Now And Always (Crown Creek)

by Theresa Leigh

  She laughed. “I thought that it was very well plotted, but Callie’s motives made no sense.”

  “Really? I knew she was keeping her sister secret from like the third chapter.”

  “You did?” My mother narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, I know, but why on earth would a woman with everything to lose risk her baby’s life that way?”

  “Huh?” my dad asked once he’d joined us in the front hallway. “Who’s risking a baby’s life?” He shook my hand distractedly as he peered at my mother in confusion.

  She rolled her eyes. “It’s a book, Ned. Ethan just brought it back to me.”

  “And I brought your pyrography pen. Thanks for letting me borrow it.” I held it out to my dad.

  “Oh! So that’s where it was, I was looking for that.” He took it and tucked it into his back pocket. “I could have used this last Sunday.”

  “You knew Ethan borrowed it. Plus you have two more,” my mother reminded him, then turned to me. “Are you hungry?”

  “I could eat.” I shoved my hands in my pockets. “Thanks.”

  She nodded. “Kate’s upstairs napping, but I think I heard stirring.” My parents watched my niece on Tuesdays and Thursdays while Heather went to her office part-time. “You want to go get her and bring her down?”

  “If she’s stinky, I’m handing her to you,” I told my dad. “This is your shift.”

  “I never changed your diapers.” My dad warmed up to one of his favorite gripes. “Or your sister’s. What happened? How did it come to this?”

  “You grew up?” I supplied at the same time as my mom mimed wrapping her hands around his throat.

  “No. I did,” she told me as she pretended to throttle my father, who obligingly stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes. “Promise me I raised you right, Ethan, and you didn’t pick up your father’s Neanderthal ways?”

  My niece took that moment to wail piteously from my old room. “Hey, I’ve changed plenty of diapers,” I reminded her as I vaulted up the stairs. “I’m fully evolved.”

  “Hear that?” I heard my mother tease my dad from downstairs. “And in spite of your best efforts.”

  My dad grumbled something that I didn’t catch because I was opening the door to my old room. My parents had turned it into a nursery when Kate was born, but it still had traces of my presence. The chips in the closet doorframe from when I’d rock back in my desk chair. The scorch mark on the wall from when I’d tried to figure out what would happen if I put a pencil in the electrical outlet (hint: fires. Fires are what happen.) And the crib I’d built for Heather when she had Caleb -- my first commissioned piece -- now occupied by my red-faced, kicking niece.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” I soothed, picking her up immediately. She smelled like sweat, and her diaper was sodden. Her little feet drummed against my chest. “I've got you, Uncle E’s got you, you’re okay,” I sang as I bounced her around the room. “You’re okay, little lady, I’ve got you.”

  Her indignant wails sputtered. She kicked her feet a few more times before going still. Her chubby fist went to her mouth and she started sucking.

  “Ah, you’re hungry. Well, Mom-Mom’s got you covered. Let’s get you out of these sticky clothes and then it’ll be time for a bottle!” I set her on the changing table. She was too wet to worry about giving to my Dad to change, not when I could do it much faster and with less grumbling.

  In less than two minutes, Kate was gurgling happily in a clean diaper and a fresh onesie. I hefted her to my shoulder, and she curled her arm around my neck.

  Warmth spread through my belly. “Are you hugging me, little girl?” I turned my nose into the folds of her neck and closed my eyes.

  The best part of holding Kate was when her little body melted into mine. I hoped that Claire would get a lot of moments like this with her little one.

  “Ah, hell,” I murmured to Kate. “Your Uncle E is a sucker, you know that?”

  And with that, I reached in my pocket and turned on my phone. I watched the load screen as I idly bounced Kate up and down.

  Then my missed calls loaded.

  Nine of them.

  All from Claire.

  Chapter Twenty

  Ethan

  “Where are you going?” my mom gasped as I handed her Kate, then rushed past her, still staring at my phone in horror.

  But I barely heard her in my mad dash to get to my truck. I hit the button for Claire's contact the second I slammed the door shut.

  She answered on the first ring. “Where the fuck have you been?” She sounded like she had either been crying or was about to start. “Did you have your phone off? I called you as soon as my appointment was done!”

  I realized I was gripping the steering wheel and consciously loosened my fingers. “How are you?” I asked. No. Begged. “Where are you?”

  She gave a mirthless a little laugh. “Where am I? Oh, I'm just sitting in my driveway trying to work up the nerve to go in there and tell my whole family I got myself knocked up.”

  She was going to tell her family.

  That meant she was keeping it.

  I sat back in my seat, boneless with a relief I didn't understand. Why did I want her to have this baby? I had no business wanting that, but there was wetness on my cheek anyway.

  “Claire.” I was hoping again. It was too hard not to. “Do you want me to be there with you when you tell them? I mean, should I come over? I’m at my parents’, it won't take me very long.”

  She took a deep breath. She was actually considering it. I started my truck's engine.

  Then she blew out a sigh. “No, I don't think it's a good idea.”

  “Why?” I demanded.

  “Oh…you know, they'll probably think it's yours. And then Finn will punch you in the face.”

  They'll think it's mine?

  But she didn't circle back around to that shatteringly offhand remark. “No, I need to do this myself. Could we meet up later, though?”

  “You want to come over to my house?”

  “No. I mean, no, thank you. Not tonight. It's not—” She trailed off. “Maybe somewhere else?”

  “You mean, like, at the Crown?” I scoffed. “Like the regular Thursday thing?”

  “Um, before that? Or actually, instead of that?”

  “You mean like a date?”

  It just spilled out of my mouth. And when she laughed a little too loudly, I wished I could stuff it back in. "A friend date, sure. I like it, Bailey.”

  Right. “Because we're friends.” I said it more to myself than to her.

  She laughed that too loud laugh again. “We're friends who occasionally kiss and sleep in the same bed. It's a weird kind of friendship, but it's our thing.”

  And just like that, she'd slammed the door on my hope all over again. My heart sank low…but not as low as it would have if she didn't want to see me at all.

  “It's our thing,” I agreed.

  It wasn't enough for me. But if it was all she had to give, then I'd take it.

  “Good luck,” I told her. “And I'll be at the diner when you're ready for our date.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Claire

  My dad had only hung a single strand of Christmas lights. They wound around one of the columns on the front porch, but the other column was still dark.

  This happened every year. On December first, he’d make a big show of trundling down to the basement to fetch the decorations. He’d grunt and sweat all the boxes up and deposit them in the front hallway, then set about untangling the lights.

  Then he’d lose interest and wander off to tinker with a car or something. He’d insist he’d get around to decorating -- stop bothering him about it, he'd do it tonight -- right up until Christmas Eve. Then my mom would huff with exasperation and do it herself, while he stood by yelling at her to stop because he was just about to get to it.

  It was a Christmas Eve tradition, right up there with a midnight church service and watching A Christmas Story over and over again. />
  “Why not just let her do the decorating in the first place?” I’d asked one year. But they’d both stared at me like I’d proposed they turn this place into a nudist colony. This was how they did it. This was how it worked. And I knew that.

  Just like I knew how everything else worked in my home. I knew what to expect. I knew the reactions I’d get, what facial expressions I’d elicit.

  Except, I had no idea how tonight was going to go, and the fear of the unknown turned my legs to concrete. I felt fastened to my driver's seat, only able to peer at the glowing windows and wonder what the hell to do next.

  Tonight was the family summit about Beau and Rachel's wedding. I'd called it weeks ago. Before Halloween, before Thanksgiving. And way before my little gummie bear waved at me and I realized I was going through with this.

  I was going to be a mom.

  Now I had to tell everyone.

  Headlights swung across the snowy lawn. Finn, Sky, Beau, and Rachel were arriving. I hastily wiped at my eyes and checked my blotchy reflection in my rearview mirror.

  Hopefully, I could blame my red nose on the cold.

  “Hey there!” I called across the drive as I emerged from my Jeep. “There are the sisters I always wanted!”

  Rachel and Sky both laughed and returned my tight embraces. I loved the girls who loved my brothers, not just because they made Beau and Finn into better men, but because they were also awesome in their own right. Sky with her courage. And Rachel with her grace. And also her courage.

  Sometimes I felt like a little kid cavorting in front of them, begging them to pay attention to me. But that was all me and my own hang-ups and had nothing to do with their sweet spirits.

  Once I'd extricated myself from Rachel's tight hug and discreetly pulled one of her hairs out of my mouth, I turned to Beau. “You know,” I teased him. “It's customary for people who are getting married to actually, you know, plan a wedding.”

  Finn snorted, and Beau looked down at the ground, surprisingly abashed. “We've had a bit going on,” he deadpanned.

  I had to give him that. This year had been nothing but drama.

  And I was about to add a lot more.

  I swallowed down my nerves and pasted on a bright, false smile. “Yeah, but that's all over now. And at this point, I feel like you're just stalling.”

  “That's why we're here tonight,” Rachel said softly, linking her arm with my brother's and giving him the kind of look that made me turn away in a strange compulsion to give them privacy. “I’ve never had a normal wedding.”

  “Neither have I,” Beau clarified, making her laugh.

  “Claire, I hope you have some ideas you're gonna share tonight.” She looked at me hopefully.

  Once again, the guilt rose up, threatening to overwhelm me. Try as I might to keep the focus on the wedding, I knew there was no getting around the fact that I was going to be making tonight all about me. It made me want to turn around and run away.

  I took a deep breath, straightened my shoulders, and turned to Finn. He opened his arms for a hug, and I almost walked into them until I remembered at the last moment that I was still upset with him. He'd run off a few months ago without leaving any way to get ahold of him.

  Actually, he had left an explanation under a magnet on the fridge door, but it had fallen off and slid underneath the refrigerator. But for three horrid months my family had to live with the idea that he'd disappeared without a trace.

  I knew it was stupid to still be angry at him, but Finn and I had always been closer than I was with my other brothers. My spoiled baby-sister heart couldn’t accept that he'd left without telling me.

  Instead of hugging him, I lifted my chin. “Hey,” I said coolly.

  Sky pressed her lips together. Finn turned away from me. I almost relented and reached out to hug him. But at that moment, Rachel shivered. “Come on,” she urged. “It's freezing out here.”

  We trooped in the side door into the over-warm kitchen, stomping snow from our boots and shrugging off our puffy jackets. The house smelled like my mother's famous baked chicken, the scents of rosemary and lemon wafting out from the oven. It was her special dish, the one she kept reserved for special occasions. And once again the guilt jumped up, reminding me about how I was about to ruin it.

  “Hey, you're late.” My oldest brother, Jonah, walked in to greet us, his hand resting comfortably around Ruby’s waist. I'd gotten used to the idea of my best friend and my older brother being together, especially now that I actually liked Jonah.

  “Who's here?” a disembodied voice called from the corner.

  I walked over to the laptop and centered my face in the Skype window. “Hey, guys!” I said to my brother Gabe and his fiancée, Everly, and then waved.

  “Finally. I got up early to be here, you know?” he grumbled as he wandered off screen.

  Everly popped into the frame, laughing. “And he's not so happy about it. Hey there, Claire!”

  “Hi, Everly. You're taking care of him, right? Making sure he's not getting too banged up?” My brother's fiancée was a nurse, which came in quite handy, considering Gabe’s current line of work involved skydiving and bungee-jumping off bridges. The second season of his reality show was about to wrap up, and unlike last season, he'd so far avoided any serious injuries. I liked to think that was due to her influence.

  “There’re my babies!” my mother called, hurrying into the room. It was clear she had just changed out of her cooking clothes and into what she called “good clothes.” Her face with shiny with her favorite moisturizer, and I inhaled its familiar scent as she folded me into her hug.

  “Your ‘babies’ are the tallest people in the family,” Finn complained, his usual response to that endearment. Finn, Beau, and I were all still young in my mom's eyes.

  “Who wants wine?” my dad called from the dining room. “I’m pouring.”

  Rachel and Sky scrambled for their glasses. When I didn't follow, Finn shot me a confused look. “I’m driving,” I said, rolling my eyes and scoffing the way I would have if this were a normal dinner. “Safety first.”

  “Yeah, that's what I tell Gabe every day,” Everly said from the Skype window.

  “Come on into the dining room,” Beau said to them, and picked up the laptop from its charging station. He set it at the end of the table, and we all took our places around it.

  The chatter was the usual catching up, my mom quizzing each one of us in turn about our sleeping habits and whether or not we remembered some obscure relative who had either gotten married, had a baby, or died.

  For a good ten minutes I almost forgot the roiling tension in my belly. I almost forgot the other thing in my belly, too.

  But then the conversation swung around to Beau and Rachel's wedding.

  "Are you going to be getting the bridesmaid dresses soon?” Everly wanted to know. “I can just send my measurements. I'm fine with whatever you choose.”

  “You know you all can do that,” Rachel agreed. “I’m not going to make you all come to the same fitting. That's ridiculous.”

  “Well, I have no idea what my size is going to be,” Ruby commented, sitting back and patting her belly. “Especially after this meal. I'll probably need to size up.”

  “Yeah, I'll probably go with a bigger size too,” Sky added. “I fluctuate a lot.” She patted her belly in the same way Ruby had, then grinned up at Finn. “Being happy makes me fat, apparently.”

  “It's probably all the hot cocoa he makes you drink.” Rachel laughed.

  Both girls pressing their bellies made my hand go unconsciously to my own. Taking a deep breath, I realized there was no more room for stalling.

  “Did you have a date in mind?” I asked.

  Rachel looked at Beau, who nodded in agreement. “Valentine's Day,” Rachel said, as Ruby, Everly, and Sky all squealed and clapped their hands.

  I gripped the bottom of the chair with mine. My stomach dropped, just like I was going over the top of a hill in a roller coaster
. “So soon,” I squeaked.

  Rachel nodded, catching my shock, but not the reason for it. “I’m sorry, everyone. I know it's really soon and probably completely inconvenient.” She looked at Beau again, who gave her another one of his solemn nods. “You say it,” she whispered, pressing up to him.

  Beau nodded and rubbed circles on her back as he turned to us. “Rachel never got any of the regular holidays growing up,” he explained. Rachel had grown up in a secretive religious cult. I watched her face as Beau continued. “She wanted to do something totally over the top to make up for it.”

  “Something cheesy,” she added with a big smile. “Getting married on Valentine's Day is the most cheesy, over-the-top way I can think of to celebrate love.”

  She turned to Beau and gave him such a meltingly soft look that some of my anxiety drained away. I couldn't ruin this for her.

  “And it's not just for me,” she continued. “Actually, it's more for my sister.” Her mouth twisted into a sad grimace as she looked around the table.

  Everyone nodded back. Her sister, Rebecca, had only just left the cult a few months ago. “She missed out on even more celebration than I did,” Rachel explained. “So I thought it would be good for her, too. So she can see that the secular world maybe isn’t as scary as she thinks.”

  Beau smiled at her and then whispered something in her ear. I closed my eyes and did the math. Valentine's Day. I would be four months pregnant by then and -- depending on how tight the dress fit around the middle -- possibly showing.

  The sound of my family's excited chatter rose up around me. Pressing my hand to my belly, I set my fork down, letting it deliberately clatter on the edge of my plate.

  My mother's eyes landed on me. “Claire Bear?” she asked, immediately on the alert.

  It took the rest of my family a few more seconds to quiet, but finally all eyes were on me.

  “Whatever color bridesmaid’s dress you choose,” I said slowly, “I’ll have to get a style with an Empire waist.”

  I looked around the table to see blank, uncomprehending looks from my father and brothers. Ruby's hand was the first to fly to her mouth. “Oh!” she gasped.