The Price of Inertia

by Lily Zante

  I should protect myself. Not dream of making plans. It was just sex. The image in my head of us both thrashing around between the sheets doesn’t quite meld with this one of apparent domestic bliss in the kitchen.

  “I am. When did you get up?” I check the pasta. It’s al dente, just how I like it.

  “A couple of hours ago.”

  I stir the pasta sauce. He comes over, bringing his intoxicating scent with him. I swear my ovaries just jumped for joy. From this moment on, I know that his aftershave will always be a direct call to my core.

  I stir the sauce. “You should have woken me up.” I wait for his reply but he’s busy getting the plates and cutlery out.

  I plate up the food and we sit side by side. “You should have woken me up,” I say again.

  “I didn’t want to wake you.” There’s a softness in his eyes and on his face that wasn’t there before, he’s gentler, but for some reason I feel as if I’m on a second date with someone. Even though we’ve already crossed the sex line, I feel awkward and shy around him.

  “You’re quiet,” he says.

  I pause for a while as I consider this. “I don’t know how to be around you.” I want to be honest. A frown line appears on his forehead.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean just that. I feel awkward. I don’t know how to be. I don’t know if tomorrow you’ll push back and say this never should have happened.”

  He sets down his fork. “I didn’t intend for this to happen, not now, at a time like this and—”

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen either,” I say.

  “But it did happen, and I’m glad it did. I want you, Mari. I might not have admitted it before, but seeing you with someone else made me see it more clearly.” He takes my hand, and his gesture, his willingness to be more tactile than me, makes me feel warm all over.

  “And if you have regrets tomorrow? If you decide we have to stop this?”

  He shakes his head. “This was a two-way thing. You’re irresistible. I’m … not.” The way he says it confirms to me that he has issues with his past health and weight, not dissimilar from my own issues about needing revenge or wanting to feel that I am attractive after being cheated on. Maybe Ward and I aren’t so different after all. He needs me as much as I need him.

  “I don’t want you to feel awkward.” He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. I examine his face, all of his features as he does this. All I want to do is put my arms around him and lose myself in his embrace. But I want to make sure this isn’t the post-sex feel-good hormones still floating around in his bloodstream and making him be all happy.

  “I’m your housekeeper,” I say, scratching my neck, “You’re a best-selling author.” I’ve broached that subject, tiptoed around the boundaries trying to figure out if there is a way forward for us.

  He frowns again, moving his hand away from the fork he was just about to lift. “Why does that worry you so much?”

  “It doesn’t worry me. I’m just saying, that’s all.” And then I remember there’s something else. “Jamie can’t know,” I say quickly, suddenly remembering that I haven’t called him back.

  “I wouldn’t want him to know either—not because of the status thing.”

  “What status thing?”

  “You seem to be worried, you just said that I’m this high-earning author and you’re a housekeeper. What will people say?” He throws his hands up in horror, mimicking fear and shock. I am seeing a new side to Ward now that we’ve been intimate. I love that he is opening up to me. It’s painfully slow going, but at least I’m seeing this new side to him.

  “We can tell Jamie, if you want,” I suggest only to test his reaction. I sense he doesn’t want Jamie to know anything.

  “Wouldn’t that make things difficult for you? He’s your friend and you’re the one who has to deal with him.”

  I don’t know what Jamie would think or say, and I don’t want to complicate my life further by explaining anything. “We should just keep this as our dirty little secret.”

  This seems to annoy him because he sets his fork down again, only it’s not gentle and makes a hard noise on the plate. “You consider it to be dirty?” he asks, obviously not liking the description.

  “Well…” It’s not exactly above board. “We didn’t meet under normal circumstances. You didn’t wine and dine me. We didn’t really get to know one another. This isn’t normal in any way, shape or form.”

  “I don’t give a shit about normal. I don’t care what people think. This feels right. You feel right.” He leans forward and drops a kiss on my lips. A ray of happiness bursts inside me and warms every part of my body. It’s not the kiss that did that but the fact that he’s having this conversation with me and admitting how he feels about me. Ward Maddox has done a complete turnaround.

  This feels right.

  I’m so happy I could cry. “You weren’t exactly a cheerful happy-go-lucky guy when I first met you,” I say, cupping the side of his face. I can’t help but slide my thumb over his thick stubble.

  “I’m pretty happy now though.” He winks at me. “I haven’t had sex for over a year.”

  “So you keep reminding me.”

  “I haven’t.” He drops another light kiss on my lips. The food has taken a backseat. We’re facing one another directly, stool to stool.

  “Glad to be of service,” I say, kissing him right back.

  “I might be out of practice.”

  “Out of practice?” The way he took me, the way I came, he’s anything but out of practice.

  His hand drops to my neck, then starts to slide lower. “I could do with some more practice.”

  I jerk in my seat as he cups my breast, runs his thumb over me. “I’m sure we can get plenty of exercise in. I’d be more than happy to create the perfect training environment for you.”

  He pulls his hand away, and the nerve endings in my chest rise up in protest. “Need to eat,” he says, motioning for me to start as well. “You’re going to need all the sustenance you can get.”

  I start eating again, though my focus is less on my appetite and more on getting him back into my bed. “I still don’t know a lot about you. You’re as mysterious to me as your books are.” The most I ever got from him was when he told me about his stepdad locking him in the attic.

  “I’m a writer and an introvert. I’m not good with people. You bring me out a bit more.”

  Is that a compliment, I wonder? I have no idea how he meant it but I’ll take it as one. When he kisses my hand, I get another glowy, sunshine feeling in my chest. For a rebound sex thing—which is what I’m going to label our encounter as—this doesn’t feel so dirty.

  “This is good sauce,” he says.

  “You like it?”

  “I like it very much. I’ll have to thank the chef.”

  “It’s jarred pasta sauce,” I say, giggling.

  “I still have to thank the chef.”

  We get back to eating.

  “No telling Jamie,” he says, after a while, surprising me that he’s still thinking about Jamie.

  “It would complicate things for both of us.”

  “Why? Were you and him ever together?”

  “No!” The idea is absurd. “He’s nothing more than a good friend. He’s getting over a recent breakup too.”

  Ward is silent.

  “You don’t want Rob to know,” I say.

  “It’s none of his business.”

  How long will we keep this up for? “Boundaries,” I say, thinking out aloud. “We’ll need rules. I don’t want you getting all pissy with me again.”

  “Do I get pissy with you?” he asks, as if this is news to him.

  “All the time. It’s like walking on eggshells, being around you.”

  “I’m that bad?” He seems genuinely shocked.

  “You really haven’t been around people much, have you?”

  He says nothing which makes me think he’s going to be like this, choos
ing only to speak when he wants to.

  “Your study is off limits, except when I’m cleaning.”

  “I wouldn’t say its off limits,” he’s quick to reassure me. “I enjoyed your midnight visit last time.”

  Ah. So, he doesn’t mind me interrupting him like that.

  “But I can’t be disturbed when I’m writing.”

  I snap my fingers at him. “Gotcha.”

  He chews his lip. “And it’s probably better, you know,” he coughs lightly, “uh … for us to stay in our own rooms after.”

  This is a slight downer for me, but he has changed so much since I first met him, I let him have this peculiarity. He is, after all, a man of many boundaries and rules. “Sure.”

  “Don’t get upset.”

  “I’m not,” I lie.

  “I have a book to finish and submit to Rob before it goes to the editor.”

  “I understand.”

  We look at one another, and I don’t know about him but my mind has just blown through a montage of everything we did in bed earlier. When his eyes twinkle, and a smile plays on his lips, it’s clear to see that he’s thinking the same thing.

  “Did you reach your goal for today? The pages written or whatever you need to do?”

  “I have a goal of writing five thousand words a day.”

  “And did you?”

  “Given the fact that we spent most of the day having sex, then no.”

  “You didn’t write anything?”

  “Three thousand words. It’s slow going.”

  I’m impressed. “Not bad, given the physical exercise you’ve undertaken.” I lean towards him, reaching for his plate. “If you get five thousand words written, we can have dessert.”

  “Dessert?” It’s takes a moment for him to get it.

  I take our plates over to the sink. “In your room this time.”

  “Five thousand it is.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  MARI

  * * *

  He got his word count in, and we ended up in his bed later that night. Not long after, I left the warmth and comfort of his body and returned to my room even though I was tempted to stay. It’s better if I just put up with his rules and conditions.

  This new turn in our situation makes me happy. It puts a spring in my step, and I see the change in Ward, too.

  I still have my chores to do, and he still has the pressure of the book weighing on his shoulders. Although, as he told me when he stripped my clothes off me slowly, now that he has the motivation and a reward at the end, he’ll get the book finished quicker.

  And then we’ll be over. He didn’t say that, but I know. It’s a fact of life. This is temporary.

  Ordinarily, I would never have gotten into this type of arrangement. I have friends who have friends with benefits and hookup type arrangements, but that idea doesn’t appeal to me. I’m a romantic fool. It’s also why my breakup with Dale hurt me so much. If it had only been about sex, it wouldn’t have mattered as much. For me, it was about love. I loved him. For him, it was just about the sex.

  “There you are.” Jamie has found me. He steps inside and pushes the door shut, but not completely. “You’re hiding in here.”

  I laugh. “What? Why would you say that?”

  “You’re acting weird.”

  I laugh again, thereby acting weird. “I’m not acting weird.” I forgot to call him again. All of yesterday it was about me and Ward. I never had the chance to call Jamie back.

  “Are you avoiding me?” he asks.

  “Avoiding you? Why would I do that?” But I can’t lie to save my life. All the other times I’ve been in the kitchen waiting for Jamie and knowing that he will pass by to catch up with me on his way out. Today I’ve busied myself with dusting the library. It’s obvious I’ve been avoiding him.

  “Because you haven’t returned my calls.”

  “Sorry. I got busy.”

  He frowns. “Cleaning the house, or making his food?” He sounds angry. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No, why?” I stop dusting and force myself to look at him.

  “You left the club without telling me–”

  “I texted you.”

  “At 3:27 a.m.”

  He remembers the exact time. Who the hell remembers the exact time a text was sent? “I forgot. We ended up going to a party, and I forgot. I texted you as soon as I remembered.”

  “You completely forgot about me?” he asks, his eyebrows shifting north as his disbelief deepens.

  I make a face. “I’m sorry.” Thinking about it now, what I did was wrong.

  “And who’s ‘we’?”

  “Me and Danny and a few—”

  “You and Danny?”

  “And a few others.”

  His eyes are cold and hard. “You didn’t think I’d want to go? Or you didn’t want me to tag along?”

  “You were with Raleigh.”

  “I was with you.” It’s only when he jabs a finger at me that the extent of his rage becomes apparent.

  I step back, startled by his reaction. “I’m sorry. I thought you and Raleigh—”

  “Screw Raleigh.”

  I’m guessing from this, his night didn’t end well.

  “You didn’t call back, and when I called you, you said something about spilling some milk. You never called back.”

  “I’m sorry.” The way it sounds, now that he’s telling me all of this, it’s no surprise he’s so angry. “I’ve just been so busy, Jamie.”

  “All of a sudden you’re too busy to talk to me? Have I upset you in any way?”

  “No! Of course not. Don’t be silly.”

  “What are you doing?” he asks as I get back to my chores.

  “Dusting.” I turn around, so that he can see the duster in my hands.

  “Why now?”

  “It’s my job,” I say, laughing falsely and doing it badly.

  “I’m shocked that you left the bar without telling me.”

  “Bar?”

  He looks at me in disbelief. “Raleigh’s party. Saturday night. Try to keep up.” He’s more than a little pissed. I haven’t even thought about the party. Too many other things have kept me occupied since then.

  “Why did you do it, leave like that?”

  It’s not easy, thinking back a few days before the marathon sex runs Ward and I have had. “Raleigh,” I blurt out, because most of that night is a blur to me.

  “Raleigh?” Jamie snaps. “What’s she got to do with anything?”

  “You were both talking. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

  “Interrupt? We went to that bar together, Mari. You and me.”

  I scoff. “But we’re not joined at the hip, Jamie. We’re not together.” He looks like he’s going to explode. His nostrils flare, and it confounds me that he is so enraged. “You both looked like you were getting along so well.”

  “And you and I don’t?”

  I don’t understand why he is so annoyed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d get mad about it. I wasn’t going to go to the party but a group of us got talking and then Danny suggested we all go to a party.”

  “So you just upped and left?”

  “I didn’t do it on purpose. Why are you so mad at me?” After the up and down emotions I’ve experienced in the last forty-eight hours, I’m ill-prepared to handle Jamie’s wrath.

  “This isn’t like you, Mari. You didn’t even have the decency to call and let me know,” he asserts.

  This is true, and I immediately feel like a bad person. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  “You seem to be doing that a lot lately.”

  “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

  “I called earlier and you sounded weird then.”

  I turn to him and examine his face. “What is wrong with you?”

  “What’s wrong with you? You leave me at a bar and go off to a party with Danny. What’s with the interest in him all of a sudden?”

  I raise my eyebrow
because he has it all so wrong. “Can you hear yourself?” I cry. “Me and Danny? Are you insane?” I’m certain that the alternative, the truth about who I was really with, would be so much harder for him to accept.

  “Yes, you and Danny.”

  The door pushes open. “Am I disturbing something?” Ward looks at us. I blink. This looks suspicious. Me and Jamie, here in the library. I hadn’t realized we were talking so loudly.

  “We were catching up about the events from the party,” I say, hoping that he won’t get annoyed seeing us together. My gut instinct tells me that Ward’s not a huge fan of Jamie.

  “Oh, right. The party. Sorry to disturb you.” He leaves.

  “Why’s he so nice and cheerful?” Jamie asks.

  I’m not going to tell him the reason why, though I have to laugh, and this time it’s not a false laugh. It seems that the pent-up sexual tension has oozed out of Ward completely, such that even seeing me and Jamie talking like this in the library of all places isn’t enough to rile him up.

  However, the same can’t be said of Jamie.

  “You’ve changed. I don’t know what it is but you’re different,” he says.

  I do another one of my false laughs, which probably helps push his theory that I am being weird. Because right now, being confronted by him like this, I feel weird. “You’re so wrong.”

  “What the hell is going on?” he mumbles to himself. “Ward’s acting weird too.”

  I start making a list of groceries I need. “He’s almost at the end of the book.”

  “He was telling me how quickly the words were coming now.”

  Knowing that he’s being rewarded with sex, it’s not surprising.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  WARD

  * * *

  I’m having lunch in the kitchen by myself when Mari appears. “Jamie said you were different today.” She sits on the stool next to me.