Not Used To Cute

by Becca Seymour

  Heavy-footed bootsteps made their way over the bitumen.

  I closed my eyes briefly before figuring I needed to pull my head out of my arse and deal with this head-on.

  Flicking my eyes open, I peered up just as Elijah stepped around the cars. His unreadable expression greeted me. When his gaze flickered over me, there was a softening there, confusing me even more.

  Finding my voice, I said, “Hey.” The man had done nothing wrong. But everything about this situation screamed discomfort.

  “Hey,” he said back. “Mind if I join you?”

  I paused at that, unsure how to answer. It seemed my mouth was doing it for me, saying, “Actually, I was thinking about heading out early, if that’s okay? I promise to meet with you first thing in the morning to sort the audit particulars.”

  Quiet for a beat, he pressed his lips together, his head tilting a little as if trying to figure me out. I considered letting him off the hook right now by telling him a few had tried and all had failed. But my insecurities wouldn’t allow it. I was like a yo-yo. I knew this. And while I wouldn’t be apologising for my highs and lows on any given day, I knew I owed Elijah an apology for listening in on his conversation.

  I stood to do just that, the words on my tongue when he cut me off, saying, “Where are you going?”

  I winced a little guiltily but told him the truth. “I need to clear my head, so I’m going to go for a surf.”

  “I have boards here.”

  His words surprised me. “You surf?”

  A wide grin stretched across his lips, and my heart ramped up. “I definitely do.”

  “Oh.” I had no idea. I should know better than to make judgments about people.

  “Rather than you head home, I can put two boards I have here in my truck, and we can go together.” He’d lost his smile as he spoke, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he anticipated I’d say no.

  There was no chance of that.

  Seven

  Elijah

  The waves weren’t the greatest, but getting out into the water, especially with Seb, was worth the effort. And the smile he cast my way just before he threw himself off the board after riding it in confirmed I’d done exactly the right thing.

  I followed suit, paddling out. As my fingers scooped the water, a rush of calm flowed through me. A grin spread across my face to the point I was sure I looked slightly manic, but damn, was it a rush. Freedom coursed along my limbs, elevating my soul, relaxing me in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.

  A slight burn tugged at my arms. I loved this, loved the escapism the fresh air and waves offered. I inhaled deeply and feeling the tip of the wave, sprung to my feet, impressed as hell I didn’t clamber or fall off immediately—unlike my previous three attempts. Angling low, I caught my balance and all but soared through the water. As I drifted along the small face of the wave, joy lit me up, settling in my bones.

  My smile didn’t ease, somehow getting bigger, aching at the stretch on my face. As the wave drew to an end, I gently turned on the flat, taking control of my ride in and throwing Seb a huge grin, punching my fists in the air with a loud “Hell yes!” before throwing myself off the board.

  I easily broke free of the water, my head lifting to the surface. A couple of strokes later, I held onto my board and hauled my arse back on it. With my shit-eating smile intact, I followed up with a loud laugh, eyes immediately on Seb, who mirrored my delight.

  I sat on my board, bobbing in the moving water, my eyes still on Seb as he joined me. “All good?” I asked when he was within hearing distance.

  He nodded emphatically, his smile finally removing the worry I’d seen earlier. “Not the best, but it was good to ride in, get myself watered. You?”

  I laughed, loving his enthusiasm. “Yeah, the same. Nice that I actually made that one in, though.”

  “Do you get out often?” he asked as he reached my side and sat up, legs wide across the board.

  Momentarily distracted by his smooth skin, both sun-kissed and lickable, it took me a moment to register his words. I dragged my gaze away, my eyes connecting with his. I should have blushed, perhaps should have been sorry that it was obvious I was checking him out, but he was gorgeous. Too easily my eyes gravitated to him, and I could happily waste hours getting lost in the man. “No,” I finally answered, my focus dipping to his mouth when he swept his tongue over his bottom lip, “certainly not often enough. Thanks for letting me tag along.” I smiled over at him. A burst of flutters in my gut appeared when his reaction to my smile was immediate.

  I wasn’t a fool. I knew he was interested and was confident he’d be up for us exploring this connection between us. But that didn’t mean I should simply take what was on offer. He was worth more than that.

  “I’m pleased you came.” His mouth quirked when he spoke. “It’s rare I’m surprised by people these days, and you surfing was a pleasant one.”

  “Yeah?” Was it bad that I was happy I’d surprised him? Based on the lightness in his eyes focussed my way, I knew it shouldn’t be bad. Making someone feel good was, well, good, right? So why did it feel like I was setting Seb up for disappointment?

  “Definitely,” he said. His eyes remained on mine, his focus intent. “So I may have been avoiding you,” he admitted.

  Surprise at his honesty fluttered through me. “I’m sorry you felt the need to do that,” I responded. It was clear I’d hurt him, and me blowing hot and cold was not helping. I huffed out a breath, considering how honest I should be. As far as I was aware, he’d been nothing but real with me, so perhaps it was about time I offered some back.

  “It’s okay. You were just being nice, and I think I misread the situation.” Seb looked away and shrugged.

  Guilt was never pleasant, and the feeling reinforced the need to set him straight. It didn’t matter that I was shit scared of doing so. Putting myself out there petrified me. Finally, I swallowed my nerves and forced out, “You didn’t misread anything.”

  Immediately, he flicked his gaze back to mine, his eyes wide.

  A small huff-like laugh escaped but I continued, saying, “I was in a long-term relationship.” I didn’t think it was possible, but his brows sprang even higher. “We were together for years, but when my sister was going through hell, struggling with her PTSD, well, my focus turned to her and making sure she recovered.” The rhythm of the waves bobbed us up and down, the movement easing the difficulty of my words. Seb’s full attention remained on me as I continued, “My ex decided he couldn’t handle what my sister was going through, and he suggested I look into a medical facility for her.”

  “Holy shit, really?” Seb’s brows dipped low and distaste seemed to wash over him.

  “Yeah, and when I said no and continued to care for her, bitter doesn’t even describe him.” I shook my head in memory. “It turned out he was offering himself up for any willing dick while badmouthing me and Harriet too. It was Cole who finally discovered what was going on and told me.”

  “I can’t imagine how shitty that must have been for you.” His gaze softened, but there was no pity in their depths.

  “It was.” I rubbed my hand over the back of my head and clasped my neck. “It took me a long time to deal with my anger,” I admitted, “and I’ll be honest, trust has been the biggest challenge.”

  Bobbing his head in understanding, Seb remained quiet, as if taking in all my words and letting them settle. I appreciated that he wasn’t full of platitudes. “You know,” he eventually said after a few moments of just the waves keeping us company, “I don’t think I’ve ever fully trusted anyone.” His words startled me.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “My parents were dickheads and kicked me out when I officially came out. I was fifteen.”

  Sadness churned in my gut, while anger that anyone could mistreat Seb, one of the sweetest men I knew, beat against my chest.

  “I managed to get through school by bouncing around friends’ houses, sleeping on
couches or bedroom floors. I then met someone when I started training at the local TAFE, and he screwed me over so damn fast I almost got whiplash. After that, I just started kind of expecting it from people, you know? Use and abuse… screwing me over. Taking what they want and then pissing off.” A soft smile lifted his lips. “Then you gave me a chance and have never taken anything from me.”

  My heart lurched at his words.

  “You only expected me to do my job.” The sweet intensity of his gaze caught in the wind, whirring around us.

  Seb was incredible. Through every word he shared, there was not a sob story attached, no demand for pity or expectation that anyone owed him anything. There was a gentle truth instead. Acceptance. And I fucking hated that he’d ever been made to feel that being treated like shit was the norm.

  I swallowed down my anger at myself, knowing I’d only perpetuated that with how I’d treated him after the attack. God, I was a wanker.

  Before I could say anything, confess he had me tied up in knots, his gaze flicked out to sea. “I’m going to catch this one.” All I could do was nod as I watched him paddle hard, his sinewy muscles lithe and strong. A moment later, he popped up on his board like it was an extension of him. The movement effortless, the ease obvious, and as he rode it in, he’d never looked so free or quite so magnificent.

  The reality of how incredible this complicated man was punched me in the gut with the ferocity of a ten-foot wave. The question was, could I pull my head out of my arse and put my heart out there for him?

  Eight

  Seb

  When I woke to my alarm, there was no hesitation this morning as I threw back my covers, preparing to ready for work. Yesterday, the afternoon I’d spent with Elijah was quite possibly the best time I’d ever had.

  We’d talked easily and freely, had laughed and joked, and more times than once, when I’d turned, his eyes had been set on me, but he hadn’t pulled away.

  Each time, my stomach had flipped and my heart had thudded hard. The feeling was alien, but I couldn’t say I hated it.

  When I’d told him a bit about my past, his anger had been palpable, and emotion had shone through his eyes with what I liked to think was respect. I’d come a long way over the years. While sadness and frustration were still familiar forces in my life, I refused to turn over and accept that was my future. I wanted to be happy, and since meeting Elijah, feeling the connection and recognising his acceptance of who I was went a long way with reminding me I was worth all the happiness.

  It didn’t matter if nothing happened between us—even though if that was the reality, it would suck. Instead, he, as well as the group of people who’d so readily accepted me into their fold at the bar, was the push I needed to keep my head held high and chase the joy life could give me.

  Not even the shabby curtains or the chipped tiles of my small apartment could dull my outlook this morning. Because screw that. I paid for this place myself. There were no government handouts, no exchanging of favours, just me and sticking it out at work and picking up my hard-earned pay cheque.

  “Morning,” I greeted Carla as I stepped into the small office.

  She turned her head in my direction, her grin immediate and wide. “Morning, Seb. You’re looking much more yourself this morning.” She surprised me by standing and wrapping me up in a warm hug. It seemed this would be how she greeted me daily. I could definitely get used to it. I embraced her back. “I was worried about you,” she said, giving me an extra squeeze.

  My heart filled, so grateful there were so many good people recently in my life. “Thank you. I’m great. I’m feeling much better.”

  She stepped away, her gaze raking over me. “Good surf yesterday?” The twinkle in her eyes had me laughing.

  “It was just what I needed,” I said, not offering any more.

  “I just bet it was,” she sassed.

  My smile was wide as I got myself sorted and settled, looking at my to-do list.

  “What’s on the agenda today?” she asked, giving me grace and not pushing for details.

  The notepad before me was fairly full, but my priority was the fire inspection. “As soon as Elijah is in, I need to go through what’s needed for the audit this Sunday. I imagine that will take up all my time today, unless you need me for anything else in particular?”

  She shook her head. “Nope. You’re all good to focus on that. It’s a pain in the arse ensuring we’re up to spec, important, but yeah….” She bit on the end of her pen. “Are you sure you’re okay to be here on Sunday for it? I know it will go over your hours.”

  Immediately, I bobbed my head. “Absolutely. It’s no problem.”

  Carla’s lips curved. “Thank you. Plus, there’s a couple of real hotties in the local department. Hopefully one of them will turn up for the inspection, so the eye candy will make it worth your while.”

  I laughed and looked down to switch on the PC.

  She continued, “There’s something about a man in uniform, right? You have a sexy firefighter fantasy?”

  I laughed again, eyes fixed to the keyboard as I typed in the password. “Is that a trick question? Who doesn’t?”

  “Maybe after Sunday, you’ll be given some fresh material to get hot and heavy over?” Humour filled her voice, while I snorted.

  “I think I’ve got more than enough to be swooning over. Not sure I need anything more complicated than what’s filling my head at the moment.”

  “Wise decision there.”

  I froze at Elijah’s deep, grumbly voice. Wide-eyed, I looked up fast, gaze connecting with his. One of his brows was quirked, and his stare was intense.

  “Don’t be swayed by a man in uniform. Carla should know better,” Elijah said, and I heard Carla snort out a laugh.

  I risked a glance at her, and she simply smiled, looking thoroughly entertained. My eyes narrowed as I wondered how long Elijah had been standing there and if she’d known.

  After clearing my throat, I said to Elijah, “Do you have time to talk through what’s needed for Sunday, please?” Sidetracking was the only option here.

  He nodded and then lifted his hands, indicating towards his right one. “I got you a coffee. We can chat in my office.” The rapid beat of my heart caught my breath. He’d been out and got me a coffee. Internally, I rolled my eyes at myself. He probably got everyone one.

  “Aw, you got me a coffee,” Carla sassed. “You shouldn’t have.”

  “I didn’t,” he said, shooting her a look.

  Her laughter followed us out of the room as I grabbed my files and cradled my coffee, as though it was the best gift in the world, while willing my heart to calm the hell down. It was a coffee. It wasn’t an offer of a blow job, for Christ’s sake. Shaking my head at myself, pleased that Elijah was leading the way as I silently gave myself a stern talking to, I worked hard to calm down.

  By the time he opened his office door and waited until I brushed on by him before closing it, I was no closer to my heart behaving. “Thanks for the coffee,” I said quickly as I looked around his small space.

  “I think I got it right. Vanilla cappuccino, right?”

  My smile was immediate that he knew how I liked my coffee on the rare occasions I could treat myself to a takeout one. “Perfect, thank you.”

  We stared at each other a beat, neither moving. The man was hotness personified, and being in such a confined space with him was a little heady. Add in what I’d overheard the last time I was here….

  “Shall we get started?” he finally said, and just in time too, as the walls had begun to close in on me.

  “Yeah, sure.” I placed the files on his desk.

  For an hour we talked through the process, Elijah clarifying a few aspects that I needed to know. We then did a walk around the bar as well as the small kitchen, storerooms, and office spaces.

  Almost everything appeared to be in order as far as we could tell, which was a relief.

  I’d previously done my own walk around and implemented a
few changes, which Elijah seemed impressed by. I’d grinned a little too widely receiving his praise.

  After spending a couple of hours together, we headed back to the small office space. At the doorway, I hovered, peering over at him. Even though the past two hours were most definitely work-focussed, we’d laughed and joked, and I’d only found myself rambling a couple of times.

  “Are you planning on being here tonight?” he asked me, taking me by surprise.

  “Oh, no, I hadn’t planned on it.”

  “You should. You’ve yet to see any of the shows, right?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet, no.”

  The smile on his mouth came as soon as I responded. “In that case, you have to. Tonight it’s Lady Bra Ga. She’s one of the favourites and brings in a fun crowd.”

  I’d heard all about the various nights and performers Bar QK hosted and had considered coming once or twice. Without excess cash, it always made a night out tricky. Especially considering the entrance charge on such nights. But perhaps I could splash out and then simply prop up the bar. I didn’t need booze to have a good time.

  “Yeah,” I finally said. “I’ll check it out.”

  It would be good to do something outside of the norm and break up the monotony a little. “It starts at eight thirty, right?”

  He bobbed his head as he answered, “Yeah. Speak to one of the guys out front, and they’ll save a stool for you.”

  I smiled at that. “Thanks. Will do.”

  There was a moment of stillness that could have easily become awkward. Before it got so bad that I started spouting off rubbish, he saved us both. “Okay, Seb, thanks for today. I’ll see you tonight.” He turned after casting me a smile and walked away, leaving me wondering if he was working or socialising tonight. My stomach flipped over itself when I hoped it was the latter.

  I stepped into the small back office, Carla immediately greeting me. “All okay?”

  I headed to my desk and cast her a smile. “Yes. I think we’re all good,” I answered.