Between You and I

by Beth D. Carter

  Just thinking of him brought a smile to her face. When they couldn’t be together, they were texting or talking on the phone. It was a unique friendship she found herself in, one that had come to mean a lot to her.

  Portia excitedly barked from her cage as Madeline opened the front door. Once the alarm was disengaged, she opened the cage and laughed as the dog jumped around her before racing toward the back door. Madeline let her outside to stretch her legs and take care of business.

  Madeline headed upstairs. In her bathroom, she removed her scrubs and tossed them into the clothes hamper before starting the shower. As she tested the temperature of the water, her cell phone rang. Thinking it had to be Hunter, she answered without looking at the caller ID.

  “Hello?” she greeted.

  “Hello, Madeline.”

  Shock flashed through her at the sound of Kevin’s voice. It had been over a year since she’d last heard it, when he was saying good-bye, and the remembered pain from that moment rolled through her once more.

  “Madeline? Are you there?” he asked.

  She cleared her throat, forcing the words out. “Yeah. What do you want, Kevin?”

  “I’ve moved,” he said. “Started unpacking boxes. Found something of yours.”

  She couldn’t, for the life of her, think what he could possibly have that warranted communication. “What is it?”

  “I think you should come over and get it. I think it’s valuable to you.”

  Madeline was aware that she should be saying something more. Saying “fuck off” or something equally as scathing, but her brain had shut down. Once again, he had the power to pull her apart and it shattered her self-confidence.

  “Text me your address,” she whispered. “I’ll come by tomorrow morning.”

  “Perfect,” Kevin replied. “See you tomorrow. Around ten?”

  “Yeah.”

  The line went dead. Madeline’s knees gave out and she sat heavily on the closed toilet seat, shaking. A few seconds later, a text came through. An address. She stared at it until the letters and the numbers blurred together from the tears filling her eyes.

  ****

  Every time the door to Lucky’s opened, Hunter couldn’t help but look, hoping to see Madeline come striding through the door. It had been a week since their amazing time together last weekend, and all he wanted to do was hold her and reassure himself it hadn’t been a fantastic hallucination.

  “Man, you are completely gone,” John muttered to him.

  Hunter looked at his friend. “Takes one to know one.”

  John sighed. “Yeah. But Madeline is way less prickly than Lacey. I can’t even get the woman to take a house key. Says it’s a little crowded with Jason and Jake under the same roof.”

  “Perhaps it’s time you moved out,” Hunter suggested.

  “Perhaps. It’s gotta be worth it.”

  Just then the door opened and Lacey walked in, followed by Madeline. Hunter’s heart sped up as happiness washed through him.

  “The right woman is definitely worth it,” Hunter murmured.

  “You may be right,” John replied softly.

  Lacey gave a little squeal and rushed over to hug John. Madeline was a little slower, taking her time. Immediately, he could tell something was off with her. A droop to her shoulders. A hardness bracketing her mouth. It gave her a brittle look, making her very easy to read, at least to him. Then she saw him and her eyes lit up, melting some of the ice, and just like that, whatever seemed to be bothering her disappeared.

  He wrapped her in his arms, pressing her tight against him. “You okay?” he asked.

  “I’m perfect now,” she replied. “Ready for your team to get their asses whipped again?”

  “Care to place another wager?”

  She pulled back. One eyebrow arched as she regarded him. “Dinner. Your grandmother’s raviolis against my mother’s meat loaf.”

  “You’ve got yourself a bet there, little lady.”

  She settled in the seat next to him. During the game, she laughed and teased, and while he went along with her, he couldn’t forget the momentary look of pain that had filled her eyes when she’d walked into the bar.

  Chapter Nine

  Madeline took a deep breath as she stared up at the elegant two-story house located within one of the more affluent communities of Las Vegas. She exited her car and bumped the door closed with her hip before heading up the walkway. She didn’t want to, but a small part of her admired the artfully trimmed flower garden around the front of the house. Having grass alone in Vegas was expensive, which was why most landscapes were nothing but stone. She rang the doorbell and waited for Kevin to answer it, all the while her heart thumped painfully in her chest. Of all the places in the world to be, this one was the least desirable.

  When he had called her the day before, saying he had found something that belonged to her, her first instinct was to hang up. After all, she’d done her mourning for their failed relationship. She didn’t need to walk back down memory lane. But he’d insisted she come to his new home and pick up whatever it was he’d found. If she were truthful with herself, she’d admit that a part of her wanted to see him. Not for any desire to reunite a lost love, but Madeline only agreed to the meeting to answer one little nagging question and that was to see if anything was left between them.

  Once upon a time, she had loved Kevin with an almost desperate need to make him happy, and all she’d gotten for her time and devotion was a wave as he left her hospital room.

  Then there he was, standing in front of her looking exactly the same as the last time she’d seen him. Kevin had a classically handsome appeal, with perfectly groomed jet-black hair and eyes that constantly looked toward the horizon, as if not fully engaged with the person he was with.

  “Madeline,” Kevin greeted her expansively. Charm dripped from the smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as they briefly locked with hers then drifted to the horizon. Lord of the manor, she laughingly called him the first time that gaze registered with her. At first, she’d taken that stare as being a go-getter, but after time she came to understand that he was honestly disinterested in what was in front of him. Constantly looking for the next best thing. When she ultimately couldn’t give him what he wanted, she’d been one more person he’d left behind.

  “Please come in.” He stepped back and gestured for her to enter.

  A klaxon warning flashed through her brain to abort, but Kevin was a force of nature with his own gravity. Against her better judgment, she stepped tentatively into the foyer and stared at the elegant entranceway. Marble floor and wainscoting features, with a chandelier that hung from the vaulted ceiling like a crown casting soft light down upon its subjects.

  “I’m so glad you could make it,” he said. “It’s good to see you, Madeline.”

  All she could do was give him a weak smile because for her, it wasn’t good at all. “What is it of mine that you found?”

  “Well, as you know, Rebecca and I just moved in and as I was unpacking some of my personal belongings. I found a book of yours.”

  Madeline blinked. “A book?”

  He walked over to a side table, opened a drawer, and took out one of her romance novels. “I know how much you love your books.”

  When he held it out, she numbly took it. “You didn’t have to call me to come over for this.”

  “I didn’t know if it was one of your favorites or not.”

  Anger sluiced through her. “If it was one of my favorites, I wouldn’t have been careless about leaving it lying around for you to pack up.”

  His eyebrows arched in surprise. Whether that surprise was genuine, she couldn’t tell. “How was I supposed to know? In any case, I’m glad you came over.”

  Madeline shoved the book in her coat pocket. “And why is that?”

  He gestured around. “To see where I’m living now.”

  She wanted to run, but she must have had some type of masochistic streak running through her that da
y that stayed her feet and had her asking, “Did you get a raise or something?”

  “Rebecca’s father is a lawyer,” he replied. A gleam of satisfaction flashed through his eyes.

  “So all this is courtesy of your new girlfriend.”

  “Fiancée,” he corrected.

  “Right,” she muttered.

  “And soon to be mother.”

  It took a moment for the words to sink in, and when they did, pain sliced through her. Sharp and poignant. A roaring filled her ears. She shook her head to clear the sound.

  “Excuse me?” she asked.

  If possible, his chest puffed out. “I’m going to be a dad.”

  The announcement hit her so hard all the air fled her lungs in a whoosh. She stood frozen, unable to move even though her brain shouted at her to leave. Like a masochist, however, she wanted more because she knew the wound was going to bleed bright red.

  “Rebecca is pregnant?”

  He nodded. “Due in June. It’s the family I’ve always wanted.”

  “Yeah,” she managed to say. She swallowed down the bile rising from her gut. “Let me ask you something, were you always a dick and I’m just now realizing it?”

  Anger creased his brow. “Why am I the dick when you made your decisions without consulting me?”

  “What are you talking about?” she demanded. “Don’t you remember? We had discussed it before I had the operation. I thought you understood.”

  “Yes, you told me it was for medical reasons, but I didn’t understand the ramifications of such an operation until I was in the waiting room and saw a family. A man holding and laughing with his son.” He took a deep breath. “It hit me then, exactly how deep your knife was cutting me, just as the doctor was slicing part of you away. I realized I couldn’t give up the chance to have children. That’s why I left you, Madeline.”

  “Still would’ve been nice to know how much you wanted kids,” she whispered.

  He gestured to her body. “If I had stayed with you, you would’ve taken away my decision to be a father. Don’t you think that’s more of a dick move?”

  Madeline had nothing to say to that. Supposedly, they’d been two people in love, ready to get married, for better or worse. Only now did she realize how taking the chance to be a father away from Kevin had embittered him so much.

  Suddenly, there wasn’t anything else to say to one another.

  “C-congrats, Kevin.”

  The anger left his face and he nodded. “Thank you, Madeline. You know, I wish only the best for you. Maybe one day you’ll be able to find happiness like I have.”

  His words were a fatal blow, and with a desperate nod, she turned and hurried out of the house and away from his presence. He’d manage to sink the blade so far into her heart she doubted she’d ever be able to pull it out.

  Tears streamed down her cheeks as she drove home. The book still lay in her pocket. A fucking joke to the happy ever after she once thought she’d have. Hunter popped into her mind, and she realized that any feelings she might have for him was best ignored. As Kevin had reminded her, happiness wasn’t in her cards. She had nothing to offer Hunter except a friends with benefits relationship. It was better than nothing, but now she felt the clock on their togetherness winding down.

  ****

  “Do you like blue cheese dressing?” Madeline asked as she balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear. The carrots and celery sticks she had cut up earlier rested neatly in plastic bags. She’d done everything she could, mindless tasks, to get her mind off the scene with Kevin.

  Tonight was bowling night with her friends and she was determined not to ruin it. Or, more specifically, she wasn’t going to let Kevin ruin her fun.

  “Except for one night at Lucky’s, you’ve been mostly MIA, and all you manage to do now is call to ask if I like blue cheese?” Lacey harrumphed through the line. “Which is yes, of course. Who doesn’t like blue cheese? But that’s so not the point right now.”

  “I’m smuggling veggies in tonight. I refuse to eat bowling alley fried food. ”

  “Wait just a minute,” Lacey said. “Where’ve you been? You skipped ladies happy hour downtown. You missed drinking so the mind is boggling.”

  “Don’t get your panties in a twist,” Madeline replied. “Hunter and I—”

  “I like how that sentence started!”

  Madeline pulled the phone away, hit speakerphone then set it down on the table to wait.

  “Hello? Are you still there?” Lacey asked.

  “Only if you quit interrupting me.”

  “One time, geesh. I interrupted you one time, Maddy.”

  “As I was saying,” Madeline stressed. “Hunter and I have been spending time together.”

  “About damn time you started getting some.”

  “You’ve got a dirty mind.”

  Lacey laughed. “Of course I do! And you too, my friend. Come on … spill. The sex is good, isn’t it? I could tell Hunter would know how to move between the sheets.”

  “I’m not telling you about my sex life, Lacey.”

  “Why not? I tell you about mine.”

  “I know. Remember when I use the words please don’t? I really mean them.”

  Lacey made a dismissive tsk-tsk sound. “What are BFFs for?”

  Madeline shook her head and smiled. Lacey simply didn’t have built-in filters.

  “I’m so happy you’re in love.”

  “Whoa, Lacey,” Madeline said. She frowned. The word love jolted her. “I didn’t say anything about love.”

  “You don’t love Hunter?”

  “No.” She didn’t like how she’d suddenly gotten on this slippery slope the conversation was drifting toward “Of course not. What gave you that idea?”

  “The way your voice changes every time you say his name,” Lacey replied. “A little breathless. A little like you’re in love.”

  “Well, I’m not,” Madeline stressed.

  “Okay. But why are you instantly defensive?”

  “Because!”

  “Because…”

  “Just drop it, Lacey.” Madeline sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I saw Kevin earlier. He’s going to be a father, you know.”

  “Oh. No, I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Maddy.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, seeing him reminded me that Hunter is a great guy and we’ve had some fun times, but we’ve only known each other a month.”

  “No time limit on falling in love.”

  “Enough!” she snapped. Her patience snapped. She really didn’t want to talk about Hunter, or love, or the fact that she’d tried very hard not to think about him all day. Which was an utter failure, of course. “This call was about me bringing some healthier alternatives to the usual bowling alley fare. Not about Kevin, or Hunter, or anything else? Got it?”

  Lacey remained silent for a moment. Then she sighed. “Understood loud and clear.”

  “Good,” Madeline muttered. “Now, any other suggestions besides carrots, celery, and cucumber slices?”

  “No,” Lacey replied softly.

  “Very well. Me and my veggies will see you in a bit.”

  She pushed the end button and the call disconnected. Tears threatened to fall, but the last thing she wanted to do was cry over spilled milk. The one thing she discovered from her meeting earlier was the fact that she never realized how much she had hurt Kevin. Maybe just as much as he had hurt her. The last thing she wanted now was to do the same to Hunter.

  ****

  The bowling alley was loud, but it wasn’t lough enough to conceal the thoughts in her head. Madeline couldn’t seem to get the word love to stop bouncing around like a ping pong ball between her ears, destroying her good mood. She tried to smile and have a good time, to pretend that her little sphere of happiness hadn’t been dented, but the air was definitely on a slow leak. Hunter sent her a few pointed glances.

  “You okay?” he asked once, rubbing his palm over her lower back.

  “Yeah,
” she replied. “Just … had a hard day at work. Trying to decompress.”

  “I’m here if you need me, babe.”

  He kissed the top of her head and sauntered over to the three Js, teasing one another and goofing around. The bowling game continued, as if she wasn’t slowly breaking apart with the realization that she needed to put a little space between them. It was true they’d been spending a lot of time together, so maybe now was the time to start using their mutual friends as a shield. Be more of a group rather than just have one-on-one time.

  Even though she liked the one-on-one.

  Actually, the one-on-one was fucking awesome.

  Those thoughts segued into erotic moments … their limbs entwined … him sucking on her nipples … his cock pounding her into orgasm … perhaps she’d implement the no dating exclusive clause tomorrow. Or perhaps she’d just make sure every time they went out, Lacey or one of the Js were with them.

  Her plan helped provide a measure of calm in her chaotic thoughts, and she was able to shuffle past the lingering sadness from visiting Kevin. He had shown her once again why she couldn’t fall in love, why Hunter was okay as a friend with benefits, but nothing more.

  After the game, Hunter put his arm around her waist as they walked to the parking lot. Lacey blew her a wink and a kiss. Then it was just the two of them and her heart did that funny flutter it always did whenever he was touching her.

  “So, your place or mine?” he asked.

  She chuckled. “How about yours?”

  As they approached his car, he squeezed her tight. “Absolutely. How about we have a little wine, some amazing sex, and drift off to slumber wrapped in each other’s arms?”

  Danger, danger! A little voice inside her head shouted at her to pull back. Run away. But the finger making small circles on her hip helped turn the volume way down on all the reservations in her mind. With her body tightening with need, Madeline nodded.

  Hunter opened the passenger side door for her and Madeline gave him a quick kiss of thanks as she sank down onto the leather interior. He hurried to the driver’s side and shot her a quick smile. His eyes gleamed in the overhead parking lot light, full of a sexual promise that heated her blood.