, can we talk about this?”
“There’s nothing to say, Mr. Ellis.”
“Jamie, call me Sam, please? Look, I know you’re upset.”
“You think? I have every right to be angry, Sam. YOU led me on, but it’s not your fault, not really. I’m mostly mad at myself.” Jamie sighed.
“I led you on? I did nothing of the sort, and you know it. All we did was talk about ourselves, nothing more and nothing less.”
“You made an invitation, Sam and you know damn well you treat me differently than the other staff.”
“Jamie, we’ve already been through this. It was just a figure of speech. Look, I am sorry I said anything that conveyed more than what I actually meant. I never meant for you to get hurt. As far as treating you differently, I deal with you the way I’d treat anyone with your talent, and I treat everyone equally. I am a great guy despite what you may think.”
“Right,” Jamie said looking down at her feet.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I honestly thought you were someone I could identify with. You know how people are here in Sutton Hill, I just wanted someone to talk to because I consider you a friend. I guess that was too much to ask for.” Sam started pacing around.
Jamie began to cry, “I have friends. I don’t need more friends.”
“Jamie…”
“No, you know what? I know what everyone thinks: ‘Jamie, you’re hung up on a guy you just met and barely know, get over it.’ It’s easier said than done, Sam. Do you know what it’s like being me? Going your whole life being the odd one out. Being the girl among her friends and being the only one men rarely ever hit on or ask out. To go through life always being the underdog and not being good enough?” Jamie yelled. “I am tired of it not working out for me. Tired of people not noticing what I had to offer or not being as good enough. I am sorry, Sam, that I am not…not beautiful enough or blonde, gorgeous, skinny enough or whatever excuses you men come up with. Actually, I am not sorry. If you can’t see it, then it’s your loss, and it’ll be someone else’s gain.” Jamie shouted and slammed the report on her desk before storming out.
Sam didn’t have the guts to say anything or chase after her. He wanted to stop her but didn’t. He didn’t know what to say or how to react. Sam didn’t want her to be as hurt as she was and definitely didn’t want to hurt her at all, but he did not intentionally lead her on. He never meant to and didn’t realize he had.
Sam enjoyed her company and loved her gentle nature. It was refreshing, and he needed that in his life but was he attracted to her? He wasn’t sure. It had been a long time since he had been truly in love and attracted to anyone enough to get into a long term relationship, but Jamie wasn’t his type. The last woman he was in a long-term relationship was his ex-wife. It was a short marriage in his late twenties. Gina was tall, slim, blonde and beautiful but it didn’t work out. Gina didn’t understand where he came from and how overwhelming being a part of the Ellis Family was, neither did Amy. Gina loved it the lifestyle, however. She loved the glitz, glamor and forced her way into having an opinion on the Foundation. She also enjoyed the traveling he did and insisted she take her along.
God, she was beautiful, but she wasn’t what he needed. Since Gina, there had been a small handful of women he dated now and then but nothing that lasted long or went anywhere, and eventually, he buried himself in work, family, and his extra-curricular activities ever since. He had no time to think about women or dating but occasionally spent his time with Amy. Being in a serious relationship just wasn’t a part of his life anymore, all he wanted now was peace and to pour everything he had into honoring his father’s legacy. Gina didn’t understand it then, and Amy didn’t really understand it now.
Jamie seemed to, but he couldn’t fathom if it were just another ploy to win him over like all of the others, but he doubted it. She wasn’t like the others, but he couldn’t imagine himself with her. It wasn’t her fault, he couldn’t image himself with anyone long-term.
After Sam had grabbed what he needed from the office, he drove home and contemplated the guilt he felt. On his way home, he called Amy to let her know that he didn’t want her over and would prefer it if she stayed at her place. She was taken aback and offended, but it wasn’t a good idea for her to spend a night at his place. He wanted to think, and he wasn’t in the mood. Sam hadn’t intended on leading Jamie on and enjoyed her company, but somehow he hurt her without even trying.
Once home, Sam walked out his back door onto his private dock and into the cabin of his boat. Sam poured himself a Scotch; he didn’t know what he was going to do about Jamie and the thing that bothered him the most was that she didn’t deserve any of this. Things were going so well ever since she entered is life, and now it was getting worse.
The sun had already set hours ago, and the stars were out. Other than the crickets chirping, it was a quiet night. Sam picked up his acoustic guitar and strummed the strings rhythmically. He didn’t have any songs in mind, he had just started taking recently but hadn’t mastered any modern music yet. To his discomfort, the sounds that typically relaxed him did nothing to ease his distress.
Sam put the guitar down and disembarked the boat with scotch in hand and headed inside to try and catch some sleep so he could work on the presentation more in the morning. Sam took off his jack and draped it over a dining room chair before picking up a file folder to pack it back in his leather bag. A folded, thick piece of paper fell to the floor, and at first, Sam was going to disregard it, but the strangeness of it beckoned him to open it. It was a letter from Jamie:
Sam –
I had no intention of writing a letter, it seemed silly at first. An age-old custom that nearly became extinct but I thought better of it. There’s something powerful in the written word and to be successful only requires one thing – transparency. It’s impossible to write without virtue, and so here I am, and there are a lot of stuff that I would like to say about how I am feeling, but I’ve struggled to find the words. I’ve had time to think about it, and the best way I could describe it is to tell you about who I am and when we met.
If you had asked me when I was younger if I would ever amount to anything, the answer would have been ‘no.' Could you have blamed me? Back then I had no faith because I did not have anything to be proud of nor believe in. I did not have any achievements, successes and I didn’t even have someone I could call a friend. I did not have my first date until my senior year of college (oh wait, there was that one guy in high school), and I did not accomplish significant milestones that we all have at the appropriate stages, but that’s not really how I wanted this to go. The background history is relevant, though. That’s if you really want to understand where I am coming from.
Growing up was extremely painful for me to endure and back then my family and I lived in a neighborhood where most of the residents fit into what is called the ‘low income, working class tax bracket.’ That’s a nice way of saying we were below the poverty line and crime was an everyday occurrence. Living in such a neighborhood wasn’t a safe place to be if you were by yourself, even in the daylight. My parents weren’t exactly financially sound and let’s be honest, they were struggling. It’s easy to judge me and
say you’re sorry, but unless you’ve lived in my shoes, you have no idea what it was like. Apologies don’t mean anything to me, and I don’t want to be pitied.
Back then, I developed low self-esteem, and as an adult, I often compared myself to my peers or what was seen on television. There were days of envy and worthlessness, and pretty soon walls were built up as a self-defense mechanism, unwilling to let anyone in. It did eventually get better, and I started to discover myself. If I could pinpoint the change, it would be at the Cottonwood Beach Spring Festival, the year was 2006. I was told by a palm reader that unless I let go of anger and bitterness, I wouldn’t be able to love and let love in. She also said that ‘he cared.’
I had forgotten all about the palm reader but it all came back to me suddenly, and that’s when it occurred to me recently that you were him. You were the man the palm reader spoke of. I’m sure of it. I don’t doubt your sincerity and intentions, Sam. In my anger and bitterness, I became blind and mistrusting and put you inside a box that I’ put anyone who had judged me. I put you in the same category as those that thought I wasn’t good enough, for them. I realized that’s where you were different. You genuinely cared and valued me for who I was and what I brought to your life. I couldn’t ask for anything more, but it isn’t the kind of love that I need in mine.
There is no question that I have always deserved much more than that and was worthy of getting that desired look from a man, you know the kind. The look that said ‘I can’t live without you.’ I have always wanted to be loved in every single way and a man who would give me his heart. I won’t settle because you see, I am enough.
So I thought long and hard, and after the presentation, I am submitting my letter of resignation and taking leave. Don’t blame yourself for any of this because it isn’t anything that you did specifically because all you did was be yourself. I chose to leave because it is hard for me to not want more. Honestly, I need to find myself and a way to let all of this anger towards life go so that I can make room for that one guy who deserves me.
One Little Letter_A Bad Boy, Second Chance Romance Page 20
