Fuck.
Fuck.
Motherfucking sonofabitch.
Fuck.
I reached the top of the steps and lifted my fist to knock, but the door opened before I could. Annabelle stood on the other side of the doorway, her long pale blond hair tousled, her sleep clothes rumpled and her eyes a mixture of sleepy and worried. “What’s wrong?” she demanded as soon as she saw my face. “What is it?”
Stepping through the door, she grasped my arms, pulling me easily across the threshold into the apartment. “Z, you’re scaring me. You’re shaking.”
I pulled my arms free and wrapped them around her. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. My voice was locked in my throat from the boulder of emotion blocking its exit. Instead I pulled her against me as tight as I could get her and buried my face in her sweet-smelling hair.
Having her that close, being able to touch the only thing that mattered to me, made it easier to breathe and I sucked in one deep gulp of air after another for the first time all night. Tears of relief stung my eyes and I kept my face in her hair until I could control myself, not wanting her to see my weakness.
Soft fingers trailed up my back under my old T-shirt and stroked up and down my spine. I let out a shuddery breath and kissed the shell of her ear. “Sorry,” I got out in a voice still rough with the emotions still churning through me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Are you okay?” she murmured softly.
“Better now,” I assured her and, with my arms still wrapped tightly around her, lifted her a few inches off the floor so I could carry her to the couch.
I dropped down onto the old piece of furniture and pulled her across my lap, wishing to God and anyone else who was willing to listen to my silent prayer just then, that I could keep her like that for the rest of my life. Things were changing way too fast and I wasn’t able to keep up. I was losing Annabelle with every passing second, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it. Soon she would be in Nashville and I would be who knew where. I just wanted to hit pause on everything, holding her and soaking up every moment of having her in my arms.
Her fingers stroked through my hair as she held my head against her chest. The feel of her soft hands, the soothing strokes as she combed my hair back from my face, and simply having her in my arms, were slowly calming all the noise in my head to a soft murmur and I was able to think clearly once again. Finally I lifted my head and met her concerned blue gaze.
“Hi,” she whispered softly with a small smile.
“Hi, baby.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. I didn’t even know where to begin to start and even if I did I couldn’t have voiced the craziness that was eating up what was left of my sanity. As if she understood all of that and was okay with it she lowered her head to my chest, but continued to stroke her fingers through my hair. “Okay.”
We sat there like that for at least an hour. Neither of us spoke, neither one so much as moved except for her fingers through my hair. It was only when she fought back a yawn that I realized I’d woken her up, acting like the crazy man that I was.
“You should go back to bed,” I muttered, thinking about her and pushing down my need to hold onto her and the last thread of sanity I still had.
“I won’t sleep if I do. I’d just lie there thinking about you.” She lifted her head and met my gaze. “Don’t send me away, Z. I’m happy where I am.”
Fuck, she knew how to gut me. “I’m not going to send you anywhere you don’t want to go.” I glanced down at the old couch we were sitting on. Figuring it was long enough and wide enough for us both, I kicked off my boots and positioned us so that she was lying in front of me. I kept her back to my front and reached for the remote that was in its usual spot on the arm of the couch.
I promised myself I’d only stay for a little while. I just wanted to hold her for a few more minutes.
Turning the television on, I found a channel that wasn’t stupid infomercials before lying back. There was an older afghan that Chelsea had brought over and left a few months before and I pulled it off the back of the couch and over the both of us. Annabelle snuggled back against me, making my body throb from wanting her, but I just gritted my teeth and kissed the back of her head.
Just a few more minutes, but I knew I was lying to myself. I couldn’t bring myself to leave her. Would I ever get enough of this?
No. Never.
Within minutes her breathing evened out and I knew she was asleep. Soon my own eyes began to drift closed, but I didn’t fight it. I kissed the top of her head again and I let sleep claim me…
The high-pitched cackle of a cartoon witch jerked me awake the next morning. My eyes snapped open and for a few seconds I didn’t recognize where I was. Then the warm body wrapped around my own shifted and I breathed a little easier when I realized I’d fallen asleep holding Annabelle. My body instantly woke up and I had to bite back a groan as her thigh brushed over my throbbing hard-on.
Needing a distraction —and fast —I glanced at my watch and saw that it was still pretty early, but that Gram would be up and making breakfast. She wasn’t used to me not coming home on Friday nights, not like she had been before Annabelle had needed me to be home. She would worry and I didn’t want that.
I leaned up on my elbow and brushed a kiss over Annabelle’s temple. “Hey, are you hungry?”
She yawned and blinked her eyes open. “I could eat,” she murmured sleepily and snuggled against my chest a little deeper.
I stroked my fingers down her cheek, soaking up the feel of her in my arms like that a little longer, storing the memory away for a rainy day. Fuck, it felt good. It felt right. Like she was meant to be right there in my arms forever. Muttering a curse, I lowered my head and brushed my lips over her closed eyes. “Come on, baby. We’ll eat and I’ll bring you back in time for the garage to open.”
She didn’t move for a long moment, keeping her face buried in my chest as she sucked in a few deep breaths. Was she crying? I grasped her chin carefully between my fingers and tilted her head so I could see her face. Her eyes were damp, but no tears had fallen yet.
“Anna—”
She shook her head and gave me a trembling smile. “I’m good, just really happy right now. Does that make sense?”
My gut clenched. “Yeah, babe. It makes perfect sense.” Because even though I was stressing over the future and knowing I’d be without her, in that moment I was happy. Having her in my arms, knowing her feelings ran as deep as my own, I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life.
By the time we pulled into my grandparents’ driveway, I could smell her breakfast in the air. I climbed out of my truck and turned to help Annabelle out before shutting the door. As we walked to the back door, her gaze went to her mother’s house next door.
Things had been quiet over there the last few days, but I’d seen Mrs. Cassidy-Malcolm getting her mail the day before. She’d been holding her usual cup of punch and vodka, stumbling as she walked back to her house. As for Jacob, I hadn’t seen him at all, although I knew he was there since his car was there in the evenings when I got home each night.
I stopped before opening the back door. “I’m glad you’re out of there, Annabelle.”
Her jaw clenched and she nodded, giving me a small smile. “Yeah, me too.”
I pulled her close, stealing a hug before I finally opened the back door and stepped into the kitchen. Gram was standing at the stove, stirring the gravy. She was humming to herself as she cooked and I pulled Annabelle with me as I went to hug the old woman.
Gram grinned up at me when I tapped her on the shoulder. “Zander, I was starting to wonder if you were coming home.”
“I slept at Noah’s last night,” I informed her and nodded toward Annabelle. “I brought company.”
Gram’s eyes fell on the girl beside me and her entire body seemed to light up. She practically pushed me out of the way to get to Annabelle. “Oh, honey. I’m so
glad to see you.” She pulled Annabelle into a squeezing hug that proved just how strong she still was, but Annabelle was hugging her back. When she stepped back, her eyes had darkened with concern. “How are you?”
“I’m good, Mrs. Brockman. I hope it’s okay that I came over.”
Gram narrowed her eyes. “Girl, you know you will always be welcome at my table. Always. You’re one of the family, honey.”
Annabelle started blinking rapidly and I knew she was fighting tears. Not wanting her to feel embarrassed, I distracted Gram. “I’d really like some scrambled eggs, if you don’t mind making them, Gram.”
“Of course I don’t mind.” She turned back to the stove. “You two kids sit down. Annabelle, how do you want your eggs?”
She cleared her throat before speaking. “Scrambled is fine, Mrs. Brockman.”
Gram turned to glare at her as I pulled out a chair for her at the kitchen table. “I wish you’d call me Gram, honey.”
Annabelle opened her mouth, but no words came out. It wasn’t the first time Gram had asked her to call her that but, when she was little, her hag of a mother hadn’t wanted her to. Now there wasn’t any reason for her not to start calling my grandmother Gram, and I’d have been lying if I said I didn’t like the idea.
Once she was seated, Annabelle smiled. “Okay. Thank you, Gram.”
Gram was just putting the bowl of gravy on the table when Gramps took his usual place. He greeted Annabelle with one of his rare smiles. “Good to see you, girl.”
“You too, sir.”
My grandparents caught up with Annabelle over breakfast and she was laughing by the time she helped Gram clear away the table. I glanced at my watch and realized that the garage would be opening in fifteen minutes. Grimacing, I stood and grabbed my keys. “I’d better get you back to the garage, Anna.”
She glanced at the clock above the stove and gasped. “Noah is going to be worried if I don’t get back in time.” She quickly hugged Gram and then brushed a kiss over Gramps’ cheek as she followed me to the back door. “Thanks for having me, Gram.”
“You come back anytime, Annabelle.” Gram stood at the back door as I helped Annabelle into the truck and waved as I backed out of the driveway.
Annabelle was quiet for several minutes as I drove her back to the garage. When she finally spoke, her voice sounded sad. “Thanks for that, Z. I didn’t realize how much I missed your grandparents until this morning. You’re so lucky to have them.”
I knew exactly how lucky I was. My grandparents had supported my mother when she’d come home from college pregnant. They hadn’t judged her as most of the people in West Bridge had when she’d had me. Then when she’d died of breast cancer, they’d made sure I stayed with them instead of letting my father’s family adopt me. My father’s family had had little to do with me until my mother’s death, but as soon as she’d died they’d suddenly wanted custody of me. My grandfather had fought them tooth and nail until my other grandparents had given up. It was then that I knew exactly how lucky I was to have them love me so much.
Pulling into the garage, I saw Devlin’s dad’s truck already in its normal spot along with Noah’s. Noah’s truck hadn’t been there when we’d left that morning, so I figured he’d just slept at Chelsea’s the night before. Getting out, I helped Annabelle down, but didn’t move toward the garage’s office. I didn’t want to see Noah or Wade and I didn’t want them to see me saying goodbye to Annabelle.
Holding onto her hand, I pulled her close and brushed my lips over her cheek. I felt her shiver and it took everything in me not to pull her against me and kiss her the way I really wanted to. Lifting my head, I met her bright blue eyes. “Tonight I’ll bring pizza and a movie from Blockbusters. Okay?”
“Sounds good,” she breathed.
Unable to resist, I brushed another kiss over her cheek and reluctantly let go of her hand. “Seven?” She nodded and I climbed back into my truck. “Call my house if you need me.”
CHAPTER NINE
Annabelle
Noah and Wade were already working on someone’s car when I entered the office. Sitting down behind the desk, I was glad to be alone for the moment, needing to soak up the incredible morning I’d had with Zander.
It felt like bubbles were in my blood. I was walking on clouds as I went back and forth from the office to the back room. I wanted to hold on to the feeling and never let it slip away.
Waking up with Z’s arms around me had been something I’d missed all week and, for the first time, I’d gotten a full night’s sleep. My heart had felt like lead when I realized he’d have to leave me soon, but then he’d asked me to have breakfast at his grandparents’ house and I couldn’t help the tears that had nearly spilled free. How could something as small as going for breakfast have brought me to tears so easily? For the first time in forever I’d felt truly happy, and it was all because of Zander Brockman.
Without realizing it, a stupid grin lifted my lips and I was still sporting it several hours later when Noah came into the office to wash his hands and grab a quick snack. My brother opened his bag of chips as he sat down on the edge of my desk where I was sorting through invoices for our latest parts shipment.
“Zander put that stupid look on your face?”
My head snapped up and my grin faded as I glared up at Noah. “Shut up,” I snapped at him, not wanting him to make fun of the bubbly feeling I was still having.
He popped a Dorito into his mouth. “Don’t get all defensive, Annabelle. I’m just curious what or, more to the point, who put that silly grin on your face. I like it. Looks good on you, baby sis.” He shrugged and popped two more Doritos into his mouth. “If it was because of Z then I’m cool with that. He’s good for you.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Really? You’d be okay if we…?” Noah shrugged again and my heart melted with love for my brother. “Thanks, Noah.”
He grimaced. “Don’t thank me yet, honey. We still have to talk about Nashville. The way things are looking we might be moving up there by the end of next month.”
“Nashville isn’t that far away. I could see Z on the weekends…” Noah was shaking his head. “Why not?”
He tossed his now empty bag of chips in the trashcan by my feet and wiped his cheesy fingers on his grease-stained jeans. “Don’t tell Z, but when I went to Nashville this week, I told the radio exec about OtherWorld. He gave me the number of a guy and I’ve been talking to a manager who wants to hear the band. As soon as I find my replacement, I’m setting up a meeting for them. If this guy likes what he hears, then the band will be moving to California to start looking for a record deal.”
I gasped, seeing the pain in my brother’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Noah.” Tears burned my eyes and I tried to keep them at bay, but a few fell free. Noah was giving up so much to take care of me. Anyone who knew my brother knew that OtherWorld was his life. His giving them up and even helping them in the process must have been killing him. I didn’t know if he was going to be happy going solo, but I knew it wouldn’t fill the void OtherWorld did.
I was costing him OtherWorld. He was leaving the band because of me, so that he would be able to take care of me. I was choking with the regret I felt over ruining his life. Things would have been so much simpler if I’d just kept my mouth shut. I could have dealt with Jacob if I’d known just how much I would fuck up Noah’s life.
He lifted a hand and wiped away my tears. “This isn’t your fault, Annabelle. I don’t ever want you to think it is. I’m the one who is making this decision. You didn’t force me. I’ll still have music, so it’s not like I’m giving it up completely. I have you and Chelsea. That’s all I need. Nashville will be a good fit for the three of us.”
“But—”
Noah clenched his jaw and stood, walking around the desk. “No buts. I’ve got work to do.”
“Noah…” He stopped at the door and turned his head to look at me. “I love you.”
His face relaxed. “Love you, too.”
> My grin didn’t return for the rest of the workday. I spent the hours trying to go through the invoices and other paperwork that needed my attention, but I couldn’t remember what I’d read or actually done with it all. My mind was caught on the fact that Zander could be leaving me in just a matter of weeks. Part of me was ecstatic about the opportunity for him and OtherWorld, but a bigger part was heartbroken.
Zander would move to California and become a rock god. There would be girls, so many fucking girls. He’d hook up with them all, live the life of the badass rocker I knew he would be. He’d forget all about me…
Muttering every vicious curse word I knew, I tossed the paperwork into a filing cabinet and locked up the office before stomping up the stairs to the apartment. My chest was so tight I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain. I practically ran into the bedroom and locked the door behind me before falling onto the bed and crying like the baby I was.
Z was going to leave. OtherWorld was too good for that manager Noah had mentioned not to want to help them move up in the rock world. As long as they found someone with the right vocals to take over for Noah, there would be nothing to stop them from getting signed.
Sob after sob shook my body, each of them leaving my throat tortured and raw. My heart was breaking and Zander wasn’t even gone yet. I knew it was only a matter of time, though. The countdown had already begun and it was just a matter of weeks before he would be gone. I wanted to beg and plead for him to stay in Tennessee, for me. For us. I’d love him for the rest of my life if he would just stay and hold me.
The tears came faster, the sobs so intense I felt like I was destroying all of my organs. It wouldn’t have mattered if I had. The second Zander was gone, I wouldn’t need any of them. And he was going to leave.
The Rocker Who Betrays Me Page 8
