Love and Chaos

by S. M. Soto

  “If that’s the case, the Devil’s been feeding off of me for a long time already. The man upstairs has long given up hope.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. He never gives up hope on his children. He never stops looking out for them either. A man without faith is just a man, but a man who believes in righteousness and forgives, shall be forgiven.”

  I smirk. Forgetting how much the Father loves speaking in scripture and his riddles.

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I add dryly and he laughs.

  “I assume you got what you came here for?”

  I push to my feet, shrugging. “I wasn’t sure what I came here for. One second I was leaving and the next, I was here.”

  The Father smiles. “All in the grand scheme, my boy. It’s all in his grand scheme.”

  With a wry twist of my lips, I turn on my heels and start walking away but pause, an idea slamming into me. Slowly, I turn back to the Father, who is still watching me curiously. He stands tall, his hands clasped in front of him like the servant of God he is.

  “There’s one more thing I’d like to discuss with you, Father.”

  “Of course, son. What is it that’s bothering you?”

  I smirk. “It’s not what’s bothering me, it’s what I need to happen.”

  He frowns, confused. “What do you need to happen?”

  “Are you still the presiding Father here?”

  He stands taller and by the look in my eyes, I think he already knows what I’m getting at—what I’m going to ask of him. A smile spreads across his weathered face.

  “I am.”

  “Good. I need a favor.”

  I’m not even the least bit surprised when I find the light on in the nursery. I gently push through the door, finding Sophia fiddling with random things in the room. Now freshly showered and cleaned from my talk with the Father, I lean up against the doorframe, perching my shoulder against the wood as I watch her. She takes a knitted blanket and folds it over the edge of the crib, straightening out the edges and making sure it looks perfect. I can’t help the warming sensation in my chest as I watch her. She’s…incredible. And pregnant with my child? She’s never looked more beautiful than she does now.

  I’ve never understood the allure of a pregnant woman but looking at Sophia now? She’s never looked more stunning. More innocent. More soft and sweet. She’s never looked more like mine than she does now—belly round with our child. A possessive sensation claws at my chest whenever I watch Sophia. It’s foreign because there has never been anything in my life I cared about more, until I met her.

  When the crib and blanket are decorated to her eyes’ perfection, she takes a step back, places her hands on her hips and observes everything. It brings a smile to my face. As if finally sensing my presence, her body tenses. With my gaze fixed solely on her, I watch the way her body locks up with tension and when she turns around, there are questions in her eyes. Far too many questions. Questions that shouldn’t even be there and the fact that they are is my fault.

  Pushing away from the doorframe, I step into our son’s room, heading straight for her. Her slender throat works a swallow and I see the apprehension. She’s not sure how to feel. Not sure what mood she’ll find me in.

  I did that too.

  I stop about a foot in front of her and stare at this beautiful woman. Unable to help myself, I reach out, cupping her cheek in my hand. Hands that have done some of the darkest, cruelest, worst things one can think of. And yet, with these same hands, I get to touch an angel. We shouldn’t go together. It’s biblically impossible. But she’s the light to my darkness. The brightest beacon in my life.

  She’s my entire fucking world.

  Sophia leans into my touch, her eyes searching mine with earnest. I know exactly what she’s waiting for. So I put her out of her misery.

  “It’s done.”

  I feel the quake in her body at my words. I see the pain and the relief that flits across her face. The emotions clash, warring with one another. Stepping into her, I slide my other hand around her neck, pulling her into me, her bump resting against me causes a stir in my chest. The same foreign sensation I only get with her. Whenever she’s around.

  “Thank you,” she breathes, trying to fight back tears. It doesn’t work. I swipe them off her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs.

  “Come on,” I whisper just as I bend down, lifting her into my arms. She squeaks, her hands grasping the back of my neck to hang on.

  “Creed. You can’t just pick me up like this. I’m too heavy.”

  I look down at her with a straight face. Even pregnant, she’s light. She’s not even half as huge as she thinks she is. If only she could see how incredibly sexy she looks, carrying the baby I put inside of her. It’s hot as all fuck.

  I carry her from the nursery, into our bedroom, setting her down on her feet near the bed. I toy with the strap of her loose dress. Tugging it down, I watch as it falls off one slender shoulder and I do the same to the other side. The only things keeping her dress in place now are her breasts which have almost tripled in size. I refrain from dipping and taking one of her nipples into my mouth, instead I sidestep her and move toward the walk-in closet. I come back out with one of my shirts.

  I help Sophia out of the dress and into the shirt. She allows me to do all of this without question. Just silently complies when I tell her to lift. Settling the hem of the shirt above her thighs, I smooth my hands around her neck. Walking her backward toward the bed. I help her onto the mattress and settle beside her. I prop myself on my arm and stare down at her and she mirrors my position.

  “You were right.” I eventually say after staring down at her for what feels like hours, but still, it’s not nearly long enough.

  Her brows tug down. “About what?”

  “Everything.” I brush my fingers along her cheek, tucking a thick chocolate strand of hair behind her ear. “You were right. This wasn’t like my mother all over again. I was wrong. We’re different. You’re different.”

  She smiles, but I can see the quiver of her chin and I know she’s holding back her tears.

  “Thank you. I know what all this meant to you and I get why you did it…but I know ending it couldn’t have been easy, so thank you.”

  “You’re more important to me than anything. Revenge. This life. All of it. Both of you are.” Placing my hand over her stomach, I dip my head down and catch her lips with mine.

  “Have I told you how much I love you lately?” she asks, her lips curling at the corners. My expression mirrors hers.

  “Not nearly enough, Angel.”

  She tosses her head back onto the pillows and laughs. I didn’t realize until now just how much I’ve missed the harmonic sound. Taking my opportunity, I dive down, pressing my lips against her neck and devour her whole.

  POST-COITAL BLISS IS JUST THAT—bliss. I’ve been basking in it for almost a week now. Ever since the day I stepped foot in the basement, there’s been a change, it seems in everyone. The guys seem less stressed—well sort of—and Creed isn’t so distant. It’s back to how things were, pre Oz Park incident. Only this time, there is no threat of Finlay hanging overhead, just us. And we’ve been basking in it.

  Things feel like they’re finally falling into place for us. I know we’ll always have to worry about the threats from the underworld, especially in this life, but for once, I can actually see the future with Creed. I can see it without that dark, gloomy shadow overhead, ruining everything. I’ve come to terms with how my life with Creed may not be what I always dreamed of. It isn’t a fairytale by any means. But him? Being with him is better than any fairytale. He’s the prince, the knight in shining armor, slayer of all dragons and the Devil, rolled into one perfectly irresistible package, and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Not when I get to keep him. Not when I get to wake up to this man every day of my life.

  A smile spreads across my face, and I blow out a sigh of gratefulness when I feel Creed shift in bed beside me. I
reach my hand out, rubbing it up his bare chest, prompting him to nuzzle into me. His lips find my neck and I groan as he leaves a warm path of kisses against my skin.

  “Morning,” he whispers, his lips glued to my shoulder and I grin, turning in his arms.

  “Please don’t tell me you still have to go?” I groan. Curling my arms around his neck, he stares down at me, his expression falling the slightest bit.

  “We do still have to go. But we’ll be back in no time, I promise you.”

  Creed and Gar warned me yesterday that they’d have to leave to handle something for HawkFire. I tried not to pry, I really did. And normally I might’ve been freaked out, but honestly, they don’t seem too bothered. It doesn’t seem like a huge threat to them, so I have to believe they’ll be okay.

  The only issue I had was being left here alone. It’s not that I feel unsafe here. It’s quite the opposite. There are men everywhere. From our men to Creed’s own men, to the outfit soldiers, to the guards scattered across the property, protecting all of us inside from anyone out there who may try to harm us.

  I have absolutely no reason to feel unsafe. I just hate the thought of all of them being away at once. Maybe if I wasn’t so damn pregnant, I wouldn’t be so worried, hell I might even be able to tag along, but being so close to my due date, it’s out of the question.

  Who am I kidding? They’d never let me go. Which leads me to my other issue. I’m so close to the finish line. I still have a few weeks to go before I’m due, but I can’t help but worry something will go wrong while he’s away. What if I go into labor early? Or what if something happens here and Creed can’t get to me in time? It could just be the PTSD, the fear of everything that has already happened. I honestly don’t know anymore.

  I let out a groan, reaching for Creed when I feel him slipping out of bed. It’s too early and I just want to lay with him a little while longer. He chuckles, pressing a kiss to my wrist before pushing to his feet, his nude, built body on full display.

  “I gotta do some stuff for Matteo, then get everything prepped for the guys next week. Meet me in the garden for dinner?”

  I smirk up at him. “You’re lucky you saved yourself with the offer of dinner in the garden.”

  He chuckles. “I thought so.”

  Pressing a kiss to my forehead, Creed slips into the bathroom and gets dressed in a pristine suit before leaving me to my own devices. I decide to get up and get some breakfast before I help Alexis pack, she’ll be leaving soon too. Once the guys come back from their trip to wherever they’re going, she’ll be leaving. Home. I’ll only have her to keep me company while they’re away, which is good, but then it’s not. I keep telling myself she needs this, but I didn’t realize it would be this hard to say goodbye. I’m scared she’s not going to come back. And I can’t have that.

  When I’m dressed, I start heading for the kitchen, not surprised when I find Magdalene walking down the hall with a smile, ready to escort me down the steps. Creed still wants me escorted around, in case I trip while walking, or slip on the stairs. There was no point arguing it, not when my brother and everyone else is in agreement.

  Everyone is already up and milling around, a spread of gourmet breakfast as usual already placed out. I take the open seat next to Jose and Kam and start filling my plate; I slide an omelet off the warmer, along with a croissant, some fruit, a little bowl of oatmeal and two slices of turkey bacon. When I pull my plate back in front of me and sit down, I feel the weight of stares on me. Glancing up, I find Jose and Kam watching me with raised brows. My cheeks pink.

  “I’m pregnant. Pregnant women are hungrier than usual.”

  “Don’t apologize,” Jose says, a piece of bacon in his hand. “Men love women who eat.”

  “And you shouldn’t be one of those men loving anything she eats,” my brother says, walking into the dining room. There’s jest in his tone so I know he’s joking. Well, only partly.

  I start to dig in just like everyone else and halfway into my meal, I turn toward Kam.

  “You doing okay?”

  It’s been months since Ricky’s death, and even though we’ve all come to terms with his loss, it doesn’t make it any easier. He was a part of these guys. He risked his life to keep me safe, he’ll forever hold a place in our hearts.

  “Keeping busy with whatever Creed brings us as well as Wulferic.”

  I raise my brows, remembering Ricky’s biker brother and his friends.

  “How is he?”

  “He wants his revenge on the man who did it. Too bad he’s already gone. Creed promised he’d get it another way.”

  I take a bite into the flaky, buttery croissant. I get it. I’m starting to understand these men’s need for revenge. It’s an absolute must for them. They cling to it like a lifeline.

  After breakfast, I spend time with the guys for a while before I hang out with Magdalene and listen to her tell stories about Valentina. She shows me photo albums, and we reminisce on the woman I’ll never get to meet.

  A little bit before dinner time, I take a soothing bath and put on another easy to move in maxi-dress before I head out into the garden. With a book tucked under my arm, I inhale a deep breath, a smile pulling at the corners of my lips as the petals from the gorgeous wisteria vines blow across the floor, leaving bright, electric purple and blue flowers everywhere. It’s whimsical. And after discussing Valentina today, I can’t help but wonder how much she would’ve loved seeing the sight. It was her own doing, planting the vines and the wisteria plants here.

  I don’t know how long I stand there. Taking everything in like I haven’t already before when I smell him. His masculine scent travels, tickling my nose and sending flutters in my belly. With a smile, I turn, finding Creed walking toward me. Sliding his hand in mine, he helps me down the brick-paved steps toward the lower portion of the estate, near the hedge maze. I suck in a gasp of awe, making Creed laugh in amusement. He can laugh all he wants, that doesn’t change how pretty it is out here. Down from the window it looks beautiful out here, but right now? Up this close, it’s incredible. The hedge maze is decorated in twinkling lights, bringing out the purple hue of the wisteria vines and the lush green surrounding the estate. It’s all so incredible. Definitely not something you’d expect to see at an estate where mafia members live. But this was Valentina’s touch. This has her written all over it. Even if I’ve never met her, these little things throughout her home speak to me in ways she can’t.

  We walk through the hedge maze until we get to one of my favorite spots. The fountain with lily pads in the center. Surrounding the fountain are the lush green paths that lead back into the hedge maze. Only one leading out. Though it’s taken me a while to remember and navigate this maze, Creed has it all figured out, knowing which turns and tunnels to choose by heart.

  We pause in front of the fountain, watching the water splash inside and the sounds of crickets chirruping in the distance surrounding us. Creed wraps his arms around me from behind, and his large hands rub along my stomach. I rest into his back and enjoy his hold on me. We stare out at the fountain and beyond, seeing nothing but lush green land that goes on for miles. I don’t know how much land on this estate they own, but with just the house alone? I’d say over hundreds of acres. It’s beautiful out here. I can’t tell if I love it more during the day or night. Like always, our baby kicks against his hands, once he hears his daddy’s voice.

  “I think we have a soccer player on our hands,” I muse.

  Creed chuckles behind me. “You think so?”

  “Mhmm.” I hum with a goofy smile on my face. Creed turns me around so I’m facing him and stares down at me with a content expression on his face. It’s one I’m still not quite used to from him.

  “How was he today?” Creed asks as he pulls me against him. My baby bump rests between us like a basketball.

  “Active. Kicked me about a million times in the ribs, stomped on my bladder quite a few times too.”

  Creed grins. It’s that smile t
hat always makes my heart trip over a beat. It’s boyish, so unlike the dark and restrained man.

  “Your feet? Are they still bothering you?” he asks with a look of concern etched on his face. I point my ankle out so he can see the minor swelling, and his brows crease with worry.

  For the past couple of days, my feet and ankles have been getting so swollen from walking around the garden and well, doing anything really. I could be lying in bed all day and still, my ankles somehow turn into cankles. Creed even made it his mission to lay me down so I can rest with my feet propped. He even gives me massages, but nowhere near the firmness I need. Apparently, he read any massages during the last trimester need to be discussed with the doctor because of pressure points and what not. I had no idea he was even reading baby books, let alone taking them so seriously.

  “You ready?” I ask him, referring to the baby. His gaze drops down to my belly and his face lights up. When his eyes drift back to mine, it brings the biggest smile to my face.

  I never thought I could be this happy.

  Hell, I never even thought I’d get to be this happy with this gorgeous man. Where he’s hard, there’s always a soft spot somewhere in there for me and I love him for it.

  Tears glisten in my eyes when he says, “I’ve never wanted anything more.”

  He presses his mouth against mine softly, and I fall into the kiss. I fall into him. Just like I always do. His mouth trails from my lips down to my neck, and I can’t even hold in the moan that escapes. This man…he knows my body like the back of his own hand. And lately? All my body has been craving is him. The only issue now is the fact that I’ve gotten so big, Creed has been much more gentle during sex. And finding the perfect position is always a pain in the ass. I can’t wait until after I give birth. I miss the rough sex. The dirty sex. The sex where he would pull my hair and use my body however he pleased. Now, he’s gotten a little soft on me. Apart of me loves it. The other part—the horny part? She hates it.