by Lacey Silks
I turned on my side, thinking about Axel’s naked body, remembering how hot he felt against my skin. My hand slid to my engorged breasts. I squeezed the right one, the same way he had, and pinched my nipple between my fingers with the exact pressure with which his lips had caressed it not long ago. My mouth parted, imagining his tongue swirling and teasing, and I slid my hand lower, over my belly, until I touched the heat between my legs. I was wet and swollen. I drew the moisture up to my clit and massaged it, thinking about Axel: his tender touch and curious tongue. The circles underneath my fingers tightened. My breath hitched and my body heated, responding to the stimulation. I writhed on the sheets, desperate to find a cooler spot and eager to finish off what I started as fast as possible. Thinking about Axel’s thick fingers, remembering how he’d beckoned me to come toward him and how he held onto my hips, imagining pulling my tongue over the creases of his v-shape underneath his navel while he explored my lower half with his mouth, were driving me crazy. The hot sweat beading over my body turned cold as I felt light-headed. My legs tensed, then released, and tensed up again.
“Axel,” I whispered, stroking faster, concentrating all my energy on the enlarged nub underneath my middle and fore-finger, drawing more juices to slick over its heat.
A jitter coursed through my legs. My upper arm ached from the onslaught. I brought my chin to my chest and opened my mouth. Sweat dripped down my forehead and between my breasts.
A pulse of energy burst out from between my legs, shaking me uncontrollably as every muscle linked by tendons was bound into tight balls. My thighs quivered under the pressure, and the sexual energy coursing through me was sucked from my body and drawn to my pussy. My back arched and my hips pushed harder against my fingers, forcing the fierce touch to ignite my skin until I broke apart, shaking, stroking harder, quivering as the burst of orgasm tore from underneath my fingers, zapping out through my toes.
I collapsed, unable to move, think, or speak. My arms flapped to the sides, my arched back lowered to the sheets, and I became a noodle.
Soaked, I settled into the pillows, hugging one tightly against my chest, and fell asleep. My dreams took me back to a time when a possible happy future was crushed.
* * *
“I’m so in love!” Chloe gushed over the new man in her life. “I can’t wait for you to meet him.”
I’d picked her up at the train station an hour before. We were fifteen minutes away from home, northwest of Washington. Feeling the car’s control slip underneath my fingers, I gripped the steering wheel harder. I turned on the wipers as snow and rain plastered the front window, trying to glue itself there permanently. The asphalt glistened underneath the dust of snow, and I paid attention to the tracks left behind by the car ahead. While at this moment I wished Chloe had chosen the morning train instead of the midnight one, I couldn’t be happier that she was here.
“I’m just happy you’re back. Mom and Dad were so worried. If it weren’t for the weekly postcards, they would have sent out a search party.” It had been two years since my sister had left home. The morning after her graduation party, she’d disappeared. And it was all my fault. “I missed you.”
“I’m going to fix things, Pat. And I’m not going to run again – ever. I’m not going to let that bastard get away.”
“Chloe, I’m so sorry about that night—”
“—It wasn’t your fault.”
“Of course it was.”
“No, Pat. It wasn’t. It was all Jack’s fault.”
“You wouldn’t have gone downstairs if it weren’t for me. I was jealous. I’m so sorry.”
“Why were you jealous?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I saw you in the bathroom with Nick, kissing him.”
“Okay?”
“Well, earlier in the night, he was kissing me, asking me out. The asshole didn’t even care. He was cheating even before we went out.”
I’d felt so broken when I saw him and Chloe lip-locked that night, thinking how my sister could do that to me.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“I know that now. But I think Jack saw you as well. That’s why he came to me, asking to get you to the basement.”
“I broke up with him earlier in the day when I saw him feeling up another girl.”
“Holy shit! Do all men cheat? What is wrong with them?”
“Not all of them.” Her voice became dreamy; whomever she was thinking about must have been pretty special.
“You have to tell me all about this guy who’s making you smile.”
“I will. But I have some unfinished business first.”
“With Jack? Chloe, just forget him. He’s not worth it.”
“I can’t. If he could do all that to me, then he could do it to others. I shouldn’t have run away. I should have fixed it before I left. If Jack thinks he’s paid for his sins, he’s wrong.”
“Paid how?”
“Let’s just say we won’t be seeing him at his father’s side in the office. But I don’t want to think about him now. Now tell me what you’ve been up to. How’s work?”
The swiping motion of the wipers was beginning to strain my eyes as we weaved up the mountain road. On top of that, someone was tailgating me, shining their high beams in my rear-view mirror.
“We’re going to test a camera arm for the space shuttle in the vacuum next week.”
“Next thing you’ll tell me is that you’re going to the moon.”
It was so good to hear the sound of her laughter.
“Nope, not going to happen. My feet are very happy when they’re on Earth. Are you working?”
“I am. I’m a personal interior designer and decorator.”
“Seriously? That’s amazing, Chloe. It’s what you’ve always wanted to do. Wait, does that mean you won’t be moving closer to home?”
“I don’t think so. I have a new life now, Pat. And I’m very happy. I’m ready to put the past behind me. You should too.”
“I’m trying.” I sighed.
“How’s Mom?”
“She couldn’t stop crying the moment you called. She wanted to come pick you up, Dad too, but we didn’t want to overwhelm you.”
“Good. I think it’s better this way. I have a lot of apologizing to do.”
“For what?”
“For leaving without saying a word. Disappearing.”
“Those first few days, we thought you were dead. Mom must have come up with a hundred possibilities of a kidnapping. I’m not sure what would have happened if it weren’t for your postcards.”
“I’m sorry I put you all through hell.”
“Hey, I deserved it. “
“Pat, stop saying that. Please?” Chloe reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly. I felt a lump in my throat.
“Okay.”
That was the last exchange I remembered between us. They told me later that the roads were so slippery, I lost control. All I remembered was the feeling of the back of the car going faster than the front, and I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t remember much after that moment: just a lot of force underneath the steering wheel and a bright flash in the rear-view mirror. I swerved, and our car rolled off the cliff, fifty feet into the valley below, and skidded along the bank into the river. Where Chloe was sitting, on the passenger side, it filled with water. Sometimes I had nightmares, imagining how it all happened; other times, I was sure they were snippets of memories I chose to forget as my sister struggled for breath. Pinned under the wreckage, she couldn’t get out – the water was coming in too fast. I screamed, but it felt like nothing was coming out of my mouth.
“Chloe! Seatbelt. Get it off.”
Her eyes glossed over as the water reached her chin.
“I can’t,” she slurped. She took her last breath and submerged.
Sometimes I could still hear her gurgling. I would never forget the sound of her drowning.
That was all that came back to me later on. And I still wasn’t sure whether it w
as how it had happened or how I imagined it had happened. The cause of the crash was blamed on the weather, and I took all that blame from Mother Nature and carried it on my shoulders.
My chest squeezed as if my heart had gone hundreds of feet down into the ocean. I faded in and out of consciousness. The feeling of dread and death hovering above me lasted forever, until one day I woke up. My mother was at my bedside. Her eyes were swollen and outlined with dark shadows. Her face so tired, I was afraid she’d fall over. But the moment I woke up, she smiled and my heart clenched with happiness. They didn’t tell me about Chloe at first. I’d gone into cardiac arrest, and my heart was so scarred that I needed a transplant. They were afraid that if I knew the truth, I’d have a setback while in recovery. They were right. A month after the accident, I found out the truth.
I’d been so drugged up on morphine, I hadn’t realized that so much time had passed. They kept me sedated so that I wouldn’t move and all my injuries would heal.
At my one-month check-up, if I got a clean bill of health from the doctor, my parents promised me to call Chloe, who was supposedly in a different hospital. I didn’t expect the news to hit me so hard. Everything from the day of the accident came crashing back as the news of my sister’s death sank in. I ran out the hospital door as fast as the new heart would allow me to, got a cab home, packed a few things into a duffle bag, and never looked back.
At the police station, they gave me more details about the accident. How could I ever look my parents in their eyes? I had taken their youngest daughter from them. It would have never happened if I hadn’t picked her up at the train station. She wouldn’t have run away if I hadn’t guided her to that basement. She would have been fine if Jack weren’t an asshole. Chloe would have stayed home if I’d been the protective older sister I was supposed to be, and had stood up for her and helped her. But I was a coward, and I’d ended up driving the car that took her life.
I killed her.
She was gasping for the air I breathed, choking on dirty river water.
I tried to reach for her, but she was floating further away, her face disappearing under the murky tide.
The gurgling sound echoed in my ears. It wouldn’t stop. I drew my hands to my ears, trying to block it, but it wouldn’t work.
“No!”
“Trish!” Axel’s whisper came out of nowhere and I opened my eyes. “Are you okay? I heard you tossing and turning from the other room.”
Sweat was dripping down my forehead. I looked around the room, remembering where I was: far away from home, distanced from my family, and still without my sister.
“Yeah. I just had a bad dream.”
“Come here.” He lay at my side and scooped me into his body. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“Not tonight, but maybe another day.”
“All right.”
“Is Trevor okay?”
“Yes, he’s asleep.”
The clock said three in the morning.
I snuggled into Axel, a little bit more relaxed. As he held me, I closed my eyes and had another dream. This one wasn’t a memory, though; at least not my own. It was one about Chloe and her new life in New York, at least how I imagined it. She held someone’s hand as he led her through Central Park. He was gorgeous, the way she’d described him, but I couldn’t see his face. He bought her cotton candy. Remains of pink fluff stuck to her face, and he lowered his mouth to hers to taste her, his tongue tracing the seam of her lower lip, removing the sugar.
When he pulled away, Chloe’s heart was beating so fast. She was looking at him with this glow floating around her body, with so much passion; like he was her lifeline.
I opened my eyes with a gasp just as Axel’s arm tightened around me. Holding me close to his body, I fell asleep, this time with no more dreams, only peace.
Chapter 8
We were spinning faster and faster. My hair was flying, slapping against my cheek, when I turned around to see Chloe. She was holding onto the carousel horse, laughing. When it finally came to a stop, I hopped off.
“Wanna go again?” I asked.
“Yes! But this time together on the sleigh. It’s better.”
She was right. Together was always better. This was our third trip around. Spending time with her at the annual fair was a tradition. As the carousel started spinning again, my phone buzzed, pulling me out of the dream. It wouldn’t stop ringing, and it wasn’t my alarm clock. I stretched my arms out, reaching for my phone on the nightstand while skimming with my other hand for Axel on the pillow beside me — a cold and empty pillow.
“Hello?”
“Good morning.” Axel’s voice woke me fully.
“Good morning to you too. You do know that I’m at your house, don’t you?”
“I do, but I had to leave early.”
“That’s not really a good morning to me, then, is it?”
“What would be a good morning?”
“You, here in this warm bed, waking up beside me. I thought you men liked it first thing in the morning?” I said languorously.
“Hhmm, that sounds irresistible, and I like it anytime, babe.”
Babe?
I smiled. “Where are you?”
“Dropping Trevor off at daycare, and then I have a meeting.”
“How is he feeling after the nightmare?”
I touched my chest, which was somewhat in pain from my own somber dreams.
“He didn’t remember anything this morning.”
“Oh, good. And are you okay? You must be tired after all the trips from one bedroom to another at night.”
“I am. Especially after the way you kissed me last night.”
“What?”
“You don’t remember?”
Oh, my God! This was bad. How could I not remember kissing him?
“You woke up, and I swear if I didn’t have to get up an hour later and didn’t see how tired you were, I would have taken you.”
I wished he had. But then again, I’d been unconscious.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t tell me that I tried to take advantage of you as well.”
“I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have resisted, but no, you didn’t.” He laughed. “I’m hoping we can make up for the lost time soon.”
Me too.
“I sent a cab for you. It will be there in an hour for your interview with Olivier.”
“I need to resign at my other place.”
“Already done.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been told they were about to cut back anyway, so you did them a favor.”
How was it me who did the ‘favor’ when I didn’t even speak with them? I sighed.
“I’ll also have someone pick you up after the interview to take you back home.”
Home.
His home, not mine, I reminded myself.
“Thank you for everything, Axel. How is Julia?”
“She’s good. We have men looking for Brad. But I’d like you to stay close to me until he’s found.”
Who would refuse an offer like that? I should have, perhaps, but given Brad’s unpredictable nature, I didn’t.
“I miss you, Trish,” he said.
I squirmed in the sheets like a little girl. It had only been a few hours, and Axel was missing me. I inhaled his scent again, letting it settle deep in my lungs.
“I miss you too.”
“Breakfast is in the kitchen. Ms. Avery will lock up after you leave. You didn’t get a chance to meet her last night because she had a day off. She takes care of the house and keeps me on schedule. I asked her not to disturb you, but in case you run into her, I don’t want you to panic. She’s a wonderful lady.”
“Oh, okay. Anything else I should know?”
“Yes.”
Of course there was. Axel was full of surprises.
“There will be a few dresses in your closet when you come back from Olivier’s. And I was wondering if you’d like to come to a fundraiser with m
e next week. If you don’t find that boring, that is.”
I’d done a lot of fundraising events in my past life. Yes, they were usually boring, with a lot of rich people sticking their noses high up in the air. But as much as I didn’t feel like mingling amongst a sea of stiff pricks, I’d do it for Axel. To be honest, by now I was willing to do anything for him, so long as he was with me.
“I’d love to. I’ll see you tonight?”
“Absolutely, babe. Bye.”
Babe? I couldn’t get the giddiness out of my chest. My mind kept going back to the fact that I didn’t really know him, but my heart squeezed tightly in my chest, fighting me, telling me something way different.
I jumped out of bed and opened the walk-in closet. All the clothes from my apartment had been transferred here. Despite that, most of this ginormous space was still empty. After a shower, I dressed in black pants and a white shirt for the interview and went downstairs for breakfast. A woman not much older than I was, wiped down the stove.
“Hi,” I said, wondering whether she was the housekeeper Axel mentioned. I’d somehow expected her to be a bit older, and not as beautiful as the tall blonde.
“Hello, Ms. Summers. I’m Ms. Avery.”
As I got closer, I noticed a faint scar running across her face, from the eye right down to the chin.
“It’s nice to meet you.” I reached out to shake her hand, but she only bowed, keeping her hands tucked away.
“Your breakfast is ready, and I hope you don’t mind this.” She pointed to the white mark on her cheek. That’s when I noticed that she was missing a pinkie on her right hand.
“Or this,” she said as she saw me staring.
“I’m so sorry. I’m being rude. Of course I don’t mind. Would it also be rude of me to ask what happened?”
