by Laura Gibson
A grin spread across Jefferson’s face, one that she had never seen before. This wasn’t the Jefferson she was used to, this was something he had buried deeper. This was the Jefferson she felt her soul connect to at times. His fingers intertwined with hers and he was leading her off down the hall before any more words could be shared between the two of them.
Anna had never been in Jefferson’s bedroom. From first look it wasn’t what she had ever pictured. Sure, it was clean and tidy, but it wasn’t as strictly managed as she would imagine.
The dresser top was cluttered with papers and knick-knacks, photographs were pinned the wall in random places, as if he wanted to remember they were there but he didn’t want to take the time to frame them.
Jefferson dropped her hand when they stepped inside the room and let her take it all in, as if this was a singular privilege, as if he didn’t allow just anyone this kind of access.
Anna saw the desk last, as well as it should have been for the desk was almost hidden away in the corner, obscured from view by the large dresser and bulky bedframe. She took a couple steps towards it and saw the sketches sitting out. Beautiful charcoal sketches she had never known Jefferson had the talent for.
She picked one up delicately and looked at the textures and the shading, trying not to notice it was a picture of her. Trying not to feel complimented by the fact he had taken such time to draw her in such detail.
“These are very good, Jeff.” Anna half-whispered, overwhelmed, looking at the next one, seeing it was a picture of Kelly, laughing. Kelly rarely laughed before, and he didn’t laugh at all now. It was interesting that Jefferson would choose to capture such a rare moment. But even in the charcoal, Anna could see the sadness in Kelly’s eyes. The hollowness of his cheeks. The hurt he tried to hide. Jefferson saw it clearly and put it here, making a statement.
Anna looked back at her own portrait. She wasn’t smiling. Her expression was grim and her mouth was hard. Is that how Jefferson saw her? Grim? Bitter almost?
“There’s more.” Jefferson cleared his throat, moving towards her now, towards the desk. He opened a bottom cabinet and pulled out several folders. Each with a different name. Each with a different date.
Anna thumbed through the pictures, each one just as intricate and lovely as the last. Each one telling its own story. “These are lovely.”
Jefferson nodded but he didn’t say anything.
“Are you going to go to art school or anything for this?” Anna was genuinely curious now. She had never known Jefferson to be an artist. She had never known he was capable of it.
Jefferson shook his head, “I don’t have the time for that.”
Anna frowned, “Jefferson, you have all the time in the world.”
Jefferson’s laugh was sad and it pulled at Anna’s heart like someone was dying in front of her.
She put the pictures down and looked at Jefferson. She put either hand on the sides of his face and raised her lips to float against his, not yet touching, but knowing the possibility was there. Knowing she could at any moment break the spell between them and really decide if this was something she wanted to do.
Jefferson acted for the both of them and captured her mouth with his own, his hands wrapping around her waist and pulling Anna against his whole self.
There was something in this kiss that wasn’t there before. An urgency, she felt it envelope her body and soul and drive her further, hoping this wasn’t all she would ever get to taste of him. Hoping he had opened a door he wouldn’t close.
No one had ever made her feel so needed. So necessary.
He broke away from the kiss and murmured in her ear, “I would die for you.”
Anna, without a word, brought his lips back to her own and felt something in her soul ache. A broken piece she didn’t know needed mending.
Anna had never felt loved. Her entire life, she had never felt like anyone wanted her for who she was, but Jefferson had always been there. Always the one to make her feel special. To make her feel connected to something.
Was this love? Is that what love is?
“Oh my God!” A female’s voice gasped from the hallway.
Jefferson lurched away, jolted by the interruption. He looked from Anna to Kelsey Horowitz and shook his head but didn’t say anything.
Anna swallowed, what was there to say? She was dating Connor and he was Kelly’s best friend. This was going to be tabloid gossip fodder.
And then Jefferson’s face had twisted into something very akin to an animal. A hawk looking at a mouse.
Chapter Eight
February 10th, 2007
Hartford, Connecticut
Kelly
The drive was shorter than Kelly wanted it to be, but still, he felt the distance he put between him and everything that he had planted there, taking root in the city he called home.
He turned down the familiar street and glanced at the houses as he drove by. Little houses in little rows; all different colors, but almost the same in every other way. Suburbia at its finest.
Kelly scratched his nose as he saw Logan’s house and felt an anxious sigh pull tight in his chest. How was he going to explain this to Logan? How was he supposed to tell his oldest and best friend he had made a mistake. A mistake he didn’t regret. He knew the regret would come later. Couldn’t stop it, but as of right then and there, he was perfectly fine with the decision he’d made.
Kelly had called Logan earlier that morning and told him there were some things they had to go over. There were some things Kelly had to tell him. Logan asked what over the phone but Kelly wouldn’t tell him. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have over the phone. He respected Logan too much for that. He didn’t want to be able to lie to his friend with only the tone of his voice.
Logan met him outside, one hand holding a cigarette, the other in his pocket. His blond hair was disheveled and his cheeks a rosy red from being out in the cold for awhile. He looked tired. More tired than Kelly probably looked. There were dark circles under his eyes and his blue hoodie was carelessly hugging his frame, a perfect portrait of teenage life.
Kelly paused in the old driveway, half out of his car, half not. Logan didn’t smoke. Was everyone picking up new habits or was it just him?
“You don’t smoke.” Kelly’s statement was still in the stale air and Logan shrugged, his blue eyes bright in the winter sun. He might look tired, but his mind was active, Kelly could see thoughts stirring just below the surface.
Kelly slammed the car door and walked up to Logan, “Can we talk inside?”
Logan gave a singular nod, understanding the weight of Kelly’s voice, hearing the inflection of the tone.
Kelly swallowed again, if he could spare Logan from what was about to happen he would, but he didn’t see any other way out. This was just a plan B. This was just something he knew had to happen. If things went poorly with Casimir, and they were bound to if Vincent Williams was involved, then he would have to have an escape route.
Kelly had come to this realization the moment Casimir handed him Vincent’s card. Things were never as simple as they were supposed to be. Things were never that easy.
“Ethan’s not worried?” Kelly asked, taking a seat at Logan’s dining room table.
Logan shrugged, “Ethan’s out east right now, visiting his dad.”
Kelly nodded, “That’s better, I guess.”
Logan stared at Kelly from across the table, his usually cheery face looking dour and forlorn. “What’s going on Kelly?”
Kelly shook his head, he couldn’t answer a direct question like that. He didn’t dare bring Logan any farther into this mess than he had to and even then, it pained him to know Logan was going to know something about Kelly that was rather revealing. Something he had taken the time to hide from the rest of the world, caring what they would think once they found out what he was capable of. Or, what he wasn’t capable of.
Kelly cleared his throat, “I’ve made some business arrangements.”
/> Logan’s eyes narrowed as he frowned, “How so?”
Kelly shook his head again and waved it away, “Doesn’t matter, Logan.”
Logan nodded, never pushing Kelly further than he wanted to go. That’s why Kelly liked him so much. He was supportive to a fault. Resolute. He was one of the only people Kelly could count on. He was probably the only person Kelly could count on.
“I need you to keep some things safe for me.” Kelly met Logan’s frown head on then, needing him to sign off on the deal, needing to know this wasn’t going to be the first time Logan would let him down. Needing to know Logan had his back no matter what.
“Illegal things?” Logan started to draw small circles on the table with his finger, averting Kelly’s demanding gaze, his body shifting nervously in his chair.
“It’s my money.” Kelly said at last, not knowing how else to put it.
“From your business arrangements.” Logan was nodding now, understanding enough for Kelly to proceed with the conversation.
“Yes.” His voice was firm, holding steady.
“And you want me to keep it here?” Logan was still drawing circles, still hiding his eyes from his friend, fear making its way across his brow even though he was working hard at detaching himself from the conversation.
If Kelly’s fault was that he didn’t feel enough, Logan’s was he felt too much. He took a situation and absorbed the energy, turning it into feelings inside him, projecting them across his face.
“You’re perfectly safe, Logan.” Kelly was sure of this fact, no one was going to know where he kept his money and even if they did find out, no one was going to care. Logan was safe in several different ways. That’s what made him perfect for this job. He would do it, and he would do it well enough.
“Are you, Kelly?” Logan stopped the invisible circles then and met Kelly’s eyes head on, the confusion and fear leaving his face.
“Safe?” Kelly decided to play stupid, to let Logan know he didn’t think danger was a possibility.
“No one asks their best friend to hide money for them. Normal people deposit the money and keep it in a bank.” Logan used sound logic this time around. He wasn’t going to outright push Kelly, but he was going to try covertly.
“I’m safe.” Kelly answered, a sigh catching in his lungs and throat. He didn’t want to have to lie to Logan, but he would if he had to. He would if it was the only option left.
And wasn’t he safe right now? Safe being Casimir’s friend. Safe being the business partner. Safe as long as he did what he was told and didn’t make any waves or mistakes. Safe as long as he didn’t do any less than what was expected of him. That was easy enough. In order to mess up he’d had to develop a conscience, and that didn’t look like it was happening anytime soon.
Regret and morality had never been big issues in Kelly’s life. He did what he needed to survive growing up and he made it work. Leave worrying about the inherent goodness of his soul for other people. He’d ask for forgiveness when he was dead.
“I don’t believe you.” Logan was honest.
Kelly opened his mouth to argue another point but Logan held up a hand, “But that doesn’t mean I won’t help you, because I think you need help, Kelly. Maybe not right now, but soon, you’re going to need help.”
It was Kelly’s turn to frown now, since when did Logan get all… whatever this was. “Alright.” He licked his lips, unsure of what else to say. How did a person respond to something like that? It was ambiguous and ominous and it didn’t bode well for their future working together.
Kelly needed Logan to trust him completely, it didn’t work if Logan already had his doubts. If Logan was already planning Kelly’s failure. Kelly needed someone to believe in him.
If Logan didn’t believe in him, it didn’t matter if anyone else did. At the end of the day, Logan was the only person Kelly really cared about. Not his parents, not really Anna, but Logan. Because Logan was honest with him, and Logan had always been there, prompting him to be better. Prompting him to feel something more than what he had felt his whole life, which was nothing, pure and simple nothing.
January 1st, 2008
Charleston, West Virginia
Jefferson
Kelly scratched his eyebrow, “For the last time, no, I’m not threatening Kelsey Horowitz because she pissed you off.”
Ryan, having been totally on board from the beginning of the conversation now looked at Jefferson and shrugged, as if to say, ‘tough break.’
Jefferson glowered from the corner of Kelly’s kitchen as he watched the smoke from Kelly’s cigarette fill the air in a thick haze that hung around the ceiling, dissipating slowly.
“But she’s such a bitch.” Jefferson tried the same tactic that had not worked moments before. He had to make sure Kelsey didn’t say anything about what she saw at the party last night. It would do him no good if people found out he had kissed Anna Hill while her boyfriend was out of town. Besides, his father had told him to stay as far away from her as possible.
Kissing did not fit within that definition.
“Really?” Kelly made a face, “I’ve never heard you even talk about her before.”
“I’m a very private person.” Jefferson scowled, shifting his weight away from the rest of the group.
“Eh.” Ryan shrugged again, “We could just be like, don’t mess with Jeff again or we’ll boil your bunny.”
‘Boil your bunny’ had become Ryan’s newest threat ever since he had watched a late night showing of ‘Fatal Attraction’ and decided that cooking someone’s pet was just bent enough to be hilarious and terrifying.
It really made Jefferson rethink his friendship with Ryan.
“Ryan, we’re not going to boil Kelsey Horowitz’s bunny.” Kelly took a drag off his cigarette and stared at Jefferson, “You’re going to have to deal with this on your own.
Jefferson lifted an eyebrow. Fine, if that’s the way Kelly played it, he would deal with it on his own.
Besides, with the way Kelly had been acting lately, everyone knew Kelly was on his way out. It was only a matter of time.
Anna
Connor had finally caved and called Anna. He didn’t tell her much besides the fact they needed to talk. Which they did. She was planning on ending things with Connor. If not for her own pride, but for the fact she wanted to see what would happen between her and Jefferson if there wasn’t anything standing in the way. If she would just get over herself and see what could happen between them.
She had explained to Kelsey Horowitz later that she was drunk and didn’t really think she was doing anything wrong. Kelsey was a stupid girl and bought the story. Giggling about Jefferson’s good looks or something.
Anna had used all of her willpower not to roll her eyes and had ended the conversation just as quickly as she could.
She didn’t want to have to deal with the last part of what Kelsey saw. The last thing she saw was Jefferson, his face hardened into something she had never seen, fear and malice and guilt. She didn’t want to have to touch that subject. That subject that she didn’t altogether understand.
She had never seen that look on Jefferson’s face before. It was terrifying. She swallowed, Jefferson was sure full of surprises lately and more than anything, Anna hated surprises.
She met Connor downtown at a small restaurant they both liked to frequent back in time when they were trying to make it look like they cared for one another. Back when they really gave a damn about their pseudo relationship.
He looked nice enough. The older, more sophisticated version of his brother, Caleb. He looked presentable enough in his simple sweater and khaki slacks, but there were dark rings under his eyes and his hair was ruffled, as if he wasn’t really trying.
“What’s wrong?” Anna asked without thinking about his father first, without remembering the good Senator might have something to do with Connor’s disheveled appearance.
Connor gave her a hard look, his blue eyes flat in his skull, “We can’t
see each other anymore.”
Anna raised an eyebrow, was Connor breaking up with her? Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
“I’m going to have to end this relationship.” Connor was all business. This wasn’t coming from him. This wasn’t like him. Someone was pulling the strings far away.
“Is that what you thought this was?” Anna felt her lip curve into a smile, “That’s cute.”
If he was going to break up with her, then she was going to pretend like he never mattered to her in the first place, which, if she was being honest, he didn’t. His convenience to her had run its course and now the next action would be to terminate their arrangement. It only made sense.
Connor’s eyes flinched with an unknown emotion and Anna wondered how he had really felt about this whole thing. She had never really asked him. They had never really had very many heart to hearts and so Anna sat there, realizing she was looking at a complete stranger.
“You can keep the promise ring I gave you.” Connor nodded, moving past her spiteful comment.
“I threw it away awhile ago.” Anna lied, testing this new person in front of her. This stranger she had called her boyfriend for so long.
Connor stared at her, “Fine.”
“That’s fine?” Anna dared him with her tone of voice, pushing him, seeing how far he would go until she broke him.
Was it possible that Connor didn’t realize this was a show? That she didn’t really care for him? Was there something more on his end than on hers? Had she been leading him on unintentionally?
“I think it’s for the best if we don’t talk anymore.” Connor’s eyes dropped to the table, hidden by his long eyelashes.
Anna let her smirk die on her face, she had no intention of hurting Connor. That was never a part of her plan. But looking across from him, she could see now, he was hurt. There was something she hadn’t noticed before. He had thought this was more.
