Sin

by Torrie Robles

  “To be happy.” She answers as she searches my eyes.

  “Then you’ll be happy.” I give her a small smile and remove my hand from hers.

  *****

  Her dreams and what she wants out of life are always on replay in my mind. I remind myself on a daily basis that she deserves so much more than I can ever give her. She deserves a man who can cherish her without disappointing her. A man who can give her the house, the family and the dreams of her happiness. She wants a life she can be proud of and there isn’t anything about me to be proud of. I won’t taint her beauty with my sin. I can’t let what I’ve done ruin a life she’s finally able to live. I won’t allow it. There are still some things in my life I can control.

  I squat down at my bike, getting ready to wrench. I’d notice it hasn’t been running as it used to, it’s time that I break it down, take it apart. My eyes flick to where Savannah and Hawk are still talking. I need distractions from her. Distractions are key when you’re trying to keep yourself from making huge mistakes, and there isn’t a better distraction than a custom Fury super low bike with a V-Twin Engine.

  The revving of an unfamiliar engine makes me stop what I’m doing. A couple of the other guys around the garage also turn to see what is happening. This isn’t typical, but it’s always safer to know what’s going on around us. Especially when the last bounty we took care of is so fresh. Retaliation isn’t something that’s uncommon in our line of work. That’s another reason why I want Fury to take off, so our backs are no longer in danger of being taken out. A black SUV comes barreling down the street, into view, screeching its tires as the driver slams on the brakes. The car jerks to a stop behind my mother’s car and the passenger door flies open as a dark-haired man steps out. He’s in a suit, and looks to be younger than I am, maybe in his mid-twenties. Realization hits me as to who the fucker is.

  “Get Cut, now!” I yell over my shoulder as I take off in a full sprint. I hear Hawk’s voice over the pounding of my heart and the swooshing of blood that has suddenly filled my ears.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, man?” He stands next to Savannah, who has gone completely still, her face pale with fear. I approach them and go straight for Savannah, making sure she sees my face, letting her know it’s going to be okay.

  Tyson ignores Hawk’s outburst; he ignores me as well. He’s only looking at Savannah; his only concern seems to be her. “Oh, my God, Savannah, I’ve been worried sick.” He looks up at the sky, running his hand over his face. “I didn’t know what happened.” He tone is soft, his expression seeming sincere. “I came home and you were gone. Jesus, baby. I’ve been freaking out.”

  He takes a step towards her, holding out his hand just as I pull her to me. He flicks his eyes to me, his jaw tightening and his nostrils flaring. It’s the little things that are the telltale signs of being pissed off and Tyson may show concern on his face, but his rigid body tells me he’s pissed. I keep my stare trained on him as I hear others approach. I catch the closing of my mother’s screen door, signaling that she’s watching at well.

  “Sugar.” I squeeze her wrist letting her know that I’m here; everything’s going to be alright.

  “I didn’t think to look into the GPS on your car. I would have been here a lot sooner. I’m such an idiot.” He begins to pace as my eyes follow his every movement. I haven’t let go of her wrist, and I don’t plan on it. Her pulse is racing, she’s beyond scared.

  “What do you want?” I ask.

  He stops and finally acknowledges me, he eyes falling behind me, probably taking in the five or six huge ass motherfuckers I know are at my back. “I’m here for Savannah.” He steps forward and extends his hand to me. “I’m Tyson Redding, Savannah’s fiancé.” There’s no way I’m shaking this fuckers hand. Dropping his hand, he gives me a small smile and a nod of his head.

  “I don’t think so.” My voice is low, making his hand drop.

  “Sin.” My brother says my name in warning.

  I size Tyson up. He’s slightly smaller than I am in stature and certainly not close to me in girth. You can tell he’s had his life handed to him on a silver platter. There isn’t anything hard about this man. Total desk jockey, through and through.

  “I don’t know who you are or why she’s here, but thank you. Thank you for looking after her.”

  “You mean like you look after her?” Savannah places her hand on my forearm.

  “Matthew,” she whispers. She’s physically shaking next to me. Her nerves are shot. Peering down to her, her stare mirrors my own. Her face, although etched with fear, is still flawless, perfect.

  “I’m not sure what you mean. Savannah is my life, and I was scared beyond belief when I came home and she was gone. I didn’t know what had happened to her. I didn’t know if she was okay, if our baby was okay.” Savannah goes rigid next to me and I hear her suck in air as she gasps. Cursing comes from a few of the guys and my mother’s prays to Jesus. Tears start streaming down Savannah's face as she watches Tyson.

  “I know, baby.” Tyson informed her. “I know about the baby. I found the tests.” He again tries to move closer to her. I pull her behind me and she instantly latches onto my shirt.

  “Jesus Christ, Sin.” Cut mutters.

  Hawk, Cut, Bubba, and Lick are standing at my back. Always supporting me, even when they’d rather not. That’s what family is all about. My mother, her hands covering her face. I can tell by her reaction, she knows about the baby and she didn’t tell me. Savannah hasn’t told me either. Out of everything we’ve talked about, all of her dreams and ambitions, she never once mentioned she is pregnant.

  “Savannah.” Tyson calls to her. “I know you’re freaked, baby. I know we were just engaged, but I want this. I want us, you, me and the baby. We’ve always talked about having a family. It’s all coming together. Do you remember me telling you that you’ll see, soon, you’ll see how it will all come together? Do you remember me telling you that one morning?” Savannah whimpers behind me, whispering, begging God to please keep her safe.

  “Aint gonna happen.” I tell him. This causes another outburst of displeasure from my brother.

  “Excuse me?” He asks.

  “You see, Tyson, it aint gonna happen because the baby aint yours. It’s mine.” He stares at me, a blank expression on his face. I don’t give him the opportunity to speak; there is nothing he can say that I want to hear. “The baby’s mine. It seems while you were too busy sitting behind your desk at your daddy’s oil company, and doing whatever else you do, I was busy sleeping with your woman. Making her nice and happy, fucking her just right. The baby you think is yours, nope. It’s mine. That’s why she left you, that’s why she drove across state lines, and that’s why you can go ahead and go back to where you came from. There aint nothing for you here. Not anymore.”

  He takes a deep breath; gathering his composure before he lashes out. He is obviously choosing to disregard everything I say when he doesn’t acknowledge it. “Savannah, baby, please talk to me. Please tell me what’s going on.”

  “You need to leave, Tyson.” Her voice is muffled in the cotton of my shirt.

  “Baby, you know I can’t do that. You know I can’t do that until you leave with me.”

  “I can’t leave with you, Tyson. I’ll never leave with you. I’ll never go back to you. It’s over.” She takes a step, stopping right at my side. “It was over the moment I found out I was pregnant. I can’t continue to be what you need me to be. I can’t continue to allow you to hurt me, physically, emotionally–”

  “What are you talking about, physically? I would never hurt you, especially when you’re carrying my baby.” His eyes land on me. “Because I know it’s my baby.”

  “And how do you know that?” I taunt him.

  “Because she’s mine.” He growls. I pull her into me, leaving my arm around her shoulders. He’s becoming unhinged.

  “Not anymore.” I turn around and take her with me. I look towards my brother and cre
w lifting my head, telling them it’s their turn. I’m done with him.

  I allow Sin to lead me back into Bianca’s house. Bianca’s hand runs down my hair, comforting me as we pass her. We enter the living room and I immediately take a seat on the couch, pulling a pillow onto my lap, keeping my head bowed. My heart races with what just transpired, not only because Tyson was acting not like Tyson but also because he told my secret. Taking deep breaths, I try to calm my nerves and my rapidly beating heart. I feel sick to my stomach.

  I’m not sure how to approach this. How or what I can say to explain to Sin why I haven’t told him, or anyone for that matter that I’m pregnant. He clears his throat, the sudden noise making me jump. My head is pounding as I rub my temples to soothe the ache.

  “Have I ever made you feel that you can’t talk to me, Savannah? I've made time for you, been with you instead of doing my thing. Have I ever made you feel that you can’t open up to me? “

  “I’m sorry.” I continue to stare down towards the carpet. I can’t meet his eyes; I know I’ve let him down.

  “Mijo, go easy on her.” Bianca pulls a chair along the dining room floor. “This isn’t the time for you becoming upset, at least not with her.”

  “When did she tell you, Mom? I know you know; I can tell by your face. You aren’t shocked at the news.”

  “She didn’t tell me, Matthew. I just knew. It’s a mother's intuition.”

  After a few seconds of silence, I feel the couch dip beside me. “Sugar, please look at me.” Taking a deep breath, I turn to meet his eyes. There isn’t anger or judgment in the depths of his steel blue eyes, only concern.

  “Are you okay?” He touches my knees and I move the pillow from my lap.

  “That is not the Tyson I’ve been with for these past four years. He has never shown me that much concern.”

  “Are you okay?” he repeats, ignoring my comment.

  “You don’t understand.” I take hold of the hand that’s on my knee. “He isn’t sweet and caring. He’s mean and cruel. The only things that normally come out of his mouth are condescending and sadistic, at least towards me. He hasn’t been ‘sweet and flowers Tyson’ since before I moved in with him, and that was only three months after we started dating.”

  “He’s been abusive for that long and you just decided to walk away a few weeks ago?”

  “I know it's not very smart.”

  “No, it’s not.” Bianca clears her throat at Sin’s response. “I’m going to leave you kids alone.” She pushes the chair back into the table. "I’ll head over to the club house; give you kids some privacy."

  We sit in silence, me still holding onto his hand. His fingers begin to stroke my skin, relaxing me in the process. “Do you ever feel that you deserve what life throws at you?” I ask, looking up at him.

  "Every damn day of my life. But there's reasons why I feel that way, why I deserve the shit storm that's become my life. But you, you deserve more than whatever your life's been for these past few years."

  "Why don’t I feel that way?"

  "You think you deserve to be abused?"

  "I think I deserved it since I allowed it."

  "That's such bullshit."

  "I’m adopted.” I tell him. This is another thing I haven’t told him in the times we’ve talked. “I was born to a junky. I could’ve been raised by one, but I was lucky. My life changed the moment I was taken away from my birth mother. An entire pregnancy of her being high, and it didn't affect me in the slightest. I was born healthy, but there was still her poison running through my veins. Still is. Who knows, she may be dead, and I've lived a near perfect life. Maybe—” My phone starts to ring, interrupting my thoughts. It's Tyson's familiar ringtone. I ignore it and take a steadying breath. "My parents saved me, gave me a life where I didn't want for anything. Even if they worked their butts off to provide it. I never took what they gave me for granted. There has been times when I’ve question my life, what I should be, who I should be. Why was I lucky enough to be given the life that I was when so many other kids weren’t as lucky? Maybe I’ve been secretly punishing myself for feeling that I’m nothing special, that I shouldn’t have been given the life that I was given."

  "You don't believe that."

  "There’s no reason to tell you anything but the truth. This is probably the most truthful thing that I've said in four years."

  "You're too young to think that."

  "It doesn’t matter my age; I've lived through more over these past few years than most people could ever imagine." Tyson's ringtone blares through the silence again.

  "Goddamn it." He gets up, grabbing my cell from the end table.

  "Sin–"

  "Listen, motherfucker. I. Will. End. You." he barks into the phone.

  "That's where you're wrong, Matt, or do I call you Sin?" Tyson's voice comes over the speaker. "I don’t give a shit either way. You're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong and you had better get very smart real fast or every single one of the people you love will suffer the consequences. You get me?"

  "Listen here, pretty boy, you don't scare me and you don't know shit about me."

  "Matthew Joseph Sinclair, second born to Bianca and Devin Sinclair. Served four years in the U.S. Marines until honorably discharged due to injury. An injury that happens when one turns his back on his—"

  "Tyson." I speak up when I see the rage burning in Sin's eyes. His nostrils flare, the corded muscles of his neck strain. His hand clenches into a fist at his side. "What do you want?”

  "Is that anyway to speak to the father of your baby, Savannah? Really? Did I make a mistake? You know that I don't like to make mistakes."

  "What the fuck are you talking about?" Sin bellows. I reach out, trying to calm him.

  Tyson's laughs. "Trying to play protector now, huh, Sin? Don't you think it's a little late for that?"

  "Tyson, get to your point."

  "My point, Savannah is that I've spent the last four years putting up with your shit. Your dream, what you want from your life and the thing is, what you want and what I want are two different things. So, in order to make sure things go the way I wanted, I made sure your plans didn't."

  "Get to your point, Redding." Sin snaps.

  "The only person who was surprised about that baby was Savannah. I knew exactly what I was doing when I fucked with her pills." He chuckled into the speaker. "I can't have her thinking she actually had a choice when it came to how her life is supposed to be."

  "Motherfu—"

  "Sin." I look up and see Hawk standing in the door. "You need to head over the clubhouse. Now." Tyson's laughter taunts us as Sin and I stare at each other.

  "Run along, boy, you're being summoned." I rip the phone from Sin's hand and hit 'END'.

  "I told you." Cut’s standing at the head of the table, yelling as soon as I enter the room. "I fucking told you to send her back to wherever the hell she came from. I told you that she wasn't our problem, but you couldn't let it go, could you?"

  "What are you talking about?" I glance around the table. None of the guys look like they're happy. The fact that none of them make eye contact with me, tells me I’m the cause. They all sit around the table, arms folded across their chests.

  Stone-faced.

  "You and your goddamn savior complex.” My eyes lock with Cut's. “You've really fucked up this time, Sin."

  I scan around the room again, waiting for an answer. "He's reached out across the border for helping getting his girl back." Dyke speaks up. "After he left here, he made the call. This is some shit, Sin. More shit than we need. We don't need this kind of heat, if you know what I mean. Our clients aren't going to be calling us knowing that the cartel and whatever shit storm they bring are on our backs. You need to think about this, son." Dyke trying to take the fatherly route with me isn’t going to work.

  "There's nothing to think about. There's no way that I'm giving her back to him. She's fucking pregnant, man."

  "It's not our problem."


  I glare at my brother after he made his comment. "I need to speak to my brother, alone."

  "This is a club issue."

  "I need to speak to my brother." I repeat.

  "It's not going to change my mind, brother."

  I slam my hand against the table. "Can you for once, put this fucking club second and your family first." I seethe.

  "This club is our family, Matthew. I know it's not one you wanted, but it's been your choice to stay." I stare at my brother. I’m not backing down from this. I want to talk to Devin, not Cut. To speak to the man who means something to me, not the President of the MC, but my brother. My blood. "Everyone out." He barks. The door shuts taking the grumbling and cursing from the club with it. Devin, my big brother is now glaring back at me in anger, his arms crossed over his chest.

  I hang my head, breathe deep, taking a moment to get my words right. I don’t need an argument or a screaming match; I just need him to hear me.

  "Sometimes I wish this club died with Dad." I look at the wall that holds the members of the club since it was founded, my dad at the top. "Or that it died long before Dad did. So many things have happened in our lives because of the MC and instead of cutting ties and walking away, we stay. You stay."

  "No one ever told you that you had to come back, Matt. Or this is the life you had to live. You chose to come back and become a member. Dad was alright with you walking away and doing your own thing. He would have been alright if you stayed away, even after his death. You can't blame what happened to you on him or this club."

  "Yeah, well I can blame what happened to our sister on this club."

  "That's such bullshit and you know it. Jesus, Sin, you need to get your head out of your ass and look around you. Dad and the club didn't kill Sienna, that sick fuck did. It doesn't matter if the club was formed or not, he still would have done that shit. He still would have been fucked in the head.” I stay silent. “Do you blame Mom for the shit that went down with Sienna?"

  I snap my head towards my brother, pissed that he would even suggest such a thing. "No, why the hell would I do that?"