Love and Chaos

by S. M. Soto

  “That doesn’t mean you haven’t helped, in some way,” I retort.

  He purses his lips and nods, realizing I know more than he wants me to know. For whatever reason, Matteo likes to pretend he doesn’t care about his son, but I know better. He’s done shitty things, things that quite possibly make him an evil man—definitely an evil parent—but if their circumstances were different, if they didn’t live the life they did, I truly believe Matteo could’ve been a different father. A much better father to Creed than he was. He pretends that the Cosa Nostra, the famiglia is all he cares about, and maybe in some aspect it is, but I’ve seen the part of him that does care about his child. Whether he wanted me to or not.

  “Well, thank you. It’s a relief knowing he’s not in this alone.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. I won’t be around forever.”

  Ice fills my veins. I narrow my gaze, glaring daggers at him.

  “You promised,” I grit in an accusing voice. Because he did. He promised he’d keep Creed safe, no matter what.

  This time he laughs. “I remember, principessa. I keep my word. Always.”

  I nod, relief seeping into my veins. It doesn’t last long.

  “The jobs that you have him going out on so late at night, he’s still being safe, right?” I can’t help the fear that bleeds into my tone. It only grows deeper as I read into the expression on Matteo’s face. It’s only there for a split second, but it was long enough that I caught it. The flash of confusion. That tightening in my chest intensifies and my stomach churns.

  If he’s not doing things for Matteo so late. What is he doing?

  Because if he’s not doing it for Matteo, he’s been lying to me.

  I decide to test out the theory I have running through my head. I stop rocking in the chair and push to my feet. It gets harder and harder with each day. Everything feels heavier, fatter, more tasking. Not to mention my hormones are all over the place lately.

  “How much longer do you think he’ll take with him?” I try to keep my voice even. Nonchalant.

  When he remains silent, I tack on, “With Finlay.” To make myself clearer. I practice keeping my expression blank, just like they all do so easily. It’s a lot harder than it looks.

  Matteo moves back toward the archway, like he’s going to leave without answering my question, but stops just over the threshold.

  “Every man is different. But I will tell you this, if Valentina was in your place and I had the man within grasp, a lifetime wouldn’t be enough of payback. He’ll take as long as he needs. Any sooner will be like taking candy from a baby.”

  My chest squeezes. He answered my question without even realizing it.

  Finlay is still very much alive.

  Although this time, it seems, he’s under Creed’s thumb, no doubt being tortured. I don’t have to worry about him coming after us, but I do have to worry about what torturing him is likely doing to Creed.

  After Matteo leaves, I pace the floor of the nursery until my legs start to tire. I blow out a sigh of relief when Alexis pops in, a bright smile lighting her tan face when she gazes around the room. We worked tirelessly, looking through catalogues trying to find the cutest theme and I’m so glad went with this one. Creed offered to hire a decorator to design and pick out everything we need, but I wanted to be able to do this myself. Have a say in the theme. In what goes where. It seems like that’s the only thing I have a say in lately.

  Alexis has her hair pulled back into a ponytail. With the waves and curls out of her face, her striking features are much more prominent, on full display. High cheekbones, plump lips, a perfectly imperfect nose with the slightest bump on the bridge.

  “I still can’t get over how beautiful it looks in here.” Her voice is awed as she looks around. I’ve been doing much of the same thing lately. When we were planning, it didn’t seem like it would ever come together, but now that it has? It looks incredible.

  A smile tugs at the corners of my lips. “I know. I’m in love with it. Where are the guys?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Out doing whatever it is they do.”

  I nod because just like me, Alexis never knows anything either. We’re both kept in the dark about pretty much everything. I try ignoring the tightness in my chest. I hate not knowing what’s happening, but I doubt knowing the gruesome details would be good for me either, so I can see why the guys are hell-bent on shielding us from what is happening.

  “Want to go for a walk in the garden? Looks like you can use some fresh air; plus, it doesn’t seem like it’s as windy today as it was yesterday.”

  I take one last look around the nursery before I slip my feet into my flip-flops and walk with her out of the room, down the hall.

  Maybe I really do just need some fresh air. Smell the multitude of flowers in the garden and breathe in the masterpiece Creed’s mother created.

  Yeah, I’m sure that’s all this is.

  I’m being paranoid. I’m not losing Creed to his revenge.

  He’s just busy. Protecting us.

  A cool gust of wind slices through the air, whipping my hair across my face. I tuck the loose strands behind my ears and keep in step with Alexis. We had lunch together in the garden, at the cozy stained-glass table nestled next to the wisteria vines and the brick wall. I felt relatively calmer with her there, keeping my mind off Creed and what he’s been doing every night. We hung out near the flowers for a while and I basked in the fresh scent of the roses, the lilies, tulips, the strong scent of the wisteria vines that are crawling over the archway and the brick wall.

  Even with my own mind running a million miles a minute, I can tell something is bothering Lex. Even though we’ve been out here talking about the baby and other random conversation fillers, it hasn’t escaped my notice, the way she dazes off in the distance, looking lost in her own tumultuous thoughts.

  We’re walking along the lower portion of the grounds now, nearing the hedge maze. My favorite part of the maze is finding my way through and reaching the fountain in the center. Another gust of wind blows, causing me to tighten the cardigan around my shoulders as we walk. Yesterday was windier than we were comfortable with, so Lex and I opted to stay inside. We both thought today would be a little better, but it doesn’t seem like it is. When Lex suggested we go out to get fresh air, I think she really meant it for herself. She was the one that needed to get out and clear her head. At the time, I thought she suggested it for me, so I don’t feel like I’m going stir crazy, but as we walk making our way through the six-foot tall hedges, following the path, I realize there’s something deeper going on. I’m just about to bite the bullet and ask when she beats me to it.

  “I’m thinking about heading back home.”

  Her words stop me in my tracks. My feet freeze and my gaze snaps to hers, my eyes going wide.

  “What? Why?”

  She gives me a sad look that has my chest tightening.

  “I’ve been gone for months, Soph. I miss my family. I hate the secrecy of being here. Back home, they’re all worried about me and my mom…she’s sick. I’m making her sick, Soph.”

  My body deflates. I nibble on my bottom lip in understanding. I may not be able to relate, but I can understand where she’s coming from, and why she feels the way she does. My parents are gone, and the last piece of my family is here with me, so I can’t pretend to know how heavily this weighs on her, being away from them every day. I can just imagine how worried they are. Hell, it wasn’t until a month or two ago that the guys finally gave her the okay to call home and let her family know everything was okay. It probably could’ve been sooner, but Lex wasn’t in any type of headspace to talk to her family after what happened to her.

  Of course, they wanted to know where she had been and why she was gone, and I know it killed her to lie to them. But it wasn’t like she could tell them the truth. That she had been taken, just like I was. That she had witnessed sex trafficking, that she had become a victim to Finlay’s—a man that tried to ruin my life—
schemes.

  How the hell would they believe that?

  How the hell would they ever be okay with her staying here, in a place that is probably just as dangerous as out there?

  They wouldn’t be. I know that.

  I’ve been so caught up in the pregnancy and my own issues, I forgot to check on my friend. I forgot to make sure she was okay, too. I had no idea her mom was sick. No doubt from worry over her daughter.

  “That isn’t your fault, Lex. None of this is. I wish I can tell you to stay, but…I know you need this. Your mom needs this.”

  Lex wipes at the tears that are trailing down her cheeks. “Want to know the worst part, Soph? I don’t even want to leave. How can I go back to that life? After being through everything here? How can I just move on and pretend these last months never happened?”

  We continue walking again as I mull her words over.

  “You don’t.” I shrug. Thinking about what Creed told me so long ago, images of that crushed white rose in his palm. “You don’t pretend it never happened, Lex. You own it. Let it make you stronger. Because you’re still here. As vibrant and beautiful as ever.”

  Her lips quiver as she tries to suppress her smile. “When did you become such a poet?” she teases, looking down at me. I bark out a laugh, letting a tear slip free.

  “It’s all Creed.”

  Her lips twist ruefully. “I’m happy for you, Soph. For both of you. I mean, the guy still scares the absolute shit out of me, don’t get me wrong, but God, if you could see the way he looks at you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful. I wish someone would look at me the way he looks at you.”

  Warmth fills my chest at her words, but I wave her off with a roll of my eyes. “You do too, and you know it.”

  She darts her gaze away from mine, avoiding the topic of Jose. I feel like I’ve just hit the jackpot—the main source of her problem.

  After those first few months when she first got here, I noticed the shift in her and Jose’s friendship. Even that first day she was here, I saw the protective gleam in his eyes, but somehow that shifted into something more over her time here. Sometimes they’d both be missing for hours. And even though they’ve never confirmed anything, I’ve always known there was something going on between the two of them. I have no clue if it’s sexual or just friendship. But I do know, whatever it is has Alexis running. She’s afraid.

  “You can talk with me about him, you know.”

  “I know.” She scuffs her foot on the pathway to distract herself from looking at me. “He scares me, but he makes me feel safe. I just…I don’t like it. I don’t want this, Soph. I just want to be me again. Not part of this world. I want the normal life. The normal boyfriend.”

  My chest squeezes in a vise. I hate that she’s been dragged into this. And selfishly, I wish I can make her stay.

  “Well,” I sigh, taking her hand in mine and squeezing. “Just know you’re always welcome here. This little guy needs an aunty to spoil him still.”

  She laughs. “Nice guilt trip, Sophie. I just…I need to go home and clear the air, make sure she’s okay and then…I don’t know, maybe I’ll stay here for a while until I figure out what the hell I’m going to do next with my life.”

  I grin. “We’ll be waiting.”

  “Plus, if you think I’m missing this birth, you’re fucking crazy.”

  I toss my head back and laugh, the effect must stir the baby because he starts kicking like crazy.

  “I think he agrees that you shouldn’t miss his grand entrance.”

  Knowing what I mean, she reaches out, placing both hands on my stomach, feeling him go at it in there.

  “I still can’t believe that you’re having a baby. A real-life baby. That hot hunk of man impregnated you, Sophia, has it even sunk in yet?” she teases, making me laugh.

  “Oh, yeah. It’s sunk in all right. My fat ankles and the back pain are proof of it.”

  We come up on the larger fountain with lily pads inside and flowers floating on the surface of the water. I’m not sure if any of it is real or just for decoration, but it’s still beautiful regardless.

  “Should we head back?” she asks, concern tinging her voice. I wave her off and move toward the concrete bench.

  “Not yet. I just want to sit and enjoy the air for a sec.” I tilt my head back, a smile gracing my lips at the feel of the sun sizzling on my skin. I think of Mera. My parents. I let my mind wander as I sit out in the sun, the breeze tickling my cheeks every so often.

  At thoughts of them, I start to think about Creed, wondering what he’s doing. I tell myself to let him be. Like Matteo said, this is just what he has to do. But at what cost? Losing himself in his lust for revenge? The thought bothers me for the rest of the day.

  I LOWER MYSELF DOWN, SETTLING onto the chaise next to Kam. Jose sits across from us as we wait for Monte and Clarence, the last ones to show. Creed rounded all of us up, we’ve each been doing our due diligence, discretely watching over my sister, handling the HawkFire issue and the FBI issue. But it seems like now if he’s calling us all in here at once, there must be something big happening with HawkFire, or worse, something bigger—that’ll affect all of us.

  Once Monte and Clarence push through the doors with their laptops in hand and serious expressions on their faces, I sit up a little taller, keeping my gaze fixed on them. Creed pushes up from behind his desk and moves toward us, where the chaises and the couches are. On the ornate, wooden table in the middle, Clarence and Monte set their laptops down before Creed starts breaking it down.

  “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is whatever situation we’re about to handle?” Jose asks, his face stoic.

  “Bad enough that it needs to be handled. Now.”

  I hear Kam grunt beside me, his face pinched with anger, no doubt he’s mentally prepping himself for whatever we have to do.

  “I’ve managed to slip in through a back door and decode HawkFire’s system. I know Creed said they base communication on a demand to demand basis, meaning one point of contact to avoid a paper trail. With how secretive they are, I’ve still managed to glean some information that can be of use. What you once knew about HawkFire is no longer. It’s no longer an operation, it’s now just a darkened piece the government created, that they want gone. And that means all of you. Each of you alive is a threat to them, and they can’t have that. At first, we thought they were starting fresh, but now, I think they’ve brought in others—trained killers—to get rid of each of you. If you all aren’t around, there’s no evidence the operation ever existed. This is the lead we’re running with right now, about a man named Miles Richter. Don’t know what role he plays. He could be the showrunner, or he could just be a liaison of HawkFire. But you need to get rid of him—because he’s coming for you. His orders are to snuff out each of you. And the men he’s hired, they’re already here in Chicago.”

  I feel Kam tense beside me. The only one of us who has ever had contact with anyone from HawkFire is Creed. We all glance at him and I see the scowl on his face.

  “We’re getting rid of him. I’m not certain he’s the showrunner with HawkFire, or even the person that wants us gone, but I want any threats that tie us to Sophia eliminated.”

  “Where is he and when do we leave?” Kam asks. Ever since Ricky, he’s been in full revenge mode. Any chance he can get to hurt someone, he takes it without second thought.

  “Chances of luring him here are slim. This guy is smarter. We’re lucky we even found his name. We’ll have to go to him. On his turf in Vegas. But first, we’re taking care of the others. Starting tonight.”

  “You mean this puto has been calling the shots all the way from sin fucking city?” Jose growls incredulously. He tosses his hands in the air, then drops them down, letting them smack onto the leather chaise. “Hijo de la chingada,” he starts mumbling in Spanish, clearly angry we’ve been following out on orders from someone so far away. Don’t really know what he expected.

  “We’ll le
ave at the end of the week to handle Miles. I’m calling in a few others to stand watch for Sophia while we’re gone. As for the rest of them, they’re being dealt with tonight. We can’t wait.”

  “We’ll be ready. We always are,” Kam says. Voice filled with violence.

  “Where are they?”

  “Oddly enough,” Monte starts, “They’re at an abandoned warehouse here, right next to Creed’s former spot.”

  Jose barks out a sharp laugh. “They’re trolling you, bro.”

  Kam smirks, shaking his head. “This should be fun.”

  Creed’s lips twitch like he’s fighting a smile before he jumps into the plan for tonight. It’s simple. Bring firepower, go in, kill them, then leave. He discusses in further detail, the plan for Miles. More thoroughly, he goes over the ins and outs, passing around a blueprint of the property Monte and Clarence are sure he’s staying at in Vegas. I don’t like the idea of leaving my sister, but Creed’s right. This needs to be taken care of now before she gets closer to her due date. Getting rid of them before the little guy is here and they’re both in danger is our top priority.

  After we all have an idea of what the plan is for Miles and what to expect tonight, we all part ways and I hang back gaze fixed on Creed. It’s still a hard pill to swallow, knowing he’s with my sister. The violent streaks I see in him are so at odds with the way he treats Sophia, shit gives me whiplash. But if there’s one thing I’m certain of, its that Creed would lay his life down for her, and that’s all that matters.

  “How is she?”

  “Fine the last time I checked on her. She was asleep in our bedroom. I’m having Magdalene send up a tray of food once she wakes up.”

  I rake my hand over my head warily. “You think she’s going to be a problem while we’re gone?”

  He’s silent for a beat, and I start to wonder if he’s ever going to answer, but he does. Eventually.

  “No. She won’t be a problem this time. I’ve seen the change in her since the Oz incident. She knows she fucked up. Part of me still wants to be angry with her, but it’s also why we have that fucker right where we want him.”