The Royal Delivery

by Melanie Summers

  “But about the whole ruling thing, none of that silliness really matters. What you need to know is how much you are loved. It’s enough to fill the whole universe. And you’ll be loved every minute of every day of your life—the unconditional kind, too, so you won’t need to go trying to fill some void with a pimply-faced teenage boy when you’re fifteen.

  “Speaking of boys, you’re not allowed to date until you’re forty, by the way.”

  Footsteps across the room interrupt my monologue. I tilt my head and see Tessa in her robe, holding James. “Worrying about her dating already?”

  She sits on the floor next to me, then lays down and holds James so he can look up, too.

  “I’ll always worry about the women in my life.” I turn and glance at James. “Him, too. I’m afraid that’s not going to stop anytime soon.”

  “For how long, would you say?”

  “Pretty much until I draw my last breath.”

  “All right. I’ll allow it,” Tessa says, putting on her regal voice.

  “Thank you, madam.”

  “God, we’re lucky, aren’t we?” she says with a happy sigh. “Two healthy babies, each other, a charmed life including a ton of irritatingly, wonderfully helpful people who love and care for us.”

  “Like your parents,” I say, smiling, in part because it’s true, and in part because they moved back home two days ago.

  Tessa says, “And Arabella and Gran, and even your dad, as it turns out.”

  “Him, too,” I say. “Who knew my father would turn out to be such a soft touch when it came to his grandchildren?”

  “Not me,” my father says, striding across the hall in his robe and striped pajamas. “I can tell you that much.”

  “What are you doing up?”

  “Couldn’t sleep. My sciatica’s acting up again.”

  “Come lay on the floor. It’ll help.”

  “Only if you hand me one of those babies.”

  A moment and some grunting later, my father is lying on the floor next to me. I hand the baby over to him, laying her on his chest.

  She snuggles her face into his robe and closes her eyes.

  “You’ve missed your calling, Winston,” Tessa says. “You could have been a manny.”

  A moment later, the front door to the palace opens, and in walks Arabella, in a gown. She stops when she sees us and says, “Okkkaaay.”

  She crosses the floor, her heels clicking away on the marble, then lays down next to Tessa. “This is nice. Why are we doing this?”

  “Just because.”

  “The best reason.”

  We lay in silence for a few minutes, then Gran comes by, still dressed in her pantsuit.

  “Poker night?” I ask.

  “Yes, I cleaned them out tonight.” She stops near our heads, staring down at us. “Have you all gone mad?”

  “On the contrary,” my father says. “We’re just enjoying the artwork. Come join us.”

  “Not bloody likely. You look like a bunch of morons. Well, not the babies.” With that, she makes her way in the direction of her room.

  “Goodnight, Gran. Love you,” I say, surprising us all with my sentiments.

  She turns and smiles down at me. “I love you, too, even though you’re soft in the head. See you in the morning.” With that, she disappears, chuckling to herself.

  A few minutes later, with both babies fast asleep, we get up one-by-one, careful not to disturb them. I take back Flora in spite of my father’s quiet protests.

  “You can come see them in the morning,” Tessa whispers, giving my dad a grin.

  Arabella whispers, “Shall we have breakfast in your apartment, say around eight?”

  “I’ll make eggs,” I say with a nod.

  My father and Arabella go to their residences, leaving my girls, James, and me to go to ours. Tessa smiles up at me when we reach the front door, and it’s a smile I haven’t seen for a while. “Let’s get these two put in their cribs so we can have some grown-up time together.”

  “You don’t mean...?”

  Shrugging, she blushes a little. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  “I want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing, otherwise I’m going to be horribly disappointed.”

  “Sex. Arthur. I’m talking about sex,” she says with a nod. “Unless, of course, you’re too tired.”

  “Are you kidding? If I didn’t have a baby in my arms right now, I’d throw you over my shoulder and sprint to our bedroom.”

  THE NEXT HOUR IS ABSOLUTE perfection. Well, I mean not exactly because Excalibur got a little too overexcited the moment he got in there and he may or may not have prematurely finished. Okay, he definitely did, but if you ask Tessa, I’m pretty sure she’d say he more than made up for it. Twice, in fact.

  We lie together, our naked bodies pressed together under the sheets, smiling up at the ceiling.

  “Oh, that was...I forgot how...” Tessa starts, but her voice trails off.

  “Better than Krispy Kreme donuts?”

  “So much better,” she says, turning to me with a satisfied smile. Her face grows serious, and she stares at me for a second. “I don’t know why you don’t want to do that more often.”

  “What? Me?” I ask, shocked that she could ever think that. A tiny smile crosses her lips, then she bursts into fits of giggles.

  “Oh, I get it. Very funny, Mrs. Langdon.”

  “It was! You should have seen the look on your face.”

  A grin works its way out of me, then I chuckle a little, relieved to have my Tessa back. “There you are. Christ, I’ve missed you,” I say, leaning over and giving her a lingering kiss.

  “I’ve missed me, too, but I’m back.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise,” she says, reaching up and running her hand over my cheek and down to my jaw.

  “Now that you’re back, there’s something I’ve been dying to ask you for months.”

  “Oh God, have I been that awful?”

  I look up at the ceiling for a second, trying to choose my words carefully.

  Tessa speaks up before I can answer. “If you have to think about it, the answer is obviously yes.”

  “Let’s just say there was no room in there for your wonderful sense of humour, and the fact that it’s back is maybe the best gift you could give me. Other than the babies, obviously.”

  “Obviously, but what have you been waiting to talk to me about?”

  I smile down at her, trying not to laugh. “Do you remember when you said that thing about the baby coming out of a Sharpe vagina?”

  She narrows her eyes, and for a brief second, I think I’ve misread her mood and I’m about to ruin everything.

  Shaking her head, she says, “I never said that.”

  “Sure you did. Remember? When we were arguing about which obstetrician to go with? And you said that it may be a Langdon baby, but it was coming out of a Sharpe vagina?” I ask. “I can’t believe you don’t remember that. It was maybe the funniest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  Tessa shrugs and shakes her head a little. “I think you imagined that. I’d never say something so preposterous.”

  “Oh, you most certainly did. I couldn’t laugh at the time because, well, because...but I’ve been chuckling to myself about your sharp vagina almost daily since.”

  Folding her arms, she says, “So, you’ve been laughing at my vagina?”

  Damn. “No, definitely not. Your vagina is...perfectly perfect, just like the rest of you. But come on, you don’t find it funny? Sharpe?” I pause for a second, then quietly say, “Vagina?”

  Just when I’m feeling rather sheepish, Tessa’s shoulders start shaking and she’s laughing again.

  “Oh, come on. So, you were just fucking with me again?”

  Laughing, she nods her head. “It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. You’re so easy to trick now.”

  “You do remember, then?”

  Tessa nods, tears pouring down her chee
ks. “I’ve been laughing at it myself.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I was too bitchy the whole time.”

  I stare at her, torn between laughter and exasperation. “So, just the two children, then?”

  “Definitely,” she answers, kissing me on the lips. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t pretend we’re trying for more.”

  “Yes, the trying was probably my favourite part of the pregnancy.”

  “Oh, mine, too. By far.”

  I lean over and kiss her neck. “Let’s promise to do lots of pretending for the rest of our lives.”

  She moans a little when I hit that spot behind her ear that drives her wild. “Deal,” she says in a breathy tone.

  I’m going to leave it there because the next bit might be X-rated, and this is not that kind of story...

  But before I go, let me say this: love is worth every hurdle, every mess, every awful, horribly terrifying moment. To all the single guys out there, on the off chance you think you’ve met the right woman, you should bloody well knock on every door in the entire kingdom to find her, even if she is so drunk that she doesn’t realize she lost a shoe because hey, everyone makes mistakes, and she might be really perfect once she sobers up.

  And I promise you, when it’s right, you won’t ever want to lose her.

  Not for an hour.

  Not for a second.

  Not for a nanosecond.

  Because it’s the people we make our lives with that make our lives. Not our careers or titles or bank accounts. I have nothing without her, even though from the outside it looked like I had everything. I am nothing without her. An empty shell of a man with a stupid crown and some shockingly big crown jewels.

  But because of her, I have everything. I have two children who will have their dad wrapped around their little, tiny pinky fingers forever, I have someone to share my life with, someone to laugh with and fight with, someone to make up with, and someone to love. And the very best thing in the world is if you love someone intensely and wildly and unconditionally, and she loves you right back.

  THE AFTER-EPILOGUE

  Arthur

  Oh, you're still here? This is a little...awkward, no? I was just about to get in the shower, then see if my wife is up for a little canoodling, so...feel free to stop reading. Not permanently, of course. I’m a firm believer in being a lifelong reader. But just finish reading this book.

  And I know, I know, you probably can’t wait to find out what happens next, but now that I have the twins and my wife and the kingdom to help run, I probably won’t have as much time as I once did to talk to you. But who knows? Maybe there's a small Christmas story in my future. Regardless, if I do have another major crisis like the kind that happens when you fall in love or get married or have children, I'll certainly let you know.

  For now, I hope it's enough that I have managed to stretch my own beliefs in the capabilities of the human heart. I have, for the most part, set aside my cynicism in favour of love. And as cliché as that may sound, love truly is the only thing that matters. The rest, I can do without. Someone could take everything I have, every last dime, every last jewel – well, not those jewels, of course; I'd be rather upset if I lost those ones. But they could take everything else away, but if they leave my family, I know I'll survive.

  So, in closing, as I wrap up, I wish you everything in life that makes you rich — love, friendship, superior shags with someone who loves and respects you, and peace of mind. Take it from the man who has everything—the only things truly worth caring about are those you love.

  The End

  A NOTE FROM MELANIE

  Did you love it? Did The Royal Delivery make you smile and laugh out loud and feel good? If so, please leave a review.

  Oh, and tell everyone you see in the next few months that they simply must read The Crown Jewels Romantic Comedy Series. Wink Wink.

  Reviews are a true gift to writers. They are the best way for other readers to find our work and for writers to figure out if we’re on the right track, so thank you if you are one of those kind folks out there to take time out of your day to leave a review!

  If you’d like to find out about my upcoming releases, sign up for my newsletter on www.mjsummersbooks.com.

  My next book, The Honeymooners, will be out later this year. It’s not on pre-order yet, but I promise I’m working as hard as I can to get it out.

  All the very best to you and yours,

  Melanie

  SERIES ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  As much as I'd love to take credit for 100% of the success of the Crown Jewels Series, that would be a complete lie. Any book—written by me, anyway—requires many sets of eyes, helpful hands, and sharp minds. From plotting to editing to proofreading, every novel needs months of work and many friends along the way to help guide the process and keep me on track.

  Those who know me, know that I tend to be a bit of a panicker and sometimes need to be talked down from pushing the delete button on whatever book I'm working on at the moment. I reach this point several times throughout each manuscript, especially as I near the end, then again when I move on to the rigorous and sometimes heart wrenching experience of editing, which includes cutting thousands of words with which I've kind of fallen in love.

  This series has seen three hard work working editors help me along the way: Lori Wale, (an American living in England), who edited The Royal Treatment, Kim Huther, (an American living in America), who edited The Royal Wedding, and finally, Karen Boston, (another fabulous American), who not only edited The Royal delivery, but also batted cleanup on the other two books. Thank you to each of you for your incredible patience, flexibility, and your contribution to this series.

  I also have my group of eagle eye friends to thank, including Melissa Martin of the Effin Book Club in Arizona, who, lucky for me, proofreads my books for funsies. My very sweet and funny mom has also served as a most helpful proofreader on this series as well, now that I’m finally writing books she can read.

  And while I'm on the topic of my mom, I need to thank you for bringing me into this world, raising me to be my best and to care for others, and for everything you do each week to make my life possible. Don't worry; I'll pick out the very nicest nursing home for you. ;)

  Huge hugs and thanks to my very dear friend Kelly Collins of Colorado, who is an amazing author and savvy businesswoman in her own right. Kelly is one of my go-to people for talking me off the ledge on many an occasion. Her patience, support, and unwavering faith in my abilities is often the difference between me putting out my next book and closing my laptop to go in search of a real job.

  I'd like to thank Jenn Falls (or Jenn in Japan as my kids know her). Jenn is my plotting coach and my most excellent friend who continually reminds me to keep it simple.

  To narrators, Shiromi Arserio and Tom Bromhead, as well as all of the production and acquisition staff over at Tantor Media, for bringing Tessa and Arthur to life in audiobook form, thank you times a million. You have captured the essence of these characters and these stories perfectly. It has been an incredible treat to hear how you do it.

  To my agent, Suzanne Brandreth, and the rest of the gang at Cooke Agency, including Ron, Hana, Leah, Rachel, Paige, Sally, Dean, and Carolyn, for supporting me and allowing me to have the freedom to put out my unconventional stories at a rapid pace. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the confidence you have in me, the knowledge you share, and the many doors you've opened and ushered me through in the past four years that we've worked together.

  And to every fantastic blogger and reader out there who has supported my career, YOU are why I write. If it weren't for you, I'd just be a crazy woman in her pajamas talking to imaginary friends. But because of you, I'm called an author.

  As always, I need to thank my smart, witty, ridiculously handsome husband, Jeremy, for your steadfast love and support, for all the laughter and fun, and for all of the quiet afternoons when you take the kids out so I can get cau
ght up (because I am always behind).

  And to my three beautiful children, Owen, Anna, and Elizabeth, who always believe in me, often make me laugh, and love me unconditionally, even when I correct their grammar. Sorry kids, that's not going to stop anytime soon. Oh, and ‘brang’ is not now, nor ever will be, a real word.

  Huge thanks and love to my dad who teaches me so much, and who has shown me the power of determination and hard work. And to his wife, Susan, who tells everyone she meets all about this crazy writer she's related to, thank you!

  Hugs and eternal gratitude to the real Nikki (who doesn't take ridiculously long baths, is wickedly intelligent, and holds a job so complicated I can't even explain what she does. It has something to do with spreadsheets and surveys). I'm so damn lucky to have you as my BFF and to share so much of life's joy and sorrow with you.

  For my girlfriends, Karlee, Kristyn, Kelly, and Deann, whose laughter and friendship I could not do without. So, thank you!

  And finally, for Lucy, our one-eyed dog, who reminds me nothing is worth dwelling on too long. Take your lumps and just get back to being happy.

  Much love and gratitude to you all!

  XOXO,

  Melanie