The Mason List

by S. D. Hendrickson

  Jess looked good tonight. Watching him, I felt that pull again, but it was more than just the physical attraction. Jess was part of tonight in a way that was years in the making. The intensity of our history allowed a sea of emotions to surface. I needed to go back to the dorms for some distance and perspective on the evening. Instead, I opened a can of worms.

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “We could try the new coffee place on sixth? Or…we could just go drivin' around for a while. Get out of here. It wouldn’t take long to ditch all of this if you want?” In the background, I heard Kenny Chesney’s voice in the truck. I knew Jess was itching for his favorite combination of dirt and twang, followed by parking and sitting on the tailgate of his truck.

  “Maybe the coffee house.”

  “Ok, it’s your night. Coffee it is.”

  It was a public place and incapable of the hidden dangers involved around a dark, starlit night and my guard down. I watched the flash of street lights reflect off the window glass and felt Jess glance in my direction a few times.

  “You ok?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you disappointed?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You shouldn't be. Alex, you're good. It's just the first one.”

  “I could draw a scribbly tornado and you would still say that.”

  “That's not true and you know it.” He shot me a broody frown to emphasize his point.

  “Don't give me that irritating look.”

  “All my looks irritate you, so I don't think there’s any other option.”

  I rolled my eyes, leaning my head back against the seat. I tried to hide the small grin on my lips. “You exasperate me sometimes, Jessup Mason.”

  “Damn! Big words and both names.”

  “Shut up.”

  “So what’d that professor want?” Jess asked, never missing a beat.

  “Professor Lynch was interesting.”

  “And?”

  “I don’t know.” I let out a deep breath, looking back over at Jess. “He could see things in the drawings, like he understood them, I think.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I got his card. He wants me to come by his office next week to talk about getting into classes and being my mentor and shit.”

  “I told you, Al. You’re good and you need to start realizing it. You should talk to him.”

  “I can't just do art. Where is that going to get me in life? And I can’t do both. It would mean more classes and I would probably take more than four years. It's just going to be longer and cost more to do both.”

  His eyes met mine on the last words. Explaining to him the turmoil I felt was like teaching ants to march backwards. The thoughts circulating through his shaggy head only had Mason dollars tied to them.

  “It's ok, Al. Really. We can make it work.”

  We as in his family. The damn Masons. Jess parked the truck at the coffee house and looked at me. I pulled the door handle and jumped out, preventing another aggravating discussion over my bank account that got weekly Mason deposits.

  I marched up the steps on the wooden patio attached to the front of the store. I caught one of Sadie's stupid heels in a crack, causing my foot to stay and my body to go flying. The impact left me face down across the crackly boards.

  “Damn it!”

  “Let me help you.” Jess unleashed my foot. Standing up, I pulled off the damn pumps and chunked them in the patio trash can resulting in a satisfying thud.

  “This is why I don't wear those ridiculous things. I've got a splinter in my hand too.” I held up my palm as the blood oozed down to my wrist. Jess laughed right in my face. “Stop that!”

  “You’re a girl who hates girl things, but you freak out over a splinter.”

  “That's a small dagger, you jerk.”

  “Ok. Ok. Small dagger. Let’s go inside. I'm sure they have a first-aid kit with tweezers for small hand daggers.”

  “I hate you right now.”

  “I know. Your cheeks are showin’ that temper of yours even in the dark.”

  “Stop harassing me.”

  “Me harrassin’? Oh, that’s nothin’ compared to what you’re gonna get from Sadie. She’ll be pissed at you for destroyin’ her makeover project.”

  “Why does everyone think I need some style intervention? I have a style.”

  “You do?” I saw the crinkles around the corners of his eyes as he baited me with the question.

  “I do. It’s called Alex.”

  “That’s the truth. It’s one of a kind, complete with a voice-recorded talk box of insults.”

  “That magically only comes out at you.”

  “Go sit in the table while I order so they don’t notice your nasty feet.” Jess held the glass door open.

  “I have nice feet.”

  “For a sasquatch.”

  I flipped him off then walked in the door. About a dozen students occupied the French inspired café tonight. I plopped down at an empty table and wrapped my hand in a napkin.

  Jess returned with two foamy mugs the size of soup bowls. He slid in the booth across from me then fished something out from his pocket. “Here's the tweezers and I got you a cappuccino with those extra shots of espresso you like.”

  “Thanks. You know that's my study drink. Are you trying to keep me out all night with you?”

  “Maybe,” his pancake syrup voice drug out the word.

  I took a sip, feeling the warm liquid slide down my throat. “That tastes perfect. I might have a new favorite place.”

  “You have a little right there.” Jess pointed to my mouth. My tongue absently licked it off the corner of my lips. The color flashed on my cheeks when I realized Jess was watching me. I reached for the tweezers to work on my cut. The splinter was large and deeply imbedded under layers of skin.

  “This isn't working.”

  “Let me try.”

  I slid my hand across the table. His fingers tightened around my wrist. The expression on his face changed to complete concentration. The pain of the wound faded to another part of my mind as I watched him. A piece of hair fell across his eye. He lifted my fingers up closer to his face to get a better look.

  “I'm going to have to pry it open a little. You ok with that?”

  “Yeah…I once let you cut my hand with a dirty knife. I think you're pretty safe with the tweezers.”

  “I guess that’s true,” Jess smirked. His fingers gripped my hand. They felt warm in every place he touched me. I watched blood trickle from the opening. I bit down on my lip, trying to calm down.

  “You sure you're ok?”

  “Yup.”

  “Well, I got it. That was one hell of a splinter. I mean small dagger,” he winked.

  Grabbing a napkin from the table, Jess dabbed the blood then pressed my hand closed to keep it in place, but he didn’t let go. He touched my wrist, looking through my handmade bracelets. Jess slipped a finger under the brown band woven from the hair of BB's mane.

  BB had died about a year ago. She was grazing in a small pen outside the horse barn when a sudden spring thunderstorm crept up on the ranch. She got spooked and took off across the meadow. Frank found her a few hours later, halfway down a raven. He put a bullet through her brown skull to end her suffering. Jess used a tractor to extract BB from the jagged rocks and took her to the burned up stump.

  Before we buried her, I snipped a few pieces of her beautiful mane. I made two braided bands; the one Jess looked at on my wrist and the other matching one he wore just under the cuff of his dress shirt.

  Jess let go of my wrist and picked up his mug. I saw him exhale deeply in contemplation as he looked back at me. “I can't change your mind ‘bout this summer?”

  “I need to do this.”

  “I know and I understand. It’s just hard to think you’re not comin’ home this summer.”

  Sadie helped me apply for ‘a summer in paradise’, according to the brochure for Camp Rochellas. She said
working with kids at a camp was as a community relations gold star on my resume.

  “It’s just a couple of months, Jess.”

  “I know. But even here, I could find you in about five minutes if I needed you. I can’t do that if you’re in some swamp in Louisiana.”

  “We can still talk. That's what these little black boxes are for, Frank.”

  “Funny, Al. But Arlis is gonna be total shit without you.”

  “I know, but you’ll still have Frank,” I winked at him.

  “Yes, I’m already plannin’ to take him to hang out with the has-beens at Nickel Bridge.”

  “You'll be ok.” I absently patted his arm.

  “I guess.” He picked up my hand, holding it tight in his palm. Jess intertwined our fingers, brushing my skin with his thumb. I watched him across booth. I watched the blue eyes get dark on the corners as I let him hold my hand.

  “I heard your parents earlier, talking about Sprayberry.”

  My question came out and hovered in the air. I watched him across the table, his jaw clenched slightly in response. His fingers gripped my hand. “They want an answer by the end of summer.”

  “That soon?”

  “I guess Frank’s doin’ ok for now, but who knows how long he can run the whole damn place. Some of the guys have been with him awhile but he’s gotten little confused lately. Mother said she needs to work on a Plan B if I am not gonna run Sprayberry.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I don't know. It’s a lot of pressure. Shit, I thought Frank would outlive Moses just for spite. It's too early for this decision. I don’t want to even think ‘bout it. If somethin’ happens to Frank, I’d have to leave school. I’m nineteen. I don’t know if I want to run a cattle ranch the rest of my life.”

  “I know it seems like that now, but you love Sprayberry,” I said quietly. “I know you do more than anything else. I think you would be happy there.”

  “I don't know. Maybe…if the circumstances were right, I could stay there forever.”

  I felt a little fidgety and suddenly hot. His eyes shifted to me with the deep meaning of those words. I knew what he really wanted; something I couldn’t give him. I bit down on my lip.

  His fingers rubbed over the top of my hand. “And this is why I didn’t want to talk ‘bout it. I just want to have fun with you tonight.”

  “I’m having fun.” I smiled, sadly at him. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

  “It’s fine. I can’t change the inevitable. But it doesn’t have to all be decided tonight.” He shrugged his shoulders. They were heavy with the weight of his destiny. We both knew he would go back to Sprayberry; it was just a matter of when. Jess traced over each of my fingers then squeezed my hand tighter. I let him hold on to me just a little longer.

  We said nothing for a while. He held my hand. I drank my coffee. He watched me with his blue eyes. From an outsider’s view, I’m sure they read this different than it really was for us. I finished the last sip of the giant espresso and pushed the cup over in the corner.

  “You ready to go?”

  Jess nodded and then pulled me up from the bench, keeping a tight grip on my fingers. He tugged me through the café to the exit. I should let go now. My brain chanted the words as I walked barefoot behind Jess, but I couldn’t bring myself to release this connection to him. We reached his truck and Jess opened the door for me. Only then, did he let go of my hand so I could climb inside.

  We pulled out of the parking lot without saying anything. I reached over and turned the radio to a station playing The Snow Pistols. Using the steering wheel controls, he flipped it back to Jason Boland.

  I changed it back with the console dial. At the stoplight, we stared at each other until he winked and flipped it again. I grabbed the knob and clicked it back, getting the last few notes of the Pistol’s song, Ten Foot Hole.

  “Ok, fine. It’s your night, Al. We can listen to crap.”

  I settled back against the tan leather, grinning.

  Jess parked his truck in the student parking lot. I opened my door to find him standing next to it. He turned around, backing his butt up against my seat.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You threw your shoes in the trash, remember? I'm not listenin' to another bitch fit when you step on a broken beer bottle.”

  “I don't have bitch fits.”

  “Just get on.”

  I climbed onto his back with Sadie’s short dress pushed up to my hips. Jess pulled my legs tight across his stomach, holding them under each knee. Clinging to his shoulders, I felt his warm body pressed against me, just the way I wanted to feel him all night.

  “Ready.”

  “Yeah,” I answered next to his ear.

  “Then hold on.” Jess took off running toward the dorm entrance. I clenched his waist with my thighs to keep from falling. My fingers dug into his chest as he zig-zagged around parked cars and jumped over parking blocks. I laughed hard against his neck. I laughed and it felt good. I needed this with him. I needed him. The thought caused me to take a deep breath of the cool air.

  At the entrance, I slide down his back to the ground. Jess turned and looked at me. He was so close but yet his body didn’t touch me anymore. My toes twisted around next to his ostrich boots. I took another deep breath trying to stop what I was feeling. I wanted his warm body against me. I wanted to feel him again.

  “Al…” He smiled that intense puckered up grin that made his whole face lit up. “I like it when you laugh like that.”

  “Really?”

  “It’s your happy one. I don’t hear it very often. Not like tonight.”

  “That’s because I’m having fun tonight.” I laid a hand on his chest as I said the words. His heart was beating as fast as mine. I told myself not to touch him but I couldn’t pull away.

  “Good.” Jess pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear, letting his thumb touch my face. He brushed down my cheek to my lips. My face flushed as he traced over the bottom one.

  “You smell good tonight too. Like peaches.”

  “No, I don’t. You just want me to smell like them because they’re orange.”

  Jess slipped his hand around my waist, pulling me against his chest. Leaning in close to my neck, he planted a faint, warm kiss slightly just below my jaw. “You’re lyin’. I smell peaches.”

  “Maybe,” I whispered.

  Jess pulled back enough to watch me. His blue eyes scanned over my face and neck. I smiled at him, feeling the warm buzz of the moment. It was slightly intoxicating being wrapped up in the shadows under the street light.

  Jess grinned then leaned forward, kissing me in the same spot again. His soft lips skimmed further down my neck. I closed my eyes, letting myself feel him touch my skin. He was good at this. He was good at making it seem ok.

  “You think it means less if you just kiss my neck?” I whispered.

  “I don’t know. Does it?”

  It was innocent, I told myself, except my body reacted to the sound of his low voice. It responded to his breath floating against my neck. It betrayed me almost as much as my heart beating frantic in my chest.

  Leaning forward, Jess broke his promise again and kissed me lower toward my chest. He let his lips sit in place, scorching my skin. Moving his fingers, he traced along the silky fabric on my back. Jess was touching me and kissing me and I couldn’t think. He made me feel things I kept locked away. My toes curled against the cement as I tried to get control of my feelings. One turn of my cheek and I could taste his sweet lips again.

  I felt his hand dip down past my waist, tracing my butt check through the silky fabric. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose. “What are you doing?” I whispered.

  “I don’t know…I wanted to touch you all night.”

  “So you decided to just do it.”

  “Yeah, I guess. Are you mad?”

  “I…I don’t know.”

  Jess moved his hand back to my waist. Looking into my eyes, he smil
ed sweetly, holding me against his chest. I felt the full outline of his body through my stupid, thin dress. He was messing with my head tonight; messing with my body and making it want things.

  “I think I should go back to my room.”

  “Al, wait…we could go somewhere.”

  “And do what exactly?”

  His sweet, blue eyes pierced into mine, holding me captive. “Go drivin’…just talk…we don’t even have to get out of the truck. I just…I don’t want tonight to be over yet.”

  Because Jess knew I wouldn’t let him this close again. His eyes pleaded with me. Those damn blue eyes were my weakness. I had to be strong.

  “I can’t,” I whispered, feeling the bittersweet punch in the gut.

  His eyes got sad, and it took a moment for him to release me. Jess finally leaned forward, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. “Night, Alex.”

  Suddenly set free, I watched his ostrich boots head back to the truck. My heart beat in a painful acceleration and I released the breath I’d failed to realize I was holding. Faint traces of his cologne remained in the air.

  I waited, angry at myself, hoping he would turn around. I was weak. I was so weak that I would have let Jess kiss me on the lips if he had tried. My stomach tightened. I watched until his dark hair faded away into the parking lot.

  Turning around, I walked barefoot into the dorms. I sat down in the hallway outside my room. I needed him and it made me angry at myself. I needed him the same way I needed air…a little bit over and over again just to survive. It was wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way about him. I couldn’t feel this way about him. I refused to allow it.

  After a good amount of mental torture, I got off the floor to face my roommate. I opened the door to find Sadie ironing her sheets before putting them on the bed; just another one of the OCD tendencies of Sadence McAllister.

  “You’re so strange sometimes, Sadie.” I shook my head, watching her remove the imaginary wrinkles from her already starched white sheets.

  “I wouldn’t go there unless you want to discuss the items hanging in your closet and don’t even get me started on your pseudo-psychotic nail polish collection.”

  “Ok. Ok. How was…”