First Love

by Lisa Jackson

  “No!” Her knees felt weak, and she placed the flat of her palm on the piano, making a horrid noise, to support herself.

  “There’s no reason to try to cover it up—”

  “I never saw a dime of your damned money, Hayden,” she said, stiffening her spine. “And your information is all wrong. We lost everything—our house, our savings, even our family—because of some investment scam your father dreamed up.” Shaking inside as she thought about how they’d suffered, she grabbed her pails of polish and headed for the front door. “I never thought I’d say this, Hayden, but you’re just like your father!”

  She tried to barrel past him, but he caught her arm and swung her around. The pail flew out of her hand, clattering to the floor. One bottle of polish crashed, the plastic containers rolled crazily upon the hardwood and Hayden placed her between himself and the wall.

  “Don’t you ever compare me to him,” Hayden warned.

  “Then stop acting like him. Stop believing lies that are all bound up in money! For God’s sake, Hayden, be your own man!”

  She saw his eyes blaze and the muscles in his face tense. He was breathing unevenly and his body was shoved hard against hers. Swearing, he suddenly covered her mouth with his and kissed her brutally. His lips ground over hers and he shoved his tongue between her teeth, tasting, touching, exploring.

  Nadine’s emotions were ragged, her patience worn thin. The assault caused her bones to turn to liquid and yet she didn’t want to kiss him; she didn’t! She tried to fight him off, but her hands, balled into tight fists ready to strike, slowly uncoiled and he captured her wrists, holding each by her side.

  Her breasts were crushed, her abdomen flattened, her hips pinned intimately to his. Her mind closed to her arguments and she kissed him back, accepting his hungry tongue, her body thrilling at the feel of his hands as they released her arms and wound around her, dragging her closer still, until her clothes were suddenly too tight and she imagined herself making love to him, just as she’d imagined it years before.

  He released her as suddenly as he’d taken her into his arms, and though she felt suddenly bereft, she wouldn’t let him know that she tingled for his touch. “Was that supposed to convince me of something? Was I supposed to be tamed into believing all your lies? Did you think I would turn submissive because of one stupid kiss?” she threw back at him.

  His eyes seared straight into hers.

  “Don’t ever touch me again,” she warned. “As for your father’s check. It never existed. You can balm your conscience any way you please, but I know the truth!”

  “So do I, Nadine.”

  She glanced at her spilled bucket, thought the hell with it, and marched out the front door. Her hands were trembling as she started her little Nova and tears stung the back of her eyes, but she wouldn’t back down and believe his horrible lies.

  She thought of her father living in a retirement center; she thought of her mother, remarried and raising her teenaged children in Iowa; she thought of her oldest brother, Kevin, now dead; and she thought of Ben, wounded in the Gulf War and finally being discharged from the army. He would return to Gold Creek to nothing. Her fingers tightened over the wheel and she nearly sobbed. She could lay the blame for her fragmented family directly at the feet of Garreth Monroe.

  Tears drizzled down her cheeks but she sniffed them back. She had the weekend in front of her. A long, lonely weekend. The boys would be with Sam and she would try to forget about Hayden and the emotional havoc he wreaked upon her and her family.

  * * *

  COULD HE HAVE made a mistake?

  Hayden kicked the empty pail and sent it rolling noisily toward the den. His muscles were tight, his mind cluttered and he wanted a woman. But not any woman. He wanted Nadine Powell Warne. He’d kissed her to punish her, to put her in her place by the most primal of means. Thinking about it now, he was embarrassed that he’d been so dominantly male, so savagely physical. And yet he’d enjoyed it. Kissing Nadine had turned him inside out and he’d wanted more. So damned much more.

  Muttering a stream of oaths, he walked through the kitchen and out the back door. The wind was cold as it knifed through his shirt, but he didn’t bother with a jacket. Inside he was hot, boiling. He headed to his Jeep. One drink at the Silver Horseshoe and then he’d decide what to do—whether to chase her down or not. Kissing her had been his first mistake.

  He was about to make his second. Following her showed an incredible error in judgment, so he’d have to fight his natural instinct to take off after her.

  However, as he climbed into the Jeep, he felt as if destiny had already tossed the dice. Deep in his heart he accepted the fact that later he’d wind up at Nadine’s house.

  * * *

  “JUST FORGET HIM,” she told herself as she pinned up her hair, peeled off her robe and stepped into the warm tub of water. But keeping Hayden out of her thoughts would be near impossible. Even two glasses of Chablis hadn’t helped. She drank the first in anger and brought the second to the bathroom, hoping that a little alcohol and a warm bath would ease her aching muscles and dull the pain in her heart.

  Why she cared about Hayden, she didn’t know. He was often brooding, sometimes downright surly. Oh, sure, he could be charming, even funny, but those moments were rare.

  During the past week she’d caught him watching her and each time her heart had taken flight. She’d seen the passion simmering in his eyes, known he’d felt the same damned electricity charging the air between them.

  But why? Why was she drawn to men who only caused her pain? She took a long swallow of wine and wished she’d forget him, that his face and body wouldn’t invade her dreams and that during the day she could ignore him.

  She sank down to her chin and let the water soothe her sore muscles and balm her wounded ego. She still felt the warm imprint of Hayden’s kiss, though it had been hours since she’d seen him. She took a cloth, dipped it in the water and rubbed it over her lips, as if to erase any impression or memory of the feel of his mouth against hers, but the rough terry-cloth fabric only served to remind her of the taste and feel of him. She’d turned to putty in his hands and now she felt ashamed that she had. He’d treated her roughly, pulled a male-domination act that should have soured her stomach. Instead she’d nearly collapsed onto the floor and begged him to make love to her.

  “Stupid woman!” she whispered, tossing the cloth into a hamper in the corner of the bathroom and finishing off her wine in one long swallow. She detested women who were involved with men who didn’t respect them and she’d vowed long ago never to join that pathetic club. And yet Hayden, with one forceful kiss, seemed to have easily stolen all of her brains along with her self-respect. “Idiot,” she murmured, lathering her body and letting the warmth from the water invade her tired muscles. Only one more week, then she could kiss Mr. Big Bucks goodbye—or at least walk out the door. Kissing him would only prove dangerous.

  Hershel started barking on the front porch, and Nadine scowled. Maybe the boys had left behind something they needed. With a last longing look at the bath, she drained the tub and stepped onto the mat just as the pounding began.

  “I’m coming, I’m coming! Hold on to your pants!” she yelled as she cinched her robe around her waist and hurried through the living room.

  She yanked hard on the door and a blast of cold air rushed into the house, billowing her robe around her bare legs and causing the fire to glow. Nadine’s heart lodged in her throat as her gaze collided with Hayden’s.

  He was windblown, his face ruddy, his hair falling over blue eyes that were dark and dangerous. Without a jacket, he stood, hands braced on his hips, his features hard and set.

  Since she was paralyzed, he pushed on the door and walked into the room. “I think we need to talk.”

  “Didn’t we do enough of that already?” she taunted, and he caught he
r elbow, spinning her to face him as she tried to breeze past.

  “We yelled at each other.”

  “That’s how we communicate best.”

  “Oh, no, lady, you’re wrong,” he said, his eyes catching the light of the fire. He kicked the door shut, and she visibly jumped. “We communicate best another way.” To prove his point he drew her into his arms and his lips settled over hers. He tasted of whiskey. The scents of tobacco and fresh air clung to him and he kept walking until her back was pressed against the wall.

  She wanted to push away, but his supple mouth moved easily over hers, not hard and demanding as it had been earlier in the day, but hot and hungry, with a desperation that caused her blood to heat and her heart to pound. Her hands were placed flat against his shoulders, but she couldn’t shove him away; her strength seemed to seep from her.

  “Nadine,” he whispered roughly as he lifted his head and gazed into her eyes. His hands moved upward to cradle her face and he kissed her again, so tenderly she thought she might cry. His fingers found the pins in her hair, and he gently tugged until her flame-colored curls, still damp, fell around her face.

  His features were suddenly tortured, as if all his well-built barriers had tumbled to the ground.

  “I told myself I shouldn’t come here.”

  “I told you not to touch me again.”

  “I can’t stop myself.”

  “Willpower, Hayden,” she advised, though her own was flagging. She tried to concentrate on the hateful things he’d said this afternoon, to focus her anger at him.

  He traced her lips with his thumb and she shivered. “I never forgot you. I tried. But I never forgot you.”

  That was the alcohol talking. “You didn’t recognize me that first day.”

  “You…” He touched her hair. “You’ve changed.”

  “So have you. We shouldn’t—”

  He pressed tender lips to hers, then lifted his head. “Where’re the kids?”

  “Don’t worry, we’re alone, but…” Her heart twisted. “Hayden, this is wrong,” she forced out, her lungs tight, her skin beginning to tingle with his touch.

  “It can’t be. It feels right.”

  That was the truth, but Nadine was afraid the wine and Hayden’s sheer maleness had gone to her head. She couldn’t think straight, couldn’t make him understand. “You said awful things.”

  “So did you.”

  The past reared its ugly head. “You didn’t call. Years ago, after the accident, I waited, believing in you, but—”

  “You didn’t visit.”

  “I couldn’t…my folks…oh!” His lips trailed down the slope of her neck and his hands found the knot of her belt. Her abdomen constricted.

  Stop him! Stop him now while you still can!

  He slipped one hand between the folds of velour and cupped her breast. Her skin tingled. It had been so long…so painfully long. A soft moan escaped her throat as his thumb brushed over the tip and her nipple responded, puckering and causing an ache to spread deep within her.

  “Hayden,” she murmured as he dropped to his knees, pulling her forward and off balance enough that she had to rest her weight against him in order not to fall. “Hayden, no…” But she didn’t stop him when the robe parted and his lips captured that waiting bud. Deep in the hazy recesses of her mind, she realized that she was naked, that the robe covered only half her body, that his strong hands were kneading the small of her back as he took more of her breast in his mouth and suckled. Heat swirled at the apex of her legs, and when he lifted his head, leaving her nipple moist to the cool air, she groaned.

  He pressed his face into her abdomen and she felt liquid fire between her loins. Her legs seemed to spread of their own accord as he kissed the downy triangle below her navel. “Let me love you,” he whispered, his breath fanning that most sensitive part of her.

  A small strangled cry escaped her as he kissed her intimately. Braced against the wall, she arched closer to him, to the sweet torture of his tongue, to the ministrations of lips and teeth that sought and found, teased and conquered. She wasn’t aware that her robe had fallen away and in the firelight her naked body was visible to him. She didn’t realize that his shirt had been cast aside and that her fingers were digging into the sinewy cords of his shoulder muscles. She began to shudder and quake, and he slowly pulled her down on the floor, to lie with him. His hands molded over her, and he kissed her lips before tasting of the sweetness of her nipples again.

  “I’ve dreamed of this,” he admitted. “Oh, I’ve dreamed of this so many times….” His lips found hers again, and he guided her hand to the waistband of his jeans. Her fingers worked of their own accord, and soon he was free of clothes, his body supple and sleek. She noticed several scars on his legs before her gaze landed on the length of him, hard and proud.

  “Beautiful, beautiful, Nadine,” he said, poised above her.

  She writhed beneath him, feeling the soft scratch of his chest hair against her breasts, smelling him and tasting the saltiness of his skin.

  “I’ve waited a lifetime for this,” he admitted.

  Tears touched the backs of her eyes as his knees gently prodded her legs apart. “Me, too, Hayden. Me, too.”

  Their mouths met, tongues mated and Nadine lost all perception of time and space. He plunged downward and she arched up to meet him, eager for the feel of him. His movements were firm and hard, nearly angry, and she met each of his virile strokes with her own savage hunger.

  The lights dimmed, the world seemed to spin, and in a breathtaking final surge, he thrust into her, falling against her and flattening her breasts as she shuddered with her own release. Thoughts reeling, her breath released in short pants, she clung to him and wished that she was thirteen years younger.

  Then, they had had a chance. A future. But now they could have nothing. The course of their destinies was already set on vastly different paths. The best she could hope for was a short, passionate affair, the worst, a one-night stand.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  NADINE STRETCHED AND sighed contentedly. Her dreams had been so wickedly sensual. She’d been with Hayden…. Her eyes flew open and she felt the weight of his arm around her waist, realized that the comforting warmth against her back was his chest and that the slight tickle at the back of her neck was Hayden’s breath. His downy legs were angled beneath hers and she was as naked as a baby jaybird.

  Oh, Lord!

  She tried to scramble to a sitting position, but the hand splayed beneath her breasts pinned her close to him. “Awake?” he mumbled against her hair, and Nadine blushed.

  “I can’t believe that I…that you…that we—”

  “Believe it,” he whispered huskily, and the timbre of his voice caused a tingling to spread through her skin.

  “Hayden, this is insane!”

  “Maybe.” He lifted her hair off her neck and placed a soft kiss against her nape.

  Her silly body responded by trembling and she silently cursed herself. Sleeping with Hayden! Making love with him! Becoming one more of the women in his life who could be bought with a fancy trinket, a piece of jewelry or a few kind words. Just as her mother had predicted. A blush rose up the back of her neck as she remembered how easily, how eagerly, how desperately she’d wanted him. “This can’t happen!”

  “It already did.” He kissed her ear, and she shuddered.

  “Stop it! I’m serious—”

  “So am I.” He gently rotated her, forcing her to stare into slumbrous blue eyes. The hint of a smile played in the darkening shadow of his beard and for the first time since seeing him again she caught a glimmer of the boy who had captured her heart so many years before.

  “We’ve behaved horribly,” she said, but couldn’t help the grin that tugged at the corners of her mouth.

  “W
antonly,” he agreed, his face a sudden mask of mock-seriousness. But his eyes twinkled.

  “Without any responsibility whatsoever.”

  Nodding, he said, “We should be punished.”

  “Punished?”

  “Mmm.” He threw back the covers and his gaze raked down her body. “Let’s start with you.”

  “Me?” she said nervously.

  “You’ve been very, very bad.” He brushed his lips across hers softly, deepened the kiss, then when she responded, drew back his head. “Uh-uh.” Rolling her onto her back, he took both her wrists in one hand and held them over her head.

  “Hey, wait a minute—”

  “You wait,” he said, his eyes darkening. “In fact, be as patient as you can.” He kissed her again, longer this time, his tongue flicking into her mouth and scraping over her teeth. Nadine tried to return the kiss, to mold her mouth to his, but he lifted his head. “Patience,” he growled.

  “I’m not a patient person—ooh!”

  Still holding her hands over her head, he ran his tongue down the length of her neck, leaving a slick impression. Her body arched upward and her nipples stood erect, anticipating his touch. So slowly she thought she might go mad, he kissed the cleft between her breasts and rimmed each nipple with his tongue. Heat exploded within her and the center of her womanhood felt empty and moist. Thoughts of their lovemaking long into the night filled her head.

  His teeth found the tip of one nipple and nibbled. Nadine moaned. Her hips lifted anxiously. “Hayden.”

  “I’m here.” To prove his point, he kissed her other breast, while his free hand lowered along her side, tickling the curve of her waist before settling against her hips. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of her rump.

  An explosion deep inside rocked her and she bucked. Gazing up at him, she saw his pupils dilate and the sweat upon his forehead. So this was hard on him. Good. His muscles were tense, gleaming with perspiration.

  “Patience,” she whispered up at him, and with a groan, his mouth closed over hers again. His hand moved to part her legs and touch the soft wetness buried within. Her eyes closed and she lost track of time. Hayden’s mouth and fingers seemed to be everywhere.