ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Before I undertook this book, I consulted a psychic.
“I see the book just flowing out of you,” he assured me.
It did not flow out of me. A two-year project became a four-year project. I ended up spending a lot of my forties trying to describe what the forties are like.
My editor, Virginia Smith Younce, not only tolerated this process, she made my struggle her own. Thank you Ginny for your unflagging enthusiasm and confidence and your preternatural common sense.
I am immensely grateful to grown-up incarnate Ann Godoff of Penguin Press, to the endlessly wise Marianne Velmans at Transworld and to my agent and favorite reader, Suzanne Gluck.
At Penguin Press, thank you also to Scott Moyers, Gail Brussel, Sarah Hutson, Matt Boyd, Tricia Conley, Darren Haggar, Christopher King, Karen Mayer, Caroline Sydney and the heroic Sharon Gonzalez.
Thank you Trish Hall at the New York Times, who ran the column that became this book, and Honor Jones, James Dao and James Bennet, who gave me time off from columnizing to finish it.
I am also grateful to Tracy Fisher and Andrea Blatt at WME, Joanna Coles and Anne Fulenwider at Hearst and Abigail Pesta.
Many experts generously gave me their time, including Stanley Brandes, Irwin Braverman, Vivian Clayton, Igor Grossmann, Douglas Kirsner, Margie Lachman, Walter Mischel, Andrew Scott and Marcello Simonetta. Thank you.
It takes a village to write a book. Anna LeVine Winger and Adam Kuper gave me priceless feedback on the manuscript plus the confidence to finish it. Ken Druckerman offered advice and encouragement at key moments. Leah Price looked into a mush of ingredients and assured me that it would one day be soup. Benjamin Moser and Rachel Donadio: you are friends and readers beyond measure.
I am lucky to walk the earth alongside Adam Ellick, Nancy Gelles, Andrea Ipaktchi, Florence Martin-Kessler, Valerie Picard, Lithe Sebesta and Eric Van Dusen.
Merci to Alice Kaplan for her moral support and to Natasha Lehrer for her help with translations. Thank you, also, to Nathalie Amzallag, Noga Arikha, Donald Aronoff, Benjamin Barda, Philippe Benaroche, Erik Bleich, Sophie Bober, Jaime Bruck, Ingrid Callies, Linna Choi, Jason Domnarski, Marsha Druckerman, Shana Druckerman, Steven Fleischer, Marie Fontana-Viala, Andrew Gaines, Sharon Galant, Mark Gevisser, Marie Gossart, Hermione Gough, Ron Halpern, Laure Hekayem Bienvenu, Natacha Henry, Amanda Herman, Jane Kahn Jacobs, Renée Kaplan, Julien Karyofyllidis, Ruth Kuper, Danièle Laufer, Douglas Lavin, Mathieu Lefevre, Dietlind Lerner, Sabine Le Stum, Suzanne Litt Lyon, Joris Luyendijk, Kati Marton, Sabine Matheson, Spencer Matheson, William Milowitz, Enrique Norten, Janet Orth, Brooke Pallot, Carrie Paterson, Amelia Relles, Alan Riding, Marie Rutkoski, Julia Scott, Donna Joy Seldes, Jacqueline Shapiro, Ilana Simons, Michael Specter, Mark Stabile, Christine Tacconet, Gadi Taub, Amy Urbanowski, Emilie Walmsley, Patrick Weil, Elsa Weiser, Marta Weiss, Sarah Wilson and Barry Zell.
Thank you Jerome Groopman and Ronald Levy.
When I needed a place to work, a dozen people offered accommodations, warming me with their generosity. Thank you all.
I double-dedicate this book to my grandparents Esther and Albert Green. You are remembered and adored.
To my gorgeous mother, Bonnie Green, thank you for your positivity, encouragement and joie de vivre. And to my father, Henry Druckerman, who started over brilliantly in his sixties, thank you for showing me how to live a creative life.
Joey and Leo: thank you for keeping the page count, tolerating my many absences and making me the happiest mommy in Paris.
To my wise daughter, Leila, who’s not allowed to read this book until she’s forty, thank you for being yourself, and for teaching me the French expression: the hardest thing is to start.
It may not always seem like it, but this book is a love letter to my husband, Simon Kuper, who shouted, cajoled, edited and praised me, while suspecting the book might never be written. Thank you for letting me tell our story, and for seeing me clearly but loving me anyway. Here it is, Mona. And for better or worse, it’s me.
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Introduction: Bonjour, Madame
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Chapter 1: How to Find Your Callin
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Chapter 6: How to Have Sex
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Chapter 11: How to Be Jung
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Chapter 12: How to Get Dressed
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