The Rocker Who Betrays Me

by Terri Anne Browning

  “How was school this week?”

  “Not bad. I passed my make-up test and the ones we had today.” I leaned forward to fix my backpack where Zander had placed it at my feet, just to have something to do.

  “I knew you would get your grades up if you weren’t so stressed at home.” He shot me a tight smile as he braked long enough for the bus in front of us to drop off a few students in front of several houses. “Everything else going okay?”

  No, I wanted to scream at him. No, everything else is not going okay. I can’t sleep. I haven’t eaten. I miss you so damn much. But you don’t want me, Z. You don’t want me, and I’m dying.

  Instead I forced another smile to my lips and shrugged. “Everything is good.”

  I expected him to smile back, relieved that I was okay now that he had fixed everything for me and no longer had to worry about how I was coping. He didn’t smile. If anything, his jaw tensed even more and he turned his attention to the road as we followed behind the bus.

  I bit down on the inside of my cheek and turned my head to watch the passing scenery through the passenger window as he drove on. Fall was my favorite time of year, and not just because it was my birthday. I loved the changing colors of the leaves and the cooler temperatures that teased at the coming winter. I was the type of girl who would rather be in a hoodie and sweats than a bikini top and shorts.

  The trees passed in a blur and it took me several minutes before I realized we were no longer behind the bus, the same bus that would have driven past the garage. Blinking, I realized we were on one of the back roads that led to the Niall’s farm, one that not even they used all that often.

  “What…?” I broke off when Zander hit the brakes and turned off the truck in the middle of the rarely-used dirt road. He unsnapped his seatbelt before turning on the bench seat and unsnapped mine.

  He moved so fast I didn’t have time to think about my own reaction as he moved across the seat and wrapped his arms around me. Zander pulled me against his chest and buried his face in my hair and I melted against him, because it was exactly what I wanted.

  “Fuck, I’ve missed you.” His voice came out rough, bordering almost on a growl. “I know it’s only been a week, but it feels like longer.”

  I pressed my face into his chest, inhaling the mixture of sweat and soap. I loved the scent because it was completely Zander. “Missed you, too,” I whispered.

  His hands stroked up and down my back and I thought I felt his lips in my hair, but figured it was wishful thinking. “I wanted to come see you on Sunday, but Chelsea thought you needed time to calm down. So I’ve waited all week, feeling like my damn heart would explode if I didn’t see you, but I gave you your fucking space Anna.”

  Confusion flooded my head. Why would he want to see me if he was so damn glad to be done with me? Not understanding anything, I pulled back, even as my heart was screaming at me that we needed more of Zander’s hug than answers. “Why?”

  He frowned. “Why what?”

  I pushed at his chest, needing more space so that I could think clearly. “Why did you want to see me so bad if you were so glad to be rid of me? I figured you would have been celebrating with Devlin or something this week?”

  The frown turned into something dangerous. His face hardened and his eyes took on that glow that told me his head was not in a good place. “For someone so smart, you can be a fucking idiot sometimes, Annabelle.” My mouth fell open, not sure how to react to that slap in the face. “I didn’t tell Noah what was going on because I was tired of taking care of you. I would fucking take care of you for the rest of my life and never complain about it. I didn’t care if you climbed through my window. Hell, it was something I looked forward to because when you were sleeping in my bed, I found the kind of peace I’ve been searching for all my life.”

  My heart clenched painfully at the look on his face. His eyes started to turn back to hazel, his face unclenched and the way his lips tilted upward I knew he was telling me the truth. The look passed quickly and his eyes went back to the green and gold glow.

  “You were hiding from the problem and I knew I couldn’t let you keep doing it no matter how much I loved being your hero. I was scared to death you were going to get hurt, and your grades were slipping. You deserved a better life than the one you were leading, babe.”

  Tears burned my eyes, but this time I didn’t try to hide them from him. “Z—”

  He cupped my face in his big, rough hands. “It’s okay if you hate me, Anna. I’ll take whatever shit you want to throw at me for breaking my promise. What I can’t handle, what my fucked-up mind can’t deal with, is you thinking I wanted to get rid of you. You’re my best friend, the only person who has ever gotten me and has never judged me. I’ve felt like I couldn’t fucking breathe without you this week. All I want is for you to be safe.” Using his thumbs under my jaw, he tilted my head back so that I had no choice but to meet his eyes head on. “Do you understand that?”

  An errant tear spilled free. “Yes, Z.” It came out as a whisper, but it cut my throat on its way out, fighting for freedom past the huge lump choking me.

  More gold flecks filled his eyes, but they didn’t turn back to hazel. The gold flamed down at me and I watched in fascination as he lowered his gaze from my eyes to my lips. Everything inside of me screamed in an intoxicated kind of excitement as I watched him lick his full bottom lip, as if he were thinking about tasting my mouth. Before my eyes, I watched his inner struggle, to kiss me or not.

  Seeing that need in his eyes, that hunger that matched my own, made me suddenly feel powerful. Mix in his explanation of why he’d broken his promise and I realized that I’d been seriously blind when it came to Zander Brockman. Maybe he did care about me—want me—just as much as I did about him.

  His inner struggle was making those gold flecks disappear again and I knew instinctively he wasn’t going to follow through with the kiss that I would have begged him for. Not wanting to lose this chance to have something I’d only been dreaming about, I lifted my hands to cover his on my face. Pulling his big, beautifully rough hands from my face, I moved closer.

  Zander inhaled through his nose, making his nostrils flare in a way that was unspeakably sexy. Still holding onto his hands, I placed them at my waist and pressed my chest against his. The rapid beating of his pulse at the base of his neck caught my attention and I lifted one hand to touch it. His heartrate matched my own and gave me courage to do the one thing I knew he wouldn’t.

  “You’re such a good man, Zander.” I brushed my lips over his jaw.

  “I don’t feel like a good man right now, Anna.”

  My lips lifted slightly in a smile. “That’s okay. I like it when you’re bad, too.” I let my lips skim along his jaw until I came to his chin. Abandoning the pulse at the base of his throat, I combed my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck and pressed another kiss to his slightly rough chin. “No one has ever kissed me before, you know,” I murmured. “I’ve never really wanted to kiss anyone until this summer. Then I kind of fell hard for this guy.”

  His jaw clenched again, harder this time than it had been earlier. “Who?” His tone was low and rough, sounding a little gravelly and making the fine hairs on my body lift with excitement.

  My small smiled turned into a grin. “Just a guy I know. He’s a little rough around the edges, but I like him that way. He’s got a bad reputation around this small-ass town, but no one realizes he’s got the biggest heart.” My other hand covered the middle of his chest, right over his racing heart. “He’s the kind of guy every scared little girl should have as a hero.”

  A few more flecks of gold returned to his incredible green eyes and he leaned his forehead against mine. “Christ, Anna. I thought you were talking about some fucking tool from school.”

  An unladylike snort left me. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Z.”

  “Maybe.” He shook his head as he pulled back. “I’m no good for you, Annabelle
. You shouldn’t want me. I’ll only bring you down, baby.”

  My fingers tightened in his hair. “Don’t ever say that to me again, Zander Brockman. I’ll accept anything else that leaves your lips, but don’t you ever put yourself down to me.” It was my turn to force him to meet my gaze. I kept a strong hold on his hair, knowing that I was probably hurting him as I did it, but what he’d just said had not only pissed me off but hurt me. “You are the best man I know, second to no one. Not even my brother. You are a strong, kind man and I care about you. Very much.” With my whole heart.

  “Anna—”

  “If you’re going to say something to try to talk me out of it, you might as well hold your breath, because I don’t want to hear it.” I glared at him. “Hearing you say you aren’t good enough for me only pisses me off, Z. I know what I want and that’s you. You are the best thing in the world for me. No one else will do.”

  His lips twisted in a disbelieving smile. “Stop it. You know…”

  I couldn’t stand to hear another word coming from that sexy-as-sin mouth a second longer. I tugged his head down the few inches that separated us and sealed my lips to his, stopping whatever he might have said. His entire body stiffened.

  All my anger at him over the way he’d put himself down evaporated in the force of the heat that consumed my entire body as I kissed Zander. His hands at my waist contracted but, after only a brief uncertain moment, he pulled me against his hard body, taking control and deepening the kiss. Surprised and thrilled from the way he was taking over, I opened my mouth.

  His tongue brushed over mine and my senses stopped everything they were doing in that moment to take stock of his taste. Holy God. He tasted of the cinnamon candy he liked so much but also something else. It was just as spicy as the cinnamon but something much more potent, yet it was sweet too. Like the honey his grandmother put in her oatmeal cookies.

  With a curse Zander pushed away from me and raked his hands through his hair. “Fuck. Fuck. Ah fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  Still lost in his taste, it took me a few seconds before I was able to make a coherent thought. I felt a sudden sense of loss. I’d only had it for a moment, but I already missed the feel of his hands on me, his lips on mine, his body heat soaking into my own. The next was disappointment. I wanted more, so much more.

  “Zander.”

  “I didn’t bring you out here to do this, Anna.” He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes as he breathed in deep breath after deep breath through his nose. “I just wanted to talk. To make you understand…” He broke off and shook his head without opening his eyes. “I told you I’m not a good man.”

  “Was kissing me so wrong?” I whispered, hating that look of self-hate I saw on his face. Was that because of me? Had I forced this and made him hate himself because of it?

  His eyes snapped open and he turned on the bench seat to face me. “Baby, kissing you feels like the most right thing in the world. But you’re sixteen and I’m almost nineteen. In this state, that makes you underage and me a bad man in the eyes of the law.”

  I lifted a brow at him. “You’re only two years older than me, Z.”

  It was his turn to glare. “That doesn’t mean anything, Annabelle.”

  I smirked at him. “Actually it does. I’m going to be seventeen in a little over a week, and you’re still eighteen for several more. Even if you were up to four years older than me, you wouldn’t be breaking any laws. It’s called the Romeo and Juliet Law.”

  “How do you even know that?”

  I shrugged, still smirking at him. “I might have gone to the library and looked it up.” His brows lifted and I couldn’t help but blush. “I spent all summer daydreaming about you wanting me as much as I want you. I knew you would think your age would be a problem and I wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t get in trouble if by some miracle you decided you did want me.”

  Zander growled something under his breath and started the truck. “Swear to me you aren’t joking, Anna.”

  My smirk vanished. “I have a copy of the law in my backpack. Do you want to see it?”

  “Fuck, yeah I do.”

  My stomach did a little flip. Did that mean he wanted it to be true? I dampened my suddenly dry lips with the tip of my tongue. “Okay.” I reached for my backpack and pulled out the folded and creased sheet of paper that I’d photocopied from the library.

  He pulled it from my fingertips and his green and gold gaze scanned over each word as he read it. Twice. I watched as he swallowed once, twice, a third time. Then, without looking at me, he put the truck in gear and drove me back to the garage.

  Stepping out on his side, he offered me his hand and helped me out. I was about to turn to go into the office when his hand tightened around my fingers and I watched in fascination as he lifted my hand to kiss my knuckles. “I’ll see you soon, baby.”

  My heart did a summersault in my chest and I grinned as I left him standing there and went into the office to get to work.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Zander

  “You sure this is what you want, man?”

  Noah leaned his head back on the couch in the back room at Floyd’s Bar. He wasn’t drinking his usual beer, and he’d had a faraway look in his eyes ever since he’d gotten to the bar half an hour ago. I’d known this was coming tonight, just as Devlin and Wroth had, but Liam had been busy elsewhere all week—meaning he’d been getting high with Tawny—so Noah’s decision was news to him.

  “Yeah, man. This is what I want,” Noah assured Liam, but I could see the pain in his eyes. He might have decided that this was what he needed to do, but he wasn’t a hundred percent sure that it was what he wanted.

  I was a million percent sure that it wasn’t what I wanted. Noah was leaving the band right when we’d been starting to get noticed. We’d had two managers stop in to Floyd’s over the last few months, all saying we had potential, but none of them had made us an offer to sign with them. Still, we were sure that it was only a matter of time now until we found the right manager.

  Noah was worried that even if we did get a manager and then a record deal afterward, he wouldn’t be making the money he needed to support himself plus Annabelle. I knew he was only thinking about his and his sister’s future, but that didn’t make his leaving any easier for my fucked-up mind to understand.

  Or maybe it was the thought of what would happen once OtherWorld did actually get a record deal and we had to leave Tennessee. Would I be able to just follow my band-brothers and leave Annabelle behind? Especially after she’d confessed that she cared about me just as much as I did about her.

  “But country music? Really?” Liam lifted his beer to his lips and took a long pull from the bottle. I didn’t think he needed the added buzz of a few beers. From the way his eyes were dilated I could tell he’d already been into the coke.

  Noah’s lips lifted in a forced smile. “Yeah, man, really. Chelsea and I actually went up to Nashville last week and I played for some radio executive. He was impressed with me and said he’d be in touch.”

  That wasn’t news to me and the other’s either. We knew he was going to go the country route and that he was even talking to Chelsea’s dad about asking her to marry him. Her old man liked Noah and was pretty cool about their relationship. He’d even offered to help them out with money if they decided to move up to Nashville, promising to pay their rent if it came to that.

  Noah and Chelsea moving, however, meant that Annabelle would be moving with them.

  Motherfucking hell.

  I lifted my beer to my lips and swallowed the rest of its contents in one gulp before reaching for another on the small table between the couch and the old musky love seat that I was sitting on with Devlin.

  Liam’s brows lifted but after a few seconds he shrugged. “Huh. Well, good luck, dude. I’m gonna miss you.”

  “Thanks,” Noah muttered and turned his gaze toward the ceiling. He was quiet for several minutes before he let out a forced laugh an
d sat up a little straighter. “I want to be there when you guys audition my replacement.”

  “Don’t do that to yourself, man.” Devlin sat forward on the loveseat and grabbed another beer. “No one wants to see who’s replacing them on any level.”

  “Nah, it’ll be okay. It will make me feel better about leaving you fuckers. I want to make sure that whoever takes over for me will get you where you deserve to be.” His smile this time wasn’t nearly as forced as it had been. “Don’t want some idiot wannabe bringing down my boys.”

  We waited until the last song that night before Noah made the announcement that it was going to be his last show at Floyd’s. We had a pretty big following from the surrounding area and no one was happy about Noah’s news. Several chicks in the front row started crying, until he told them that he was going country solo. That had a few of them drying their tears, but not many.

  I gritted my teeth as we left the stage after the last song. I wanted to get as far away from Floyd’s Bar and my band-brothers as fast as possible. My fucking mind felt like it was bouncing around in my skull and all I wanted was the sweet peace that only one person could bring me.

  I didn’t even wait to see if Devlin was going to get a ride home with one of the others before I was jogging out to my truck and burning rubber as I backed out of the parking lot. I drove over the speed limit and kept twisting the knob on the radio even as I tried to fight my OCD not to do it fourteen times while the fingers of my other hand tapped over and over again on the steering wheel. Fourteen. Fourteen. Four-fucking-teen.

  I didn’t know why I was stuck on the number fourteen. I couldn’t remember why it was so important, but my brain was obsessed with it. I was starting to hate that damn number and how it was destroying my life.

  By the time I pulled into the parking lot of the garage, I hadn’t calmed down any. Jerking open the door of my truck, I jumped out and slammed it behind me. Taking the steps up to the apartment two at a time, I tried to think of something—fucking anything—other than the taste of Annabelle’s lips earlier that afternoon.