Fence: Disarmed

by Sarah Rees Brennan

  “You mean it?”

  Aiden’s voice was trembling. He must be really upset.

  Harvard had hurt him too much. He couldn’t make up for his lie or for the years of accidental cruelty before that. All Harvard could do was be truthful and apologize and leave.

  “I do,” said Harvard. “I really do. I’m so sorry, I wish I was saying it better. I’m not great at making speeches. But I’m good at meaning them. I love you so much. If I meant it less, I could have told you before.”

  “That’s all I need to hear,” Aiden said abruptly. “You don’t need to say anything else.”

  “Okay,” said Harvard. “I—thanks for listening. I’m sorry. I’ll go.”

  His plan was to get out of there as fast as he could. But something stopped him. There were arms around his neck suddenly, a body against his chest blocking his way, Aiden sliding in close. When Harvard looked up from the gleaming ballroom floor, startled, Aiden leaned in and kissed him.

  Harvard had barely been able to think before, with panic running riot through his veins, and now thought became entirely impossible. Everything was drowned out, as if he were submerged, every sense flooded with the taste and scent and feel of Aiden. Harvard didn’t want to surface. He resented it when Aiden pulled back, even a little.

  “Fool,” murmured Aiden against his mouth, so sweet. “I love you back. I loved you first. You’re not going anywhere. You’re never getting rid of me now.”

  “What?” Harvard whispered, not daring to believe it was still true, hardly able to believe it was true at all. “Aiden. You can’t mean that. Don’t—don’t pity me. It’s fine, I’ll be fine, you don’t have to lie. Since when?”

  He tried to pull away. Aiden wouldn’t let go.

  “Hmm,” said Aiden. “Let me think. Since about the time when you gave me a teddy bear, believing I wanted it because I couldn’t stop following you around.”

  He sounded serious, but he couldn’t possibly be serious.

  “But—but…,” stammered Harvard. “That was—”

  “A long time ago. Yeah.”

  “You could have had anyone. There were all those guys.…”

  Aiden began to look not only serious but annoyed. “When did I ever care about any of them? I could not have been more transparently indifferent! I get name amnesia!”

  “That’s not because—that’s just how you are. You never remember anybody’s name!”

  “Don’t I?” Aiden drawled, and the amusement was back in his voice. “Harvard. Harvard. Harvard. I love you.”

  He was walking backward, pulling Harvard in, pulling him close and still closer. Hearing his own name in Aiden’s voice, repeated in that way, let Harvard open his eyes. For just a moment, he let himself believe what he saw. Aiden’s eyes were on him, clear, green, and profoundly, shockingly tender. Harvard had been so afraid.

  Now Harvard dared to look into the depths of dark troubled waters and found them unexpectedly illuminated. Everything was brilliant and clear.

  “Why…” Harvard swallowed. “Why did you always send me postcards when you went away, that said, Thinking of you?”

  “Because I’m always thinking about you,” Aiden answered.

  He looked as though he might kiss Harvard again, so Harvard foiled his plan. Harvard kissed him first. Aiden was only a shade shorter than he was, but Harvard wanted to keep him close, so he tucked his head down to kiss Aiden and keep him close at the same time. Somehow wanting to cherish and keep Aiden turned a little wild, a bright feeling with burning edges, and Aiden was undoing his shirt buttons as they tumbled down onto the bed.

  Aiden’s hair, starlight bright, obscured the rest of the world, and he spoke as though he were reading the words written on Harvard’s own heart.

  “My whole life,” he said, “this is all I ever wanted.”

  He kissed Harvard and twined around him, while Harvard tangled his fingers in Aiden’s hair and started to believe.

  “Really?”

  “Really. And now I have it,” Aiden murmured. “You can’t take it back. You have to promise.”

  He rolled Aiden over on the bed, safe in the shelter of Harvard’s arms, and captured Aiden’s face in his hands. Beautiful and his. He wasn’t taking starlight for granted, not ever again.

  “I promise,” whispered Harvard. “I mean it. You can trust me.”

  Aiden smiled, grasping hold of Harvard’s shirt collar, pulling him down. His hands slipped inside Harvard’s shirt. When Aiden’s fingers brushed skin, Harvard gasped, and Aiden made a soft noise, wordless encouragement, only the first of many loving, lovely sounds to come.

  Aiden said, “Always have.”

  41 SEIJI

  Just because they had been up all night and were going on an international flight, that was no reason for Seiji to give up on discipline and fail to rise at four AM to train.

  To his extreme surprise, Nicholas resisted jet lag and joined him, still rubbing sleep out of his eyes, and agreed to train with him on the condition that they went out onto the beach rather than to the training ground. They drew strips with a stick in the white sand. Nicholas said he felt like a pirate.

  “We’ll get up and do all the training exercises you learned here every day in Kings Row,” said Seiji.

  Nicholas grinned. “Wouldn’t do it for anything except fencing. And you.”

  Since this was their last day in France, Seiji was allowing them to have a match. They hadn’t fenced together since they’d come here. Though Seiji had appreciated fencing with different and more skilled fencers, he had oddly missed this. The chance to observe Nicholas, learning as lightning fast as he moved. The way Nicholas was enjoying himself, and so Seiji was learning to enjoy himself, too.

  “More drills and fewer matches in future,” Seiji cautioned.

  “Aw, Seiji,” Nicholas protested, voice light as the sound of blades chiming and birds over the sea. “That’s no fun, Seiji!”

  “I’m no fun, Nicholas,” said Seiji calmly. “Haven’t you heard?”

  “Everyone tells me,” said Nicholas. “But I don’t believe them.”

  “What do you believe?”

  “You’re my match,” said Nicholas. “You’re the match I’m going to win someday. The one I’m looking forward to the most.”

  Just looking at Nicholas’s face, you could see how much he believed it, and it was almost enough to make Seiji believe it as well.

  It had been wrong of Seiji not to trust him, but he would trust Nicholas from now on. He wouldn’t let his mind betray him, imagining similarities when there were none.

  Nicholas was nothing like Jesse at all.

  42 AIDEN

  For the first time in his life, Aiden woke early, naturally, and sweetly. The electric lights of night were gone. The dawn threw soft, bright ribbons over water, sky, and cabin walls, so they were wrapped in rose and ivory and gold. Light poured over Harvard’s glowing dark skin and the silk sheets, and this day was already a gift.

  “So this wasn’t all a cupcake-induced fever dream,” Aiden said romantically. Then he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “I’m glad.”

  He stretched luxuriously, lying in the warm curve of Harvard’s arm. He’d known for years that Harvard’s arms were strong. He’d glanced at them many times, thinking to himself, even objectively—which Aiden in no way was—wow, but there was a world of difference between admiration and having that strength used to hold you.

  “I’m glad, too,” Harvard murmured in Aiden’s ear. “And I have a question.”

  “Ask me anything.”

  “Where did the freshmen go during my match and then at the beginning of the party? Something very suspicious is going on.”

  “Oh, fine!” Aiden said, and confessed about helping the freshmen sneak out for a late-night fencing match.

  Harvard listened with growing horror.

  “Hey,” said Aiden, trying to recall Harvard to the important matters in life. “I love you.”

  “I love y
ou, too, Aiden Kane, but you’re the worst.” Harvard gave him a reproachful look. “We’re responsible for them.”

  “Wow—watch that we. I want nothing to do with them. I’m not their captain-in-law,” Aiden grumbled.

  Harvard tricked him by bending his head over the pillow where Aiden’s head lay, giving Aiden a slow kiss that spread warmth through him like sunlight. “No?”

  Aiden skimmed his palms up the curves of those arms, then cupped Harvard’s head in one hand and brought him back down, ending their horrible separation of three seconds, for another kiss.

  “No! You may have heard I’m irresponsible and high maintenance, and it’s all true. I have no responsibilities and many demands. Listen up, this is the most important demand. If you’re thinking that there’s a whole wide world of guys out there, too bad. You had your chance to play the field. Don’t you dare look at another guy. We’re dating now.”

  “That’s funny. I don’t remember being asked out,” Harvard teased.

  “That is funny,” Aiden agreed. “I asked you to the town fair twice and asked you out for milkshakes or the movies or anything else over and over. I sent you valentines every February. I would have done anything you wanted. I asked you out a hundred times, Harvard Lee. It’s not my fault you weren’t listening.”

  Harvard’s kind face crumpled a little at the thought of Aiden suffering, his beautiful brown eyes warm with sympathy. Aiden felt this was only fair, considering how much he had gone through. A truly good person would’ve let it go, but there was only one truly good person in this relationship, and Aiden wasn’t him. Aiden was now planning to remind Harvard often of his tragic past of unrequited pining, in order to get his own way.

  “I’m listening now,” Harvard promised, tucking his nose in against Aiden’s cheek.

  Aiden couldn’t help smiling. “Are you, Captain?”

  “Oh wait,” Harvard said. “Oh no. That can’t be a sexy thing. Nicholas calls me that. You can’t call me that when you’re using that voice, okay?”

  Aiden let his smile turn wicked and mischievous. It stayed happy.

  “Whatever you say,” Aiden whispered into Harvard’s mouth, “Captain.”

  He nuzzled at Harvard’s jaw, then surged up against Harvard’s chest, both tumbling over each other, laughing, sighing, the silk sheets by day turned into a wonderful green sea. Aiden had all his attention now, the way he’d always wanted. Not just a teddy bear, not just friendship, but Harvard himself, Harvard to keep for his own.

  By the light of the sun or the light of the moon, in any strange land or at home, this was the only truth he knew. Aiden loves Harvard, for far longer than a year and a day.

  A long sun-drenched time later, Harvard and Aiden emerged from the yacht and walked down the sugar-white sand hand in hand, barefoot in wrecked formal wear. Aiden thought Harvard looked great like this. Harvard should look like this always.

  “I think it’s my turn to ask you out on a date,” said Harvard.

  “You could win me another bear, since I tossed out the last one you won me,” said Aiden, sharply regretting that rash action now.

  “Actually…” said Harvard. “I took the bear out and kept it. You can have it back.”

  Harvard had kept the souvenir from their date. The revelation made Aiden smile, delight far sharper than regret had ever been, gleeful as a kid thinking He likes me! Finally, finally, Harvard Lee liked him back.

  “I’m kicked out of Kings Row, so you might have to mail me that bear,” Aiden reminded him. “Are you ready to conduct a courtship via letters? Also frequent texts.”

  “My mom will have to teach me what the emojis mean,” said Harvard.

  Harvard and Aiden’s romantic morning walk was brought to an early close when they came upon Nicholas and Seiji having a fencing match on the seashore. Because of course, what else would they be doing in their last moments in France?

  “Morning,” called Harvard, waving to them with his free hand.

  “Have I mentioned you’re tragic individuals today?” Aiden called out.

  An awful revelation struck Aiden. He sort of was their captain-in-law.

  43 NICHOLAS

  Nicholas wasn’t totally sure, but he suspected Aiden and the captain were dating again. He was tipped off by the way they were holding hands. He was about to share this observation with Seiji when his attention was thoroughly distracted.

  Coach Arquette, Coach Robillard, and Coach Williams approached their group, walking across the golden sands until they reached them. Coach Arquette and Coach Robillard’s faces were solemn. Nicholas couldn’t read Coach Williams’ face.

  “Monsieur Robillard and I just wanted to say we’re sorry about the confusion, and of course Mr. Kane is no longer banned from Camp Menton,” said Coach Arquette.

  Aiden blinked at them slowly, reaching out to hold the captain’s arm as well as his hand, as though Harvard were his anchor in strange seas.

  “I’m—not banned?” Aiden asked.

  “That’s right,” said Coach Arquette.

  “But—if I’m not banned from the camp, that means—”

  “I’ve spoken to your school principal. You will be fully reinstated at Kings Row as well,” Coach Robillard said in a firm voice.

  Aiden looked dazed. “But—”

  He glanced at Harvard, but the captain seemed just as lost as Aiden. Apparently, nobody had any answers.

  “I explained everything to Coach Robillard,” Seiji piped up from beside Nicholas.

  Everyone turned to stare at Seiji in astonishment. Seiji gazed sternly around.

  “I explained that when it appeared Aiden had broken curfew, he’d merely been searching for me,” he reported. “Because I got lost in the woods at night.”

  “And you all… believe that,” Aiden said slowly.

  Coach Robillard gave an expressive shrug. “Of course I wouldn’t with anyone else, but I remember training this kid last year. This is Seiji Katayama.”

  “Yes,” said Seiji. “I’m Seiji Katayama.”

  Coach Robillard shook his head, apparently lost in memory. “He doesn’t lie about rules. He got an RA out of bed one night because the other fencers were having an illicit midnight hot chocolate. She said she’d let it go this once, and he said she couldn’t let it go.”

  “They had a match the next day!” Seiji protested, clearly scandalized.

  Coach Robillard rolled his eyes. Coach Arquette apologized again to Aiden, and she and Coach Robillard left, leaving Coach Williams with her team.

  After a moment of silence, Aiden said, “Coach? About… staying at Kings Row. Did you mention to anyone that I told you I was going to break curfew?”

  Coach shrugged. “Must have slipped my mind.”

  “Did… it…,” Aiden said.

  “Very pleased you’ve decided to behave, very pleased my team’s not going to be decimated at the state championship.” Coach said. “And that’s that.”

  She turned on her heel, leaving the boys standing on the beach.

  Aiden cleared his throat. Then he asked Seiji, “Why would you lie for me?”

  “You’ve helped me with Jesse twice now,” Seiji answered, earnest as only Seiji could be. “Now I’m helping you in return. That’s teamwork: I thought you should know how it goes.”

  “I’m deeply shamed to be receiving lectures about social interactions from Seiji Katayama,” Aiden mused.

  Before Nicholas could bristle at Aiden’s ingratitude, Aiden gave Seiji a weird smile. It was Aiden’s smile, dazzling and mocking and coaxing everyone to smile back at him, but there was a certain hardness missing. As though there had always been an invisible shield in front of the smile, and now the shield could be lowered.

  “Thanks, Seiji,” Aiden added with his new smile. “Thanks, everyone. I mean it.”

  “Well, of course,” Nicholas said, thawing. “You’re part of the team. You belong at Kings Row.”

  If Aiden wasn’t expelled, then everything would be right w
ith Kings Row and Nicholas’s world.

  Camp Menton had been great, but his team and Kings Row were the best. Nicholas was ready to go home.

  Bastien Robillard, Colm from Ireland, and several other guys looked crushed about Aiden holding Harvard’s hand as they climbed onto the bus. Bastien pulled himself together and called out instructions to Nicholas about a few moves he should learn before the Kings Row team had to leave. Bastien was cool, Nicholas thought, but he still believed Aiden had picked the right guy.

  On the bus, Aiden slept serenely with his head on Harvard’s shoulder, Harvard humming a contented tune all the way to the airport. The rest of them sat at the back and gossiped.

  “This is such a wild, exciting, romantic ride!” Bobby enthused.

  “I’m glad they are back together,” Seiji said, to the surprise of all. “I think Aiden was sad. And that was bound to affect his fencing.”

  “Wow, Aiden has feelings?” asked Nicholas.

  Seiji, sudden expert on feelings, elbowed Nicholas in the ribs. Nicholas looked to his other friends for help, but Bobby was wearing an expression that strongly endorsed Seiji’s elbowing.

  Once on their first plane, Seiji revealed he had prepared several books for Nicholas, as well as a brief fencing quiz. Nicholas appreciated the thought but wanted a trade, so he made Seiji watch a movie he liked about ice hockey and plucky underdogs. Seiji spent much of their second flight darkly observing that the plucky underdogs weren’t training properly and didn’t deserve to win.

  On the bus ride back from New York, Nicholas couldn’t settle with any of Seiji’s books or even a quiz. He found himself pacing up and down the aisle of the bus, feeling as though he had an itch in his brain, restless until they reached their destination. He wondered if this was how it felt to be homesick. Nicholas had never experienced that before.

  However uncomfortable the itch in his brain was, it was nothing compared to the relief when the bus turned the corner and laid out before them all were the deep evergreen woods and not the lemon trees, the deep lake and not the sea. Waiting for them down the long driveway were the redbrick, white-windowed buildings of Kings Row.