Patient Privilege

by Allison Cassatta

  When Marshall and Erik were finally alone, he looked up at Marshall and his heart skipped a beat. He'd silently practiced this speech many times over the last few days, had it down to a perfect, non-confrontational account of the years they'd spent together and how they both seemed much happier and healthier apart from each other. The speech would've ended with "no matter what, I'll always love you". The matter of his new feelings for his patient would've been left out because it wouldn't have helped the situation, but the time for hiding secrets had passed. Nothing had happened the way he'd planned.

  No matter how he arranged the words, he couldn't find an easy way of saying them. There was no easy way of breaking his ex-lover's heart.

  "Marshall, I don't know what happened. He kissed me while he was still a patient and I told him he couldn't do that to me. I told him we couldn't be anything to each other, but the more I thought about him and the kiss, the more I realized I was attracted to him, that in some way, I wanted him. I swore I wouldn't act on it, but then he disappeared and—"

  "And I was lucky enough to witness the first kiss since?"

  "Yeah. This is the first time we've seen each other since."

  Marshall let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck as he stepped toward the stair railing. He leaned against the rusted, metal balustrade, crossing his legs at the ankles and his arms over his chest. "Do you love him?"

  "I wouldn't call it love." Erik sat down on the step. He clenched his clammy hands together and really thought for a moment about how he felt for Angel. The time had come to be honest, with both himself and with his ex. "I care about him. I'm attracted to him, but I don't know enough about him to love him. I haven't really spent any time with him outside of the clinic."

  "Do you want to try being in a relationship with him?"

  "Honestly, I don't know. Like I said, this is the first time we've seen each other since that kiss. I still need to talk to him about rehab and his recovery. I don't know if he's going back to the facility. If he does, the same rules still apply. I'm a doctor and he'll still be a patient."

  "So, if he goes back, then you can't be with him?"

  "Those are the rules."

  "And if he doesn't?"

  "Then I guess time will tell."

  "You're a good man, Erik. He would be incredibly lucky to have you."

  Erik's eyes cut away. He mumbled his thank you, trying to avoid the hard stuff. They'd been through a breakup once before, but this time, Marshall would be the one on the receiving end of another devastating goodbye.

  In a hoarse voice he finally said, "I guess I should go then. I'll be in town for the week if you need to talk or anything."

  "Thanks for being so understanding, Marshall." Erik stood and held out his arms.

  Marshall stepped in for a hug. Erik could tell Marshall had to put up one hell of a fight to keep up his strong, stoic face. Erik also knew how bad it hurt to be the one being rejected, but he had to follow his heart. He had to think of the best possible situation for him and his addiction.

  Marshall whispered, "I'll always love you. You know that, right?"

  "I know. Part of me will always love you too." Erik pulled back. He looked Marshall in the eyes. "You know we're better off as friends, right?"

  "Yes, it seems that way, doesn't it?" Marshall half laughed, a false façade for his tragedy. He kissed Erik's cheek. "Please, keep in touch with me, okay?"

  "I will."

  Erik watched as his ex-partner drove away. He hoped like hell he'd made the right decision. Erik just wasn't very good at being alone. Loneliness led to sad thoughts, which led to wanting a drink, which had the potential to ruin his life again. That couldn't happen, not this time, not while he had another human being to look after. Someone fighting an addiction. Someone he could help.

  When he went up to his apartment, he found Angel sitting on the couch, staring at a television that wasn't turned on and chewing down his nails, his foot patting against the ratty carpet. Erik closed the front door and Angel's head whipped back.

  They stared at each other, neither one daring to say a word. The situation was too awkward. Erik had just sent his ex-lover away so he could embrace the taboo feelings he had for his possible ex-patient. He sat down on the couch beside him, took a deep breath and pulled Angel into his arms.

  "I guess it's our turn to talk," he said in a soft, defeated voice.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Erik sank down on the couch beside Angel, who hadn't stopped fidgeting. In a way, he wanted Angel to say he wouldn't go back to the clinic. He wanted Angel to be done with rehab and done with the drugs. He wanted to see the kid go to school and follow through with his art. But he also wanted the best for Angel and if that meant going back to the clinic, Erik would support him completely, including forgetting his feelings.

  "So, what are your plans?" Erik finally asked. He kept his voice calm and professional.

  "Plans?" Angel looked up at him and frowned.

  "Are you going back to rehab?"

  "Should I?"

  "Do you feel like you'll run back to the drugs when life gets too hard to handle?"

  A thoughtful look passed over Angel's face. He chewed his nails down a little more.

  "Ideally, no, I wouldn't, but it's not something I would promise. I can't say I wouldn't run back to them if things got really, really fucking bad. I don't want to be a junkie anymore, but…"

  "Do you think you need more counseling?"

  "Dr D," Angel said as he turned back toward Erik. "The answer to most of your questions depends on you. I know that's probably wrong, but I need you to hear me out."

  Angel reached down for Erik's hand. Erik closed the distance, lacing their fingers together. He looked in Angel's dark eyes and saw the hope and the desperation, the need and the desire to be and do something more. Angel wanted to leave the life of a junkie street-rat behind, and part of him knew Angel would do anything to make that happen.

  "Would you be willing to help me?" Angel said in a soft voice. "I mean, I want to go to art school and stay clean, but I… I think I need someone to stay by my side and help me stay on course. Would you be willing to do that for me?"

  A soft smile curled the edges of Erik's lips. He pulled Angel close and kissed his forehead. Having the kid in his arms felt so undeniably right, more perfect than anything he'd ever felt. "I will. I'll do everything I can for you. We'll take this one day at a time, together. But honestly, Angel, I think you should keep seeing a counselor. Even if you don't go back into a rehab facility, I think you need someone you feel like you can talk to about your addiction"

  "I can talk to you."

  "If I'm in a relationship with you, I can't give you objective advice. I won't be able to tell you when you're screwing up without it hurting us both. Please don't put that on me."

  "I won't have to go away, right?"

  "No. They have outpatient programs. You can join a group. Something. I just… I don't want to see you going back to the drugs. I think you're too talented and too smart. Angel, I believe you want better than that and I swear to God, I will do everything I can to help you, but I can't be your counselor."

  "I guess I can see another counselor." Angel lowered his head and nodded slowly.

  Erik knew how hard it was for him to accept the need to continue counseling, but Angel's acceptance of his sage advice made him damn proud.

  "I promise to be there every step of the way. You won't go through this alone."

  "Then I promise to do everything I can to stay clean."

  Erik brushed the tips of his fingers through Angel's black, spiky hair, down until his hand curled around the nape of the kid's neck. He gently pulled Angel in for a soft, yet heated kiss. Angel's lips parted and Erik's tongue slipped inside his mouth. Tingles rippled down Erik's spine as soon as Angel's hand touched the side of his neck. Everything warmed as Angel's other hand slipped down his chest. It dipped down lower, easing between Erik's thighs. The feel of Angel's palm gently
pressing against his crotch gave him pause.

  "What are you doing?" Erik choked as their lips pulled apart.

  "You don't want me?"

  "Of course I do, but…"

  "No one has ever made love to me before, Erik."

  A surprised "Oh" fluttered from Erik's lips as he exhaled a breath. He took Angel's hands in his and held them up between their chests. "And you want me to be the one who makes love to you for the first time?"

  "I'm not a virgin."

  "I gathered."

  "I've only… fucked." Angel chewed his bottom lip.

  They stared at each other in silence. Erik imagined making love to Angel, the gentle touches, kissing every inch of Angel's body, filling him and connecting with him. In his head, the idea was too incredible for words and the image of Angel lying beneath him had his cock growing harder.

  Standing, he pulled Angel up from the couch and guided him toward the bedroom. He released his hands then gripped his hips and pulled him closer. "I want to make love to you, Angel, but if you have any intention of going back to the clinic, we stop now."

  "I want you, Erik. If that means I have to stay out of the program, then that's what I have to do. I just need you to want me too."

  "I do want you," Erik whispered as he sat Angel on the bed. He knelt down in front of him, began slowly removing his sneakers, then his jeans and his boxers. He kissed his way up Angel's leg, over his knee and across his thigh. "I want to make love to you. You deserve someone who treats you with tenderness and respect."

  "I want you to top me. Make love to me, Erik. Please."

  A drop of cum beaded on the head of Erik's erection. He was more than ready to be inside Angel's body, but he wanted to go slow, to take it easy. He never wanted Angel to forget how rewarding tender, gentle sex with someone he cared about could be. Angel wasn't a whore. He was worth so much more than any amount of money could ever afford, worth loving and holding, cherishing. Erik kissed the spot above Angel's navel, smiled and said, "We'll take it slow. I want this to be perfect for you."

  Angel's face flushed red.

  Reaching for the nightstand, Erik fished for a condom and a bottle of lube he knew would be there, despite having not touched it in nine forevers. His fingertips brushed the smooth surface, grazing the rough edge of the cap and he grinned as he pulled the bottle from the drawer. "Perfect."

  "What?"

  "Just lie back and relax. I'll take care of you, I swear."

  Erik slathered the lube onto two fingers. He leaned down to claim Angel's lips again as he eased one finger into Angel's body. Erik kept kissing him as he slowly, gently massaged Angel's opening. It became loser and Erik carefully added a second finger. Angel hissed against his lips and Erik slowed even more, taking care to be as tender as he could as he stretched his lover a little wider.

  When the kiss broke and Erik opened his eyes again, he found Angel holding the condom. He tore open the little foil wrapper with a smile on his face and it was the most beautiful smile Erik had ever seen. Angel reached down between their bodies and rolled the rubber down Erik's erection.

  Erik pressed himself between Angel's legs until the head of his cock teased his new lover's warm, puckered opening. The friction made his erection harder, made his sac tighten and his thighs tingle. His tongue slipped between Angel's parted lips in a deep, passionate kiss.

  One gentle push and he eased his way past the ring of muscle and further into Angel's body. Gripping warmth sheathed Erik's cock and it felt so utterly amazing that he moaned out Angel's name. He'd had plenty of sex in his life—good sex with hot lovers—but nothing compared to the way Angel was making him feel.

  "Erik," Angel whispered. "I like the way you feel inside me. It feels right."

  "I know, baby. It does feel right."

  And that was the absolute truth. Being with Angel, inside his body, having him in his arms—it all felt right, felt perfect. It was better than anything he'd ever had with Marshall. They connected on a level he and Marshall never had.

  Erik rolled his hips, eased his throbbing erection deep into Angel's heated opening. The lube made him slick, made gliding in and out of his lover's body smooth and easy. He gently stroked, back and forth, back and forth, and with every pass, Angel moaned a little louder. The satisfaction in the sound excited Erik. He picked up the pace, each thrust spreading Angel's legs wider. Another thrust and he brushed Angel's smooth, sensitive center, gently glided over and over. Angel called out his name, screaming it out as a pearly stream of cum erupted from the head of his cock.

  The sight was beautiful. Angel's body was beautiful, and with a few more solid thrusts, Erik's sac tightened and he came with a rumbling growl. He'd made love to Angel, worshipped his body like no one ever had before. He'd given Angel exactly what he wanted, what he deserved, and what he desired.

  Epilogue

  One year later…

  The bold, earthy scent of fresh brewed coffee filled their new apartment. Erik peeled open one eye, then the other. He flopped over in the bed. The spot beside him felt cool, like no one had slept there. It really didn't surprise him, waking up alone. He'd woken up that way every morning for the past week. Angel had exams coming up, so he hit the books early every morning before they left for work and school.

  He unwound his body from the sheets, lazily flopped his legs over the edge of the mattress, and then padded out of the bedroom and into the living room. Bright light hit his eyes and they instantly retaliated, slamming shut to keep the pain away. Erik groaned, rubbing his hand over his sleepy face as he blindly stumbled toward the couch. His shin hit one of the few boxes they still hadn't unpacked and he yelled out a stream of curses.

  Laughter trickled toward him. "Might wanna watch the boxes, Doc," Angel teased.

  "We really need to finish unpacking. We've been in this place for almost a month already and there's still shit I can't find."

  "Aw, poor baby is having a grumpy day," Angel cooed. "Doesn't want to be awake yet, does he?"

  "Someone kept me up all night. You know I'm not as young as you are, right?"

  "Oh, quit complaining. You're not exactly ancient either."

  Erik stuck out his tongue and rubbed at his bare chest. "Coffee?"

  "It's ready," Angel said, nodding toward their massive kitchen.

  It still felt like a maze, what with the huge center island and all. At least he knew where the coffeemaker was. He poured a cup of steaming java then headed back into the living room where Angel had his books spread out on the coffee table. He clenched the warm mug between his hands as his eyes scoured his lover's text books.

  "Did you get your sketch done?" he asked, taking a seat beside Angel on the couch.

  "Yep. Finished it last night while you were sleeping. You've always been a great subject, even better when you're crashed out. You're almost as adorable as a sleeping baby."

  "Yeah. Yeah." Erik laughed, then sipped his coffee. "So, are you going to let me see it or do I have to beg?"

  "You're cute when you beg."

  "Maybe, but you promised I could see it as soon as it was finished."

  Angel pointed the tip of his pen toward the huge leather portfolio holding all of his sketches. It'd been a gift Erik bought for him the day Angel signed up for classes at the community college, a small token to show how proud Erik had been—and still was—of him.

  Grinning, Erik opened the binder, and on the very top of the pile laid a picture of Erik nestled against a pillow. The sketch was a nude, but the bed sheets covered the parts neither of them wanted to ever share with rest of the world. As always, Angel captured every single little detail from the faint dimple in his cheek to the way his fingers parted around his nipple as he slept.

  "I envy you," Erik said. "You're so incredibly talented. I don't have a creative bone in my body."

  "No," Angel smiled. "You don't, but you're good at so many other things. You're smart and damn good at what you do. Look at how booming your practice is. I mean, you went
from that shitty rehab center to your own office." Angel kissed Erik's cheek, running a hand up and down his bare chest. "And I love you exactly how you are."

  Erik's smile widened. "I love you too, baby. You want to come take a shower with me? We have to get going soon. I have a client scheduled at eight and I have to drop you off at school first."

  Gulping down the last of his coffee, Erik stood from the couch and held out his hand. He sat the warm mug down then wiggled his brows as his fingers locked around Angel's wrist. He pulled his lover up from the couch and against his body.

  "Come shower with me," he whispered against the firm line of Angel's jaw.

  Their bare chests met in a soft kiss. Angel shivered against him as Erik brushed his fingertips down his lover's spine. He slowly led Angel back toward the bathroom, removing the few pieces of clothes they had on along the way. Their bare feet slapped against the cool tile of the bathroom floor and Angel shivered again.

  For the both of them, this was pure happiness.

  Erik finally had a rewarding relationship with someone who understood the struggle he went through just to remain sober. He had someone who appreciated him and his need to take care of people. And Angel had found someone with the courage and strength to fight for him, to fight to keep him alive and on the right course. He found someone to take care of him when taking care of himself had become too difficult. They worked for each other, complemented each other and completed each other.

  Erik reached back and turned the shower on. It always took a few minutes for the water to heat up, but he didn't mind. That gave him a few more minutes to hold Angel in his arms. He licked the seam of his lover's lips then pulled him in for another heated kiss. Steam poured out of the shower and the overspray splashed onto their bodies. The kiss broke with a unified hiss. They both laughed as they climbed beneath the water.