Love and Chaos

by S. M. Soto

  “Fuck, Creed,” she groans. “It’s too much.”

  I lean back and look down, watching the way my cock disappears into her body and the way the jeweled plug in her ass sparkles and moves each time I bottom out inside her.

  “How does it feel?”

  “So good,” she whines into the sheets. “I can’t take it.”

  Her pussy squeezes my cock and I feel my balls tighten, a tingling spreading up my spine. I wind my fist back in her hair and tug, changing the angle of my thrusts. She’s screaming now, letting out these throaty cries of pleasure. Her hands reach up to me, trying to push me away from the multitude of sensations.

  I yank her head all the way back by her hair and cover her mouth with mine swallowing her moans of pleasure.

  Sophia suddenly clamps around my cock, her body stilling then vibrating as she lets out a cry that pierces the air. I feel the orgasm slam into her. It causes a domino effect with mine. I pull the plug out of her ass and slam into her two more times before I still, spilling my load inside of her. I press a kiss against her spine, and she moans tiredly, sinking into the sheets.

  I lay out on the bed beside her, trying to catch my breath. Pulling her into my arms, she rests her head on my chest, nuzzling into me.

  “I think it’s safe to safe you knocked marriage sex straight out of the park.”

  I laugh, squeezing my arm around her. “How do you feel?”

  She hums, sounding sleepier with each passing second. “Surprisingly good for someone that just had something stuffed into their rear.”

  I laugh under my breath, squeezing her to me even more tightly. We lay like that for a while and when I hear her breathing deepen and even out, I slip out of bed. I put on a pair of shorts and t-shirt and slip out of the villa.

  I walk across the bridge, over the water that separates our private villa from everyone else’s. The air is warm, despite how late it is. It’s laced with the addicting scent of saltwater and sea breeze.

  I walk into the communal area of their villa, seeing Garrett and the guys sitting around in the lounge, drinking and watching TV. I bypass all of them, down the sleek and modernly decorated furnishings in the hall, stopping in front of Magdalene’s door. It’s partly open so I rap my knuckles against the wood.

  “Come in.”

  I push through and my chest swells when I see Angel on the bed, kicking his little legs, looking around.

  “How was he?” I ask, Magdalene, heading straight for him.

  “Quite the little Angelito.”

  I scoop him into my arms, settling him against my chest. I say a quick thank you to Magdalene and the rest of the guys before I walk with him outside. Instead of going inside where I know Sophia is still sleeping, I settle into one of the plush loungers overlooking the water on the open deck of the villa. I figure I’ll wait here until he starts getting fussy. I won’t wake her until he needs to eat, so instead, I lay back on the chaise with Angel against my chest, looking out at the dark body of water and the stars.

  I bask in this feeling. Not having to worry about the famiglia, the FBI, anyone in the underworld. All I need to focus on is my wife and my son. Sliding my phone out of my shorts pocket, I tap the screen, checking for updates. Nothing has been reported near the villa, no sightings, no other private jets landing when we did. I don’t expect anyone to get onto the island and harm us, but it’s still a possibility, one I’m not taking lightly.

  Angel makes a little cooing noise and I look down, realizing he’s watching me. He smiles, drool sliding down his chin. He makes more of his cooing noises, like he’s trying to talk to me. It makes me smile.

  “Had a good day, bud?”

  My eyes widen at what looks to be a little smile stretching across his face. It looks like a smirk of sorts like he knows I’m asking him a question. I realize why that is when his smile turns into a different kind of face and I suddenly feel his diaper vibrate against my arm.

  I never thought I’d see the day I’d laugh at a baby shitting in my arms. Hell, I never thought there would be a day I’d actually hold a baby in my arms. But as I look down at Angel, I can’t help but stare down at him with protectiveness and fatherly love.

  Securing him to my chest, I push up from the lounger and head inside to change him before he starts growing fussy. I check in on Sophia first, who is still sound asleep, before working on him.

  When I open his diaper and see just how messy everything is, I blow out a sigh and look down at Angel.

  “Couldn’t wait until your mom woke up to have an explosion to this degree, huh?”

  He kicks his little legs, doing his signature coo. I clean him as best as I can, taking him into the en suite bathroom with me and turning on the shower. Uncaring that I’m still dressed in my shirt and shorts, I step in the shower, testing the water before unhooking the nozzle. I spray Angel’s back, using my hand to shield his head and face, careful no water gets in his eyes.

  Using the baby soap, I had the housekeepers unpack and stock in here earlier, I pump some into my hands, cleaning him of any remnants of his accident. When his distinct baby scent coats the air, I shut off the shower, securing the nozzle back in place before I push through the glass doors and I pause at the sight of Sophia standing in the doorway of the bathroom, her arms crossed over her chest. One of my shirts hanging loosely over her body. Her hair is mussed from me grasping my hands through it and her eyes are still swollen with sleep, but I can see the love in them. The softness in her expression as she watches me step out of the shower with him, dripping water all over the floor. Her lip quirks with amusement. She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and I see the tremble in her chin. The smile and the laugh itching to break out.

  “Decided to give him a bath, did you?”

  Her voice shakes with humor and it’s a struggle to fight my own smile. It so desperately wants to break out across my face.

  “He had quite the accident. Wipes weren’t going to do the job.”

  Sophia laughs. “Ah. So this explains why you stepped into the shower with our son, fully dressed. Definitely makes all the sense in the world.”

  My smile finally breaks free and as if on cue, Angel starts crying, probably because the water is no longer keeping him warm.

  Grabbing one of the plush towels from the heated towel rack, I wipe him down gently, handing him off to Sophia. She snuggles him against her chest, cooing down at him in that little baby voice she has perfected to a T.

  That’s my one hard limit. I couldn’t conjure up a baby voice like that, even if I tried.

  “Did you go poo-poo? Were you giving Daddy a hard time? Yes, you were, weren’t you?” she coos down at him, snuggling her face into his neck, making him giggle. When she lifts her gaze up, finding my gaze still glued to her, still completely soaked, she closes the distance between us. Sophia presses up on her tiptoes to kiss me.

  “Thank you,” she whispers over my lips. “Get dressed, then come back to bed, Daddy.”

  She smirks at her own innuendo, then turns on her heel with Angel in her arms.

  I watch her disappear out of the bathroom and that warm sensation in my chest expands. Tightening and loosening all at once. It swells. It keeps growing every single day, and I’m certain, if it does this anymore, I may very well explode.

  I couldn’t help but feel like now that I had a family, that weight on my chest and my shoulders is heavier than ever. I had everything to lose now, and what was worse, I’d already shown my hand. Everyone knew what they meant to me now too.

  ONCE I WAKE UP, THE first thing I do is reach out for Angel and Creed. When I pat the bed and it feels empty, my heart seizes in my chest prompting me to spring upright. My eyes dart around the bedroom and I strain to listen for Angel’s or Creed, but I don’t hear either of them. The drapes covering the floor to ceiling glass windows are still drawn which is probably why I was able to sleep in as long as I did.

  I throw off the plush comforter and freeze at the sound of cooing. Walking
out of the bedroom, I push out of the open glass doors of the villa and I pad outside onto the deck. I pause, my eyes squinting, adjusting to the light. That’s when I see Creed and Angel, splayed out on a deck chair, overlooking the glistening, crystal blue water. It’s so clear and clean that I can practically see the ocean floor. I can even make out the multitude of colorful fish, swimming by each other in passing. I can make out the golden sand since we’re not deeply seated over the water.

  The view is incredible. The bright warm sun shining and glistening off the water. The tropical palm trees swaying with the warm breeze. It’s an oasis. It’s paradise. The realization that this little slice of land is ours is hard to process. How does one even go about owning an island? How the hell does it even work?

  I’m just glad we don’t have to worry about anyone coming here and hurting us. Everything is so private, so secluded, it makes it ten times easier to breathe. But what’s even better than the view of the golden sand and the gorgeous water? It’s watching my husband feed our son. It’s watching the way he cradles him against his chest and the way he stares down at him with so much love and protection in his eyes. I can feel it radiating all the way from here. My chest feels light as I watch them.

  I don’t know why it still surprises me whenever I see Creed do something fatherly. I always knew deep down he was going to make an amazing father, but that was just while I imagined it in my head but seeing it in real time? It’s…nothing short of incredible. He plays the role of dad better than most fathers do. He’s so at ease in his role. He makes it look so easy, like he’s been doing this his whole life. And I hate being one of those cliché women that see a man holding and caring for a baby and it makes them want to jump his bones, but I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t true. Every single time I see him with Angel, my heart beats faster and slower at the same time and my heart swells with that light, fluttery sensation. Not to mention I have to clamp my thighs together to stave off the overwhelming need to feel him make love to me. To feel his body against mine. And there I am, standing here ogling this gorgeous man as he cares for our son just so I can sleep.

  “There you are,” he says, snapping me out of the lust induced haze I always find myself in around him.

  I smile. “Thank you for letting me sleep.”

  He grins. “Hungry?” He must see the look on my face because he laughs. The sound is deep and carefree, it travels through my body. He quickly amends the question. “For food.”

  I trap my bottom lip between my teeth to keep from laughing and nod. “C’mon. Everyone else is already eating. I have plans for us anyway.”

  I raise my brows. “Oh, really? Like what?”

  “You’ll see.” He smirks.

  We have breakfast in the villa opposite of ours with everyone else. I sit back in my chair, savoring the delicious eggs benedict and gourmet French toast made with brioche, picking at the platter of fruit.

  I lean back in my chair, halfway through my meal, taking in the sight of everyone’s relaxed postures. Happy and content expressions on their faces as they enjoy breakfast, laughing at each other’s jokes. I take in how close Alexis and Jose are sitting, how they look at each other when they think no one else is looking. It’s not hard to miss the light that’s back in Kam’s eyes. The death of his childhood friend has been weighing on him, and for once, it seems like he’s finally starting to let go and accept. Monte and Clarence even seem more laid back than usual which is a miracle because they’re so much like Creed in the sense that it’s all work and no play.

  As I look around at all of them, I realize that this is what family is. This is our family. I may not have my parents anymore and Creed may not have his mother or even have a decent relationship with his father, but this is our family. The family we’re building for Angel. That warmth in my chest threatens to incinerate me.

  After breakfast, Creed tells me to get dressed and I do so quickly, wondering what his plans for us are. Taking a quick shower, I leave my hair down to dry and just slap on some sunscreen, doing the same to Angel. Creed takes Angel from me, shielding him from the sun as we walk.

  We leave the villa that hovers over the water, walking down the boarded pathway, through the sand on the beach. Up ahead, I see the shaded tent with chaises and a table in the center filled with drinks and snacks. When I glance back at Creed, his face gives nothing away and I smile, realizing this is what he had planned for us. A day on the beach with just the two of us and Angel. Our family.

  We spend the afternoon outside, under the shade, watching the water tease the shoreline. While Creed holds Angel, it gives me a chance to go for a swim. To just lay in the water, soaking up the sun. I sit in the sand, staring out at the gorgeous view and even though I don’t want to, I think of Finlay. There are such contradicting feelings I have toward the man. I hate him. I know I do, but there’s still a part of me that feels bad for him. Being here, somewhere tropical, it reminds me of him, when he took me, everything I had to endure at his hands. And even though I told Creed it wouldn’t bother me, I honestly wasn’t sure at the time, all I knew was I wanted to see if it would bother me. I wanted to see if I could forget Finlay and put the past behind me for good, but I can’t. All I keep picturing is his friendly face morphing into his vile alter ego, a woman’s brains spraying everywhere, shattering glass piercing my skin, running through the forest to protect myself, feeling consumed with pain. I don’t want those moments to taint my memory forever.

  A shadow approaches and when I turn, I see Creed holding Angel against his bare chest. His tattoos and scars are on full display. He has a little floppy hat on Angel’s head to shield him from the sun and it makes me smile.

  He takes a seat in the sand next to me, our son secured against his chest with one hand and a beautiful flower in his other. He leans in, pressing a kiss against my temple and he slips the flower behind my ear. I smile over at him. We stretch our legs out on the sand, the only thing getting wet is our feet as the warm water teases our toes.

  “You’re thinking.” He observes. He always does seem to know when I have something on my mind. I look down at the golden sand beneath me, picking up a handful and letting it glide through my fingers.

  “Yeah,” I sigh. “I am.”

  He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he shifts with Angel in his arms and waits for me to open up to him first.

  “Do you think it’ll ever go away? Do you think there will ever be a day when I don’t think about him? About all of them?”

  I turn toward him, searching his expression. He keeps his face blank, but even as good as he is at hiding his emotion, I still see the firm press of his lips. The muscle in his jaw ticking at the mere mention of Finlay. But I feel like this needs to be talked about. Ever since that day, we never discuss him. No one does. We pretend like he never existed and I don’t want to do that, because the truth is. He did exist. He killed my parents. Almost killed my son. He is the cause of most of my nightmares.

  Creed is silent for a long time, so silent, I don’t think he’s going to say anything, but much to my surprise he does. He tears his gaze away from the water to look at me.

  “I don’t know, Sophia. I wish I could take it away. I don’t want you to have to think about him ever. If I could hurt him all over again for what he’s done, I would. I know that’s not what you want to hear.”

  I laugh under my breath, shaking my head because that’s such a Creed thing to say.

  “I just…I don’t want to think about him for the rest of my life, I don’t want to associate him with beautiful islands because I was trapped on one with him. I don’t want to think about him and everything he could’ve taken from me when I look at Angel and when I look at you, and when I see my brother.”

  His next words shock me.

  “Maybe you do. Maybe you need to remember it all, accept it all to realize what you have. How far you’ve come. Because now you have all of it. Your strength is beyond anything I’ve ever known. If there’s anyone who can put it b
ehind them and move on. It’s you, angel.”

  A tear slips down my cheek and when I look at him, look into his silver depths, I can tell he’s telling the truth. He really thinks this is how strong I am. He really sees me in the brightest light.

  “You’re right. Because even though he took so much from me, he didn’t take this,” I say, looking down at our son then back up at him. “And this…it’s the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. It’s the only thing that matters.”

  Angel starts to coo in his dad’s arms, growing bored. “Isn’t it, you little cutie? Aren’t you just the cutest little man in the world?”

  “I love you.” The intensity with which he regards me as he says it makes my stomach flip. My heart pounds erratically in my chest and as if that’s not enough, fire roars through my veins. Reaching up toward his face, I cup his cheek in my hand.

  “It’s only ever been you.”

  I lean my head against his shoulder, staring out at the water with him at my side. I don’t think I’ve felt more at peace. Back in Chicago, there’s always a threat, always a worry over someone and here, it’s just paradise.

  “I wish we could stay here forever.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I pick my head up off his shoulder, my brows tugging into a frown as I look up at him.

  “What are you apologizing for?”

  “You both deserve better than this. This life. I keep trying to find a way around it. A way to ensure your safety without giving you up.”

  My chest squeezes in a vise. “I don’t want that. I just want you, Creed. You’re exactly what we need. You’re our protector. I knew what I was getting myself into with you. I get it. I’ve seen it first hand, and you know what?” I say, pausing as I search his expression. “That doesn’t change anything. I still want this. I still want you. No matter what. Through thick and thin, baby. I love you.” I wipe away the stray tear that leaks out of the corner of my eye. “Do I wish our circumstances were different? Yes, of course. I wish we had this luxury of safety all the time for Angel. But I know, deep inside, with every fiber of my being, you’d protect our son with your life, you’ve shown me time and time again that you’d do the same for me. So even though life in Chicago is going to be hard. Even though we’re going to have our own trials, it’s worth it. Because at the end of the day, I have you and I have him,” I say, pointedly looking down at our son who is sleeping so peacefully in his dad’s arms.