Nothing is Forever

by Grace Thompson

  ‘You think it was my fault?’ She looked tearful.

  ‘You aren’t in the shop all the time, silly girl! Henry is there too. Why couldn’t it have been him? I bet you didn’t notice whether the things were there or not when you and I got together, did you?’

  Ruth had been sad to see Megan, Mali and Mickie leave. They hadn’t been there long, but Ruth had been glad of their company, especially the lively little boy and she would miss them. Henry had helped them to transport their belongings to the flat they were renting and to everyone’s surprise their mother was waiting outside with a few cardboard boxes. ‘Food to fill your pantry,’ she told them, gruffly. ‘And a card to wish you good luck.’ She dropped the last of three boxes near the gate and pushed the card into Mickie’s hand, picked him up and hugged him, then hurried off before the girls were able to think of a word to say other than ‘Thanks, Mam.’ Mali called after her mother asking her to ‘Wait, don’t you want to see the flat?’ but their mother didn’t turn around.

  Megan opened one of the boxes to see packets of basic dry stores. Another held tinned food and a third contained perishables like bread, cakes, pasties and pies, with some fresh salad items wrapped untidily in newspaper and sprinkling the rest with soil.

  ‘Fabulous!’ Megan said. ‘Kind, wasn’t it? We’ll go tomorrow and thank her.’

  ‘Kind? Maybe. Or making sure we didn’t go back home!’ Mali said. ‘She’s still ashamed of our Mickie and I’ll never forgive her for that.’

  ‘Yes, you will,’ Ruth said. ‘She’s your mum and that will always make her special.’

  Mali picked up one of the boxes. ‘She could have carried them in for us,’ she said, ‘instead of dumping them on the pavement!’

  On moving into the new flat, the complaints began in earnest. Their radio, early morning noises, the sounds of Mali and Megan playing lively games with Mickie, but mostly Mickie. Ruth called on the neighbours and explained that she had had them as lodgers for a few weeks without any problems.

  ‘You don’t have to get up early and go to work,’ one of them retorted. When she explained that she did in fact have a job, the reply was that it wasn’t an important one. She gave up and crossed her fingers, hoping the little boy would win them over and the complaints would die down.

  ‘Your father’s wedding is tomorrow, isn’t it Tabs? What time is the ceremony?’ Henry asked, when they were both at the shop sorting some new acquisitions. ‘Have you bought anything special?’

  ‘I haven’t had an invitation,’ she replied. ‘Dad doesn’t want me there.’

  ‘Nonsense. It must be an oversight. Of course you’ll be there.’

  ‘I asked once and they were both vague about the time and place, and evasive about the invitation. No, it’s Martha’s day and she doesn’t want me spoiling things for her.’

  ‘You don’t sound very upset?’

  ‘I’m not. You know how I hate formal occasions and dressing up and all that sort of thing. No, I’ve promised to go and help Ruth sort out some papers she brought down from the loft. She thinks her brothers might like some of it and the rest will be thrown in the ash bin.’

  ‘That sounds more boring than your father’s wedding!’

  She laughed and pointed to the pile of plates she was unwrapping. ‘Talking about boring, if I unwrap many more of these I’ll throw them in the ash bin too!’

  Tabs left the shop at five o’clock, but she didn’t go straight back to Ty Gwyn. Jack had promised to meet her at the café on the corner and she waited outside, too embarrassed to walk in alone. Standing on the street corner was difficult enough and she walked a little way and stood instead looking at the children playing in the little park.

  The curtains were pulled down on the shop window and Henry had gone up to his flat. She hoped he wouldn’t see Jack arriving. She didn’t want to explain; that would almost certainly lead to teasing, something with which she found difficult to cope. To her relief Jack arrived quite soon and she didn’t see Henry watching them as he took her arm and led her out of sight around the corner to the café entrance.

  Jack and Tabs both began to talk as soon as they were seated and had given their order to the waitress.

  ‘Have you got any further in your search for family?’ Tabs asked.

  ‘I still haven’t excluded Ruth’s family, even though they all seem to be called Thomas. I’m thinking of such a long time ago.’

  ‘I might be able to help you there, even if it’s only to take them off your list of possibilities. Ruth has a huge pile of papers, all stuff belonging to the family and she wants to sort it out, throw away anything useless and just keep a few things to pass to her brothers.’

  ‘How can I get to see it? I can hardly ask. There’ll be questions I’d rather not answer.’

  ‘I offered to help her look through them, so anything I think might be relevant I’ll hide and give it to you to look at. How’s that?’

  He reached across the table and kissed her. ‘You are amazing. How lucky I am to have you in my corner.’

  Her colour increased but she didn’t seem as unhappy about being seen as the first time. Encouraged, he did it again.

  ‘I don’t want to sound mysterious, Tabs, but don’t talk to anyone about me or the family I’m hoping to find. They might not want me to find them. After all, it would sound suspicious, me turning up out of nowhere and telling them I’m a long lost distant cousin twice removed or something.’

  ‘I don’t see why. Surely there isn’t really likely to be an inheritance? That only happens in fairy stories.’

  He shared her laughter then he said, ‘Please, Tabs, love, I’d rather no one talked about why I’m here.’

  Talking about Jack was the last thing she wanted to do; how embarrassing that would be! She assured him that their friendship would be a secret shared by only the two of them. ‘Not a word,’ she promised.

  ‘It’s unlikely Ruth and her brothers are part of my family, that’s too much to hope for, so best if we don’t get them involved. They might not like the intrusion, and who would blame them, having a stranger coming and asking questions and maybe unearthing some family secrets?’

  The few people who knew Tabs and were aware of her father’s wedding asked about it: what she would wear, where the happy couple were going on honeymoon, what changes had been made in the house, and she evaded their questions hoping they wouldn’t guess that she didn’t know the answers. She felt sad about not taking part in the occasion and it was on her mind that day.

  Ruth suggested they went to the church to see them coming out as man and wife but Tabs insisted she was working and had no intention of bothering her boss by asking for time off. In fact it was an afternoon when she would be at the antique shop and Henry had already offered to stay while she attended.

  ‘You can’t disappoint them,’ he’d said. ‘You’ll be given a place at the top table as daughter of the bridegroom. An empty chair would be an embarrassment and your father would be hurt. You have to go, Tabs.’

  ‘I haven’t had an invitation,’ she said, her voice quivering a little.

  ‘An oversight, surely. Come on, Tabs, it isn’t like you to be childish.’

  ‘No oversight. When I asked about the arrangements Martha didn’t tell me the date or the time and made it clear I wasn’t included.’

  ‘In that case, go and embarrass them, they deserve it!’

  At lunchtime, a couple of hours before the wedding, she went into the park with sandwiches she had brought from home and sat on the seat in the sun. At least it could have rained! she thought. That was childish, but she didn’t care, just wishing for rain, hail, thunder and lighting made her feel better.

  Jack came before she had started eating and he carried a flask. ‘I thought I’d find you here,’ he said, giving her a light kiss on her cheek. ‘Tea and a couple of doughnuts to extend the feast. Have you got a sandwich to spare for a starving man?’

  ‘There’s plenty,’ she said, opening the packag
e wrapped in grease-proof paper.

  ‘Eat up and we’ll go and look at the dolled-up woman who you have to call Mummy,’ he joked.

  ‘I’m not going to the wedding,’ she said calmly. ‘I wasn’t invited and I won’t stand with the rest of the gawpers, watching and saying “oooh” and “aahh”.’

  ‘Just a peep? We could stand at the entrance to the sweet shop next to the church and no one would see us.’

  ‘I couldn’t go like this,’ she said, waving her arm at her long navy skirt and plain cream blouse.

  ‘You bought something to wear, didn’t you? When you were expecting to be invited?’

  ‘No, I did not.’

  ‘Not even a hat? With feathers and a couple of roses?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Then something better than what you’re wearing now. Tell you what, I’ll go back and fetch the suit you wore when we last went out. Green, I think it was. Tell me where it is and I’ll be back in half an hour and you can change in the shop.’

  Encouraged by his enthusiasm, she agreed and handed him her key, with instructions about where to find her suit and high heeled shoes. She was smiling as he set off at a fast rate, stopping twice to wave.

  At Ty Gwyn, Jack knocked and waited a while before letting himself in. He quickly found the suit and shoes then he looked around the other bedrooms. The suitcase from which letters and papers fell in a frozen waterfall was in the middle of one of the back rooms and he began to move them, his eyes skimming them without reading, in the hope of seeing the name Tyler. He glanced at his watch. This was hopeless, he had to look through them properly before abandoning the hope of there being a connection with himself. Reluctantly he gathered up the clothes and hurried back to the park, but on the way he stopped and had an extra key cut. It was certain to be useful one day.

  Tabs and Jack watched as onlookers gathered. She saw Ruth and Aunty Blod, Mali and Mickie, and several people she knew from the antique shop and the newsagent’s. They hid in the doorway of the sweet shop and watched as cheers announced the appearance of the bride and groom coming out of the church.

  Martha was dressed in pink. A dress reaching just below her knees, layered and decorated with sequins which sparkled in the sun. Her headdress was made of tiny feathers and she carried a bouquet which also included feathers. Tabs stifled a laugh when she head the voice of Aunty Blod carry across the heads of the crowd, ‘Pink’s too risky at fifty.’ A murmur of laughter echoed her own. Jack squeezed her arm as he, too, chuckled. Someone in the crowd added, ‘Duw, there’s a laugh! Fifty? She won’t see sixty again!’

  That evening Ruth and Aunty Blodwen talked about the wedding, asking if Tabs had heard any reports about the reception.

  ‘No, but perhaps I’ll be sent a slice of wedding cake,’ she said with a smile.

  To everyone’s surprise, a boy delivered a note signed Martha Bishop, inviting them all to go to a party a week later, on the newlyweds’ return from honeymoon. A chance to celebrate their wedding among friends, the note explained.

  ‘She’s hoping for a few more presents!’ Ruth said unkindly.

  ‘I’ll have to go,’ Tabs told Jack later.

  Thinking of the empty house, with Ruth and the rest going to the party, Jack turned the newly cut key in his pocket and agreed.

  The August evening was warm and still. ‘I’ll leave the windows open,’ Ruth said, as she began to close the doors. ‘We’ll be back in a couple of hours.’

  ‘I’ll see to the doors, leave them open for a bit,’ Aunty Blod said. ‘I’ll follow you later, our Bryn is giving me a lift in that old van of theirs. Sitting among the garden tools won’t hurt. It isn’t far and easier for me than the bus.’

  Ruth, Tommy, Toni and Brenda strolled through the streets to where the newly weds were waiting and Blodwen dozed as she waited for Bryn to come. Jack was watching and, as he heard the van turn into the road he dashed into the house and ran softly up the stairs.

  He listened as Bryn helped Blodwen from the house and into the van. He heard the key turning in the back door and the van driving away. Then he went to where the suitcase had been and it wasn’t there.

  Frustrated, he looked in the other rooms then went back to the first room and looked inside the wardrobe. It was there and the work of only a moment to drag it out and open it. Carefully, he began looking through the untidy assortment of papers.

  Tabs had been asked by her father to go to the house at four o’clock, hours before the guests were due to arrive and, as she had guessed, Martha was dressed in her finest, sitting on the armchair, waiting for her to set out the food. There wasn’t enough, Tabs could see that immediately, and glancing at the clock, she reached for flour and fat and other ingredients and began cooking. Scones, and sausage rolls and small cakes as well as sandwiches to add to the few Martha had prepared began to fill plates. Hot and flushed by her efforts, Tabs stood in the kitchen watching the last batch of cakes cooking, as they stood to receive their guests.

  Many were people she didn’t know, friends of Martha and some of her father’s acquaintances from the club where he had always spent his evenings. No one introduced her and she stayed in the kitchen, handing people plates piled with food to take in, while her father dealt with drinks.

  It was a relief when Ruth and her family arrived, closely followed by Aunty Blodwen and Bryn. Ruth stayed in the kitchen when it was clear that Tabs had no intention of moving. Then Henry turned up and pulled Tabs into the crowded room. The moment she was free from him she darted back into the kitchen. She reached for her coat and left.

  ‘Go after her, Henry,’ Ruth said, as she saw Tabs’s hasty exit. ‘She deserves better than this. I’d like to bang her father’s head against the wall.’

  Henry ran out of the house and saw Tabs leaning against the wall of the house further along the street. He walked up to her and put an arm around her shoulders. She remained stiff and upright, unwilling to accept the comfort his arms offered.

  ‘What is it about me that I always settle for the role of idiot slave?’

  ‘Your father trained you too well. It was the way he brought you up, convincing you that you were unimportant. Just an unimportant addition to his life, accepting your exceptional skills and capabilities without thought. He should be so proud of you. You are a remarkable woman, Tabs, and it’s about time you realized it. Once you do, then others will too. I know how fortunate I am to have you for a friend.’

  She didn’t reply but she relaxed from her stiff refusal to be comforted and he felt her fall softly against him. He put a second arm around her and they stood there without talking for a long time, his hands slowly stroking her back and shoulders, soothing his face against her hair.

  ‘Come on,’ he said at last, ‘I’ll walk you home.’

  In Ty Gwyn, Jack was sitting on the bedroom floor surrounded by piles of papers. From what he could see they were mostly school reports and out-of-date receipts for things like coal, electricity and gas, plus a few accounts from the local grocer. None of it went far enough back to be any help to him. Nothing bore the name Tyler. If they had lived here once they were long gone and there was no way he could find out where.

  Slowly he returned the papers to the suitcase, shuffling them about a bit from the neat piles he had made. He put the case where he had found it and, as he began to walk down the stairs he looked up at the entrance to the loft. That was the place where things no longer used were stored. Things that people hesitated to throw away were put up in the loft and forgotten. He needed to get up there, but how? He sat on the top stair feeling dejected but determined to check as carefully as possible before giving up and moving on. Another town, another family maybe called Tyler, it seemed hopeless, but he wasn’t going to give up while there was another place to search.

  With Tabs’s help he had to make absolutely sure that these weren’t his people, before going back to a boring job and an abysmally low wage. Not when he might find his inheritance which his father referred to a
s his treasure. Well, it would be his now, if only he could find the family. Better try a while longer before giving up and moving on from this area. He had a strong feeling that this was the place where he’d find it. The memories passed on from his father seemed to be linked with this town. Certainly more than with any other town he had explored. Places he’d mentioned as he’d reminisced were recognizable: the house and the church, the pond and the tree – surely it was too much of a coincidence not to be the house he’d been looking for? But people moved and there was no certainty that the family living there was the one he wanted to find. Oh, how wonderful it would be to find them, claim his inheritance and have money in the bank. He wondered if he had missed his chance. So many years had passed and he had so little information. He couldn’t remember whether he had really heard his father mention the name Tyler, or if he had simply slipped into his consciousness from somewhere else and had lodged there, a false memory with no basis in fact.

  It was as the town hall clock was striking ten that Tabs and Henry passed through the town square. ‘Will there be anyone home?’ he asked.

  Tabs shook her head. ‘Not unless they invented an excuse to leave early and have overtaken us.’

  ‘I wouldn’t blame them, but I bet they’ll enjoy your food before that happens. You’ll be all right on your own?’

  ‘Of course. Thanks, Henry. You shouldn’t have walked all this way. I’ll be all right now. Will you go back to the party?’

  ‘Not unless you’ve changed your mind and want to stick it out until the others leave.’

  ‘No thanks! I might be an idiot but I’m not a martyr! A cup of tea, then I’ll go to bed with a book.’

  ‘A much better choice.’

  They walked to the gate and she opened it and turned to him. ‘Thanks.’