by Laura Gibson
“Connor-” Anna started and then stopped herself. This is what she wanted though, she wanted to break up with him and get away so she could explore other options. So she could explore Jefferson.
“It’s alright, Anna.” Connor forced a smile and stood up, “I’m quite alright.”
Anna looked at him. Who was he?
She had dated a stranger and now, as they were parting ways, she just started to get to see him for a person.
“I’ll see you around.” She finally mustered out.
Connor cracked a sarcastic smile, “I don’t think so, Anna.”
And then he was walking away and she was staring at him. Lost completely in what had just happened between them. Had she really never truly looked at him before?
Before she could do anything, her phone buzzed in her pocket with a text and she opened it.
‘Wanna talk about it?’
Anna closed her eyes and swallowed, of course Casimir would have something to do with this. Of course.
‘Not with you.’ She fired back, knowing that probably wouldn’t stop him. Knowing he was more involved in her life now than she should have ever let him.
Casimir was arrogant and compulsive as well prideful and possessive. The last thing he was ever going to let her do was be her own person.
Anna rubbed her face and waited for the cocky response, the one she would have to think about and then do something about. The one that would tell her he was outside or something, waiting for her.
She leaned back in her chair and motioned for the waiter to come over. She needed time alone to think about what had happened that day and what was currently happening in her life.
Everything had been fine last August. Everything had been normal. Now, with the turn of the new year, it seemed like everything was going to shit rather quickly. Could Anna have really been that stupid?
She thought of the way Connor looked at her. She might have been seeing him for the first time, but he had always seen her. Had always known her for what she was and he had chosen to give her the freedom she desired. He had been alright with her being her own person until someone told him to take a step away.
Anna had no doubt in her mind who that person was and come hell or high water, she was going to confront him about it.
Kelly may be afraid of Casimir, but she wasn’t. She was her own person and she wouldn’t be controlled by anyone, least of all a petty drug dealer.
Chapter Nine
February 11th, 2007
Charleston, West Virginia
Melody
Melody knew she was young. She knew she was naive and stupid and she knew she was hopelessly in love with Kelly, even though he really couldn’t give a damn about her.
She noticed every time Anna looked at her with that condescending smile, the one that sent Jefferson all in a twitter, and she took an inventory of all the different things Anna had ever said to her to make her feel less than human. Slowly, Anna was trying to make her into something squashable, something forgettable, but Melody wasn’t going to let that happen. She was young and naive and she may have been stupid, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know what love was. That didn’t mean she couldn’t look at something and just know in her gut it was meant to be.
Sitting across the table from Kelly, she knew. She loved him. And not really in the school girl type of crush love, but in the ‘I will never leave you, nor forsake you’ sort of love. A deep love. A soul love. One that was crushing and uplifting at the same time. There was a connectivity between them that she couldn’t describe or let go.
But she knew, she just knew, their lives belonged together. Whatever they ended up doing with themselves, they would be connected, forever and for always. It just made sense.
Kelly had called her up that morning and told he wanted to take her out to lunch, he wanted to catch up while he’d been away. Luckily, she had been in town visiting some friends and she could make time for him, otherwise he would have missed her in between flights to and from Europe.
Melody wanted to roll her eyes at that. Her mother, ever the jetsetter, carted their entire family around the world like it was her job to travel or something. Melody just wanted to stay in one place long enough to gain roots somewhere. She wanted to mean something to someone. She wanted to be around long enough for someone to miss her.
Kelly smiled at her, that lopsided quirky smile he only brought out for special occasions. The one she had never seen him use on anyone else. “What are you thinking about?” He asked, his voice almost playful, as if he wasn’t sure he could relax around her or not.
Melody had always told him that she wanted him whichever way he wanted to be, he didn’t need to pretend with her, but she knew that concept was a difficult one. Kelly was stuck in between the life he thought he deserved and the life he thought he could have. Neither of which happened to be the direction he was headed that very moment.
“I’m just wondering what you got up to while you were away.” Melody smiled at him, their eyes connecting over their lunch plates the waitress had brought them.
Melody felt her heart flutter and stop momentarily when she looked directly at Kelly and had to remind herself again, he was there with her. He had chosen her, no one else. This magnificent boy no one else could see had decided that he wanted to be with her, Melody Jeffords, above all else. If that wasn’t something to get excited about, she didn’t know what was.
“I saw Logan in Hartford.” Kelly pushed a tomato from his salad around his plate, avoiding eye contact now, hiding.
Melody stifled a sigh and an eyeroll. Logan. If there was anyone who deserved Kelly’s affections any less, it would be Logan.
With a first name that was the same as your last name, you were pretty much doomed in life to go nowhere. You were the butt of every joke, the tag along to every event. You were the minor character that showed up to do something when the main characters were busy having real lives.
She wished Kelly wouldn’t waste his time with that dead end, but she could never say that. Logan was Kelly’s oldest friend and that meant something to him. That meant she had to play nice and pretend like she cared, even though she suspected Kelly could decipher her true feelings on the matter.
“How’s he?” Melody took a drink of her tea and wished for the third time she had ordered something else to drink. The tea there was just God awful. It dried out her tongue and made her feel like she was dying a little inside.
“He’s good.” Kelly was nodding, really avoiding the situation now. Something had happened in Hartford, something he didn’t want to talk about.
Melody watched him closely. She knew him better than anyone else, she had spent years trying to understand him before he finally decided to go and give a relationship a try with her. A decision she hoped he would never learn to regret.
“That’s good.” Melody nodded and took another unsatisfying drink of her tea.
“I missed you.” Kelly was still looking away. Either lying through his teeth or being painfully honest. Either one caused the same physical discomfort. He couldn’t hold eye contact if he tried.
Melody decided to take it as honesty, because what was she supposed to do? Ask him? Like that had ever worked out in her favor before. When dealing with people like Kelly and Anna, Melody learned to rarely ask questions or dig any further. She usually wound up hating the truth and wishing she had never discovered it in the first place.
Keep secrets where they needed to be, in their dark places, hidden away from the people who would be hurt by them.
She smiled, “I missed you too.”
Kelly let himself look at her then and she saw something in his eye that hadn’t been there before. Something darker than the gold speckled evergreen she was accustomed to. The sleepless circles under his eyes were more pronounced in the light of the mid day sun and she wondered if he was feeling alright.
“When was the last time you slept, Kell?” She tilted her head to the side and waited for a respons
e, but all she got was more avoidance as he looked down and away, hiding away again, keeping the truth from her.
“You know, I can just ask Jefferson.” Melody said with a sigh and folded her napkin absentmindedly, “He would tell me what’s going on.”
Kelly swallowed and made a face, but didn’t say anything to the contrary. He couldn’t, not the with the corner he had painted himself into, not without letting on that he was lying to everyone around him.
“I’m just stressed is all.” Kelly ran a tired hand through his hair and Melody imagined what it would be like to have him fully committed this relationship like she was. Would their passion consume all the dangers and problems in one large sweep across the world? Would they be happy?
It was Melody’s turn to look away now. She knew Kelly didn’t love her the way she loved him. She knew if given the choice, if given a better option, he would jump ship and leave her. But she was young and she was naive and she was stupid. She thought those three things warranted her enough of a free pass to love him with her whole heart before he left her. Before he saw what Anna saw and decided she wasn’t worth his time anymore.
“Are you crying, Mel?” Kelly’s voice was softer, kinder now as he tried to look into her eyes that had indeed started to tear up at the painful thoughts.
“No.” She forced a smile and brushed the stray tears away, “Never.”
Kelly flinched as if she had physically wounded him, it wasn’t every day she lied to him.
Other people didn’t understand their relationship. Other people saw it as a joke or something a little closer to short term, but Melody was all in when it came to Kelly, and she knew, sooner or later, he would finally see her. He would look at her and he would see all the different times she could have walked away and didn’t. He would appreciate her and he would love her.
She didn’t need a Prescott or a Williams to make her happy, although that would definitely make her family happy. She just needed one boy. One boy to tell her she was his everything and her whole world would be made. She was happy being who she wanted to be, she had no desire being the creation of generational success. She wanted to find success on her own. Live her own life.
“I didn’t make you sad, did I?” Kelly almost reached out for her hand but then obviously decided better on it. He had never been good at human contact or showing any signs of physical affection.
Melody’s smile wasn’t forced this time around, she couldn’t tell him it was her own thoughts that had made her sad but she could put them to the side for now, just to make him feel better.
“No.” She repeated herself, finding his gaze with own, “Never.”
January 21st, 2008
Charleston, West Virginia
Anna
The bitter cold of January would transfer over into February as well, Anna could feel it. It had been a hard winter in so many different ways. Hard and tiring. From spending too much time with drug addled socialites to having to pretend as though she liked spending time with Casimir, she just didn’t feel right about anything anymore. She knew this was her decision and her’s alone, but in the back of her mind something whispered for her to get out. To pack everything in and call it a day. Leave and never look back.
Anna’s fingers touched the silk of a blue tank top and felt herself get lost in the good memories summer still had to offer for her. A tank top was not weather appropriate. She looked over at the white cashmere sweater lying on her bed, the one she was going to wear initially and then looked back at the tank top. She slipped light blue tank top on over her head and shimmied into dark skinny jeans. Ones that curved around her figure and held it perfectly. It might not be weather appropriate, but she wasn’t going to suit the weather. She was going to suit herself.
Downstairs, Kelly, Melody, and Jefferson waited for her. Kelly looked depressed and bored, his usual combination of late. Anna resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He needed to get over it. Whatever he did for Cas had to be better than being hit on by Connor’s dad.
Anna shivered, she never did find out what happened with that, but he had stopped setting up meetings, so she assumed Cas had made good on his promise.
Anna caught Jefferson’s eye and smiled, he looked nice that evening. Then again, he looked nice every time she saw him. She purposefully looked away from him, couldn’t be caught staring. Couldn’t let him know.
Melody had begged Kelly to take her out, just for a night. There were a few house parties she wanted to go to and she didn’t want to go alone. She made a really big deal about going with her boyfriend.
Anna had rolled her eyes in the beginning but when Jefferson announced he’d be up for a good time she changed her mind, because… she wanted to be where he was. She was single now, after all. She could do whatever she wanted, with whomever she pleased and no one had the power to stop her. There was no harm in enjoying someone’s company.
Casimir had sent her a text earlier in the night about wanting to meet up later, but Anna ignored it. She didn’t want to talk to Cas. She didn’t want to have to explain to him what it meant to have a personal relationship versus a working relationship. He was gorgeous and at times he could be charming, but she didn’t want to find out what happened when someone tried something more with him. That was a whole can of worms she wasn’t ready to expose herself to.
Three hours later, the music in the house was loud and abrasive, but in the back room, it was just a dull thump that occasionally rattled the pictures of the happy family on the walls.
Anna took a swig of her Fat Tire and looked at the smiling faces in the pictures, she had gone to school with the older one. Sold him some weed on and off if she wasn’t mistaken. He was an okay student. C average, nothing to write home about.
Jefferson told a joke and Anna let her amused expression slide in his direction, her lips hitched in a half smile while she regarded her friend. Her brother’s friend, she had to remind herself. Not just Anna’s friend, but Kelly’s best friend. The rules of sibling-ship dictated she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near that.
The rules were basic. Don’t talk about the kiss that happened over New Year’s and don’t touch Jefferson, don’t look at Jefferson, don’t act like there might be something else there. Because there can’t be. Sure, Jefferson really wanted something to happen, she could see that, and she could see it half working out. But if and when it ended, that would be that. Not only would Anna lose a friend, but so would Kelly.
Anna looked over at her brother and tried to remember a time when he actually looked happy. It had to be there, somewhere in the back of her memories, somewhere hidden deep. She had to have a recollection of better times, but in that moment all she could see were the sunken in eyes, the dark smirk, and the lack of care he possessed.
If she took Jefferson, it would only make things worse.
Lightning skittered across her skin as Jefferson’s hand brushed her bare shoulder, swiping a stray curl away, and she shivered. The tank top had been a bad idea.
Anna had never wanted anyone the way she wanted Jefferson. She never looked at someone and thought that they would make a good match just based on chemistry alone. It had always been where they would place her in the social circles, what appeal their name would add to her own. It had never been… whatever this was.
She looked up at him and their eyes connected, her mind stirred with imaginings of being close to him. Closer than she was now. Closer than she had ever been with anyone. She dreamed of kissing him and of their souls colliding in a simple act of confession. But Anna set her jaw and looked away. No. It was just that simple. No. She wasn’t going to go running around like a lovesick teenager, pretending that her and Jefferson had something more than just chemicals and hormones reacting in their bodies, making them feel things that weren’t necessarily true.
“Why can’t it be like this more often?” Melody asked, a hint of wistfulness in her girlish voice. Anna looked at Melody, she was drunk and she was stupid, but she had a point. Times li
ke these were better when everyone was around.
Ryan laughed from somewhere in the corner, as if Melody had told a joke no one else was in on. Anna regarded him with critical eyes, what was his part in all of this? The wicked cousin that hid his cruelty with a pretty face and a handsome smile. Anna knew Cas used him for something, but so far she had been kept in the dark about it.
“I gotta go.” Kelly announced, standing up from his spot on the floor, putting his phone back in his pocket. Cas must have texted him next.
Anna cleared her throat, it wasn’t right that Kelly jumped when Cas told him to. Kelly should be allowed to be his own person. She filed that away for a conversation she’d have with Casimir, “He can wait.”
Kelly gave her a hard look and Anna noted he hadn’t been drinking at all that night. He had stayed completely sober. In the beginning she thought it was odd, but towards the end she had just written it off as Kelly being Kelly. Now she knew he had other reasons for not drinking. Russian related reasons.
“Really.” Anna tried to match his stern facial expression, “He’s a big boy, he’ll understand.”
“Shut up, Anna, you’re drunk.” Ryan chuckled, also packing his stuff up, calling it a night.
Anna rolled her eyes, she wasn’t drunk, maybe a little buzzed, but nowhere near where he usually was at this time in the night.
“Hey, man.” Jefferson made a face, scolding Ryan, “Be nice.”
Ryan rolled his eyes, “Boss man says jump.”
“Kelly.” Melody grabbed his hand, “You promised you’d stick around tonight.”
She looked almost sad in this light, but Anna just wrote it off as possible inebriation. Melody was still a Jeffords. There was no way she could possibly care about Kelly.
Kelly shook his head and took back his hand, “I gotta go.” He repeated.
