There were moments when she thought about Henry, and the way their lives had parted and the different directions they took, but she never allowed herself to wallow in thoughts of regret or blame. She refused to punish herself any further with thoughts that would keep her from going back to her old self which she loved. She was now free and most of all she intended to stay free.
Her relationship with her mother had never been better. The doctors were amazed to see the immense improvement in her. It was almost as if a miracle had occurred in her life. She was walking again on her own and last week, Jenny and her mother actually went out for dinner and then to a play at the local theatre. Every day they grew closer and more in love. All the secrets were gone, along with the accompanying guilt, fear, and shame. They were both free and enjoyed their new-found relationship to the fullest.
Jenny had just finished lunch and was relaxing in her favourite chair as she continued reading a short story she was enjoying, when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Jenny, it’s Millie.”
“Oh, hi, Millie.” Just as the words tumbled from her mouth, Jenny’s heart stopped. Why was Millie phoning?
“Jenny, I have some sad news to tell you.…”
Jenny braced herself in the chair “Is it Mom?”
There was a long silence and then, “Yes, Jenny. I’m very sorry to tell you… Your mother just passed away.”
Jenny was struck speechless.
“We were so shocked to find her in bed. At first we thought she was asleep. She looked so peaceful and for the last three weeks we’ve never seen her so full of life. We thought that perhaps some miracle had occurred.”
Jenny knew why her mother was in such good spirits; she had received the gift of forgiveness. She had become free to enter fully into life again. She risked facing the truth and the truth had set her free.
After a long silence, Millie asked, “Are you okay, Jenny?”
“Yes, Millie, I’ll be okay. I will see you shortly.”
On the way to the care home, Jenny couldn’t help but feel relieved and thankful that she and her mother had reconciled. That her mother was able to pass on in peace. It would have been so dreadful for Mom to leave her life carrying such an awful unresolved burden to the grave. Jenny was so grateful that at least this one good thing happened in her life. While she was unable to have a relationship with her husband, she was able to finally have one with her mother.
“Thank you, Lord.”
The attendants at the care home had left her mother exactly as they had found her, in her bed. One hand was across her chest and the other lay at her side. Her eyes were closed and she almost had a smile on her face. She looked perfectly at peace.
Tears welled in Jenny’s eyes. They had been getting along so well lately and Jenny so thoroughly enjoyed visiting her mother. She looked forward to it. Her mother was so witty that most of the time she had Jenny in stitches as she described the goings-on in the care home. Her mimicry of Millie was a theatrical performance in itself.
Jenny went over to her mother and kissed her cheek.
“Good-bye, Mom. I truly love you. Thank you for giving birth to me and being my Mom. I will always treasure you in my heart and you will be forever in my prayers.”
Jenny straightened up, then sat on the chair beside her mother. As she gazed at the still figure lying there, Jenny couldn’t help but ask the Lord how life could be so harsh. Just getting over a divorce, a son who had disowned her, and now her mother. The one thing that had just started to restore her life and give her such joy, was now also taken away.
“What else have you in store for me, oh Lord?” Jenny felt like Job in the Old Testament. Was she being tested too? Or was there some divine plan to unfold?
Millie walked in and made her way over to Jenny and stood behind her. She placed her hands on Jenny’s shoulders.
“Jenny, I am so sorry to see your mom go. I know how much you loved each other and I can only imagine how sorrowful you must feel. Please accept my most sincere sympathy.”
Jenny reached back and placed her hand on Millie’s.
“Thank you, Millie.”
After a long silence, Millie finally said, “What would you like us to do, Jenny?”
“Perhaps, Millie, you could call the nearest funeral home and ask them to take my mother’s body there. Mom requested to be cremated so we won’t need a plot at a cemetery. Mom has a duplicate copy of her final will and made her wishes known. It’s in her keepsake box. I will take it with me. If Mom has requested anything in her will that I need you for, I will let you know.”
Millie slipped her hand away from Jenny’s and immediately patted it. Without saying a further word, Millie turned and walked out of the room.
As sadness rested on Jenny’s spirit in the stillness, once again the sun came to her rescue with its soothing warmth. It was late in the afternoon as the rays of the sun bent around the window frame and streaked across her mother’s bed. Jenny looked on as the light gradually worked its way up the blanket and finally rested on her mother’s face. It was as if God himself was shining down on her mother, welcoming her into her heavenly home. Jenny gazed intently, trying to carve this sacred moment in her mind. This is a memory she wanted to keep and treasure, just like the letter she received from Henry.
Jenny heard Millie giving the ambulance attendants directions to the room, so Jenny got up then bent down once again and tenderly kissed her mother’s cheek warmed by the afternoon sun.
“I love you, Mom. Someday, we will be together again.
Jenny greeted the attendants at the door, then left. She didn’t want to stay and see her mother carted away in some bag. She wanted to retain that last image of her mother, greeted by her Lord in all His glory and flying into his waiting arms.
The next day, Jenny was on the phone making funeral arrangements. The funeral mass would be held on Friday morning at 10:00 o’clock at All Saints Church. It was only three blocks away from the care home and would allow those at the care home who wanted to to attend her mother’s funeral. Most of Edith’s friends had passed away or moved. Jenny really didn’t know who else might come.
She placed a death notice in two of the major papers in the city and called James and J.J. again, since neither had returned her message from the previous evening. Jenny also called Matilda to cancel the luncheon date they had in the upcoming week and to invite her to the funeral, as well.
Jenny read her mother’s will two and three times, making sure she was carrying out Edith’s final requests. Her mother wanted to be cremated with her ashes placed in a bronze container and sealed and embedded in a granite stone next to Ted’s grave. Jenny knew her mother had loved her father so much, but had trouble showing it. If only he could have known her as she had been the last few months.
Why does it take almost a lifetime to learn how to love? To give and receive love? What blocks us? Holds us back at the detriment of our closest loved ones? Life is so simple and, yet, we complicate it all so much.
Edith had appointed Jenny the executor of her will and also the sole benefactor of all of her riches and possessions. J.J. was to inherit a generous portion of it as well, but two months ago her mother had stroked it out, leaving everything to Jenny and up to her discretion as to what she wished to do with it thereafter. The change in her will bore her mother’s signature and Millie’s initial, as a witness. In any case, Jenny would never have to worry again about finances. In spite of James’ hoarding, Jenny would inherit a small fortune from her parents and be able to live exactly the way she chose from then on.
Jenny spent the afternoon and evening gathering her mother’s belongings from the care home. She had emptied the closet of everything except the keepsake box and one of her mother’s favourite purses, which she’d always liked. Tears welled up in Jenny’s eyes several times during the afternoon as she sorted thi
ngs out, taking time not too rush, but to stop and reflect on each item and recall a memory or two related to it. No one entered the room the entire time she was there except for Millie who peeked in to ask if Jenny wanted a cup of tea.
Around eight o’clock, Jenny was done. She left notes on different piles of clothing and to whom they should be given. Little trinkets and souvenirs were left to the various nurses and aides for their kindness. The potted plants were left to Beth in the next room.
Jenny took a final look around and, satisfied that she had attended to everything, she picked up the chest and purse she wanted and left. For the second time in the last two months, she walked out of what had been a home… at least this one was a home filled with love.
Early the next morning, Jenny decided to go out and sit on the bench in the courtyard. It was the closest thing to the gazebo she had enjoyed when she lived at her parents’ home and later, James’ estate. When she sat there and read, she just imagined herself sitting in her own little world. Soon the story would whisk her away to far off places and adventures and Jenny would forget that she was sitting on a bench, fully exposed to the other tenants.
Around ten, when Jenny returned to her apartment to make herself a cup of tea, she met the mailman.
“Good morning, John.”
“Good morning, Mrs. Hamilton.”
Jenny wanted to correct him that it was no longer Mrs. but Ms., but didn’t want the bother.
“It’s a beautiful day.”
“Yes, I was just enjoying it out in the courtyard.”
John filed through his stack of letters. “Yes, here it is. I thought I saw a letter for you.”
Jenny looked puzzled as she took the letter from him. “I wonder who it’s from?”
“Well, you will soon know,” said John, as he headed over to the wall of mail boxes just inside of the foyer.
Jenny looked at the letter. It was from her mother. Jenny was in a daze as she made her way back to her apartment and sat on the chair next to the sun filled window. There was no return address.
“Oh, that Mom; even in death she’s witty. There is no mail service where she went.” Jenny smiled as she turned the letter over and slid her little finger into the slight open edge of the envelope, just like she had when she received Henry’s letter.
Jenny opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. She laid the envelope on the arm of the chair and, as she unfolded the letter a card fell out and fluttered down onto her lap. It was of a guardian angel walking behind a little girl with blonde hair. They were crossing a rickety old wooden bridge spanning over a deep formidable gorge. On the other side was a path that wound back and forth and disappeared into a soft mist in the far background.
On the bottom edge her mother had written, ‘May your guardian angel always watch over you. I love you so much.’
Jenny’s eyes filled with tears as she gazed at the beautiful image, perhaps not knowing the special meaning it would have for so many people. Jenny brought the card to her lips and tenderly kissed it. She looked heavenward and whispered, “Thank you, Mom.”
Jenny laid the card on the table beside her then read her mother’s letter.
My dearest Jenny,
My last instruction to the care home attendants was that on the day I pass on, they should send this letter off to you. You will note there is no date on the letter, because I don’t exactly know when the good Lord is going to come and take me. But when He does, I want you to be the first to know!
Jenny, you have no conception of how happy you have made me this past while. Up until we had our heart-to-heart talk, my life was trapped in a veil of guilt, shame and regret. Your forgiveness has set me free. I now know this is the greatest gift one can receive in their lifetime. I’m sure heaven will be a let down. I can’t imagine it getting any better than the joy and happiness I have known of late.
Truly, the greatest blessing the good Lord gave to me in this lifetime was you, the day you were born. Every mother should be so blessed as to receive a daughter with a golden heart; so understanding, so forgiving, so full of life, so loving. I saw it within you everyday of your life, Jenny. Try as the world might, with all its twist and turns, it could never take away the precious and rare gift of life you were blessed with. You have always been true to your nature, even in your darkest moments and deepest yearnings. You are the truest of true hearts.
Oh, my dear Jenny, you are truly special. If ever a person were worthy of love, it is you. It is my deepest, most heartfelt prayer that you find true happiness in your life. And now that I have gone on to be with our Creator, I will use all my motherly influence to have Him bless you with someone special who will cherish and love you as you so deserve.
The enclosed card reminded me of you and your guardian angel whom you love so dearly. May your angel ever be walking behind you, may my spirit now unite with your angel in watching over you, and protecting you.
My love and best wishes go into eternity for you.
Mommy.
Jenny brought the letter towards her, hugging it to her chest. Oh, Mom, only you could think to do such a special thing. Jenny’s eyes smiled and twinkled through her tears. I will always love you, too.
The phone jangled her from her reverie. Jenny took a brief moment to compose herself. She laid the letter beside the card on the lamp table and picked up the phone.
“Hello,” said Jenny.
“Hello,” said J.J., sounding cold and distant. “I got your message that grandma died.”
“Oh, I’m so glad you did, J.J., I was afraid you wouldn’t get it and the funeral would go on without you there.”
“Well, I won’t be there, anyway.”
“But, why?”
“Dad and I are at a conference in Los Angeles. There is an important speaker giving a presentation on Thursday evening and Friday. We have been waiting for months to hear him.”
“But, J.J., it’s your grandma. Surely she takes precedence over a conference.”
“Well, what good is it going to do with us being there?” J.J. said defensively, “She’s dead, our presence won’t—”
“J.J., please don’t say anymore. Please, just try to make it to pay your last respects to her, and I would really appreciate having you with me.”
J.J. was silent for a long moment. “I know Dad won’t be there. He’s been looking forward to this conference for too long. And I have, too. I’ll see if I can get the right connecting flights on Thursday after one of the talks, anyway. I can’t promise.”
Jenny listened in silence. How could her son have gone so astray?
“Thank you, J.J..” She heard a click at the other end and then a dial tone. Not once during their conversation did he call her Mom.
Just moments ago, she had been so elated by her mother’s letter, then a heartbeat later she was thrust into a world she didn’t understand, a world that seemed so full of hate, anger, and bitterness. Jenny shook her head, trying to comprehend a world that was incomprehensible to her nature.
Jenny closed her eyes and looked heavenward, pleading out loud, “Oh, dear Lord, forgive my son, he doesn’t know what he is saying and thinking. Oh, please, Mom, if you can reach my son, your grandson, please fill his mind with your light. Fill his heart with peace, forgiveness, understanding and love. Please bring him back to me.”
Nine o’clock Friday morning, Jenny walked towards her car, the weight of her inner grief making her strain for each step. But her red-rimmed eyes could not detract from her beauty. If it weren’t for the black hat that accompanied her stately and elegant black dress, one would have thought that Jenny was going out on a date rather than to her mother’s funeral.
What the world couldn’t see through Jenny’s demeanour was her supreme loneliness. There was no one to talk to, no one there to support her, no husband to lean on, and her son – her only family – nowhere around. The
very person she had looked so forward to seeing, who gave her comfort, purpose and joy was now gone. Her daily visits to see her mother; the laughter, teasing, and outings would be no more. This afternoon, her mother’s body would be cremated giving finality to it all, reminding her that everything around her, everything she had ever cared for had gone up in smoke.
The black veil hanging from her hat concealed the sorrow in her eyes from the rest of the world. Her utter elegance and radiant beauty, however, easily hid the growing, despairing heaviness in her heart.
As Jenny drove, rain misted the windshield. Thankfully, she had noticed the overcast skies earlier and had thought to bring an umbrella along and put the top up on her convertible. She wondered if the people at the care home who had planned on walking to the church would come if it rained too hard.
Once parked, she opened the door then popped up the umbrella before stepping out and hurrying to the church door. Since Jenny knew this would be a very small funeral, she didn’t hire a hearse, limousine, or chauffeur. The funeral home was to bring her mother over in a very simple casket. There would be no pomp or ceremony, only a humble low mass.
When Jenny stepped into the sanctuary there was no one there, just her mother in the casket at the foot of the altar. It looked so lonely and desolate, almost as if her mother hadn’t known a soul in the world, as if no one cared. Jenny had so hoped to see J.J. there. Words failed to express her disappointment. Perhaps he would still come. The funeral wouldn’t start for another half hour.
Jenny walked down the long centre aisle to the front pew, genuflected, then entered the pew. She knelt and looked up at the casket covered with a white cloth and a bouquet of flowers. Beside the flowers stood an 8 x10 photo of her mother taken about ten years ago before she had fallen ill. Jenny closed her eyes so she could focus on the vision she had of her mother lying in the sun the other day. That was how she wanted to remember her mother.
The Angelic Occurrence Page 18
