by Laura Gibson
“Jefferson is a better man than you.” Kelly growled low, this time looking straight at Vincent, pouring all of his malice into one person, knowing that Vincent wouldn’t take it well.
For years Jefferson had never said anything concerning his father, he always kept everything locked away and hidden, but sometimes he would let something slip. He would use words that didn’t make sense. Now, Kelly knew why. Jefferson never had control over his own life. Everything was already decided for him. Everything was already laid out and he was just told where to stand, where to sit. Where to be placed in order to be exactly what his father wanted him to be.
“I told you working with a child wasn’t a good idea.” Vincent’s condescending tone rippled across Kelly’s skin and his hand curled into a fist under the table.
Although Vincent might not have been looking at him, Casimir never took his eyes off Kelly, “Kelly’s smart. He’ll do what’s right.”
And then Kelly understood. He swallowed and forced his hand to relax. He had no say whatsoever. He was a pawn as much as Jefferson was. There was no hiding it. There was no backing out.
The conversation ended quickly after that, Vincent leaving first, Casimir leaving after. Alone, Kelly slumped back in his chair and looked at the far table one last time, spying the blonde girl, still studying, still oblivious to the fact he was looking at her.
Kelly sighed and pulled forward, considering laying his head on the table. He was stuck. He had made a poor decision and now he regretted it more than anything.
They were going to control him till the day he died and he knew it. There was no longer any point in hiding it. This was no friendship, no partnership. This was Casimir Volkov getting his way and removing any form of protest.
Kelly gave the blonde girl one last look and was jealous of her freedom. He pushed his chair back and got to his fight. Throwing his half empty coffee cup away, he walked out of the cafe, wondering what would become of him and his poor choices.
The winter chill gripped his insides and Kelly zipped up his jacket as he walked to his car. He was just unlocking the door when he saw the blonde girl exiting the coffee shop, hugging her books to her chest.
She was dressed for the cold and Kelly knew she must be going back to Phillips which was only about a fifteen minute walk from here. Still, the temperature was steadily dropping and no one deserved to be outside in this weather.
“Hey!” Kelly called out to her over the wind.
She paused and looked at him, her blue eyes critical.
“Do you want a ride?” He motioned to his car.
Her frown was slight, “No.”
“Are you sure?” Kelly yelled.
“I’m sure, but thank you.” She smiled to be polite but Kelly could tell he had made her uncomfortable.
“Well, have a nice day then.” Kelly got in his car and slammed the door before she could respond.
Kelly’s key stuck in the frozen lock and he swore as he unsuccessfully attempted to unlock his door. A long time ago, the frame had gotten warped from someone kicking the door repeatedly and now the lock never worked quite right. Any amount of weather changed its position and made the person seeking entrance try their damnedest to get in. It was a battle of the wills and that night Kelly just didn’t have the energy to try.
He leaned his head against the cold wood and stared at the lock, his key hanging out, a testament to everything that was wrong with his life.
No one was home to let him in from the other side, otherwise it wouldn’t bother him so much. Anna was out doing whatever she did for fun and his parents were… where were his parents? There was always evidence of their existence, but Kelly couldn’t remember when it was the last time he had seen them. Did they just up and abandon their kids for greener pastures?
Maybe they had managed to find real jobs. Kelly rolled his eyes, that would be the day. The day a Hill could hold a job was the day the world stopped turning.
He stepped back and pulled the knob towards him, making the door hold fast against the frame, trying one more time, Kelly turned the key. It clicked in his hands and Kelly exhaled. At least he wouldn’t have to sleep in his car again like last time, or break any windows like the time before that.
The house was dark and quiet when he stepped inside and Kelly had to admit, he preferred it that way. He was tired and he just needed to rest for awhile. Lately, all he felt like was an unsatisfying amount of sleep, full of fever dreams that kept waking him up at all hours of the night and now his brain had reached a full level of exhaustion. He kicked the door shut behind him and threw his keys to the side, not caring where they might land.
He sat on the couch and leaned back, feeling his spent muscles relax on the comfortable furniture. He pulled his spine in and felt a surge of cracks. Tiny pops in the darkness as he contemplated the principles of being lonely.
He rubbed his face and felt tired eyes droop in their sockets, begging for some form of solace from his nightmarish thoughts. His sense of despair and disbelief. This couldn’t be his life now. They had always said, if it can’t worse, it can only get better.
But it just kept getting worse. He’d hit rock bottom with a thud and feel the impact force the air out of his lungs, but he’d always find comfort in the fact that this, this was rock bottom. This was it. The last stop. He only had to climb up now. It only had to get better.
Then, someone would throw him a shovel instead of a rope and he’d start digging again, because… he was no good. There was no one to pull him up and to safety and so the only way out was down.
He thought back to the girl in the cafe and wondered if she had a different sort of life than he had. She must have. She still had bright eyes and strong shoulders. She wasn’t beaten down and she wasn’t hurting. She was perfect with the snow falling all around her and he smiled. He should have asked for her name. He should have insisted on taking her home. She’d build him a rope out of her smiles and her kisses and whatever else she had to share with him and then he’d be okay.
Kelly woke up to the sound of his phone chirping next to him. Blurry eyes stared at the screen, looking for a time. Trying to assess just how long he’d been out. Five hours. He blinked slowly, staring, hoping he’d read it wrong. Hoping it had been longer. Anything less than a lifetime was unacceptable.
He had a missed call and a voicemail on his phone. Both of which were from Casimir.
Kelly sighed, they had just finished their rather humiliating conversation at the coffee shop, what more could he possibly want from Kelly? What could have been so important that he couldn’t wait one more day. Couldn’t he give Kelly just one night off?
“Call me.” Was all the voicemail said. Nothing about the subject, nothing to tell Kelly what the next thing would be. But he had a feeling, deep in the pit he was digging, more would follow. More would find their way into his bottomless pit.
Kelly dialed Casimir’s number and let it ring twice before he hung up, not waiting for Casimir to pick up. Let him wonder if Kelly got his message or not. Let him think about what would happen if he pushed the wrong person. Sure, Kelly might not have any real leverage, but Casimir acted like he needed him for some reason or another, so he must mean something to the Russian. Right?
Seconds later Kelly’s phone rang, his display reading ‘Casimir’. Biting the inside of his cheek, Kelly hit the ignore button and stared at the phone.
It rang again. Again, Kelly hit ignore, knowing Casimir was aware Kelly was choosing not to answer. He was angry. He didn’t want to have to deal with Casimir that night, or any night for an indefinite amount of time. Sure, he was on Casimir’s payroll, but that was it. He didn’t belong to Casimir, no matter what he thought. Kelly was his own man, no one else’s. He couldn’t be bought and he couldn’t be sold.
Making up his mind, Kelly dialed Jefferson’s number, intent on telling him such. Intent on changing the game a little bit. Acting as though he had any say anymore.
When it went straight to voice
mail, Kelly laughed. Of course.
April 30th, 2008
Charleston, West Virginia
Anna
Anna sat in the small diner by herself almost a week after her wedding and waited for her body to exhale. She was a pawn after all. She’d become that thing she had fought her whole life. Someone was using her for their own personal gain and she’d walked right into the trap like an idiot.
But that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Because Anna would not go quietly into the night. She was not a delicate woman with delicate sensibilities. She was a force to be reckoned with and if Casimir Volkov thought for one second that he was in control she would make him choke on that fantasy.
She couldn’t murder him. She couldn’t strike fear into his black heart, but she could ruin his life. She could chase him away from her family forever and then he’d know. At the end of the day, Anna would be the winner and he’d be gone.
She took a shaky breath in and tried to steady her nerves. She was sure of herself and her knowledge of the situation.
So why did she feel so terrified? Why did it feel like she was marching to her death? Maybe because deep down, she knew, there was no actual winning for her. There was just taking him down with her in the fall. This was the death march of the proud. This was what her pride had gotten her.
Chapter Twelve
Charleston, West Virginia
February 18th, 2007
Kelly
Kelly hadn’t spoken to Cas in four days. Neither one was ready to talk about what was going on in their relationship and so the radio silence continued. He knew sooner or later he’d have to pick up the phone and act like everything was normal. Like everything was okay.
Kelly rolled his head along his shoulders, cracking his neck, and he tried to concentrate on what Melody was saying. Something about friends meeting her later somewhere else. Something about her mom never understanding her. Some sort of bullshit Kelly knew he was supposed to be paying attention to.
He had taken her out in an attempt to patch up the sort of relationship he knew she wanted them to have. She was always the hopeful one out of the group. The one with the far flung dreams and eyes that sparkled with a mischief. She was much more beautiful than he deserved. She exhibited more life in one sentence of emotion than he could muster in an entire afternoon of contemplation. She would move on with her life and he would remain here, stuck in his world of absolute isolation. Refusing to look forward. Refusing to see what really could be out there for a man like him.
The place Kelly took Melody wasn’t really a place he could imagine her in, but he had ulterior motives. More reasons to prove he was terrible at treating her right.
It was a dive bar a little ways out of town that didn’t card and didn’t care. Kelly had been aware of it for a few years now. Anna had been caught here on a couple occasions, selling things, buying things. It was always something never talked about or touched, but known to all parties involved.
Kelly wasn’t sure why he was doing what he was doing. He knew pushing the envelope was a bad idea. He knew he had a place in this game and he knew it wasn’t going in his favor if he acted out now.
He had a good thing with Casimir, even if the man treated Kelly like he was nothing. He was nothing. It wasn’t a secret. Might as well call a spade a spade.
But there was something about the fact that Cas wanted to add more people. Ruin more lives. Something that made Kelly want to show Casimir Volkov just what he was made of.
So Kelly made some phone calls. Old numbers that he thought wouldn’t work anymore. Old contacts from a different time. From a moment in history when he worried about Anna and what she was doing with her life. Old friends that knew where she might be when she had gone on another bender. Old friends that had sold her the stuff that took her to places far, far away from him.
It didn’t take long for him to get ahold of the black tar heroin Anna used to blend with lactose so she could snort it. Then the calls to find a buyer.
A blue haired wild girl was dancing to the beat of a poorly played rendition of Pearl Jam’s ‘Alive’ and Kelly swallowed. He had never done this part before. Had always known about it, but actually doing it. Was he going to be putting a different family through the same thing he went through for Anna? Did it really matter? If they were willing to buy it then he was okay with selling it. Damn their families.
Melody’s hand found Kelly’s and she smiled at him, “Dance with me.”
Kelly went to smile back at his girlfriend and he would have danced with her, really, he truly would have. But something else was happening in the bar now. Someone had caught his eye. A face he recognized.
Kelly had always found this cop to be more patient than the others. Officer Kirk Kessler was short and had a crew cut. Kelly liked him as a person and didn’t hold a grudge about the fact that he was probably going to be the one to arrest the delinquents. Kirk slowly made his way through the room towards the pair and Kelly didn’t even think about bolting to the bathroom and flushing the drugs on his person. Or maybe he did think about it and just decided that inaction was a much better choice than action. Better to look not guilty and be found so than to abandon all hope and act the fool he was playing.
It was over faster than Kelly thought it should have been. The arrest followed by the subsequent pat down. Melody looking at him from a separate cop car in the parking lot, her eyes furious, her lips mouthing words he didn’t want to decipher.
Kelly looked away towards his lap and concentrated on the cuffs cutting into the skin on his wrists. Melody would be fine. They would call her parents and she would explain she had no idea what was happening. She was a good person and they would see that. They wouldn’t care about her. He tried to pull his hands apart, forcing the steel further into his flesh.
Hours later, Kelly was sitting in Casimir’s car, looking out the window, still avoiding any form of communication. Of course Cas had been the one he called. Of course he was the person Kelly told everyone was his guardian or some other form of bullshit. After all, he didn’t have anyone else.
“Jesus, Kelly.” Casimir was glaring at the road as they drove home, “What the hell were you thinking?”
Kelly let himself look at Casimir, thinking about all the different ways he could get under the Russian’s skin if he really wanted. Thinking about all the different ways he could show Casimir he had made a mistake in picking Kelly.
If Kelly was good at anything, it was screwing everything up.
Kelly shrugged instead of answering the direct question. He was still intent on being bitter and petulant. Two things Casimir could relate to. Two things Casimir hated the most in people.
They pulled into Kelly’s driveway and Casimir parked the car but didn’t unlock the doors.
Kelly wondered if Cas would bother killing him right then and there, or if he would send Ryan to do it. Wasn’t that what Ryan was around for? Pulling the trigger when no one else wanted to?
“I understand you’re upset.” Casimir said with a certain amount of patience in his voice.
Kelly almost snorted and rolled his eyes in the dark car.
“But this is going to be better for you in the long run.” Casimir was talking as if he thought Kelly had a future to look forward to. As if Kelly planned on living past the age of twenty-five.
“You’re going to ruin his life.” Kelly met Casimir’s eyes then and glared at him, “He’s got better things to do than sell shit for you.”
“That’s not up to you.” Casimir unlocked the doors.
Kelly felt his lip tick in agitation and he shook his head. Pulling hard on the handle of the door he pushed it open and got out. “I’m not afraid of you.” He said, his voice flat in the back of his throat, “I don’t care about you.”
He felt his hand slam the door shut and moved in the direction of his front door, wondering if he had just signed his death sentence.
May 1st, 2008
Charleston, West Virginia
Juliet
It felt strange, having the one and only Alice sitting at her kitchen table, sipping coffee out of a mug with a cat painted on it, looking at the wood grain as if it was anything special.
“Well, where do you want to start?” Juliet asked, taking a seat across from the girl. She was young, just barely in her twenties if Juliet had to guess.
Her long, dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her eyes were bloodshot, as if she had gone days without sleeping. Her lip was bruised and still bleeding from a nervous habit of chewing on it and her clothes hung off of her as if they didn’t fit the body they were meant for. Blue eyes stared out from dark circles and she shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Juliet took a sip of coffee and sighed. It started with a phone number on the back of a business card.
There had been a fundraiser in town for Phillips Academy, the local prep school where all the parents too rich for actual parenting sent their kids. Everyone in attendance was either a special invite, like herself, or an alumni of Phillips.
It was a black tie affair and everyone had turned out dressed extremely prim and proper. Juliet would have never noticed Alice if the girl hadn’t introduced herself.
Juliet sat at one of the high top tables, waiting for Rhett to get back with drinks. She had been listening to the other conversations around her and was quite surprised when someone approached the table.
At the time, Alice didn’t look as haggard as she appeared now. But then again. that was three weeks ago. Her blue eyes were alert and shone with a certain amount of cunning.
“Detective Juliet Hilliard?” The girl’s question sounded more like a statement.
“And you would be?” Juliet studied the girl carefully.
