Difficult Husbands

by Mary de Laszlo

  She was especially pleased with the window display – eat your heart out, Beth, she’d said to herself as she and Martha admired it. Spirals of cupcakes resembling Christmas trees, each with a whirl of dark green, red or white icing sprinkled with glitter and tiny Christmas themes arranged in silvery, snow. It was clearly lit and attracted quite a crowd, especially from children on the way home from school, which made for more sales. The cakes were selling quite well but they needed more publicity and she wondered if she might sneak in a few among Nathan’s produce, and persuade him, as a sort of return favour, to order some and include them in his brochure. They were Christmassy after all, in the dark red boxes and wrappings. The miniature fruitcakes; ginger and orange, or apple and cinnamon and other ‘winter spices’, each one decorated like a small work of art were all perfect for the festive period.

  ‘Let’s hope people remember that sad Christmas chunk of cake left in a tin until Easter and buy our smaller and more fun cakes instead,’ Martha said. They made an unusual present, packed into a festive box.

  Now she and Rosalind were talking about Ravenscourt, it seemed all three of them talked of little else when they were together.

  ‘But surely you want to be there to keep an eye on things. It is your house after all.’ Rosalind said, as they sat together over tea and pretty pastries, enjoying the comforting fragrance of hot chocolate and coffee, though having been surrounded by sugar all day, Lorna wondered if it was possible to put on weight by osmosis.

  ‘I’ve so much to do; work at the cake shop, make more jewellery for Gloria’s stalls, finish repairing books for presents, and all the Christmas preparations.’ She was not going to admit to herself, let alone Rosalind, that she wanted to see Nathan again. She remembered how close she’d felt to him in the kitchen at Ravenscourt while he showed her his plans for the shoot. If only it could be just the two of them working on it, without the hustle and bustle of the others all jockeying with each other to be in on the action.

  ‘But you only need go down for a day. I want to go, so does Gloria. You must want to see what’s going on? After all, it is not as if strangers are poking about your own, personal home.’ Rosalind said in her jolly, no- nonsense voice.

  ‘You know . . .’ she paused, examining her immaculate nails, ‘we just want to see if getting the men there for Christmas is at all feasible.’ Rosalind’s expression tightened with strain. ‘I can’t take another Christmas with Ivan sloping in with that cocky way he has, as if he has pulled a fast one on me. Last Sunday he came home smelling sort of musky. He said it was incense as he’d just popped into the Brompton Oratory to listen to the sung Mass. Goodness knows, I’ve been drenched in enough incense at school to know it wasn’t that; it was cheap scent.’ She wrinkled her nose in disgust. ‘Anyway, my mother might be coming to stay this year if she doesn’t get a better invitation, and you know what she’s like. She’ll give me a hard time over it; say she told me so for marrying such an older man and one who couldn’t make his first marriage work either.’

  Lorna cradled her cup of tea in her hands. Would she have hung on, pretending things were not as bad as they were had Stephen not actually upped and left her, set up in that shit coloured flat with that girl and filed for divorce? It was scary being alone after being in what had been a loving relationship for so long. She was sure it felt worse to be dumped than widowed.

  ‘You know you’re afraid Stephen will turn up on Christmas morning and persuade your children – if they do spend Christmas with you, and you know that’s not certain – to let him in. All our children do still love their fathers, or at least the fathers they used to be, and they naively hope that things might get better again.’ Rosalind went on.

  Her words cut deeply. She’d not dared ask Marcus and Flora outright if they were coming for Christmas. In the past she could count on it, now she could not.

  ‘I couldn’t face having Stephen for lunch and us all pretending we can get on, as we are now,’ she said, remembering Marcus torn between the two of them, imagining that if his father came for Christmas all would settle down as it used to be.

  Her children’s bewilderment at the change in their once loving and dependable father wrenched Lorna’s heart. Some bossy person had told her she must stop taking responsibility for her children’s emotions; that they had grown up and would be buffeted by joys and hurts like everyone else. But she found watching their suffering was almost worse than coping with her own.

  ‘Gloria is determined our plan will work. Adrian’s latest obsession is lap…’ Rosalind giggled, ‘I keep calling them laptop clubs, which I know is not right but I’m sure the girls end up on the men’s laps anyway.’

  Lorna smiled, ‘Poor Gloria… poor us, we never thought it would end this way, did we? They used to love us so.’

  Rosalind’s eyes glazed with tears. ‘It’s so humiliating. You know my father deserted us when I was twelve, upped and left for the US and we’ve never heard from him since. Now I feel deserted all over again. I can’t bear my girls having to go through what I did, I’m sure it’s affecting Chloe’s behaviour at school.’ She sighed, ‘But Gloria sets great store by Clara. She’s convinced that somehow we can get them there and they’ll stay those few days. Even one day, Christmas Day, would be a bonus.’ Rosalind said with feeling. ‘Gloria says Nathan’s going to spend a couple of days getting the house ready, and do the brochure there on Saturday. He’s told you that too, hasn’t he?’

  Lorna nodded, ‘He emailed me, apologised for not ringing, but it was the middle of the night.’

  ‘Apparently he told Gloria… I’m beginning to wonder if there isn’t something going on there,’ Rosalind joked, ‘do you think there is? He’s frightfully attractive.’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Lorna felt sick at heart, ‘I don’t know what Beth would think of it.’

  ‘Beth?’ Rosalind looked surprised, ‘What’s Beth to do with it?’

  ‘I thought she was his wife.’

  ‘Whatever made you think that? Though I bet she wishes she were. They might sleep together, for all I know, he is divorced. I don’t know the ins and outs of it but he’s not married, anyway,’ she went on. Lorna digested this. He was not married to Beth, or to anyone, though strangely he still wore a wedding ring, but that didn’t mean he was free.

  ‘He told Gloria,’ Rosalind continued, ‘that we must be in the party scenes. It might be fun. Thank goodness you’ll know what to do, as you’ve done the real thing in your film extra-ing.’

  ‘At least there won’t be fake snow and blazing sun outside.’ Lorna said, ‘Though I suppose most companies do it then to catch that year’s Christmas. Nathan’s doing it for next year as he plans to have more things to sell then.’

  ‘And also,’ Rosalind paused, regarding her as if she wondered whether to go on…

  ‘Also what?’ Lorna’s stomach clamped with anxiety of what she was going to say.

  ‘Well, it’s only an idea, Gloria’s actually, but it appears that Nathan is looking for somewhere to move, he can’t go on living with his mother and he wants to expand his business so Gloria thought that Ravenscourt…’

  ‘Why does Gloria always want to take over?’ Lorna wailed, ‘I’ve no idea what I am going to do with it yet, I’ve barely had it five minutes, why should Nathan have it? He hasn’t any money for a start, remember he told me he had cash flow problems which is usually a euphemism for being broke and he paid me in food for the shoot, surely she doesn’t expect me to give it to him?’ She was furious, how dare Gloria suggest such a thing without even informing her first?

  ‘It’s not like that,’ Rosalind laid her hand over hers, ‘she’s said nothing to him, it was just an idea. I mean you have said you can’t afford to keep it and perhaps he’ll have money after Christmas or could buy it in instalments or something… but no forget it, I shouldn’t have told you, it’s only one of Gloria’s ideas to help you solve how to do the best for Ravenscourt and for you.’ Rosalind looked distraught at her disclosu
res, but it left Lorna feeling even more stressed than before. Much though she valued her friends she wished they wouldn’t stick their noses into her affairs.

  Lorna sighed, she supposed inheriting such a house was bound to cause excitement and Gloria and Rosalind meant well but now it was only two weeks to Christmas and something had to be done urgently if they really were going to try to get their men there. Would the decorations last that long even if they were garlands of evergreens and the place like a deep freeze?

  She half wanted to go to Ravenscourt for the shoot. She must be there to safeguard it and see that the photographs taken did it justice. Though Beth would take over, shine as the capable girl with ‘wonderful’ taste, while she’d be side-lined. Somehow she’d didn’t mind Beth so much now she’d found out that she wasn’t married to Nathan, though that didn’t mean there was nothing between them … but she wasn’t going to think about it. She would go to Ravenscourt and they would do their utmost to get the men there safe and out of the way for their children’s sakes so they could have a drama-free Christmas.

  ‘All right,’ she said, ‘I’ll ring Clara.’

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet?’ Rosalind eyed Lorna sharply. ‘You voiced some concerns over insurance claims if anything went wrong with Nathan’s shoot, but our men, if angry and drunk, may be far more dangerous.’

  That remark did worry her, but she said, ‘if we ever get them there, I’m sure Clara and her friend Jane – who after all is used to adolescent boys – should be able to deal with them.’ ‘I can’t believe we’re doing this,’ Rosalind went on. ‘Men make such fools of themselves over sex.’

  Lorna agreed, ‘and what pain and destruction they leave behind. I’m afraid that that poor wife of Flora’s man will be devastated when she finds out about Flora and the baby.’

  ‘With luck they can’t make babies any more,’ Rosalind shuddered. ‘It’s not as if Ivan’s social workers are very pretty, but I suppose they are grateful to be taken out. I’m sure their jobs can be very dispiriting, but it doesn’t mean they should go after other people’s husbands,’ she said sadly.

  ‘Are you sure he sleeps with them and isn’t pretending to, to get your attention, Ros?’ Lorna asked her. ‘You don’t think he’s jealous of the time you spend with your girls … his girls too, of course, and he should be there alongside you with them, but if you don’t mind me saying, he doesn’t seem a very hands-on father.’

  ‘No, he’s not. Remember, he didn’t really want any more children, and who can blame him after Polly? As you know she did her best to sabotage our marriage – egged on, I suspect, by her mother.’

  ‘The stepdaughter from hell,’ Lorna said. ‘Though I suppose it was difficult for her, as she didn’t know about you until you were almost married. I suppose she felt she was losing her father again to you, a glamorous young woman.’

  ‘I know, I did try though,’ Rosalind sighed. ‘Things got better when she went to Uni, and he agreed, quite reluctantly, to have a child, and then,’ she smiled, ‘I was a bit lax with the pill after having Emma, and Chloe was born. He loves them, there’s no doubt about that, he just gets so impatient with them if they don’t behave exactly how he wants them to. And he doesn’t give them enough of his time. He prefers to be with his male friends playing golf and all, or doing his so-called “charity work”.’

  ‘But surely some of the teenagers he helps with work experience have problems and must need an awful lot of patience.’ Lorna said.

  ‘Of course, but it’s not so personal then, not your own kids.’

  ‘He sounds so selfish, Ros, I can’t bear it for you,’ Lorna said with feeling. She remembered how much in love the two of them used to be; perhaps it was hardly surprising that his daughter was so jealous. ‘What does Polly think of it all? Or doesn’t she know about it?’

  ‘She knows about it all right, might even encourage it. She often pops in when he’s working and goes out to lunch with him, but then she’s grown up, and can do what she likes, while her stepsisters are only thirteen and fourteen.’

  ‘It’s hard. I suppose Polly yearns for his attention as much as you and your girls do. He should understand that and share his time with all of you; it’s not as if he’s tied to office hours or a gruelling profession any more.’ Ivan lived on his looks – he was dark and sultry – but Lorna had always found him a little too self-centred, though he had suffered badly in his first marriage and she’d been delighted when he’d met and married Rosalind.

  ‘Ivan is good company as long as I don’t mention his behaviour.’ She sighed. ‘We were so happy together once. He loved me; was relieved to be with me after his tricky first marriage. We were soul mates.’ She looked sad. ‘Perhaps it’s marriage he’s not happy with, and he prefers the excitement and the secrecy of an affair.’

  ‘I’m sure it’s not that, Ros. I just feel it’s something to do with their time of life; all of them were successful in their careers and suddenly – at least in Stephen’s case – it was snatched away. And instead of having a wife the same age sitting waiting to entertain them at home they have us, twenty years younger, still with busy lives.’

  ‘I suppose that’s true. As the children grew up we all took on other interests, more work or whatever as they were often away on business trips and we had more time for ourselves. That would have been fine if we’d been closer in age, so I suppose that’s one of the drawbacks of marrying much older men,’ Rosalind said. ‘But all the same, I’d hate to be alone. I know how hard it is for you after all those years you were married, but you’re so brave, Lorna; you’re struggling on regardless.’

  ‘I’ve discovered something since I’ve been on my own.’ Lorna said, ‘though it may just be me being sensitive, but you know that psychologically people who think you’re still married, invite you to things, even if your husband can’t come, well I’ve found that some wives … I’d been told this but didn’t take much notice of it, really are suspicious of divorced women, imagining, I suppose that we are frantic to get our hands on another man. There’ve been a few things I was always asked to but haven’t been since my divorce, so I assume this must show that they too, are feeling insecure about their husbands.’

  ‘S’pose that’s true, and it depends on the women. I know you’re not like that but some we know. .. like Sophie Alcot, for instance, certainly do seem to be on the prowl again, even before their divorce is through,’ Rosalind said.

  Lorna expected to feel envious of Rosalind, still having her husband’s support, but she did not. She didn’t want to be with a man who treated her so badly. She’d been Stephen’s wife, was the mother of his children, and she deserved better. She felt quite bullish after this revelation. Times were different now and being an independent woman had many advantages.

  ‘Stephen’s woman has gone to whatever country she came from, and may not come back, or be allowed into the country again for all I know, but our marriage was over the moment he chose to be with her rather than me. I’d rather be alone for Christmas than know that he is only with me as he has nowhere else to go.’

  ‘But you won’t be alone for Christmas if he’s at Ravenscourt and your children are with you,’ Rosalind said. ‘I know Felicity and her family are going to be there, but admit it, without your children that won’t be enough.’

  ‘You’re right.’ Lorna admitted. ‘Felicity means well, but she has a knack of making me feel rather feeble and that I could have done more to save my marriage.’

  Rosalind took her hand, held it tight. ‘We’re doing this for our children, Lorna, to keep our families together as much as we can – and the families our children might have in the future.

  ‘I know. We’ll do all we can to get them there.’

  Rosalind paid the bill after a minor squabble over it, and they left the café, walking out into the Fulham road. It was dark now; the lights in the shops turning each one into a magical stage set. Everything hinted – some screamed out – ‘Christmas’. Shinin
g garlands were laced over clothes; glittering snow decorated a selection of food in the Italian shop; gold fir cones were arranged on an antique table; dark leaves and red ribbon wound round a chandelier. The coming festive season was inescapable. She used to welcome it, but this year it seemed to Lorna that it was taunting them.

  The two women said goodbye; quick kisses and a touch of a hand sending out messages of support. Rosalind lived in Kensington in a smart, white house with pillars by the door. The house had been derelict when they had bought it years ago and they had lived with builders’ squalor for ages until it had emerged comfortable and beautiful from the ruins. Rosalind’s lifeblood ran through that house, which had started her passion for interior decorating. She now worked part-time in a firm doing up flats on short lets for foreign business people.

  Lorna rang Clara that evening and was miffed when she discovered that Gloria had already been in touch and seemed to be quite involved in the plans for the Christmas brochure. As she’d guessed, Beth had taken over and she had to curb her tongue as Clara enthused, ‘Beth has some good ideas. It’s quite like the old days, people coming and going. If only Fergus were still here, he’d have loved it.’

  Lorna cut through Clara’s descriptions of Beth’s genius and told her about the three of them coming down to Ravenscourt on the Saturday.

  ‘You could come on the Friday. I could get some beds made up. It’s much warmer now the big fires have been lit. Nathan thought it best to try them out first. We had a sweep in, who had lovely time. He said it quite brought back the old times when chimneys were chimneys.’ Clara said.

  ‘I’ll ask the others, let you know, but time is quite tight and I doubt we will stay the night.’ Lorna thought staying too complicated … and far too cold.