Love and Chaos

by S. M. Soto

  Four years later.

  “SOPH, WOULD YOU HURRY UP. Everyone is waiting!”

  “I’m coming!” I yell back in exasperation.

  My brother has been yelling on the other side of the bedroom door every five minutes since I started getting ready. I glance down at my phone resting on the marble vanity. I tap the screen to check the time and roll my eyes.

  He’s such a spaz. We’re on time, and of course, Garrett being Garrett, he’s freaking out. Quite possibly more than I am. I check my reflection in the mirror one last time. I pause. My hands curl around the marble sink, and I coach myself to inhale and exhale.

  “You can do this. You can do this.”

  When I feel less like I’m going to vomit, I grab my phone and clutch off the vanity and shut the lights off, padding into the bedroom. Alexis whirls around when she sees me, a bright smile lighting her tan face. She came down to visit just for this, and I couldn’t be any happier. I’ve needed her girl talks.

  “Well, look at you.”

  I turn for show, smoothing my hands down the emerald green gown. “What do you think? Do I look okay, or is too much? Should I change? It’s too form-fitting, isn’t it?”

  Lex rolls her eyes. “Stop it. You look like a million bucks. Literally,” she says, pointedly looking at my designer dress, heels and jewelry.

  I place my hands on my stomach, trying to quell the nerves about tonight. I’ve been prepping for this moment, for tonight for almost thirteen months now. The long hours, the long nights with Creed’s help and we’ve finally made it happen.

  I grab my shawl off the leather chaise and walk out of our bedroom, finding my brother pacing impatiently. I stifle my laughter. He looks more nervous about tonight than I do, if that’s even possible. He’s dressed in a tux, his hair, now a little grown out—no longer with the military cut—is slicked back, his face now sporting a beard that he keeps close to his skin. He looks so different, yet, still so much like the overbearing brother I grew up with.

  “Got everything?”

  I nod because my throat feels too tight to speak. Allowing him to take my arm he helps me down the staircase with my gown.

  “Nervous?” he asks, once we’re out the doors and I’m climbing into the backseat of the SUV with Alexis.

  I swallow thickly and nod. Trying to tamp down the nervousness that is rising all over again. His own nervous energy isn’t helping matters.

  “I look okay, right? You don’t think it’s too much? Lex said I looked fine but—”

  “You look incredible, Soph. You’ve worked your ass off for this, don’t second guess yourself now.”

  I inhale a shaky breath, knowing he’s right. “What about everyone else?” I ask, trying to change the subject and get my mind off the rampant anxiety flowing through my veins.

  “Already there waiting for us,” he replies instantly, putting me at ease. I tug the seatbelt across my body and settle in. I stare out the window, not really seeing anything the entire drive over. It helps quell the nervousness. That is until Vincenzo and Giovanni pull the car outside the Soldier Field’s United Club. There’s a slew of other vehicles all lined up before the makeshift red carpet. There are cameras and reporters in a few news vans here to report on the event.

  My brother helps me out of the car, and I clasp onto him for dear life. Once my foot hits the cement, all cameras swing toward me and congratulations and questions of all sorts are thrown my way. It could be because this event, this gala, was my idea, or it also could be because I’m six months pregnant. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was because I was pregnant. Heavy security surrounds me as I’m led inside the venue, and once I take it all in, everything I’ve been breaking my back for, tears spring to my eyes.

  After everything that has happened, I wanted to do something in the world to give back, to help others who have been victims of human trafficking and sex trafficking. With Creed’s help, we did tons of research, and eventually, I decided to open a foundation for men, women, and children who have had to experience the horrors of trafficking. For the people who have experienced, first-hand, just how vile the world can be. But I also wanted to create a foundation—something to show all of them what I know to be true. Not everyone is evil. You have to find the good with the bad, and this? This was my way to do good. By helping these people find the good over all the bad. By giving back to these people. And it all started with tonight, with The Sophia CareAct.

  We teamed up with a few other well-known foundations like, Polaris, Destiny Rescue, and the Human Trafficking Foundation, all with one cause in mind, to bring more awareness and to help others. The turn out tonight is better than I could’ve ever hoped for. I’d hoped it was because of the subject, but I’m sure my husband, the mafia don of Chicago, has a lot of sway with politician’s and all the elite, not just in Chicago, but globally. It probably helps that Mayor Eric Rawlings is still a puppet under my husband and my father-in-law’s thumb.

  After he paid in full for the reconstruction of our home, a bigger estate than the previous one, I started getting suspicious. I didn’t know how things in Chicago went, but I was pretty sure in California, I’d never seen or heard of anything like this happening. And I was right. Creed told me what he had done to that poor girl and who knows how many others after her. So if torturing the mayor was what Creed wanted to do, I turned a blind eye. It wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it.

  Garrett leads me through the throngs of people. I stop to shake hands with men and women, even dish out hugs here and there to a few others I’ve met on more than one occasion to prep for tonight.

  A wide grin breaks out across my face when I spot the table with my family. Tears spring to my eyes when I realize everyone came here to support me tonight.

  “Mommy!” Angel cheers once I’m closer to the table. Everyone turns and my sweet boy runs to me for some kisses. I give everyone a hug at the table, thanking them for coming. I’m actually surprised the guys found the time. About three years ago, Garrett, Jose, and Kam all went in together to create a private security company. It was nothing like HawkFire. This business was their baby and it was totally legit. They had two main hubs. One here in Chicago and another in California where they all usually split their time.

  Creed’s warm hand slides around my stomach from behind, pulling me against his body, leaning into me. He presses a soft kiss against my neck, his warm breath ghosts across my skin, sending a shiver down my spine.

  “You look good enough to eat.”

  I laugh at the husky whisper. And, as if on cue, Nico starts crying in Matteo’s arms. Before my son can start making a scene—you know, terrible two’s and all—I take him from Matteo and hold him.

  Magdalene presses a kiss against my cheek in hello, and she whispers how proud of me she is. Surprisingly, Wulferic even gives me a hug of congratulations. The man is just like Creed. Dark and formidable.

  We all enjoy dinner together, something we haven’t done in a while, using this time to catch up before I have to go up on the stage and give my speech. It’s just supposed to be a quick thank you and a rundown of the Sophia CareAct’s mission, but I’m still nervous as hell. I haven’t even been able to sleep these last few days, that’s how riddled with nerves I’ve been.

  As if sensing it, Creed places his hand on my thigh, the warmth emanating from his touch scorches through my dress. He squeezes gently, reassuringly.

  “You’re going to be amazing.”

  A grunt escapes my throat. “You have to say that, you’re my husband.”

  Creed leans in, chuckling. “And I would know, wouldn’t I?”

  I look up at him, searching his eyes. His hand slides around my nape, and he tugs me into him, kissing me. Helping me forget why I’m so nervous in the first place. All I can seem to focus on is him.

  I exhale a deep breath before stepping up to the microphone. I can feel all three hundred gazes on me up here, practically searing into me. I swallow my nerves, and instead of reading of
f the note cards before me, I speak from the heart.

  “I want to thank everyone for coming here tonight. It means the world to me that so many of you are willing to stand behind these victims and are willing to put an end to trafficking worldwide, once and for all. I started The Sophia CareAct because I too experienced trafficking first-hand. I also have a very close friend who experienced it first-hand.” I make eye contact with Alexis in the audience, and she swipes under her eyes, a proud smile on her lips as she watches me. “We both witnessed the horrors of what happens during trafficking. But unlike most men and women, she made it out on the other side. I made it out on the other side. And that was because of my husband.”

  I seek out his gaze in the crowd, finding him immediately. Warmth fills my chest and my chin wobbles with emotion as I stare at the man I love. The man that has given me the world and then some. That warmth in my chest spreads, intensifying when I see Angel sitting on one side of his lap and our son Nicolas sitting on his other.

  My chest swells with so much love, I find it hard getting the next words past my lips. I place a hand to my swollen stomach.

  “Unlike most victims, I was able to move on after what happened and was lucky enough to start a family. I want everyone else to have a chance at their own fresh start too. And all that starts today. I’m proud to say The Sophia CareAct has raised over five million dollars tonight, and we thank you all, for supporting the cause and supporting these individuals. We’ll strive for greatness, finding homes, jobs, safe environments for these men, women and children to recover. I thank you. From the bottom of my heart.”

  Applause erupts. It’s so loud, it makes my chest rattles with pride. With a wave to everyone, I turn seeking out Matteo and Giovanni. They both help me down from the stage and I can feel how proud Matteo is. He places a fatherly hand on my shoulder and squeezes.

  “Valentina would be so proud of you, princessa.”

  My chest aches at his words. I don’t even bother hiding the tear that escapes. Security surrounds me all the way back to my family’s table, the ever-present danger of what Creed does for a living, still alive and well.

  Last year, Matteo officially handed the reins over to Creed, and even though I was scared shitless—still am—they’ve cleaned up the activities within the famiglia.

  All the way back to the table, everyone stops to congratulate me on the success of tonight. Once I finally get through everyone, making it to the table, everyone stands, clapping, and Creed pulls me into his arms, planting an open-mouthed kiss right there in front of everyone. My sweet little Angel wraps his arms around my leg squeezing. I pull away from Creed and look down at my little man.

  “Angelito!” I scoop my baby into my arms even though he isn’t a baby anymore. He wraps his legs around me, careful not to hurt my bump, and he presses kisses to my face. He’s the most loving little boy. As if on cue, Nico starts crying, begging for me to share the love with him too. I lean into his face, nuzzling my nose with his and peppering him with kisses. He giggles, leaning into his daddy’s chest. My three favorite boys.

  The rest of the guys crowd us. Monte and Clarence each give me a hug, telling me how proud they are of me. The same goes with Kam, Jose and the rest of the guys. My brother and Lex are the last to congratulate me. When Lex pulls me into a hug, I feel her gratitude because this means the world to her too. This is just as much her baby as it is mine.

  As I look around the table at everyone, I realize this is what family is. These people are all my family. And with our new addition that will be here in just a few more months, we’ll keep growing and growing.

  “I knew you’d do great tonight, Angel. You’re fucking incredible, you know that, right?” Creed breathes the words into my neck, pressing warm kisses that send tingles up and down my spine. It’s probably indecent, but I truly don’t care, this man always makes me forget where I am. My love for him and our family expanding each day.

  He is chaos, and I fucking love him.

  Six years later.

  I RUN THE BRUSH THROUGH the long strands of wet inky black hair. I take the towel, wringing out some of the excess moisture. She’s surprisingly still as she lets me run the brush through it. It’s such a rare occurrence.

  “Mommy?” Camilla’s little voice asks. I stop brushing my daughter’s hair and shift.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “I really miss Papa Teo.” Her little voice is sad, and it brings tears to my eyes. It’s been almost a year since Matteo passed away. The kids were devastated when they lost their grandfather, but it seemed my little Camilla was taking it the hardest. Matteo and Camilla shared a bond that he didn’t have with the boys. Yeah, he loved them with all his heart, but since Camilla was our only girl, she clung to Creed and Matteo, and I think Matteo thrived on it. He spoiled her completely rotten.

  “I know, sweet girl. Mommy misses him too.” I press a kiss against her chubby little cheek.

  “I think my daddy misses him too.” She sighs.

  I smile. She such a little daddy’s girl.

  “Oh, yeah?” I ask, returning to brushing out the knots in her hair. “Why is that?”

  “Because sometimes when I bring up Papa Teo, he looks sad. Just like he looks sad when we talk about Nonna Valentina.”

  This is surprising because even though Creed and Matteo’s relationship got a little better over the years, they still didn’t have the best relationship. It was hot and cold.

  “Well,” I sigh. “That was Daddy’s dad, so it’s normal. It’s okay when you feel sad for the people you lose sometimes.”

  She’s silent for a while as I finish brushing her hair after her bath. The boys showered earlier, but my little girl still loved playing with her barbies in the bath; she said she wasn’t quite up to showers yet. That was fine by me.

  “Mommy?” Camilla prompts again.

  “Hmmm?” I hum.

  “Can I have a little sister? Please?”

  A laugh bubbles up my throat. “Are you sure? You won’t be the baby anymore if that happens, you know that, right?”

  She pouts. “I’m not a baby, Mommy, I’m five years old. My daddy and Uncle Garrett always say I’m a big girl.” I roll my eyes. Yeah, I’m sure they do. “I really want a baby sister, Mommy. So, I can play with her and dress her up like my barbies.”

  I frown. “Camilla, having a baby sister isn’t like having a doll. She’s not for dress up. Babies are lots of work.”

  “Well,” she starts, with a haughtiness in her tone. I honestly don’t know where she gets all this sass from. “My daddy always says I can have whatever I want, and I told him I want a baby sister already.”

  I laugh. “Oh, did you now? And what ever did your daddy say?”

  “My daddy said he was trying. That he wants you to have a school bus filled with babies for all of us. Can we have a school bus of little bruvers and sister’s, Mommy?”

  I shake my head, trying to hold in my laugh.

  Freaking Creed.

  Camilla shifts in my lap, turning her head to look up at me. Eyes that are just as bright as her dad’s stare up at me, but everything else is all me. She’s like a clone of me when I was a child, though, I still haven’t figured out who the attitude is from because it sure in the hell isn’t me.

  I swipe the stray hairs off her heart-shaped face, caressing her little cheek. I lean into her, a mischievous smile on my face.

  “Can I tell you a secret?” I whisper. Her eyes light up and she leans in, all ears. “I don’t know if you’re having a little sister, but Mommy is pregnant. It could be a boy or a girl. Is that okay?”

  Camilla grins. It stretches across her entire face. “That’s okay, Mommy. Can I tell Daddy? He’s gonna be so happy. My daddy says he likes it when you’re pregnant.”

  I shake my head, laughing. “I’m sure he does, sweetness. And yes, you can tell him later, once Daddy gets home.”

  I start French braiding Camilla’s hair. If there’s one thing about this wild child, it�
�s if her hair is down, it somehow always finds its way into her food and almost everything else.

  “You know what my tito Jose told me, Mommy?” my little chatterbox asks again, unable to sit in silence for long. “He told me when I get older, if any boys try to talk to me, all da boys in my family were gonna dig the holes six feet under. I want to help them dig the holes too, Mommy.”

  I scowl.

  Looks like I’ll need to have a talk with Jose about what he says in front of Camilla. She’s a sponge this one.

  “Oh no. You don’t need to dig any holes. That’s for sure.”

  She shrugs. “You know what else my—”

  Jesus. My sweet girl could talk for days.

  “Okay, baby.” I pat her butt, sending her off my lap.

  “I’m telling Daddy now!” she says, already running out of the room. She crashes into a tall, lanky body on the way out. Angel lets out the breath she knocked out of him, steadying her as she runs by.

  “Did you know we’re gonna have a little bruver or sister?” she asks him excitedly, not even waiting for a response before running off.

  So much for keeping it a secret.

  Angel raises an eyebrow in question, and I smile. “It was supposed to be a secret until I could tell your dad and all of you guys together, but you know your little sister.”

  Angel smirks, and when he does it, he looks so much like Creed, it scares the absolute shit out of me. In just a few months he he’ll be turning eleven and I don’t know how the hell to handle it. He’s my first born, and he’ll always be a baby to me.

  “What’s up, Angelito?” I ask, pushing off the bed in our bedroom, setting Camilla’s brush on the nightstand.

  “Can me and Nico box with Uncle Garrett and Uncle Jose in the gym? Wulferic is here too.”

  I nibble on my bottom lip. Not really sure I should let him hang around the guys while they’re boxing “I don’t know, Angel. Maybe you should wait until your dad gets home and ask him.”