Love and Chaos

by S. M. Soto

  We make a left down the warmly lit hall that leads up to the private staircase, it’s designated just for us. I squeeze Sophia’s hand in mine reassuringly as I help her up the stairs, trying to put her nerves at ease.

  “It’s my mother’s restaurant.”

  I feel her gaze on my skin as we climb the top step, passing over the landing into the private dining area. Just as I asked, there’s an intimate table setting with candles as the centerpiece and red roses floating in a glass vase.

  Sophia gasps when she sees it. Her hand slipping from mine as she walks toward the table. The chandelier hanging from above is dimmed perfectly, casting a warm glow throughout the room.

  “You did all this for me?”

  Sophia walks to the table and picks up something. She turns with a red rose in her hand, happiness glimmering in her emerald green eyes, they look brighter right now, brighter than I’ve ever seen them. The color is rich and pure, like sunlight shining on trees in the forest. My gaze fixed on the chain around her neck—the one that was my mother’s—and I nod, stuffing my hands into my slack pockets.

  “This is…it’s beautiful, Creed,” she whispers in awe, her eyes darting along every surface. They linger on the blacked-out glass that overlooks the bottom floor of the restaurant.

  “And you said this place was your mother’s?”

  “In a way. She always wanted a place like this. A safe place for her to come and let loose, where she didn’t have to worry about anyone trying to hurt her. She wanted a place for all the wives in the famiglia to feel safe and comfortable. Matteo had it built for her. I think he understood her need to have something in this life that was hers. It’s the only actively running business that isn’t riddled with crime dealings. Only the closest members of the famiglia are allowed. This isn’t a hang out for everyone. It’s strictly Cosa Nostra.”

  “It’s beautiful. Matteo really did love her, didn’t he?”

  I purse my lips, deciding not to touch that subject. I can’t speak for Matteo and how he felt about my mother, so I won’t.

  “Come on, sit down.” I pull the chair out, skirting the subject of Matteo and my mother. That was a sore subject, one I never liked dwelling on.

  Sophia settles into the chair with a tired sigh, the pregnancy really starting to wear on her. I take the seat opposite from her, enjoying the way the dim lighting brings out the darker strands in her chocolate hair. The candle light gleams against her striking features, highlighting the olive tone to her skin. She’s gorgeous and completely mine.

  “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” she asks, raising a single brow as she reaches for the basket of freshly baked bread. It’s still warm, I can smell it when she lifts the cover. I watch with rapt attention and she rips off a piece of the bread, putting into her mouth. Her eyes flutter closed, and she lets out a soft moan of approval. It’s the same moan she makes when my tongue is on her skin. It has my cock tenting in my slacks.

  “Because you’re gorgeous.”

  She pauses mid-chew, her skin flushing red with embarrassment. “Stop that. I look like a beluga whale.”

  My brows tug down into a frown. Leaning forward, I press my forearms against the table and lean into her space. “Stop saying that. Do you realize how gorgeous you are? How fucking sexy you look, carrying my child? Do you know how hot it is that when I look at you, I see you swollen with my seed? We made him, and fuck me, if I don’t enjoy looking at you.”

  Her lip quirks at the corner. “Didn’t know you were such a sweet talker.”

  I shrug, leaning back. “Neither did I.”

  Just then one of the waiters comes in to take our orders. The young woman turns to Sophia first and rattles off what’s on the menu. She only offers the foods Sophia is allowed to eat. I’ve let the staff know the food tonight is to be prepared with utmost care.

  While she’s taking Sophia’s order, I see Lorenzo lingering near the stairs and wave him over. Pushing out of the chair, I meet him halfway.

  “Everything is all clear. There is one issue.”

  My body tenses. “What is it?”

  “Government vehicle spotted tailing us after leaving the estate. Your man Clarence ran the plates and confirmed they are government issued.”

  A growl gets lodged in my throat.

  “They’re getting brave. They’re not going to stop until you end them.”

  “I know, I’m working on it.”

  He nods and slips out just as quickly as he came. I turn back toward the table where Sophia and the waitress are waiting.

  “My usual, Angelica,” I dismiss her. She nods quickly, shooting us both a quick, professional smile before leaving me and Sophia. I can practically hear all of Sophia’s questions floating around. I know she’s wondering what that was about with Lorenzo. Sure enough, it doesn’t take long for her to ask.

  So curious.

  She jerks her head toward the stairs where Lorenzo and Angelica last disappeared. “What was that about?”

  “They were letting me know all is clear.”

  The tension falls away from her body at the news. She finally releases that pent up sigh.

  “Earlier, you were saying this place…Valentina’s, it’s the only legit business in your family. What do you guys do? I mean, as a front for…you know.” Sophia raises her brows, not wanting to say “the mafia” out loud.

  “You sure you want to know?”

  She nods resolutely.

  “Well,” I lean back in the chair, blowing out a breath. “The Sabella’s have many fronts we use to run money through. You know, to avoid tax evasion and any racketeering charges.” It doesn’t escape my notice that that is what the FBI is trying to charge me with. “We run back door dealings through a few law firms here, a Fortune 500 company, a few Mom and Pop shops and then places like this. The restaurants. The properties we sell to others for their own startups.”

  “Well, I guess that explains why you guys are always dressed in suits. I’m sure looking the part of a professional comes with the whole persona.”

  “It does. Though, I prefer a shirt, jeans, and my boots. Not as restricting as a suit. When I was a kid, Matteo and my mother would always make me wear them. Now, I only wear them when I have to.”

  She smiles sadly, probably understanding what I really mean. The suits remind me of a childhood I’d rather forget.

  “Isn’t it weird? Having them all together.”

  My brows crease questioningly. “They guys?”

  “Well, yeah. You have your mafia men and now you have my brother and the rest of the guys, not to mention Clarence and Monte.”

  “They’re still getting used to it, but no, I wouldn’t say it’s weird. I employ whoever works the best. Each man is good for something different. If any of them don’t like it, they’ll just have to deal with it.”

  She smirks. “Sounds about right. So, I guess this means you’ve employed my brother and the rest of the guys?”

  I hesitate. Because I have. They’re not technically on the payroll of the Cosa Nostra, but they are on mine. “Yes.”

  She sighs. “And you’re all being careful, right?”

  “About as careful as we can be, Angel.”

  Sophia nods sharply, accepting that there are no guarantees when it comes to keeping everyone safe. My first priority will always be her.

  She toys with the fabric of the table cloth absentmindedly.

  “Thank you again for bringing me out. On an official date. I know setting this up couldn’t have been easy, so thank you.” I can tell how sincere she is when I look in her eyes. She truly means it.

  “It was worth it.”

  She grins, but despite the smile, I notice her eyes growing wet again. This happens at least five times a day, sometimes more.

  “And thank you. For your mother’s dress. That was…so thoughtful and I’m so honored. I’d love to wear it. Depending on how things go after our little guy gets here, but if it doesn’t fit, I want to make it work someh
ow. I wish she could be here to see what it will look like, see you on our wedding day—but this, this is so thoughtful, Creed. What made you think of it?”

  I shrug noncommittally. “Since she’s not here to contribute, I thought offering up the decision to wear her dress would be like having her here in a way.”

  “You’re incredible, you know that, right? Just when I think I have you figured out, you always switch up on me.”

  “It’s a gift.”

  Angelica rolls in with a table, filled with our meals. She slides our plates in front of each of us, leaving us to the private evening I requested.

  “What was her wedding like?” Sophia asks between bites of her pasta. “I mean, I know you weren’t born yet, but I’ve seen a few pictures throughout the estate, Magdalene has even shown me a few albums. Did she have a big wedding, too?”

  “The biggest both famiglias in the outfit had ever seen. Since it was a marriage of ‘convenience,’ they played up the romance of it. Inviting everyone for show. As a play for unity. She seemed happy in all the pictures though, so I don’t think she cared too much. As odd as it is, I think she was just happy to be marrying Matteo instead of Gabriele. She was in love with him, so I think she would’ve been happy with anything Matteo gave her.”

  “What about your mom’s side of the family, are they still…alive?”

  The corner of my lip twitches, wanting to tug into a smirk. “They’re alive, yes.”

  Her eyes widen with surprise. “You don’t talk about them, I guess I just assumed.”

  “They’re alive, but they aren’t apart of the famiglia for obvious reasons. They blame Matteo for her death.”

  “Do you? Blame him for her death?”

  I pause, pursing my lips. “About as much as I blame myself.”

  Sadness steals over features. “So I take it you guys aren’t close?”

  “Not really. Haven’t seen them in years. They tried to take full custody of me from Matteo. That didn’t go over too well. Especially since Matteo has just about every judge in his pocket. After, they were no longer allowed to step foot on Sabella property—meaning all of Chicago. They lost their position in the famiglia. They lost everything. I haven’t heard from them since then.”

  “Can he do that? I mean kick a family out for…whatever it is they tried to do.”

  “Doesn’t matter. He still did it anyway. Can’t say I care. They sold their daughter to the Sabella’s for power. Can’t say they’re any better than us.”

  Sophia wipes the corners of her mouth with her napkin, looking thoughtful. “We should invite them. Their daughter might not be here anymore, but they still have a grandchild and great-grandchild.”

  Ever the positive little rose.

  “I can arrange it if that’s what you truly want.”

  She smiles. “It is.”

  After enjoying the rest of dinner, we headed back to the estate. Sophia fell asleep as soon as the SUV pulled onto the streets. With her head leaning on my arm, her body curled into me, I watched her sleep the entire drive home. Even pregnant, she was still so small in my arms, so perfect. Carrying her into our bedroom, I undress her and deposit her under the sheets. I take a quick shower, doing the same.

  I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling blankly, my mind constantly working. Being inside Valentina’s tonight brought back memories of my mother. I try not to think about her and the past too often because when I do, that foreign sensation in my chest makes it hard to breathe. I close my eyes, sifting through past memories.

  Each memory is like a shot to the heart. This was why I hated thinking about her. Because of this feeling. That was the one thing Matteo was right about—this pain. The pain I felt over my mother was a weakness.

  Pushing those thoughts away, I pull Sophia’s body against mine and I hold her until sleep pulls me under.

  PAST

  I WATCH FROM THE DINING room table as he drags her in the house after him. She’s been crying again. I can tell by the puffiness of her eyes and the tear tracks staining her blotched face. Or maybe he’s hitting her again, Father told him to stop, that it didn’t look good, especially with her family or with the rest of the families. But did that ever stop him?

  Never.

  I take a drag from the joint. I’ve been smoking more lately. To deal with the pain. The physical pain of practicing, from all the fighting. And of course, the emotional pain of watching her and my brother.

  It got harder and harder each day. That stabbing sensation in my chest only seemed to get worse. The anger burning through my veins only made the need to hurt someone stronger. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. She knew it just as well as I did. I could see the longing in her eyes. When we were out in public and I had someone else in my arms, someone else to chase the pain away with, to help me forget. I could see the way she looked at me when no one was looking. I looked at her the same way.

  But we both knew we’d never be able to have each other. The contract was signed, set in stone and I didn’t have the power to change it and neither did she. My brother was next in line because he was older. It wasn’t because he was smarter or stronger. It was all because the bastard was born first. That was something I had to deal with my entire life.

  Gabriele drags her down the hall of the estate toward his compound off to the side. I try to ignore it. The thuds. Her pained cries. My lips tighten around the joint, my hands balling into fists, my nails digging into the flesh of my palm. It was hell. Sitting there, listening to them. Listening to the bed smack against the wall, his grunts of pleasure, her sounds of what I was sure was distress. Or maybe that’s just what I wanted to believe. I didn’t want to believe she enjoyed doing anything with my brother. I couldn’t.

  With a growl of anger, I push back from the table, the chair toppling back onto the marble floor and I storm away. I don’t know where I’m going. All I know is I need to get out of here. As far away from them both as I can get.

  I walk from the estate on foot, just like I always do whenever I need to think. I pause in the open lot. It’s an acreage spanning on for miles. Of green land. A creek just off to the side. The first time I found this place was by accident. Every time after has been a necessity. I came here so often, this was the place everyone knew to find me, to come looking.

  I don’t know how much time passes. I hear soft footsteps come up from behind me and I tense, already knowing who it is. This is, after all, her favorite slice of land too. I remember the first time Valentina followed me out here. She was always following me around and when I was younger, it was annoying until I got older and I found I enjoyed her company. The way the sunlight hit her golden tan skin and dark brown hair. She always said when she was older, she wanted a house on this land. A beautiful place she could call home. A place she could make her own. She wanted to plant a bunch of these random plants she kept talking about and grow a hedge maze. When we were younger, I just rolled my eyes at her because she made it sound so easy. And maybe it was.

  I feel her step beside me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her slumped form. Her long hair pulled back in a ponytail, probably to tame it after what she did with him. I find myself getting angry all over again. The pain in my chest growing and tightening, making it hard to breathe.

  “Matteo I—”

  “I don’t want to hear it,” I snap. Much too harshly. I see her shoulders slump, curling into her body out of the corner of my eye.

  “I-I…I wish it could be you,” she sobs, her hand landing on my forearm. I shake her off, not able to stand the feel of her soft skin on mine. Not right now. Not after what she just did with him.

  “Well, it’s not me. That’s glaringly fucking obvious, Valentina,” I grit, pointedly looking her up and down. Her skin is still flushed, marks covering her neck and chest. It only serves to fuel my rage. I can practically picture his mouth on her. His body covering hers. Touching what he shouldn’t have a right to touch. She’s too good for him. Too fucking good for me.
<
br />   The crushing pain in my chest builds. It’s always worse when I’m near her. I need to get away. This is exactly why I keep my distance. To avoid this shit.

  I whirl around, storming back the way I came. Anything to get away from Valentina. Put some distance between us so I can think clearly for once. I hear feet stomping through the grass after me, her hand gripping onto my forearm, holding me back so she can look up at me.

  What does she think? Seeing her beautiful fucking face will make this any easier?

  “Please don’t walk away from me, Matteo,” she chokes out. Tears trailing down her beautiful face. “You’re all I have left.”

  I wish I would’ve listened. I wish I would’ve stayed and spent those few extra minutes with her. Because that would’ve equated to more time with her in the end.

  Time that I had lost.

  Time that was stolen from me.

  Time that I’d never ever get back.

  I had no idea that in just a few months, she’d be mine. We’d start a family and have the illusion of a happily ever after. Until it’s gone. She’s gone. And all I’m left with, the last piece of her I’m left with is our son.

  The rapping on my office door has my eyes springing open. I run my hands down the material of my suit jacket, realizing I fell asleep in here again. A glance around my office tells me everything is exactly as I left it. Right down to the glass filled with scotch sitting in the center of my desk, amid the folder with sensitive information.

  “Come in,” I bark. Settling back in the winged back leather chair, I cross an ankle over my knee. I reach for my pistol beneath the table, resting the cold steel in my hand, just in case.

  Giovanni pushes through the doors. He’s been with me for years. Besides being la famiglia, he truly is family. He’s been around since we were kids. Navigating this life together with our parents. Thrown to the wolves. He’s a hard man through and through. Perfect as my right-hand man. Loyal to a fault. Impossibly cunning. Willing to do whatever to get the job done.

  His expression is blank as usual, but his eyes are dark, and I know exactly what he’s here for. With a nod of my head, I don’t even need to use words. He knows what I want.