Difficult Husbands

by Mary de Laszlo

  This was worse than anything Lorna could have imagined. She’d been dreading telling Felicity about the pregnancy, knowing she would have to suffer the third degree over her bad parenting skills.

  ‘She’s old enough to have her own child and Ben will stand by her and his child,’ she said weakly, but before she could elaborate further the telephone rang; the ring cutting through the atmosphere like a chainsaw. Relieved at the diversion, Lorna went to answer it. It was Gloria, her voice shrill with panic,

  ‘Adrian’s fallen down the stairs and is in intensive care. Will you come with me to the hospital? I can’t face it on my own.’

  21

  Geriatrics

  Gloria and Lorna arrived at the hospital in Sussex, in a state of high anxiety. On the journey Gloria had gone so far as to arrange Adrian’s funeral service. She could see herself as the grieving widow, not dressed in black, as she hated it so, imagining the other mourners whispering behind their hands that his death was a mercy in the circumstances. It was all her fault this had happened and she burst out, ‘Whatever was I thinking, having him shut up in a deserted house with unlimited booze and his mates to encourage him?’

  ‘How many times has Adrian fallen over and been found comatose in some alleyway while he’s been living at home with you?’ Lorna said reasonably, ‘Maybe it isn’t his fault he’s an alcoholic, but he could have made some effort to get help to control it.’

  ‘But I was so worried about losing Justin, I left him at Ravenscourt without supervision. I should have asked the others to keep an eye on him.’ Gloria was in full crucifixion mode now; she rocked her body forward in her seat as if the movement would add speed to the car to hasten her to his bedside. He’d be dead before she got there and she wanted to say she loved him; despite everything, she loved him, but more importantly, she wanted him to say that he loved her.

  Lorna was bitten by anxiety. Felicity’s interrogation over Flora and Stephen was bad enough, but Adrian’s accident was the last straw. Naturally Gloria was in a state, but Adrian was always causing her grief and she felt irritated with him for being partly responsible for ruining, what had been, all considered, a pleasant Christmas Day. With each moment their anxiety seemed to expand, sparking off from each other, winding deeper, as cars whizzed past her like bullets, their lights flashing at her, some hooting, unnerving her further. She’d surely have a crash, she had to stop. When they got off the motorway to a safer road, she pulled the car over and turned off the engine, causing Gloria to cry out in alarm.

  ‘Stop beating yourself up about this, Gloria,’ she said firmly, putting her hand over hers as they twisted in her lap. ‘You’ve done more than you should, trying to look after him. Adrian is a drunk and that is his choice, and if he dies falling down the stairs, it is not your fault. Unless you actually pushed him, of course.’ Her tone of voice implied that perhaps it would have been better for everyone if she had pushed him to his death ages ago. Before Gloria could summon up enough energy to respond, she went on, her face animated, driven by her sermon.

  ‘Stop blaming yourself for his behaviour, love. I know I’m doing the same, taking some of the blame for Stephen’s involvement with that girl; thinking that I should have taken more notice of him when he was made redundant instead of concentrating on getting the cake shop up and running, but it is them, not us, who have made the wrong choices in their lives. Why should we, their wives, feel so responsible for them? ’

  Gloria blew her nose, ‘I just can’t help myself. I’m furious with him for spoiling today. We had such a good time. Justin had his friends over, and this sweet girl, Ellie, he’s mad about. Liz and Peter and their kids came, and it was all going so well. Everyone was so relaxed, and even though I missed Adrian sometimes, it was all worth it, seeing Justin and Ellie so happy together. Then Ivan rang.’

  ‘So Ivan rang, not Clara?’ After a few deep breaths to calm herself, Lorna eased out into the road again.

  ‘Yes, he sounded drunk too. He was so belligerent, “Have your dumped your husband for good or will you come to his death bed,” was what he said.’

  ‘God, what a swine, couldn’t he have broken the news in a kinder way?’

  ‘We should never have done it. What if he’s dead?’

  Lorna tried not to imagine Adrian dead. She was reminded of murder mysteries on television, where bodies were kept in drawers in the mortuary, with a label tied to their big toe. Was this where he was? Ready to be pulled out for Gloria to identify? How foolish they’d been to think it would all work out. The three of them were at the end of their tethers, desperate to give their children a happy Christmas, but it was hardly surprising that despite Jane and Clara’s care, putting three dysfunctional men together, with unlimited alcohol, would end in disaster.

  They arrived at the hospital. Lorna linked arms with Gloria as they made for the entrance. Lorna wished now that Felicity had come with them; she would have taken charge, towing them along in her wake.

  When Gloria had telephoned, Felicity and Jonathan had given up all pretence at not listening to her conversation. Hearing Lorna tell Gloria that she would drive her to the hospital, they waited impatiently for her to tell them what had happened, grouped round her like dogs begging to be taken out.

  ‘A friend’s had an accident and been taken to hospital. I must go and support his wife.’ Lorna searched for her handbag and keys.

  ‘Who is it? Someone I know?’ Felicity said, ‘Is it a stroke? They need immediate care if it is, then they have more chance of recovering.’ She snapped to attention as if the patient was about to be wheeled into the living room.

  Lorna was not going to tell her it was Adrian. Felicity knew about his drinking and would have little sympathy.

  ‘You don’t know them,’ she said. ‘Sorry, I must leave you. Help yourself to anything you want.’ She went upstairs to Flora’s room and told her what had happened. Flora was curled up on her bed, reading. ‘Aunt Felicity is leaving isn’t she?’ she said darkly. ‘Wish Katie would stay though, she thinks she might be pregnant too, and we could chat.’

  ‘Oh no, she can’t be.’ Lorna exclaimed in horror. ‘That really would be too much.’

  ‘She’s a week late,’ Flora said.

  ‘I can’t think about that now. I must go to Gloria. I’m sorry I’m deserting you, but it was a lovely day, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Great until Aunt Felicity got all bossy,’ Flora said.

  Lorna kissed her. ‘Don’t judge poor Felicity too harshly, she means well, though I agree she can be very irritating.’

  ‘Make sure she leaves, Mum,’ was Flora’s parting shot.

  The very atmosphere of the hospital filled both women with dread. Lorna fought to calm her racing emotions and asked at reception where Adrian Russell might be. They were directed to a ward gaily decorated with paper chains. A collection of old men, some barely decent, others mumbling incoherently to themselves, lay in their beds or slumped in chairs. It was an open ward; a wide passage with bays opening off it, each bay holding six beds.

  ‘It’s a geriatric ward,’ Gloria whispered. ‘I thought he was in intensive care.’

  ‘Maybe it is somewhere else on this floor, or he may have come out and there are no beds anywhere else.’ Lorna caught sight of Stephen sitting by a bed in the corner. At the same moment a nurse asked who they were looking for. When Gloria gave Adrian’s name she pointed to the corner and Stephen.

  ‘How is he?’ Gloria steeled herself as she had so many times before for bad news.

  ‘A bit confused and a broken arm, the doctor will talk to you.’ The nurse said, whirling away to see to someone else.

  Stephen saw them and got up. He appeared awkward and grumpy and pointedly ignored Lorna. He said to Gloria, ‘He fell down the stairs, I think he’ll be all right. Bore about the arm.’

  ‘Might stop him drinking,’ Gloria went over to him, leaving Stephen with Lorna.

  They stood there in the main aisle of the ward with relatives and nursing s
taff walking past them, not looking at each other. What could she say to him? What if it had been him falling down the stairs? Would she have rushed to him, forgiveness in her heart? She waited for the pain to hit her; the grief at losing him, her soul mate, the man she’d loved and had children with. Nothing happened, save the dull ache she was used to. He was standing quite close to her, but he felt like a stranger. The man she’d loved would never return. He said, ‘Look, what’s happened, leaving us all there in that derelict house, lucky we’re not all in here, whatever were you thinking of, Lorna?’

  ‘We had to do it. Anyway, I’m sure Clara and Jane looked after you wonderfully,’ she said, not looking at him. ‘Don’t you ever think how your behaviour is upsetting your children, embarrassing them so they don’t want to come home or bring their friends if any of you are there? None of us mothers want to lose our children because our husbands are behaving badly.’

  ‘You always had a tendency to exaggerate,’ he said grumpily.

  ‘So us being divorced and you living with an illegal immigrant is exaggerating is it?’ she snapped, her heart aching, yearning for the man he used to be.

  ‘Yes. She’s not illegal and she’s had a very difficult life… and you were never at home, always at that shop or doing those films.’

  She was so tired; there was no point in arguing with him. She’d always been out and about but as he had always been in the office he hadn’t minded. If she’d been the same age as him perhaps she would have been more inclined to stay at home with him when he’d retired. She said, ‘I was out working, but that’s enough; we’re divorced. Let’s get on with our own lives. But just think how difficult your children find it, with you as you are.’ She turned away and to her relief, saw Ivan and Jane coming into the ward. Ivan looked irritated and tired; Jane all smiles.

  ‘Oh, Lorna, I’m sorry you had to come all this way. Ivan overreacted. I did say to wait until the doctors had seen him, but maybe Gloria wanted to be here with him.’

  ‘He could have died. We all could have died,’ Ivan sounded like a petulant child.

  ‘Nonsense,’ Jane said. ‘You all had a very good time, you said so yourselves. Enjoyed being all boys together ‘without your wives bossing you,’ remember you said that?’ She winked at Lorna, added quietly to her, ‘it could have been any one of them in here. They all indulged too much, but they ate a lot too, so they had some ballast.’

  ‘Thank you so much for coping.’ Lorna wondered what would happen now.

  Jane’s eyes were shining. ‘I enjoyed it. It was much more fun than having a solitary meal or just being Clara and I alone, sharing a turkey steak,’ she laughed.

  ‘Do you think Adrian will be in here long? They must be pushed for beds to put him in here.’ Lorna looked round at the old men, some who were obviously senile.

  ‘He’s not in the wrong ward, dear,’ Jane said with a laugh. ‘He’s counted as geriatric; he’s had a fall. Lots of them have here, I shouldn’t wonder.’

  ‘Geriatric?’ Lorna was appalled. Adrian could not possibly be lumped together with these poor, old men.

  Jane guessed at her feelings. ‘He’s in his mid-sixties isn’t he? As are the other two. You may not have noticed the age difference before, but when something like this happens it hits you between the eyes.’

  ‘It sure does.’ Lorna glanced at Stephen and Ivan. OAP’s behaving badly, she thought, feeling a pang of sympathy for them.

  Jane said, ‘I understand that they’ve all recently retired and are finding it difficult to adjust, not that that is any excuse, mind. I can see how much they have hurt you.’

  ‘You are very astute,’ Lorna said.

  Jane smiled, ‘People may wonder what a spinster who’s spent most of her life in a boarding school knows about life, but you learn a great deal there about the human condition. Some of the fathers on their second marriages were often mistaken for grandparents, some were grandfathers and new fathers at the same time.’ She frowned. ‘This youth culture is no good for anyone, it mocks as all.’

  Lorna agreed and followed her to Adrian’s bed, feeling the baleful eyes of the other patients watching her suspiciously.

  Gloria was sitting beside Adrian, holding the hand of his good arm. Her face was strained, her eyes blank. He lay back on the pillows, pale and unshaven. His appearance shocked her; she’d never seen him at his worst before. He’d been such a good-looking man, now he just looked old and unkempt. She’d not noticed his age so much before, she still thought of him as in his prime, as she had Stephen and Ivan. Now, seeing them all here in this ward, they blended in with the others. Ivan and Stephen were better dressed, their hair brushed, their faces clean-shaven, but they could have been patients about to go home.

  Being here was getting to her; she wanted to leave this uncomfortable truth behind, get back to London and the children. Would Gloria want to stay with Adrian until he was discharged? Would Stephen and Ivan insist on coming back with her? Then, anxiety seized her, would Stephen demand to come to the house to see the children? Might he even refuse to budge until his disagreeable girl came back? If she were allowed back into the country. Lorna could not cope with that. She wanted to get out of here, get back on the road to London without Stephen knowing she had gone.

  Adrian was far from dying. He would put Gloria through this agony again, probably many more times. It was past seven and she dreaded the drive back in the dark. Telling Gloria where she was going, she went downstairs to the main floor to get a coffee to perk her up, and to escape the sad remnants of the male patients who had once been young and vital.

  To her surprise, given that it was Christmas Day, there was a stall selling drinks and snacks near the main entrance. Perhaps the woman running it was escaping a lonely Christmas too. She bought a coffee and sat down at one of the tables to drink it, thankful for a few moments peace to collect her thoughts.

  ‘Lorna, there you are. We rang Ravenscourt because I’ve lost the watch my late husband gave me, it means so much to me. I’ve searched everywhere at home for it and I just wondered if I’d somehow lost it at Ravenscourt. Clara told us there’d been an accident, so Nathan drove me over to see if there is anything we could do.’ Sonia fluttered up, the flowery scent she was wearing masking the smells of the hospital.

  Sonia was the last person she expected to see here. Behind her was Nathan, looking decidedly awkward, as if it was entirely her fault that he’d been forced to bring his mother here.

  If only she could escape all this! Lorna was exhausted with it all as Jane and Stephen joined the party, Gloria following close behind. Only Adrian, confined to bed with his fellow geriatrics, was absent.

  ‘The doctor will let me know when he can be discharged.’ Gloria had not yet realised, as Lorna had, that Adrian was labelled here as a geriatric.

  ‘It’s his right arm, of course, and he’s going to need weeks of help dressing and washing and everything.’ Gloria sank down at one of the tables scattered round the coffee stall. Lorna bought her a coffee to revive her, but Gloria was almost too tired to lift the cup to her lips.

  The sight of Gloria’s weariness filled Lorna with fury. Why should Gloria kill herself caring for Adrian when, through his own fault, he’d fallen down the stairs? The thought hit her that he might put the blame for his accident on the condition of the stairs at Ravenscourt, though as far as she could remember there was nothing wrong with them. It was unlikely he’d stop drinking now; in fact, being incarcerated at home while his arm mended would probably make him worse. He’d bully Gloria to fetch him a drink until she gave in and then, no doubt, fall over countless more times, expecting her to heave him up so he could start drinking all over again.

  All of them would have nursed their husbands if they had been struck down by some accident or illness, but why should they when they had behaved so badly and brought them all so much pain? If she, or Gloria, suffered some catastrophe, would Adrian stop drinking and be there to help his wife? Would Stephen give up that disagreeab
le girl to care for her? Would they, Hell!

  She must get back to London. The drive would take over an hour and she didn’t feel up to it, but the alternative was staying at Ravenscourt with the men, which appalled her. Although, she conceded ruefully, it was rough justice in the circumstances. She wondered what Gloria would do.

  Nathan’s unexpected presence here disturbed her. She hadn’t expected to see him and she wished suddenly they could be alone, go off somewhere away from all this and talk. She wondered if he thought one of these men belonged to her, and that he was lurking in the background because he didn’t want to intrude. She went up to him and said, ‘Did your Christmas day go well? Pity we had to end up here.’

  He smiled, ‘Yes, thanks; huge lunch, lots of friends and then something else this evening. I must admit, after all that lunch I’d rather stay at home and browse through the books I was given.’

  ‘It’s kind of you to come. I think it’s all under control.’

  ‘My mother wanted to be sure. As you’ve probably gathered, she has a rather overdeveloped imagination and she thought it could be something far worse than a broken arm. Anyway, we were on our way out to visit my aunt, who’s in a residential home close by. Not that she knows it’s Christmas, poor thing, but we like to visit her on the day.’

  Sonia came up to them, ‘Hello Lorna, sorry about poor Adrian. Hope he’ll be up to my party tomorrow.’

  The party! She’d forgotten the party. She didn’t know if Nathan knew that only the men were staying at Ravenscourt. She smiled, not knowing what to say. Sonia went on, ‘We must go now to visit my poor sister-in-law or she’ll be in bed. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! About six.’ She patted her arm and moved towards the exit.

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, look forward to it. I can show you the photographs of Ravenscourt,’ Nathan said, smiling, and following his mother before she could explain that she wouldn’t be there.

  She went over to sit next to Gloria but before she could sit down, Jane came up to her and said quietly, ‘I’m sure there won’t be any trouble over Adrian’s accident, but if there is, Clara and I will back you up. Adrian was very drunk. The stairs at Ravenscourt are perfectly safe and he only fell down the last three.’