Love and Chaos

by S. M. Soto

  I let out a whimper, fisting the collar of his dress shirt in my hands. I dive into his neck, breathing against his skin as I graze my lips back and forth whispering naughty things.

  “Jesus,” he gasps, hooking an arm under my knee and yanking my ass into him, fucking harder as he lets his head fall back.

  “Yes!” I yell out, his cock hitting deeper and my thigh aching from where his hand is gripping it.

  Fire starts to pool low in my belly and another orgasm crests.

  “Creed,” I moan, rolling my hips and riding his cock as grunts and pants tumble past my lips. The room is filled with our breathing and groaning and the sound of his skin smacking mine. Pleasure builds between my legs, my muscles burning. I squeeze my eyes shut letting him fuck me as my orgasm opens up and spreads apart, bursting inside my womb and flooding my body and brain.

  I hang limply in Creed’s arms, holding onto him. He walks me into the bathroom like he didn’t just fuck the absolute shit out of me twice tonight. Creed sets me down in the bath, turning on the jets in the huge tub and instructs I get in.

  We both lay in the tub, letting our bodies soak. When I start to grow tired, falling asleep against his chest, he helps me out, carrying me to the bed. I watch him through bleary eyes as he dresses then disappears.

  When he comes back to bed, with Angel snuggled into his arms. I smile, my heart brimming with love, feeling whole. We fall asleep, just like a regular family.

  JUST LIKE BEFORE THE WEDDING, I keep up with tradition. I strap Angel to my chest again and we take a walk through the hedge maze, his little body nestled against mine with the baby carrier. I sit out by the fountain again for a while, waiting to see if Matteo will ever show. I wait to see if he’ll want to spend time with his grandson again, but he doesn’t. I can’t help but feel a wave of sadness. I want my son to know his grandfather. To have a bond with him. At least some kind of relationship. I thought that day out here, I thought that’s what Matteo wanted too, but maybe I was wrong.

  It’s been a few days since we returned from our honeymoon in the Maldives and I’ve been trying to readjust to the time change and the threats we deal with here every day. We’re a world away from that private island. But I meant what I said to Creed out there. I’d take this life with him over anything else.

  My husband is already back to working for Matteo. We’re slowly settling back into the routine we had before our honeymoon. Truth be told, I already miss the bright blue sky, the golden sand and the warm water.

  I’m just about to get up and leave, giving up on Matteo ever showing up when he walks outside, his eyes on Angel.

  “I didn’t think you’d come.”

  He shrugs.

  “Me either.” His response and his reaction is so much like his son’s, it makes me do a double take.

  Just like he did last time, he takes a seat right next to me, and I unstrap Angel. Matteo gently takes him in his arms, cradling him. Watching him.

  He smiles.

  “Diavolo used to do this thing when he was baby. He’d cry in everyone else’s arms except his mother. With me, he’d fuss, but he wouldn’t cry as much, but with Valentina? He just…knew he was safe. He was a momma’s boy. Through and through. I could already tell.”

  I press my lips together contemplatively before asking.

  “Is that why you pushed him so hard?”

  He slowly drags his gaze away from Angel to look up at me and I clear my throat nervously, second guessing myself and my questions.

  “I don’t know everything, but from the scars on his body, I can guess what his childhood was like.” I wring my hands together, growing antsy at the topic. Not even Creed talks about it, I don’t know why I’m trying to get anything out of his father. “Why would you do that to him? He was just a child.”

  “And now he’s a man with a family to protect. I only did to him what my father did to me. It was a lesson. It was training. I did what I had to do to protect him.”

  “Hurting him wasn’t protecting him, Matteo,” I whisper.

  He scoffs and shakes his head like I don’t understand. He looks down at Angel then drags his eyes across the garden. “You wouldn’t understand this life. There are things we have to do. Things we don’t want to do in order to survive. To stay on top.”

  “And hurting your son was the only way to stay on top?” I ask, unable to ignore the surge of anger I feel for Creed. I want to protect him. I wish like hell, I could go back and save him from his childhood, but that’s not the way life works.

  “No. It made him stronger. Do you think any other person would be able to survive this life? Survive multiple wounds that should’ve been fatal? Be able to stitch themselves up without passing out? Be able to burn the entire world down looking for the woman he loves? Do you think if I never did any of that, he would be the same person? I guarantee you, he wouldn’t. He would’ve ended up just like my brother. A chip on his shoulder, thinking he deserved to take over. A spoiled little shit who loses himself in whores. That is what he would’ve become. I can guarantee you that.”

  I sit quietly, hating that on some level, he’s right. Creed is who he is because of his past. And as much as I’d like to change it and make it better, would he even want that? It’s not that I want him to be a different person, because I love the man he is already, but there’s a part of me that wishes I can take his pain from him.

  Matteo and I sit for a while longer. He holds Angel, just staring down at him, enjoying his company. When he starts getting fussy again, he hands him back and heads inside. It happens like clockwork after that.

  For the next month, we make this a routine. There isn’t a set time or even certain days we come out, because Matteo always knows where we are. Every day is something different. A different story, a different memory. Slowly, Matteo is peeling back his layers, just like his son did, showing me the man beyond the suit with the cold exterior. I can finally see now, beyond his looks why Valentina fell for him. They’re all the same reasons I’m in love with Creed.

  Matteo sits in the rocking chair in Angel’s nursery, and after changing his diaper, I hand him back over to him. I love that my son will be able to connect with one of his grandparents. Everyone else might be gone, but it’s important to me, for my son to have a normal family, a normal life. Well, as normal as it can be when his grandfather is Don and his dad is a mafia prince.

  “Did Valentina want a lot of kids?”

  Matteo swallows thickly. I hear the sound resonate throughout the room. “Yes and no. She wanted to have a big family. It’s an Italian thing. But she knew what kind of life we lived. She was afraid. Rightfully so.”

  “I guess I can relate to that. I’ve always wanted a big family. I still do. But with everything that has happened. Everything that could’ve happened while I gave birth to Angel. I’m afraid.”

  He nods but doesn’t say anything. I’m sure he understands my dilemma, but it’s not in him to apologize for me being in this life. I’m just about to ask him about Valentina’s family and where they are now when the bedroom door suddenly bangs open crashing into the wall. Angel startles in Matteo’s arms and immediately starts crying. We whip our heads toward the door and my stomach drops when I see Creed, his face pinched with anger. Nostrils flaring and his chest heaving as he watches Matteo holding his son.

  “Creed…” I start, but he swings his gaze to mine and I flinch at the burning anger there.

  “Take him. Now.”

  “Creed. It’s fine just—”

  “Take him!”

  I flinch at his tone and take Angel from Matteo’s arms. I glance up at him, trying to apologize, but he gives me a knowing look. He expected this reaction from his son.

  “Soph! Is everything…” Alexis halts at the door, taking in the hostile scene. Her eyes dart to mine, filled with questions, but I subtly shake my head. She knows I’ll fill her in later, just not right now.

  “Can you take Angel for me?”

  “Of course.” She
slips past Creed’s hulking form and takes Angel into her arms. Once she leaves the room, I steel myself. I take a deep, steadying breath and turn to Creed with my hands placed firmly on my hips.

  “Creed, you need to calm down. You can’t—”

  Creed takes a threatening step toward Matteo, jabbing his finger toward him. “We had a fucking deal. You were supposed to stay the fuck away from my family. Come near them again and I’ll fucking kill—”

  My eyes widen. “Creed!” I yell, cutting him off. “Stop it. Would you just stop for one fucking second?”

  “No! I don’t want him near my son,” he fires back. His rage permeating the air. “You will not allow this shit again.”

  Matteo slips out of the room as our fight escalates, shutting the door behind him and I turn on Creed, trying to restrain my anger.

  “Hey, you don’t get to do that!” I yell. “You don’t get to order me around like I’m one of these soldiers. I am your wife!”

  “How hard is it for you to understand I don’t want him around Angel?”

  “That’s his grandson, Creed! He has a right to spend time with him! Do you really want to take that option away from your son?”

  Creed rakes a frustrated hand through his hair. “Do you want Angel sucked into this world. Because that’s what will happen if you don’t stop this.”

  “I have a say in this too, you know. I’m the one who brings him to see him. The one who initiated. I’m the one who wants my son to know who his grandfather is. That’s his only grandparent!”

  “And I don’t!” he shouts, banging his fist against the dresser, rattling it. I flinch at the force of it. “I don’t want that man near him. This isn’t up for fucking discussion!”

  My chest heaves with anger. “I understand the hate you have for Matteo, Creed. I get it. I do.” I soften my tone. “What he did to you when you were growing up is unspeakable, I get. It. I may not understand his reasoning or agree with anything he does, but when he’s with Angel, he is not that man. He is just someone who wants to see his grandson. He talks about your mother. He talks about what it was like when you were a child—”

  “I never got to be a child,” he shouts back. “I was always a pawn. Always a weapon. Someone to mold into a fucking soldier. There’s nothing redeeming in him.”

  “Nothing redeeming? He took a bullet for me, Creed. For me and Angel. He saved us. Did you forget about that?”

  “That doesn’t change what he’s done or what he will continue to do.”

  “Creed, would you just listen to me plea—”

  “That’s enough, Sophia. He’s not coming around our son.” His tone is cold and final.

  With that, he storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I jolt and my chin quivers as I try to contain my emotions.

  Letting a few tears slip free, I wipe them away angrily with the back of my hand before I go looking for Alexis. When I walk inside her room, I see her playing with Angel. There’s no doubt in my mind she heard everything, our room may be on the south wing, but it doesn’t mean the noise doesn’t travel. Alexis pats the spot beside her on the bed.

  “C’mon. Sit down and give this little guy some milk, then we’ll talk.”

  Heaving a sigh, I nod my head in acquiescence. Scooping Angel in my arms, I rub my fingers along his soft skin, wondering if I made the right choice. It’s not like I left Matteo with him alone, I just wanted him to meet his grandfather. Spend time with him. I just wanted to give my son a normal life. But something else is nagging at me though. I’ve never seen Creed get worked up over something dare I say so…trivial? He seemed agitated. Like he was already angry about something. I can chalk it up to what he saw today, but I feel like there’s something else going on. Something he’s keeping from me.

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Soph. He’s just trying to protect his son.”

  “I know,” I sigh.

  I drop my head back onto the pillows of her bed, staring up at the ceiling while Angel eats, trying to figure out how to fix this. I don’t want Creed angry with me and I know the best thing for me to do right now is give him his space so he can cool off.

  For the next hour and a half, I sit with my best friend while I finish feeding Angel and give him a nap. I listen to her talk about Jose, her family back home. She even mentioned she was bringing him back to California for the holidays with her family. I had to shoot her a glare. She purposely didn’t let her family come to my wedding because she didn’t want them to know and she’s bringing Jose over anyway?

  She was going to make it up to me somehow. That was for sure.

  Once the sun starts to set and I still haven’t heard from creed or any of the other guys, I set out to look for him with Angel strapped to my chest. We walk through the whole estate and I pause in front of the murals down the hall, letting Angel gaze at each one. His eyes take everything in with a wide innocence.

  Eventually I find Creed in the garden, just like I knew I would. I think walking around the estate with Angel was just me working up the courage to find him after our explosive fight earlier.

  “Hey.” My voice is wary as I approach him. He’s just standing out here, his hands stuffed into his pockets. He hasn’t been wearing a suit lately, he’s been dressed in his signature jeans, boots, and t-shirt which means he’s been getting physical. That might explain why he was so upset earlier.

  Creed turns toward me at the sound of my voice. His eyes drop to Angel and something passes over his features. He looks tired. Now that I’m taking all of him in, his face is lined with stress.

  My brows tug down, the question on the tip of my tongue.

  Before I can ask what’s wrong, he blows out a sigh and closes the distance between us. With a gentle touch that is so unlike the man, so at odds with all the anger he showed earlier, he caresses our sleepy little man’s cheek before doing the same to mine. I lean into his touch, my heart twinging and my lashes fluttering against my cheek. I’d never tire of this. Of him. Of feeling his skin on mine.

  Even if he does drive me insane.

  “I’m sorry.”

  The apology has my eyes peeling open. Sadness fills my chest.

  “Me too.” I blow out a sigh, the tension ebbing away. “I don’t want you to feel like we were doing it behind your back. I just…felt bad for him. I’ve seen the way he is with him Creed. The way he looks down at him. The way he talks about your mother. He feels. And I know you don’t want to believe it, but he does.”

  Creed’s eyes slam shut and the muscles in his jaw tick while he grinds his teeth together. “You can’t leave him alone with Angel. Ever. And when he gets older, he’ll be the one to decide if he wants Matteo in his life or not, not us.”

  A soft smile spreads across my face. It’s progress. I’d take that over him being angry with me and Matteo.

  “I promise.”

  “I love you.” He leans in pressing his lips against mine then dips down, kissing our son on his head.

  “I love you too. So much.”

  Creed kisses me and it’s a kiss I feel all the way down to my toes. Wrapping around my heart and filling my chest with so much love, I can barely contain it. When he pulls back, my entire body stills, dread filling my body at the expression on his face.

  “I’m being indicted.”

  Fear claws at my chest, stilling my heart. A lump forms in my throat and I shake my head, my eyes burning with tears. “No,” I choke.

  That explains it.

  Why he looks so tired. Why he’s so agitated.

  Why didn’t he tell me?

  “They can’t…no, Creed. They can’t take you from us.” My chin quivers, and I clamp my teeth into the flesh of my bottom lip, holding in the sob that’s threatening to escape.

  “The prosecutor looked over the file the FBI had on me; apparently, she thinks she can convince the grand jury I’m guilty enough to put me away.”

  My heart pounds violently, the blood roaring through my ears, making his voice so
und like its underwater. I can’t believe this is happening. They…they don’t understand. He’s a good person. How could Matteo let this happen?

  Creed slides his calloused hand up my nape to cup my cheeks, he swipes my cheeks and I realize I’m crying. I didn’t even notice.

  “I’m going to fix this,” he whispers roughly, leaning into me. he presses his forehead down on mine, crowding Angel into our chests.

  “How?”

  “There’s only one FBI agent still running my case, David Kincaid. He was the only agent the guys weren’t able to find. But maybe we weren’t looking for him in the right places.” My brows pull down in confusion. If they hadn’t found him before, why is he so sure he’s going to find him now?

  “When is all this supposed to happen?”

  Creed tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’d imagine soon. But I’m going to end them before that happens. I’m not going anywhere. You understand me?”

  His silver eyes pierce mine and I see the determination boiling behind them. I nod, my chin wobbling and fall into his arms, careful of Angel.

  I can’t lose Creed. Not now. Not ever.

  We were a family and I wouldn’t let anyone try to tear us apart.

  I SCAN THE DOCUMENTS ON my desk one last time, trying to make sense of it all. I eye each of the files, sifting through the contents. Scott is no longer an issue or even a factor. It’s this bigger individual, David Kincaid. Now he’s the problem. Whatever this agent with the bureau has against me, he won’t be satisfied until I’m locked up.

  He’s working tirelessly to see me indicted for crimes that are considered big, in the eyes of the law, but men in my position, within the mob, have gotten off Scott free with charges that were a lot worse.

  It just doesn’t seem right. He’s gone through unrealistic lengths to plant evidence at my feet. To make me look like a villain. But even with all that, he’d have to know getting me into prison wouldn’t be that easy. There’s something else I’m missing. He’s gotta be someone higher up in the FBI. Someone who wants to believe he’s doing good in the world, but really, he’s just abusing power. And generally, politicians and enforcement that abuse power are bad seeds. They want to get away with their own agendas and in this case, I think I finally understand what is happening.