Secrets Between Us

by Valerie Keogh

  The next evening, she watched as Will handed Tia a key, showed her how to use it and sent her off in the right direction.

  ‘It’s five minutes there, the same back and a few minutes perhaps to look in the shop window,’ he said to Ellie, nodding towards the kitchen clock.

  When Tia arrived back exactly eleven minutes after she’d left, Will looked at his wife and grinned. ‘I told you, no problem. It will be good for her, and for us. She’ll be able to go down and pick up stuff if we run out.’

  The local shop was small and well stocked but they rarely bought anything in it. Ellie ordered all their groceries online and they were delivered once a fortnight on the same day their cleaner came so it was all tidily put away before she returned from work. Occasionally, they might run out of something, but one of them would pick up whatever it was on the way home or make the short journey to the shop.

  Ellie reluctantly accepted that Tia could take on this job when necessary. ‘It might be best if you open an account with the shop so that she can buy stuff without having to worry about money,’ Ellie said to Will the following day. ‘Explain to them that she’s a little…’ She searched for the right word but couldn’t find it. Having decided that differently abled was such a mouthful and, in any case, people tended to look confused when she used it, as if they expected her sister to have three legs rather than two, she settled on simple. ‘Simple,’ she said. ‘Tell them she’s a little simple.’

  Seeing a disapproving look in his eyes, she guessed he might not use that term. He didn’t tell her what he did say, and she never asked, but the account was set up and if they needed something Tia went and got it. She was always delighted to be asked, taking the request with a seriousness that had Will looking at Ellie with a delighted see what I mean look in his eye.

  It was nearing the end of their first week together when Ellie arrived home to find the house empty. Suddenly and unexpectedly panicked, she ran from room to room calling Tia’s name. Running back down the stairs, she launched herself at her bag, grabbing her phone to ring Will and wondering if she should ring the police. She was just dialling his number when the front door opened behind her and Tia entered, a plastic shopping bag hanging from her hand. ‘Hi,’ she said, taking off her coat.

  ‘I was worried about you,’ Ellie said.

  Tia looked at her curiously. ‘Why?’

  Why? The question threw Ellie.

  Before she could think of an answer Tia reached into the bag and pulled out a box of tampons. ‘I have my period,’ she said simply before turning and heading upstairs.

  Ellie watched her go upstairs, stunned into silence. The unfairness of it hit her like a blow, sending her reeling and clutching the bannisters for support. They weren’t so identical after all, were they? Tia had a uterus. She could have a baby. Resting her head against the wood, she bit her lip painfully. She would not cry, Will would be home soon. She didn’t want him to see her crying, didn’t want to have to explain until she had herself under control.

  She tried to look at the funny side of it. All the years disliking the idea of being a twin and, for the first time ever, she wished they were even more alike. What had Will said? That it sounded like she had been jealous of Tia. She may have been.

  And now? She wrapped her arms around herself and acknowledged with the bitter taste of reality that Tia could do the one thing she could never do. How could she possibly face this monthly reminder of her own failure? Her lower lip quivered. For everything Tia lacked, she was more of a woman than Ellie could, and would ever be.

  She told Will that night as she lay in his arms, trying to pretend she found it to be amusing, ironic even. But she knew he wasn’t fooled as he pulled her tighter and, after a few seconds, she did what she’d wanted to do for hours: she sobbed.

  14

  Ellie and Will rarely went out during the week but, at the weekend, they enjoyed going to the cinema or theatre or out for dinner on their own, or with friends. Will, horrified that Tia had never been to either the theatre or cinema, suggested they go together the following Saturday.

  Ellie wasn’t surprised when he said he’d booked tickets to see the latest Star Wars movie, merely raising her eyes to heaven and grinning. She wasn’t a fan, but she went to them for his sake.

  ‘It’s got really good reviews,’ he said persuasively.

  ‘I’m sure it will be fantastic,’ she said with a smile before turning to Tia. ‘You’ll enjoy it, I think, it’s very…’ She sought for an appropriate word, settling in the end for, ‘colourful’.

  Will laughed. ‘Colourful? This is Star Wars, woman!’

  ‘He’s a fan,’ Ellie said, looking at a bemused Tia.

  Saturday was chilly, so Ellie felt justified in wearing a beanie pulled down to cover her hair and the collar of her coat turned up. She felt Will’s eyes assessing her and ignored him.

  In the cinema, Will told Tia she had to buy popcorn. ‘It’s part of the experience,’ he said. At the kiosk Tia, faced with the choices available, looked from one option to the other, unable to decide.

  ‘Have the toffee popcorn,’ Ellie said finally, pointing. ‘It’s really good.’

  Tia hesitated.

  ‘Or the salted?’ Will said, checking the time.

  Tia smiled at him. ‘Salted.’

  ‘I swear, if you said poisoned, she’d say yes,’ Ellie said to him under her breath, trying to sound amused.

  The row they were in was almost full but the house lights were still on. ‘We need to move down to our seats,’ Ellie explained to Tia, pointing them out. ‘Excuse us,’ she said to the first couple who stood to allow them pass.

  ‘Let me go first,’ Will said, taking Tia’s hand and sliding into the row, tugging her after him, apologising and offering thanks as they moved along.

  Ellie followed, frowning when they passed a group of young men who gave Tia admiring glances that she returned with a wide, almost flirtatious, smile, slowing down as she did so.

  ‘Move on,’ Ellie said to her, causing the men’s eyes to switch to her, their eyes widening as they saw a second beautiful woman. She tried to ignore the whisper of ‘twins’ as she moved past as quickly as she could.

  Finally, they were seated. Ellie looked at her sister, now munching happily on the popcorn and frowned. Had she been deliberately flirtatious or did she just smile broadly at everyone? Maybe every man. Certainly, she smiled at Will. Maybe she should have a word with her, go through the whole birds and bees thing. Especially since…

  The thought flashed across her mind and, as she had done every time since she’d discovered that Tia was probably fertile, she brushed it away and refused to think about it. She also refused to acknowledge the twisting knot of envy that was dragging her down, putting her low mood down to being overworked in the office. Sighing, she tried to concentrate on the movie.

  To her surprise, Tia loved it. She and Will chatted about it all the way home. Ellie was even more surprised that Tia managed to follow the story. Better, in fact, than she had.

  ‘Her memory seems to be a lot better than I remembered,’ she said to Will later when they were lying in bed.

  He yawned. ‘Maybe she’s better with visual things,’ he suggested. ‘It might be worth remembering.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Ellie agreed. She waited a moment and then pushed herself onto her elbow and looked down at him. ‘Sometimes, I catch her looking at me, Will, as if she’s weighing me up. It makes me feel…a little uneasy.

  He reached for her face to bring it nearer and kissed her. ‘You’re imagining things, Ellie. You need to relax more. He hugged her close and kissed her again before rolling over and falling asleep in seconds.

  Ellie lay awake for a long time. She didn’t think she was imagining it at all. Will hadn’t noticed but women were better at reading facial expressions than men. Tia’s memory was definitely better than she remembered; she wondered what other things had changed in the fifteen years since they’d lived together.

  The
next morning, they were having breakfast when the phone rang. Ellie answered, listened for a while and then took the phone out into the hallway.

  When she returned a few minutes later, Will could tell it hadn’t been good news.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  Ellie picked up her coffee and took a sip before replying. ‘That was Barbara,’ she said. ‘She couldn’t come on Friday because she fell and hurt her hip. She’s not badly hurt, but she’s decided she’s not able for the job any more. She’s not coming back.’

  ‘Who’s Barbara?’ Tia asked, reaching for some toast.

  ‘Our cleaning lady,’ Ellie said, taking another sip of her coffee.

  Will shrugged. ‘She must be seventy, Ellie. It’s not a job for an older woman.’

  ‘I’ll have to advertise and interview,’ she said, rubbing her forehead, ‘as if I haven’t enough to be doing. It would happen now, of course, when we’re so busy at work.’

  ‘I can do it,’ Tia said to both Will and Ellie’s surprise.

  They’d become used to her silence at the table. At first, they’d tried to involve her in their conversation, but it was increasingly obvious that she preferred to sit and listen rather than join in. Sometimes, Ellie caught her smiling, as if she found something they’d said funny but it was hard to tell what. She was quickly realising that her sister puzzled her.

  ‘That’s sweet, Tia, but you can’t,’ Ellie said, then, her frustration making her tetchy, she added, ‘don’t be silly.’

  ‘Yes, I can,’ she said simply and continued to eat her toast before explaining, ‘I used to do it when Nicky went on holiday.’

  Will and Ellie looked at each other for enlightenment. Will, shrugging, put his cup down and asked, ‘Who is Nicky?’

  ‘The cleaner at St Germaine’s,’ Tia said. ‘She taught me what to do. She said I was very good.’ She looked at Ellie, her eyes sharp. ‘She never called me silly.’

  Will laughed, drawing both women’s eyes to him. ‘Ah, so when you said you could do it, you meant the housekeeping, not the advertising and interviewing?’

  Tia looked at him blankly.

  Ellie pushed her plate away. ‘Oh, for goodness sake,’ she said. ‘You can’t possibly do it. Imagine what people would say if they knew I had my sister working as a cleaner!’

  There was a moment’s silence. ‘Why not let her?’ Will said, keeping his voice calm. ‘It would be good for her to have some responsibility. Plus, it will give her something to do. She must be bored sitting here all day on her own. And,’ he added, ‘maybe she is good at it.’

  ‘I am,’ Tia said before Ellie could reply.

  It broke the ice and all three laughed but Ellie’s laughter was short-lived. Tia wouldn’t be doing their cleaning. If things worked out, she wouldn’t be living with them for much longer. She needed to get the timing right to tell Will.

  She had almost despaired of finding sheltered accommodation, or assisted living as she’d been informed it was called now. Very quickly, she’d discovered that there was a dearth of places available for people like Tia. So, when one of her contacts had rung on Friday to tell her of a new sheltered housing development that was being built close to Brighton, she didn’t wait to discuss it with Will and rang the number she’d been given immediately. After a long conversation with the coordinator, she realised it was perfect and made a provisional reservation.

  Now all she needed to do was to persuade Will that it was for the best.

  15

  Ellie was normally good at dealing with the harsher realities and, in her office, she was the go-to girl when someone wanted somebody to break bad news. But a week had passed and she still hadn’t told Will about finding somewhere for Tia to live. Her reluctance was less to do with what he’d say, than with her own mixed feelings about Tia. Mixed? Not mixed at all, she was increasingly uneasy around her twin.

  The rational side of her knew that her sister’s fertility had a big part to play, but there were also the strange looks she caught Tia giving her from time to time; the sudden flash of ice on her soft, pretty face. And, of course, there was also the slightly hungry way she looked at Will when she thought Ellie wasn’t looking.

  ‘You need to be careful,’ she warned him when they had a moment alone together, ‘maybe be a little less friendly with her.’

  Will had laughed. ‘I treat her like a big brother would, Ellie, you’re worrying about nothing.’

  To her surprise, Tia hadn’t lied about her abilities as a housekeeper; the place had never been so clean. She’d taken to adding her own touch too; fresh flowers from the local shop now adorned the living room and the hall table.

  At first it pleased Ellie that Tia had a purpose, that she had something to fill her days with other than television. But her initial surprise changed to unease as she came home to find new additions and changes each day; framed photographs that used to sit barely noticed on the living room bookshelf joined the flowers on the hall table. Opening kitchen cupboards, she’d find things had been rearranged and her peppermint teabags were now in a drawer by the kettle. She had to admit that each change was for the better, but that only made her gut twist tighter.

  She knew she was overreacting, being oversensitive and unreasonable, but Tia’s natural homemaking ability pinched at a nerve inside her head. Was it because she was more of a woman? ‘Isn’t it supposed to be her home too?’ Will asked quietly when she mentioned it. She really should have told him about the Brighton development then, it was the perfect opportunity to address the idea of her having a place of her own, but she let it slide, feeling guilty about her own pettiness, shaking her head and heading upstairs.

  That night, when both Tia and Will had gone to bed, she couldn’t sleep. Creeping downstairs, she returned all the photographs to their original places and although tempted to throw the flowers out altogether, she resisted and settled for moving them to a window sill in the kitchen.

  The next morning, it was doubtful if Will noticed and if Tia did, she made no comment. But when Ellie arrived home that night, after a trying day at work where nothing had gone her way, she wanted to scream when the flowers and photographs were back in the hallway. This time, she didn’t hesitate.

  ‘Tia,’ she called, dropping her briefcase on the floor and folding her coat over the banisters. When her twin’s face appeared around the kitchen door, she pointed at the photographs and flowers. ‘I want these left where I put them.’

  ‘But they look nice there,’ Tia said, coming forward and adjusting one of the frames slightly.

  Ellie took a deep breath. ‘They looked nice where they were too,’ she said, biting her lip as she said it because, damn the woman, she was right, they did look better in the hallway. But being right wasn’t the point; it was her house and she wanted things left where she’d put them, regardless of what they looked like. ‘Put them back, please,’ she said. Without waiting for a response, she picked up her briefcase, grabbed her coat and headed upstairs.

  When she came down, thirty minutes later, she was pleased to see Tia had done as she asked even as she felt a slight twinge of guilt at her overreaction. But she’d made her point. And obviously Tia hadn’t minded too much as she could hear her in the living room singing along to her favourite country music on the radio. Things would be better now, she thought. She was still wearing a slight smile of satisfaction when the front door opened and Will came in, raising an eyebrow when he saw her standing there.

  ‘Everything all right,’ he asked, taking off his coat. He threw it over the banisters before reaching for her and planting a kiss on her still-curved lips. ‘You’re looking very pleased with yourself,’ he said. ‘Had a good day at work?’

  ‘Just success in a minor skirmish,’ she said, without elaborating.

  ‘Not Jeff Harper again?’ Will asked, picking up his post. She watched as he flicked through it and then threw it back onto the hall table. ‘What happened to the flowers? They looked nice there.’

  Ellie gave a
forced laugh. ‘Jeff Harper isn’t the only person who gets on my nerves, you know,’ she said, avoiding his second question. She linked her arm through his and walked with him toward the kitchen. ‘Let’s have a glass of wine before dinner.’

  She went straight to the fridge and took out a bottle. ‘White?’

  Will nodded and yawned. ‘God, I’m exhausted,’ he said, running a hand over his face.

  Ellie took two glasses to the central island, opened the bottle and half-filled each glass. ‘Sit and have a drink. It’s lasagne for dinner; it’ll be ready in about forty minutes.’ She took the shop-bought lasagne from the fridge, removed the wrapping and put it into the oven.

  ‘I’m sure Tia would manage to put stuff into the oven and it would be ready when we got home, why don’t you ask her?’ Will asked before looking around. ‘Speaking of which, where is she?’

  Ellie was about to say she was listening to music when she realised it had stopped. She paused and in the sudden silence they both heard it. The sound of someone sobbing. Their eyes met and they rushed together to the corner of the living room.

  ‘Tia?’ Will said, seeing her in a chair at the far end of the room. ‘What’s the matter?’

  Tia didn’t look up. If anything, her sobs grew louder.

  Ellie stood rooted to the spot as Will hurried to her side, crouching down beside her, his face creased with worry. ‘What’s happened? Are you all right?’

  Tia’s head was buried in the crook of her arm, her shoulders heaving.

  Will stood up. ‘What the hell is going on?’ He felt Ellie come up beside him and turned to her. ‘What’s the matter with her?’ he said in a barely audible whisper.

  Before she could answer, Tia lifted her tear-stained face and wailed, ‘I was just trying to make it look nicer.’ And then she buried her head in her arm again.

  Will turned to Ellie with a shrug. ‘What is she…?’