Mothers' Day

by Fiona McArthur

  Jacinta screwed up her face as though considering that statement, and rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah, right.’ She raised her hand. ‘Noni, before you go …’

  Noni stopped with one hand on the screen door.

  ‘What are you doing about your relationship with Dad?’

  Noni felt her face stiffen instantly – like melted wax dropped in cold water. She thought of launching into a big explanation. She thought of saying, ‘I haven’t decided.’ Then she looked at the no-nonsense face of the girl in front of her and thought of the truth. What could she do about a man who didn’t need her in his life?

  Get on with her own.

  ‘Nothing.’ She grimaced and looked at the floor. She pulled open the door again and stepped inside, straight into the chest of the man she’d just given up on.

  His arms tightened around her for a moment before they fell away. For that fleeting instant she felt better.

  They both stepped back. Noni stepped too far and tripped on the screen door ledge, nearly falling through the flippin’ door. Iain caught her shoulders to correct her balance, and this time his hands took longer to let go.

  Noni closed her eyes briefly before gently loosening his fingers to sweep his hand off her shoulder. ‘Thank you,’ she said stiffly, and moved past him into the house. She hated that. Why did she have to be the awkward one? The one who almost fell over? It should have been him, though he moved like a cat so she doubted that would happen.

  Then again, maybe if the positions had been reversed, she would have let him drop.

  Fifteen minutes later Noni came downstairs ready to head out to the class. She found Iain waiting in the hallway.

  ‘Do you mind if I come too?’ he asked.

  Great. Why wouldn’t life kick her when she was down? ‘They’re your classes, too, although it would have been a courtesy if you’d mentioned your profession to everyone in the beginning.’

  ‘I’ve apologised for that.’ He looked ready to launch into a big explanation and she so wasn’t willing to go there.

  Noni resisted the urge to scream. ‘I don’t want to rehash anything, Iain. Don’t wallow in it. You’re the one who wants to live on the surface of life. Just let me go to my class and do my job without giving me a hard time.’

  He didn’t say anything, just stared thoughtfully at her until she turned away.

  Over her shoulder she asked, ‘Is Jacinta ready?’

  ‘We’ll take my car.’

  She snorted and raised her eyebrows. ‘Will you?’

  ‘We should all go in my car.’

  She picked up her helmet. ‘Right.’ She pushed open the screen and strode off to get her motorbike.

  When she unlocked the door to the antenatal classroom, she threw the keys on the table so hard they skidded across the top and down onto the floor. Yep. That pretty well summed up her life. Fast lane with two men and then splat.

  She leaned down to pick up the keys and sighed. At least she had ten minutes to herself before they arrived. She flung open a couple of windows and rearranged chairs with aggressive precision. By the time the room had been organised to within an inch of its life, she felt better. Which was lucky, as people began to gather in the car park.

  Paul and Suzie shuffled in, and Noni noticed Suzie held her stomach gingerly. She raised her eyebrows at the couple. ‘Having a few pains, you two?’

  Suzie breathed out and let go of her stomach. ‘They’ve been coming and going for a few days now. I’ve still got three weeks to go and it’s driving me crazy. Paul keeps trying to shove me into the car to come to the hospital. Talk some sense into him, Noni.’

  She glanced at Paul. ‘He’s just trying to do the right thing.’

  He looked nervous and Noni remembered the feeling of not knowing when labour was ready to really kick in from her own experience. Even after all the books she’d read she’d been scared she’d miss the early signs. Boy had that been a dumb idea. Nobody missed that feeling. Though sometimes other people talked you out of listening.

  ‘She’ll know when she’s ready, Paul,’ she reassured him. ‘It could take days or even weeks for labour to truly start. You’ll drive each other crazy if you worry all the time.’

  They both slumped with dejection at that, and Noni tilted her head in sympathy. ‘Some people get these pains for ages beforehand, but the good news is it usually speeds up the true labour when it does arrive.’ She turned to Paul. ‘It’s your job to keep the car filled up with petrol for a quick getaway when the time finally arrives.’

  Paul ran his hand over his chin. ‘Well, can I have one of those cord clamp things? I’m sure Junior’s going to pop his head out as we go over the traffic bridge, and then where will we be?’

  Noni laughed. ‘At least on the right side of the river and the placenta can stay attached. You only need a cord clamp if you cut something. But I know what you mean. It’s a worry.’ She smiled at Suzie. ‘Have faith. You’ll know when you need to hit the road. Just wait for her,’ she pointed at Paul, ‘she’ll tell you in no uncertain terms to get the damn car. Now!’

  They both grinned at that.

  More people arrived and Noni smiled and welcomed them and savoured that feeling of friendship, excitement and satisfaction of helping a well-meshed group of people preparing for a life event. Finally, when everyone was assembled, she said, ‘As you can see, we’ve had our first baby.’

  The prospective mothers and fathers oohed and aahed, much to Jacinta’s obvious satisfaction, and Noni smiled to herself. She loved this part.

  ‘Olivia was born on Sunday and I thought we’d ask Jacinta to describe her memories of labour while I draw a timeline on the board. It’s a kind of revision for the classes. Is that okay, Jacinta?’ The girl nodded.

  As Jacinta recounted her own memories, Noni marked the times of changes, progress and options used to gain pain relief on the board. Noni couldn’t help noticing Iain’s pensiveness. It appeared his own memories were different to Jacinta’s perspective on things. She wondered if the whole experience would make him a better obstetrician in the future or if he’d give up obstetrics altogether. She smiled bitterly to herself. Maybe take up surgery.

  She hoped he’d change for the better, but she’d never know because he was leaving.

  A kaleidoscope of their past conversations; contrasting opinions in class; catching the other’s eye and a shared smile flashed through her mind. Moments that twisted and swooped in her chest like a flock of birds doing group ballet in the sky. Her throat closed over and she swallowed. Somehow, she’d get through the evening.

  The snap of the last window lock had an air of finality about it. Would this be her last class here? If the maternity unit shut she supposed they could still run classes, except that the families would have to go to the bigger hospitals to actually give birth.

  Maybe the new doctor would fall in love with the place and stay. Although, there had been some talk at work today that he might be going to pull out. No. He wouldn’t. Everything would stay the same.

  ‘You’re dreamin’, girl,’ she muttered.

  ‘What are you dreaming about?’

  She hated that. Why couldn’t the guy cough or something? Noni’s intake of breath seemed to go on forever.

  ‘Well, Iain, it wasn’t you.’ She stopped and frowned. ‘Though, it could have been now that you’re an obstetrician.’

  It was his turn to frown. ‘I don’t understand you.’

  Noni gave him a perfunctory smile as she brushed by him. ‘So? What’s new? Goodnight.’ She deliberately pushed past him without closing the door. Or even locking it. One thing she knew about Iain, he wouldn’t follow her until he’d ensured the place was shut properly and the lights were off. She didn’t want to tie herself to someone like that, anyway.

  Jacinta sat in his car with the interior light on as she patted Olivia. Noni waved before she pulled on her helmet. She didn’t know why she felt an urgency to get out onto the road before Iain caught up with her. But it was defin
itely there.

  The engine roared to life just as he walked up beside the bike. He said something, but she pointed to her helmet and revved the bike noisily again before she accelerated away from him.

  It felt good for the first twenty seconds and then her mood flattened again. She turned left and then right and pulled up beside the river to allow a minute of self-pity to wash over her.

  She wished she’d never met Iain McCloud.

  She gave a half-laugh, half-sob. That wasn’t true. He’d been a window to a place where there was more to life than being a mother, a niece and a midwife. She’d wanted the experience and should be thankful it had held some beautiful moments she could remember one day when it didn’t hurt so much. It just seemed such a shame they’d shut that window. And pulled the blinds.

  She started the bike again. It was no use staying here to mope. She made a very careful adjustment to prevent the bike sliding sideways. No way was she doing the damsel in distress this time.

  When Noni arrived home, she could hear Iain on the phone. It sounded serious and she felt her stomach sink. No more crises tonight, please.

  She went in search of her aunt. ‘I’m going to see Harley and then I’m off to bed. Do you know what time they’re leaving tomorrow?’

  Her aunt looked worriedly at her. ‘They may not be leaving yet. Greg has rung a few times and asked Iain to fill the gap while they try to find the new O and G man. Apparently, the one they’d lined up can’t come. Iain must be considering it. He asked if they could stay here another couple of weeks.’ She glanced at her niece’s face. ‘I could say no if that would be easier for you.’

  ‘And have Harley never speak to me again?’ Noni bit her lip. ‘At least someone will be happy.’ She patted her aunt. ‘It’s okay, I’ll stop being a martyr soon.’

  She’d see Iain tomorrow at breakfast and that would be soon enough to know if the torture was going to continue.

  The next morning at breakfast she found out it was.

  ‘I’m staying for another two weeks.’ Iain looked at Noni as he passed the marmalade, but she refused to meet his eyes.

  ‘Great.’ Hell. ‘I’m going out.’

  ‘Stay.’ He laid his fingers over her arm. ‘I need to talk to you, Noni.’

  ‘Well, I don’t want to listen.’ She glanced down at her arm and hated the frisson of awareness he could transmit with that light hold. She was a basket case. How was she supposed to last another fortnight?

  ‘Jacinta said she’d mind Harley if you and I go out this afternoon. I’d really like to speak to you somewhere we won’t be interrupted.’

  ‘Why would that be, Iain?’ This time she did meet his eyes, and what she saw there confused her even more. She didn’t think she could ride this roller-coaster much longer.

  ‘Come and find out. Let’s drive somewhere and go for a walk. We need to talk. There’s something I need to discuss with you.’

  Ironically, the weather turned on a glorious autumn afternoon down by the river. Noni could have done with black clouds and lightning.

  The weeping willows swept the water’s edge, with bright-green ribbons of leaves hanging along the bank. The light shining through the taller gums dappled the grass with shifting polka dots, and birds trilled as if everything was right with the world. Now that was a joke.

  In the far distance the constant baaing of sheep drifted on the breeze. This was Noni’s favourite spot for thinking, and as usual, there wasn’t a soul around. Now, after Iain being here with her, she’d probably ruined her best retreat forever, too.

  It felt strange to be with Iain somewhere not related to either of their children or work. Win had insisted she throw a blanket and some nibbles into a bag before she left for her weekend, instructing Noni on where to find the thermos. Iain had just put everything down in a pile under a gum tree and was watching her warily. Well, she was wary too.

  They stood for a while, neither of them knowing where to start, then Noni threw a rock into the river. The game that started out as desultory ended up competitive. Iain threw a larger-than-normal rock close to the water’s edge and Noni sucked in her breath as the backsplash flooded her face.

  ‘Hey, that wet me!’

  Iain grinned with satisfaction and Noni narrowed her eyes and retaliated. The water splattered his chest. He raised his eyebrows and picked up another rock, but she got her next one in first.

  ‘Enough!’ Noni laughed and stepped back to wipe the droplets of water from her face. That had been cathartic. There was something steadying about cold water on your face. Funny that. ‘So, what do you want to talk to me about, Iain?’

  He dropped his next round of ammunition and the stones clattered at his feet. ‘Can we sit down first? Please.’ He held out his hand.

  She stared at his long, outstretched fingers, deciding if she needed the closeness for the cost of the pain, before, reluctantly, she placed her own in his care.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said quietly. He squeezed her hand gently and smiled, and she felt the ache in her heart tighten.

  Noni couldn’t smile back, but for some stupid reason she couldn’t look away from his face. Something was different. As if they had both just discovered something new in the other person and magic had crept up on them – despite the fact that she’d already given up.

  They walked slowly, careful not to trip without watching their steps, before halting beside their supplies at the tree.

  ‘I’ll spread out the rug, shall I?’ She looked down at their hands, not willing to be the first to disengage.

  He must have been thinking the same thing. ‘I suppose I’ll have to let you go.’ Iain’s voice came deeper than usual and she nodded her head, reluctant to agree out loud.

  ‘It’s there – isn’t it, Noni? It’s not just me feeling something between us when we touch?’ He stroked his thumb down the edge of her hand and she turned her head to watch the goosebumps on her arm.

  She bit her lip. ‘Maybe that’s our problem.’ She looked up at him and his eyes were a deep, startling blue, like a too-deep ocean she wanted to dip into. She was over this horrible teetering. ‘Should we go with our feelings instead of talking about it, Iain?’

  He opened his arms. ‘Will you come here?’

  She moved to stand in the circle of his arms, rested her cheek against his shirt and closed her eyes. When he wrapped his arms around her she sighed and listened to his heart tum-tumping.

  It so wasn’t fair. Why did she feel that this man’s heart was the one she was destined to beat in time to? Why did she feel suddenly safe when previously safety had never been an issue? They had spent – or wasted – so much time at conversational cross-purposes. Was it really so simple? Stick their bodies together and they stopped creating problems.

  ‘Do many people come along here?’ Iain asked quietly.

  Noni’s cheeks warmed. ‘Are you propositioning me?’

  He raised those eyebrows. ‘I’d like to kiss you, but should we go somewhere less exposed?’

  She glanced around. ‘It’s not a popular place because of the stinging nettles, but we can watch out for that.’

  His arms loosened. ‘Stinging nettles? You’re kidding!’

  Such a city slicker. ‘It makes good tea.’ She pulled him along behind the tree a little way until she found a small hollow free of nettles. It was screened from the path and golden shafts of sunlight from the canopy above danced and flickered on the ground.

  ‘Are you fond of nymphs and satyrs, Iain?’ She intended to tease, but after it had been said she couldn’t help her own imaginings. She had to smile at the mental picture of Iain with horns and a tail.

  ‘If I have my own wood sprite to protect me.’ He glanced around and looked dubiously at the stinging nettles. ‘The country can be uncomfortable for we urban dwellers, but I’ll have to trust you to save me.’

  ‘I’ll make no promises.’ Their eyes met again and the undercurrents were understood. She spread the rug and stepped onto it, holding out he
r hand. ‘Welcome to my fairy grotto. Do you dare to enter?’

  The blue of his eyes grew dark and dangerous. Deliciously so. ‘I love a dare,’ he said, and took her hand.

  There it was again. She could almost feel his power seeping up her arm. When he kneeled and pulled her down to join him, it seemed natural to lie with him there, under the trees, wrapped in his arms.

  His first kiss settled like a gentle feather and brushed her lips for the space of a breath. She sighed and nestled into him, curling her arm around his neck to pull him closer.

  ‘You drive me crazy, wood sprite.’ His eyes stared into hers and she could see his intent. Good. That was her intent, too.

  ‘Stop talking and kiss me,’ she demanded softly, and he chuckled before claiming her mouth again to meet her needs – and his.

  This kiss was a study in slow and deep, an erotic duel of two opposing forces finding common ground. It moved to a faster pace that demanded more passion and fed upon itself before they drew away. The next kiss started slow but filled her body with fierce longings, her mind with swirling sensations and her spirit with a strange freedom. It didn’t end until she ran out of breath and she had to pull away. But she went back.

  For a while there, the trees and river disappeared, and the world became a gliding, swooping maelstrom of hunger and need. In a blur of sensation, emotion, and need, her hands sought to feel and stroke the strong body beside hers. Savouring the strength of his neck and shoulders, the solid steel of his upper arms and the molded musculature of his chest.

  His hands roved her still-clothed body, and everywhere he touched seemed to spring into flames until her needs surged and built and made her plead for more. At the danger point, their hands stilled, and a long, burning look passed between them – the point of no return.