Roar (Witches & Warlocks Book 3)

by R. M. Webb

  “Now that we’ve got that important matter out of the way, I’m going to turn you loose to celebrate. All I ask is that you respect my home and my guests. These are very important people. They’re all very powerful and perhaps a little,” he waves his hand, “eccentric.” He leads us towards the door, back into the house, and I’m not really sure I want to go. “Be polite. But have fun,” he admonishes and once again, I feel like a child being spoken to by a father.

  And then, without further ado, we’re back inside. Once again, all conversation stops and I’m pinned to the floor by too many sets of eyes. Maybe it’s the stress of the day, maybe it’s the strain on my magic, maybe it’s just the timing of everything, but for the first time in a long time, my senses do that crazy ‘too much information’ thing. I see the polished wood floors, the crystal glasses of something in the guests’ hands, the glitter of so many sequined ball gowns and jewels glinting at necks and ears. There’s the swoop and swell of the music and someone laughing in the next room over. There’s the scurry of men and women in white shirts and black jackets weaving through guests, carrying trays of food and drink.

  And there’s the rush of my breath in my lungs. The roar of my blood in my ears. The screaming uncertainty in my head. I hated this feeling back then and I still hate it now and it’s made all the worse because I have no idea why it’s happening to me again.

  Luke takes my hand and I resist the desire to wrench it out of his grasp. “Dance with me?”

  I should say no, but I’m too overwhelmed. He takes my silence as acquiescence and leads me away. I follow numbly and cast a glance at Noah. He shrugs and smiles, wraps his arms across his chest. Leans against the wall. Looks at his feet.

  Luke sweeps me into his arms and holds me close. As close as I’ll let him, that is. I’m not leaning into him. Now that he’s got me swaying around the room and attention has turned from us and conversations have started back up again, I’m feeling way less Old Zoe and just enough New Zoe to make it clear that I’m in control.

  Luke bends down and whispers in my ear. “You know, you’re gonna have to at least pretend like you’re enjoying yourself. People are watching.”

  “They can all go to hell.”

  “You’re too pretty to scowl like that.”

  “You’re too much of an ass to make me do anything else.”

  Luke sighs and his face grows serious. “What happened between us?”

  I go rigid, but Luke’s stronger than me and sweeps me up, keeps me dancing. “What happened?” How can he even be asking me that question? “You mean aside from the whole thing where you lied to me and pretended to be my boyfriend?”

  “Yes. Aside from that. Because I thought I made it pretty clear that night you met me in the cemetery that I have feelings for you.” He leans in closer than I want him to. “And let’s be honest, you made some things pretty clear yourself.”

  I think back to the night, his profile illuminated in the moonlight, his strong arms wrapped around me, how much I wanted his lips pressed to mine…

  But then I remember how awful I felt when Noah found us together. How much I’ve missed Noah’s friendship since that night. How happy I am for things to finally be feeling OK between us again. And I remember other things, too. The vagrant under the bridge. The one Luke killed without even a hint of remorse. The joy on his face when we’re hunting our targets, killing vampires. The night at Pulse when I needed him to watch me and he couldn’t get his eyes off that girl in the red dress.

  “I was confused back then.” I say, turning my head so I’m looking just past his ear. “You’d done everything you could to make me fall in love with you, remember? I was still dealing with those residual emotions.”

  “Residual emotions, huh. Fancy words.”

  I can’t tell if he’s trying to make me smile or if he’s trying to piss me off. I ignore his comment on my vocabulary. “Did you think they’d just go away? You treated me better than anyone had ever treated me.” He leads me into a swooping spin and I catch sight of Noah, still leaning against the wall, watching us. “Well almost anyone,” I add. “You made me feel seen. Made me feel like what I had to say mattered to you. You didn’t let me stay quiet and locked up inside myself, but you didn’t make me feel stupid when I did get all quiet and locked up inside. Can you even begin to imagine how that made me feel? After an entire lifetime of being trapped in my own head?”

  I finally look up to meet his gaze and there’s so much conflicting emotion dancing around I just shut up and look away again. “I’m sorry, Zoe.”

  “Ya, well. Too little, too late,” I say it and I mean it. There’s not one part of me that cares for Luke. He’s just that asshole I have to work with because my boss says so. We’re supposed to be here, celebrating our success at having Lucy know exactly who we are and what we’re doing. This, dancing with Luke at some stuffy party, feels as much like celebrating as having a psychotic predator know you want her dead feels like a reason to celebrate. When the song comes to an end, I push away.

  “Excuse me,” I say, aware of more than one set of eyes on us, and walk away. I find one of the guys carrying the little silver trays laden with crystal glasses. I was hoping for alcohol, but there’s a strange glow to the viscous liquid that makes me more than a little nervous. I swirl it around, watch it coat the sides of the glass and slide back down to the bottom. I even give it a little sniff, hoping to figure out what it is. There’s so much magic and power filling this house, I can’t tell how much, if any, is coming from the drink.

  “It’s entirely safe and totally delicious.” Barnabe says from behind me.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s a very expensive elixir designed to help bring youth back to the body and mind. Although in your case, it’ll help keep youth in the body and mind.” I cast a quick glance around those gathered and find quite a few people drinking the elixir without any ill effect.

  “What does it taste like?”

  “Why don’t you tell me?”

  I take a small sip and can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. It’s like eating fresh berries in the sunshine. No. It’s more than that. It’s like being fed fresh berries by the love of your life while sun streams down on the both of you. My body warms from the inside out and the stress I didn’t know I was feeling from my little discussion with Luke fades away. I take another drink and Barnabe nods in approval.

  “Is Daya here?” I scan the crowd for a familiar face.

  Barnabe laughs. “Oh, no. Letting her see me be anything other than strange and mysterious would utterly destroy the fear I’ve cultivated in her.

  “Why do you want her afraid of you?” I take another drink.

  “Have you ever met anyone as flamboyant and vivacious as Daya?”

  I shake my head, intrigued by the quick flash of humor that crosses Barnabe’s face. “No. I haven’t. I think I called her a psychedelic grandma once.”

  “Exactly. Now,” Barnabe leans close and I lean in as well. “Imagine how extraordinarily hilarious it is for me to watch her try to be all demure and quiet.”

  “You mean to tell me the whole scary Barnabe Withers thing is just an act?” I take another drink and maybe it’s the conspiratorial tone he’s been using, or maybe it’s the drink, but I almost feel like he’s a friend. Like I can trust him.

  He takes a step back and his face hardens into something that looks too old on his open face with his golden hair. “Oh no, my dear. You have every reason to be afraid of me.” With a wave of his fingers, Barnabe sets the house on fire. With a whispered word, he freezes his guests in place. Holds my hand and his magic channels through me and I can’t run away.

  People are screaming and burning and fire is inching its way closer to my feet. “Why are you doing this?” I cry, trying again to pull my arm free. I’ll never get the smell of burning flesh out of my nose, the screams of the dying out of my head.

  Barnabe lifts a finger and mutters another spell. The fire recede
s. Those who were wounded are healed. They turn back to what they were doing as if nothing at all happened. “To remind you that I have more power in just one of my fingers than you have in your whole body.” He leans in close. “You’d be wise to remember that the next time you feel the urge to put a hand on me again.”

  I swallow hard and watch his charming smile slide back in place, an expression that seems better suited to his youthful appearance.

  “Now, off you go. Mingle. Have fun. You look gorgeous. Enjoy yourself. This is a celebration after all.” Barnabe spins me around to face the dance floor. “See, Noah has the right idea. He’s found a new friend.”

  My stomach lurches when I see what Barnabe wanted me to see. Noah has a woman pulled into a tight embrace, his body pressed to hers, dancing as if they were the only people in the room. Her cheek is pressed to his and her eyes are closed and her face tells me she knows exactly how good it feels to be in his arms.

  I stare at them, despair flooding through me with anger and magic hot on its heels. It’s pulsing inside me, building up to something I might not be able to control. This is so not the place to have a magical meltdown. Besides, Noah’s just my friend. There’s no reason for me to be mad. No reason to be hurt. I mean, I danced with Luke. He should get to dance with whomever he wants. And who’s to say he’s not dancing with that woman because Barnabe made him?

  The sinking feeling in my stomach tells me that I’m not going to be able to talk myself into feeling OK about this. I might know intellectually that he can dance with whomever he wants, but emotionally all I want is to be the woman he holds tight his arms. I need to get out of here before I do something I regret.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I make a beeline for the door and don’t stop until I’m on the beach, carrying my shoes so my heels don’t sink into the sand. I know it’s totally ridiculous to be this upset because Noah’s dancing with someone else. But you know how it goes, what our head knows and what our heart feels … well … those things don’t always line up. I walk until the water licks my feet and my dress swirls in the water around my ankles, only to pull against my legs as the waves try to carry it back out to sea.

  I’m being silly. Childish. Selfish even. Noah is not mine. He might have been once, but I guess I’ve ruined that. As much as I’m trying to wrap my head around those thoughts, my heart’s busy sending me all kinds of questions I don’t have answers to. Who was that girl? Why did he hold her so close? Why her and not me? What’s wrong with me?

  That last one hits home. It’s the same question I’ve asked my entire life. What’s wrong with me?

  I thought I’d answered that question. You know, when I found out I had a shit load of spells put on me to cripple me, to keep me socially stunted, to keep me alone and reliant on Becca. You can’t imagine what a relief it was to actually believe that there’s wasn’t anything internally wrong with me. You know, like I wasn’t intrinsically flawed. To know the problems I had were born of external sources.

  Yet, here I am, all those external sources removed, and I find myself still asking that question. Talk about disheartening. So, what’s wrong with me now?

  Well, for one, I’m ruining a perfectly good evening gown by standing in the ocean. That seems somewhat irresponsible. I chuckle a little. All the fury seeps out of me and I let the tide carry it out to sea. So, Noah’s dancing with someone else. I danced with Luke. I didn’t like it, but I did it. Besides, I have no claim on Noah. He’s free to dance with whomever he wants to dance with.

  I’m definitely feeling a little silly now, but I have absolutely no desire to go back into Barnabe’s strange little soiree. I guess I’m more blue jeans and beer than ball gowns and crystal. Barnabe wants us to celebrate. Standing around and staring at each other sounds like the worst possible way to celebrate in my opinion. Give me loud music and laughter any time.

  So, now what? Do I just go back inside, dripping little bits of ocean water all over the nice floors? Pretend I didn’t just have a little hissy fit for no good reason at all? That all sounds like one big old ball of no thank you.

  I could just hang out here and appreciate my very first trip to the beach. May not be the way I planned it, but here I am. It’d be way better if I could, you know, actually see what’s around me. I know Barnabe said I shouldn’t use any magic, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever find my way back to the ocean. It’d be a waste if all I can remember is the way it felt on my feet. I want to look out over the vastness of it, let my eyes linger on the horizon and feel small for a while.

  I call on the tiger, focus on her predator’s eyes, her ability to see in the dark. It’s just a small amount of magic, not like Barnabe lighting up the whole night sky for me. It shouldn’t hurt me too much.

  There’s a little pop, the one that sometimes accompanies my magic, and I can see. It’s everything I hoped it would be. I watch the waves break out before they hit the beach, let my eyes roam out across the wide expanse of water. I sigh and I smile, despite the slight headache that’s setting in behind my eyes.

  Even though this whole party thing is totally weird, at least I’ve got this. This moment all to myself, just me and the sea and the stars. I don’t know how much time passes, but enough to make me think I’ve probably been out here long enough.

  I start heading back to the house and pause after a few steps. I really don’t want to go back in there. I’ll have to face Noah or Luke and I’m not really ready for either one of them. I’ll have to talk to Barnabe and I’m not sure I’m ready for that either.

  I think I’ll just go home, Barnabe’s embargo on my magic be damned. He did that thing where he touched my forehead and calmed me down. I’m sure if there was something really wrong with me, he fixed it then. With one last look back towards the house, I begin to draw on my magic and whisper the teleportation spell.

  Several things happen as I finish the incantation. First, I see what looks like Noah stepping off the deck and heading towards the beach. Second, it feels like a white-hot poker sears into my mind. And third, well, there’s that awful wrenching feeling, but this time it’s accompanied by a tearing sound, like something ripping up inside me.

  And then I’m standing in my bedroom. Blood pouring from my nose and ears, dripping to the floor and mingling with the sea water running from the ends of my dress. There are red spots in my vision and black spots weaving through them. I lurch to my bed and collapse across it and then everything goes dark.

  ********

  There’s a finality to the darkness around me. And then there isn’t. It’s as simple as that. A small pinprick of light grows in front of me, warming me just enough to make me sit up and flinch. I’m nowhere. Sitting on nothing. Where I am is just … empty.

  I watch the light grow and finally have to shield my eyes against it.

  “Zoe?”

  The voice comes from inside the light. It’s sweet and familiar and I squint, trying to see. The light grows and somehow reminds me of a door or a portal, like it’s a way to get from this place to another. And then I can make out a figure, a small figure, slight and thin, all knees and elbows. She steps towards me and I finally make out who it is.

  “Celine.” I rush forward and wrap the little girl in my arms. Never have I been more grateful to see someone.

  “Oh, Zoe, what have you done?”

  The light continues to grow and expand and I don’t have to squint to see anymore. Celine’s face is so contorted by sadness, I barely recognize her.

  “How are you here?” I ask, suddenly terrified that she didn’t actually pass on, that she’s been trapped and alone all this time and I never knew.

  “We’re allowed to greet people. As they pass on.” Her face looks stricken and there are tears welling in her eyes and the reality of what she’s just said hits me like a freight train.

  “Am I dead?”

  “Almost.”

  I’m so not ready for this. I’ve got things I’ve never done. Never experienced. Oh, God. I never t
old Noah I loved him. “I don’t want to die.”

  “I don’t want you to. Noah needs you.”

  My heart lurches at the sound of his name and I feel this little tug, like I’m growing heavy and it’s hard to stay here. Like I’m going to be pulled out of this nowhere place and end up somewhere else.

  Celine’s eyes go wide. “Zoe!” There’s a ferocity in her voice that seems so out of place. “Listen to me. You either come with me, or you go back. All the way back. Don’t think about all the things you wish you could have done because that’s how you’ll end up as a remnant.”

  Her words stretch and echo and I don’t want to be a remnant. I’m afraid there’s too much darkness in me and I’ll end up hollow. “What do I do?” I reach for Celine’s hand and her purity is a tangible thing.

  “Focus on me. Calm down. You’re the strongest person I know.” There’s a resilience to her that grounds me and I think Celine doesn’t realize just how strong she is herself. I do what she says and the heaviness dissipates. I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere anymore. It’s just her and me in this nowhere place.

  “I’ve missed you,” I say and mean it more than words can express. “I dream about you sometimes.”

  “I know. I like it when you do. Makes me feel good.”

  I sit down and she ambles around behind me, running her hand through my hair the way she used to at the ranch. The light flares and starts to fade and her touch gets lighter and lighter.

  “There you go,” she says, her voice soothing and far away. “You’re not ready to be here with me.”

  “But I miss you,” I say as if speaking in a dream.

  “I’m with you. All the time. You’re my best friend. And Zoe?” Her voice is so quiet and distant that I have to strain to hear what she has to say. “Tell Noah how you feel.”

  And then she’s gone and I’m alone and at first there’s just darkness but then there’s pain, too. Terrible pain. Nausea. Dizziness.