“I know you’re not, Nicholas. You need to understand: when I met my ex, I thought he was the nicest guy I had ever met. He charmed me completely; looking back there were tons of red flags that I should have seen but I didn’t. By the time I finally realized what was going on, it was too late; he had already taken complete control over my life. He made me quit my job, which meant I had no money of my own; I couldn’t leave him even if I had wanted to. When I was finally able to leave, I swore I would never allow myself to be put in situation like that again. I never want to have to choose between my safety and having a roof over my head. I need… I need this in there for me. I need to know that I’m not trapped if things suddenly turn and everything I thought I knew about you ends up not being true.”
“I understand, Kenzie. I’ll have your out clause added to the prenup. I don’t want you to ever feel trapped with me, especially if we move forward with this new arrangement.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that.”
“What other questions do you have?”
“How would this look? I mean… who would know that this wasn’t a real marriage?”
“No one; just you and me. Well, I suppose Carter and Julie would piece it together eventually, but it is not something that should be disclosed to anyone. Just like our current arrangement with Bridget, the less people who know the better.”
“Speaking of Bridget, how exactly would that work? I mean, surely she would be upset with this? We’re essentially taking her money away, right?”
“I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing the contract we have and there are several termination clauses in there. One such clause allows for us to engage in a romantic relationship outside of the contract with her. I would meet with her, explain that you and I have fallen in love while spending time together under her contract and will be moving forward with our relationship.”
“That’s it? She would just let us break the contract?”
“Not exactly… as with most business contracts, there’s a penalty that would be paid to break the contract with this clause.”
“A penalty?”
“More of a fine I guess you could say. I would make a final payment to her in exchange for the termination of both of our contracts.”
“Oh…”
“I don’t expect any problems to come from terminating the contract; the clause is in there for a reason, so I’m sure this is not the first time that clients are requesting to terminate the contract to engage in a personal relationship.”
“That makes sense. I remember her saying that some clients have fallen in love, even if that wasn’t the intention of the arrangement.”
“Don’t worry about Bridget, if you agree to this new arrangement I will take care of her.”
“Your family… they wouldn’t know about… this?”
“No, they would believe, like everyone else, that we are getting married for love. Does that bother you?”
“I… I kind of feel like we’re deceiving them.”
“We are… but they won’t get hurt from it.”
“I like your family; I’ve enjoyed spending time with them. I don’t want them to hate me when this ends.”
“They won’t, Kenzie, I promise. We will present the dissolve of our marriage as an amicable one—we’ll come up with something so neither of us are at fault for the ending. I won’t let your name get dragged through the mud by anyone, including my family.”
“I just don’t want to hurt them.”
“You won’t. My family would be thrilled if we were to get married; they adore you as it is. You won my mother over when you stayed the weekend with me. Even my mother said, what you did that weekend was something my ex never would have done.”
“She wouldn’t have taken care of you if you were sick?”
“She wouldn’t have cancelled her plans and given up her entire weekend to take care of me. That just wasn’t the type of person she was. If there wasn’t something in it for her, she didn’t want to be involved. My family knows you’re not like that, which is one of the reasons why they like you so much. When the time comes, we will find a way to explain the end of our marriage to everyone so that neither of us is to blame.”
“When we do end this arrangement, what happens to us? I mean…”
“I would hope we could remain friends, Kenzie. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you, and I don’t expect that to change just because we are no longer in an arrangement together. I’d like to remain friends with you after this is over; maybe go to dinner or something to catch up.”
“I’d like that too.”
Noting her glass is empty, I refill it without asking. I’m determined to slowly undo all of the things that the asshole did to her, especially the rules he put in place, which she still subconsciously follows. I have no intention of getting her drunk, especially when we need to have a serious discussion, but I want her to eventually become comfortable enough to have more than one drink with me. Although, part of me can’t help but wonder what she’s like when she has a little too much to drink. Does she get silly? Flirty? Does she speak her mind?
“So, there’s one other thing…”
“What is it, Kenzie?” She suddenly looks nervous again.
I thought she had finally relaxed but her voice is shaky again which makes me a little concerned about what she’s going to say next. I don’t think she realizes that she has all the power in this negotiation; that whatever she asks for I will give her if it means she will agree to this new arrangement with me.
“Kenzie?” I encourage her by squeezing her hand.
“The extramarital affair clause… I want it removed.”
Okay… not at all what I was expecting. I was prepared for her to ask for a monetary settlement, some type of a weekly paycheck or something. I was not prepared for her to ask me to remove the clause I specifically put in the prenup.
“I’m not sure you understand the clause—“
“I do. The clause states that either of us can have an affair as long as it is done discretely and that the both of us have agreed that there is no chance of the press learning about the affair.”
“Yes…” Okay, she understands the clause and still wants it removed? That doesn’t make sense. I thought she would be grateful that the clause would be in there; it wouldn’t mean she had to put her love life on hold because of this arrangement.
“I’d like the clause removed,” her voice has become more confident and unlike earlier, she is now looking at me. I think now that she has gotten the words out there, she is no longer nervous. I, on the other hand, have no idea what to think. If I remove this clause, I am essentially committing myself to at least eighteen months of celibacy, possibly even longer. I may have just gone the last six months without fucking someone, but the thought of almost two years without is ridiculous.
“Kenzie… I put the clause in there specifically to benefit both of us. I’m asking you to give up a lot; I can’t ask you to give up your love life—“
“My what?” she nearly chokes on her wine.
“Your love life—I don’t expect you to give that up for this arrangement.”
“I… I don’t have a love life, Nicholas. I told you before I never thought I would get married, so you’re not taking some dream from me.”
“If not your love life then, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your sex life for this arrangement,” perhaps if I say it bluntly she will understand the purpose of this clause.
“Before the weekend you were sick, I hadn’t been alone with a man since the night I left him. And sex… that stopped a long time before that night. You’re not asking me to give up anything in that sense. However, I understand what I’m asking you to give up by removing this clause.”
“I…”
I’m speechless. I have no idea what else she said; but if I heard her correctly she hasn’t had sex in a long time. How could that fucker not want to sleep with her? I haven’t been able to not picture fucking her since the day we
first met; the only thing that stops me is knowing that she could never want what I have to offer. Well… and that it would complicate things too much between us.
“I know what I’m asking of you is a lot. Unfortunately, though, I cannot sign the prenup and agree to this arrangement if you are going to have an affair. This may not be a real marriage by any definition but I still want and expect you to be faithful to me. I understand to some guys sex is just sex, that there’s no emotional connection to the woman they are with at the time. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with sitting here in an apartment that we will be sharing while you’re out with another woman.”
“Kenzie, if you’re worried about the press, I can assure you—“
“It’s not that,” she takes a deep breath and her eyes once again find the floor; a habit I’ve noticed she does when she is nervous, scared or embarrassed about something. “My mother… she was never faithful to men and in turn, they were never faithful to her. I can remember some guy’s girlfriend showing up on our doorstep cursing out my mother because he was with her last night. Or my mother bringing home men and then having their wives call our house the next day looking for them. My childhood was a fucking mess, Nicholas—there are somethings I just can’t go back to. I know things wouldn’t be like that, but I… I just don’t think I can ever be okay with sitting here while you’re out sleeping with someone.”
“Kenzie… I….”
Fuck, I don’t know what to say. She has never spoken about her childhood to me; all I know is even before she met that dickhead, someone made her believe that she didn’t deserve to be loved. Now, she’s sitting in front of me asking me for one thing, while giving me the smallest glimpse into what her childhood was like.
“I know it’s a lot to ask, and it’s okay if you can’t agree to it. I know eighteen months or longer is a long time to ask you to go without… a woman. If you would rather just continue with our current arrangement—“
“No,” I quickly interrupt before she can finish her suggestion. Our current arrangement won’t work—that’s why I need her to agree to this new one. While I don’t like the idea of going that long without fucking a woman, I realize if this is the one contingency that Kenzie is giving me, I need to concede. Contract negotiations are about giving and taking… I usually come out taking far more than I’m giving, but perhaps this is one time I need to give more. “If I agree to remove the extramarital affair clause, you… you would agree to this marriage?”
“I will, yes.”
I take a deep breath, mentally making a note to contact the club first thing in the morning to cancel my membership, and cross out the section of the prenup that allows for both of us to have affairs.
“I will make these changes and then send you the revised version to sign. You and I will be the only ones with copies of this document; normally I would file the contract with my legal department, but given the sensitive nature of this contract I have decided against it. I will keep my copy in the safe here in my office; I would prefer you to keep your contract in here or in a safety deposit box in a bank so that no one can gain access to it.”
“Of course… Nicholas, I appreciate you removing the clause. I know—”
“Kenzie, it’s nothing. What I’m asking of you is so much more than what you are asking me to give up.”
Chapter 4
Nicholas
As we walk to the dining room, I’m still in complete disbelief. Disbelief that she agreed to this new arrangement and disbelief that I’m about to give up fucking for the foreseeable future. I see many long nights and cold showers in my future, but it will all be worth it when this saves PFS. I’ll sacrifice anything to not lose everything that I have worked this hard to gain.
“So… how exactly is this going to work?” Kenzie pulls me from my thoughts after Julie sets are plates in front of us.
“Before we can do anything, I need to speak with Bridget to inform her that we are terminating our contract with her. I don’t know if she will want to verify this with you first—“
“That’s fine, if she does.”
“Once our contract is terminated with her, we can move forward with our marriage. I would like to move quickly with the wedding itself; I don’t want to prolong the engagement and give the press more time to print non-sense about us.”
“Sure, that makes sense.”
“We’ll tell my family of the engagement of course, but I think otherwise I would rather just have PFS’s public relations department announce our marriage. If we announce an engagement, the press will hound us more than they do already to find out where the wedding will be and I’m afraid it will be a security nightmare.”
“Where will the wedding be?”
“I don’t know…” I admit I haven’t thought that far yet. “What type of wedding do you want?”
“Something small if possible. I obviously don’t know very many people in New York, so the wedding will mostly be your friends and family.”
“I know you said you never thought you would get married after… what happened. But when you were little, I’m sure you dreamed of a wedding. I know Cara has since she was little and played Barbies.”
“I think every girl had their dream wedding planned out when they were little.”
“What was yours?”
“I wanted to get married on a beach somewhere, barefoot with my feet in the sand. Just a few guests with us, and the ocean waves crashing in the background.”
“Sounds very nice.”
“What about you? What type of a wedding did you see yourself having?”
“I never thought I would get married, so I never considered what my wedding would be like.”
“Your… ex, she didn’t want to get married?”
“Oh, I’m sure that was her ultimate goal, but we never discussed it.”
“Oh.”
“Assuming I can speak with Bridget tomorrow morning, are you able to come to my parents’ on Sunday for dinner? I thought perhaps we could announce our engagement then?”
“Sure, I’m free all day.”
“I know we have the charity dinner tomorrow night, but we should find a time to move your belongings in here as well. I will have Julie prepare the bedroom you stayed in when you were here for the weekend unless you have any objections to it?”
“No, that room was perfect.”
“Great, I’ll arrange for movers to pack—“
“Ummm, no, I would rather pack my own things.”
“Are you sure? It’s not an issue; we use movers at PFS all the time.”
“I would rather pack my own stuff. I don’t feel comfortable having someone else pack my things.”
“If you’re sure?” she nods. “Do you need much time to pack your things? I’m thinking maybe we should have everything moved in this weekend.”
“No, I don’t have very much as you saw.”
“How’s Sunday then? Ben and Hunter should be able to move everything when we’re at dinner?”
“That will be fine. I can pack up everything tomorrow before dinner.”
“Kenzie… I really can’t thank you enough for agreeing to this. I know this wasn’t an easy decision for you…”
“If this is what it will take to help you save PFS, then it will be worth it. I’m happy I can help you do that.”
“You amaze me sometimes. You could have asked me for anything, any amount of money, and I would have given it to you but you didn’t.”
“Money isn’t everything, Nicholas.”
“It certainly isn’t.”
We fall into a comfortable silence as we eat dinner; I can’t help but watch Kenzie in amazement that she agreed to this whole arrangement. I had hoped she would agree to it, but I kept thinking the worst… that she would say what I knew all along, that what I was asking of her was too much. I wish I knew what was going through her head when she was reading the prenup last night; I was so tempted to bring her down the bottles of wine personally and offer to sit w
ith her while she read the contract. Ultimately though, I knew that she wouldn’t want that; I knew that I had to respect her request for some time alone to process everything and to read through the contract.
“Did you hear me, Nicholas?” Kenzie pulls me from my thoughts that I seem to have been lost in.
“Oh, sorry… what did you say?”
“Don’t you think people will find it odd that we are sleeping in separate bedrooms? I’m not trying to suggest… I just want to make sure we have our bases covered.”
“Anyone who will come in here will know me, Kenzie. I… I have nightmares most nights and therefore I won’t share a bed with anyone. My family is aware of this, so they won’t suspect anything if they notice we are sleeping separately. Julie and Carter are used to it as well; that was the arrangement with… my ex.”
“But you slept with me…”
“I did.”
Neither of us says anything next; the fact that I slept comfortably with her the night she woke up screaming still baffles me. I still don’t know if I had a nightmare when she was in my room the first night I was sick; she hasn’t mentioned it but then again neither have I. Although I’m dreading the first nightmare I have when she is living here…
“So, we have the charity dinner tomorrow and then with your family on Sunday?” she knows the answer to her question, but I get the impression she is trying to change the subject.
“Yes, when we come back here, after dinner on Sunday, everything should be moved into the bedroom upstairs. If you need other space in here, there are plenty of guest bedrooms that can be turned into an office or anything else you want.”
“I don’t need much; the bedroom is fine.”
“There’s one other thing we need to discuss…” I purposely waited until the last possible minute to bring this issue up. I don’t know if Kenzie has thought about it yet, but I feel we need to discuss it to make sure we’re both on the same page.
“Okay…” she’s obviously cautious, not knowing what I want to discuss.
“The press… You know they’re a thorn in my side and the entire reason for this new arrangement,” she nods in agreement. “They’re going to need to believe that we’re in love. I know our original agreement with Bridget didn’t include much physical displays of affection, but—“
On Her Terms (The Arrangement Duet Book 2) Page 4
