by Sandy Taylor
I didn’t have a particular day off, I could come and go whenever I liked, as long as I wasn’t needed by Eddie, and today, I’d joined Daddy and Stevie on the milk round. Stevie was now able to fill the jugs with milk that our neighbours brought out to the cart; it made him feel useful and it was good for him to get out and about. It also took some of the load off Grandad Doyle. Daddy paid Stevie every Friday and my little brother was proud to be earning his own money.
‘Your mammy used to help on the round when she was a child,’ said Daddy. ‘That was when she first encountered Miss Caroline Bretton, who threatened to have her thrashed for being rude to her.’
‘What had Mammy done?’ said Stevie.
‘She called her Miss Baggy-knickers.’
‘Really?’ I said. ‘She really called her Miss Baggy-knickers?’
‘She did,’ said Daddy, grinning, ‘and Miss Caroline never let her forget it.’
‘She’s better now, Daddy,’ I said, gently. ‘The accident has softened her.’
Daddy nodded. ‘Sometimes it takes a tragedy like this for people to appreciate what they had and what they have lost.’
‘We’ve become friends.’
‘I imagine it is your love for Eddie that has brought you together. Am I right?’
‘That’s exactly it.’
‘Then I am glad for you both.’
‘Miss Baggy-knickers,’ said Stevie, giggling, and we giggled all the way home.
* * *
Dr Kennedy called at the Hall twice a week and brought news of the town. Eddie and I enjoyed his visits. He was a kind, clever man and we both respected him. Sometimes they played chess together – Eddie had tried to teach me but however often he explained it, I just couldn’t get the hang of it, so it was a treat when he could play the game with the doctor. One autumn afternoon, as I was reading to Eddie, there was a tap on the door and Dr Kennedy came into the room.
I closed the book and smiled at him.
‘And what thrilling adventures are you reading today?’ he said.
I handed him the book. ‘David Copperfield,’ I said, ‘by Charles Dickens.’
‘Good choice,’ he said, smiling. ‘My favourite book by that gentleman is Bleak House, but you can’t go wrong with any of them, for he’s as fine a writer as you will ever have the pleasure of reading.’
‘This isn’t your usual day for visiting,’ said Eddie.
The doctor pulled up a chair and sat between us. ‘I have something I wanted to tell you myself,’ he said, ‘before you heard it from someone else.’
I couldn’t imagine what he had to say.
‘The time has come for me to retire,’ he continued. ‘These old bones need a bit of a rest.’
I could see that Eddie looked shocked by the news; Dr Kennedy had cared for him all his life and given him comfort and friendship since the accident. ‘You will be missed,’ he said sadly.
‘By everyone,’ I added. It wasn’t just me and my family who would miss him. The whole town would miss this dedicated man, who came out in all weathers to help the sick and troubled. He wasn’t just a doctor, he had become a friend to so many people over the years. I thought of all the times he had helped our family, ferrying Mammy and Stevie up to the hospital in Cork and rushing to Mammy’s side when I thought that Malachi was dead.
‘Ah, they’ll soon forget me when they have a young doctor with his finger on the pulse, so to speak. It’s what the town needs. Medicine is moving forwards every day and a fresh new brain is just what the doctor ordered.’ He chuckled at his own joke.
‘You’ll still visit us, won’t you?’ I said.
‘Of course, I’ll need something to fill my time and who better to visit than yourselves? Besides, Eddie is two games up on me and I’m a sore loser,’ he said, grinning.
‘But who will take your place, doctor?’ said Eddie.
‘Well, it just so happens that I brought him with me. Would you like to meet him? He’s just outside.’
Eddie nodded.
Dr Kennedy opened the door and Finn Casey walked into the room.
Forty-Three
It was Kitty’s day off and we were sitting on the wall watching Sean and Malachi playing in the sand. They weren’t babies anymore; Sean was six and Malachi was five and they loved each other like brothers. Autumn had always been my favourite season but today felt more like the middle of winter. There was just greyness where the sky met the sea, it was hard to tell where the sky ended and the sea began. There was a bitterly cold wind that would take the nose off you and heavy dark clouds were threatening rain at any minute. Further along the beach the waves were dashing and splashing against the rocks under the lighthouse, throwing white foam up into the air. We were both frozen but the boys didn’t seem to mind one bit and they were having such a great time that we didn’t want to drag them away. Me and Kitty would rather have been in Minnie’s, sitting by the fire, drinking hot tea and eating buns.
I could feel Kitty shivering beside me. ‘If it starts to rain, we’re going,’ she said. We sat on the wall, staring out over the grey choppy sea. ‘Are you going to stay in Ballybun forever, Nora?’ said Kitty. ‘I’d be awful glad if you did, because even though I have Tommy, I’ve missed you.’
‘I’ve missed you too, Kitty.’
‘Even with all your new friends?’
I nodded. ‘They are all lovely but they didn’t sit on the graveyard wall marking funerals out of ten. They weren’t there when we crawled through the fence and met Eddie and they weren’t there when Malachi was born. We have a history, you and I, that I will never have with anyone else. A king once said, “Bring me my old slippers, for they know my feet better than the new ones.”’
‘So, I’m a pair of old slippers now, am I?’ said Kitty, laughing.
I slipped my arm through hers. ‘I think maybe you are,’ I said. ‘Just as I hope that’s what I am to you.’
Just then we heard the rumble of thunder. Kitty, who was terrified of lightning, jumped down off the wall and dragged an unwilling Sean away from his sandcastle. He set up a wail of protest at this interruption, which started Malachi wailing as well.
‘We’ll get you both a sticky bun,’ promised Kitty, which shut them up immediately.
As the four of us crossed over the road to Minnie’s, the heavens opened and we broke into a run. We sat at the table closest to the fire. It was lovely to feel the warmth on our bare legs. Kitty put a couple of logs on it and they spat and hissed in the grate, sending a blast of warmth into the café. Once Sean and Malachi were happily eating their buns, I told Kitty about the new doctor being none other than Finn Casey.
‘Finn Casey?’ she said, her face lighting up. ‘My Finn Casey?’
‘I wouldn’t let Tommy hear you say that,’ I said, grinning.
‘Of course, I won’t, but Finn Casey. Is he still as gorgeous as ever?’
‘He’s an Adonis,’ I said.
‘Grandad Doyle?’
‘The very person. It means a handsome man.’
‘And he’s the new doctor?’
‘He is.’
‘How did that happen?’
‘Finn has been staying at his aunt’s after his uncle died in the car crash and was about to go back to England to look for a job when Doctor Kennedy told him that he was retiring and how did he feel about staying in Ballybun and taking over from him.’
‘The only trouble with that,’ said Kitty, grinning, ‘is that you could only go and see him if you had a problem from the neck up.’
I started giggling. ‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ I said, ‘but you’re right, so let’s pray to God that we don’t develop any afflictions lower than that.’
‘I suppose a broken leg would be okay,’ said Kitty.
‘That wouldn’t be so bad.’
‘I suppose you’ll be seeing a lot of him then,’ said Kitty, making a ‘poor me’ face.
I nodded. ‘Doctor Kennedy called in a few times a week to check on Eddie, so I suppos
e Finn will be doing the same.’
‘You lucky old thing, Nora Doyle. You’ll probably end up falling in love with him and becoming a doctor’s wife. Imagine how beautiful your kids will be.’
‘For Heaven’s sake, Kitty, I’ve got Joe, so I won’t be falling under the spell of Doctor Finn Casey, however gorgeous he is.’
Kitty sighed. ‘You say that now, but when he’s leaning over Eddie being all doctorly, you might change your mind.’
‘Well, I won’t,’ I said. ‘Would you give up Tommy Nolan for Finn Casey if you got the chance?’
A dreamy look came over Kitty’s face. ‘I wouldn’t give up Tommy Nolan for anyone.’
‘Well, there you are.’
‘What’s it like living there?’
‘It’s like nothing I’ve ever known before.’
‘I hated the place. All those bloody pictures of old men staring down from the walls. They gave me the creeps. I used to have to dust them and I swear to God that their eyes followed me whenever I moved.’
‘You have a vivid imagination, Kitty Quinn.’
‘I hated working there. Miss Caroline had it in for me, Nora. If she was coming up the stairs and I was going down, I had to go back up again because I wasn’t allowed to pass her. She was an awful baggage of a woman, she scared the bejeebers out of me.’
‘She scared the bejeebers out of me too, but she’s changed, Kitty. The accident has changed her.’
‘I suppose it was a terrible sad thing to happen, losing your whole family in one go like that.’
‘But she still has Eddie, and however much of a baggage she was, I’m glad that he has her.’
‘I still wouldn’t trust her,’ said Kitty.
‘I’m beginning to. There’s a softness about her that I’d never seen before and she’s so gentle with Eddie.’
‘I’ll just have to take your word for that, Nora, for I’ve never seen that side of her.’
‘But it’s there, Kitty.’
‘Is she the owner of Bretton Hall now?’
‘I’m not sure, I think that maybe it would have passed down to Eddie.’
‘So where do you come into it? After all, he was your father too and you’re the eldest.’
Such a thing had never crossed my mind. How could a girl from Paradise Alley inherit Bretton Hall?
‘I wouldn’t want it, Kitty. I wasn’t born to it, and anyway, what would I do with a place like that?’
‘You could live in it with Finn Casey,’ said Kitty, grinning.
‘And pigs might fly.’
‘I wish Henry could fly, that pig smells something rotten.’
‘You’d miss him.’
‘The only one that would miss him is Breda. If she had her way the pair of them would quite happily live under the table.’
Minnie brought our tea and buns to the table.
‘My sister was asking after you, Nora,’ said Minnie, sitting down with us. ‘She says that everyone is missing you at Finnigan’s.’
‘That’s nice of her, Minnie. I miss them too, I loved working there,’ I said.
‘Have you any notion of going back to Dublin?’
Mammy and Daddy had been asking me the same question and Kitty had just asked the same thing on the beach.
‘Eddie needs me, Minnie,’ I said.
‘But don’t you think that you should be getting on with your own life? What can you do for that poor boy?’
‘I read to him, it gives him some peace.’
‘You are a kind girl, Nora, but you have your whole life ahead of you and you can’t spend it reading to a poor boy who will never walk again. I’m sorry for him, of course I am, but you owe the Brettons nothing and neither does your mammy.’
‘Minnie’s right, you know, Nora,’ said Kitty gently.
‘I promised him that I would stay for as long as he needs me.’
‘Then I’ll say no more,’ said Minnie, standing up. ‘You’re a sensible enough girl and I’m sure you’ll make the right decision in the end. The trouble with kindness is that it can be taken advantage of.’
‘Don’t worry about me, Minnie, for I’m not being taken advantage of, I promise you that.’
‘I’m glad to hear it, Nora, for the Brettons have done your family no favours.’
Sean and Malachi had fallen asleep with icing smeared all over their faces. I thought about what Minnie had just said, but my mind was made up. I would stay with Eddie, even if it meant that we would grow old together, reading every book in the library.
Forty-Four
After a week of wind and rain the sun had come out. Eddie was asleep, so me and Finn went outside for some air. The trees were almost bare, the leaves covering the lawn like a patchwork quilt of reds and golds and browns, and gathering in the corners of the steps leading down to the gardens. They were slippery under foot and Finn put his hand under my elbow.
‘We don’t want you falling,’ he said. ‘One patient at a time is enough.’
I looked across at the tall trees that hid the garden. ‘I wish Eddie could see the garden before autumn ends,’ I said. Eddie had told Finn about the secret garden so he knew what I was talking about.
‘He could, you know,’ said Finn. ‘It would do him good to get outside, it’s not healthy for him to be cooped up in that bedroom every day.’
‘But how could we get him out?’
‘A wheelchair. I think Miss Caroline would be alright with that – she wants the best for him and I think that the best thing for him is a change of scenery.’
The thought of Eddie being back in the place he loved filled me with joy. ‘What a wonderful idea,’ I said, smiling. ‘We could take him there every day, we could take him back to the garden.’
‘We could,’ said Finn, smiling down at me. ‘He’s lucky to have you, Nora.’
‘I’m lucky to have him. I thought I would never see him again after Caroline refused to let me visit him.’
‘Love is a strange thing,’ said Finn. ‘It makes you forget about yourself and put the one you love above everything else, and maybe that is what has happened to her.’
I thought about Joe. I hadn’t put him above everything else – did that mean I didn’t love him enough? My mind was all over the place when I thought about him but the one thing that I was certain of was that I was where I was supposed to be, and for now that’s all I could think about.
‘A penny for them,’ said Finn softly.
‘I have a boy in Dublin, Finn.’
‘And you’re missing him?’
I didn’t answer, because I didn’t know what to say that would make any sense.
‘It will all come right, Nora. Life has a way of taking you to the right place and maybe for you, right now, this is the place you are meant to be.’
Finn’s words comforted me, because I knew he was right – this was where I was meant to be. He seemed to be able to look into my heart and know what I was thinking. I had no regrets, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t love Joe.
Finn and I walked through the beautiful grounds of Bretton Hall. The sun shone down on the still, wet leaves, turning the lawn into a magical multi-coloured carpet. We didn’t speak as we walked, but it was a companionable silence. Finn was a man now, and not the young boy I had spent time with when I was staying at Granny Collins’s farm. I had thought about him from time to time since then – something would remind me of that time we’d spent together. Eating lunch under the tree and watching Rosie galloping around the field – it had been a happy time and I’d found myself missing him when he’d returned to England.
We had become friends back then, even though I must have seemed like a child to him. There was something about Finn that made me feel safe – I felt that I could talk to him about anything and he would understand and, even more importantly, Eddie liked him as well.
* * *
Caroline agreed that the chair would be a great idea and wondered why no one had thought of it before. We didn’t tell Eddie about it
– we wanted it to be a surprise – and two weeks later, when it arrived, we were standing outside the bedroom door, all of us excited to see Eddie’s reaction. We opened the door and Finn wheeled the chair inside.
But Eddie stared at it in horror and shouted, ‘Take it away!’
Caroline was at his side in a second. She knelt beside the bed and held his hand. ‘What’s the matter, darling?’
‘I said, take it away!’ he shouted again. ‘Take the bloody thing away and never bring it back.’
We had got it wrong; something that we thought Eddie would love, he hated.
Caroline fled from the room, tears running down her face. Finn began to follow her with the chair, but I shook my head and he left it where it was, closing the door behind him.
I walked across to the window.
‘What are you still doing here?’ snapped Eddie. I continued to look out of the window.
‘It’s my job to look after you,’ I said. ‘It’s what you pay me for.’
‘Well, I want to be left alone.’
‘Okay,’ I said, turning around. Eddie’s face was red and angry. ‘So, you don’t like the chair, but you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’
‘I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it,’ he said, glaring at me.
‘Do you think we did this to make you unhappy? Do you think that the three of us put our heads together and thought, “I know, we’ll get him something he hates,” and decided that what you would hate most was a wheelchair. Is that what you think?’
He mumbled something.
‘Speak up, Eddie, I can’t hear you.’
‘No,’ he said softly, ‘of course I don’t think that.’
‘Then what is it?’
‘I won’t be pushed around like a baby.’
‘Stevie said that to me once.’
Eddie looked at me. ‘Did he?’
‘Yes, I’d been telling him about the garden and he wanted to see it but his legs wouldn’t carry him that far. I suggested that we used Malachi’s pushchair and he said he wouldn’t be pushed through the town like a baby for everyone to see.’
