I inhaled the cool fall air as we stopped and leaned back against the garage. I didn’t want to look at him—too afraid I’d fall into a sobbing mess at his feet—so I looked up at the stars instead. Despite the coolness of the night, the sky was crystal clear, not a cloud in sight. The stars twinkled down at me, mocking me for wanting to wish on each and every one of them. Wish for Zander to stay, for things to be different. For him to have a different dream, one that included settling down somewhere and starting a family. Or whatever. Anything, damn it, anything that wouldn’t take him away from me.
But that wasn’t his dream and I loved him enough to want to make this dream of his a reality.
His fingers tightened around mine and he stepped in front of me, blocking out my view of the stars. I swallowed hard, forcing back my pleas for him to stay, and smiled. “What?” I demanded with a laugh when he just stood there looking down at me with such intensity. I couldn’t see the color of his eyes, but I would have bet they were green with flecks of gold fire right then.
“I’m going to buy you and Gram a cell phone. That way if you need me, I’ll only be a phone call away. We can talk every day, and I’ll come back to visit as often as I can.”
My heart skipped a beat. “R-really?”
“Yes, Anna, really. I need to be connected to you. I need to know that you’re safe and back here in Tennessee waiting on me. That you care enough to wait until I’m in a position to come back and get you.” He took a step back and raked his hands through his hair. “Look, I know this probably sounds stupid to you, and I would totally understand if you don’t want to take this chance with me. I’m a bad risk, Anna. My head is all kinds of fucked-up and I’m probably going to make your life a living hell because of that.”
I stood there, completely stunned by what was coming out of his mouth. I didn’t want to hope. Hope was such a dangerous emotion and it could rip me apart if I let myself feel it. Watching him made that impossible, though. Being this close to him, hearing words leave his mouth that broke my heart because of all the self-hate I could hear in them, I couldn’t not hope.
Muttering a curse, he caught my chin between his thumb and forefinger, so gently it finally broke me. A few tears spilled out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I could only make out the shape of his face but even in the darkness I could see the intensity in it. “I love you, Annabelle. I love you so damn much. Say you’ll wait for me. I’ll come back for you, baby. I swear it.”
Fuck you, hope. You’d better not break my heart.
More tears fell and I didn’t try to hold them back like I’d done all night. With a broken sob I threw my arms around his neck. “I love you t-too, Z-Z.” His arms wrapped around my waist hard enough to lock the air in my chest, but I didn’t care. “I love you. Of course I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as I have to. I only want to be with you. I love you so much it hurts.”
His body was shaking, but he kept a tight hold around my waist. “Thank God,” he breathed. “I was going crazy, baby. This is what I want, the music and all that shit, but I want you too. You deserve so much better than me, Anna. It was killing me because I didn’t think I had the right to ask you to take a chance on me—on a future with me. I know it’s selfish, but right now I don’t give a damn.”
A choked laugh bubbled up in my chest. “You really are crazy.” I felt him tense even more and laughed again. “Crazy for thinking I wouldn’t want to be with you. I want it all, Z,” I admitted with another sob that hurt my chest from the force of it. “I want you to have your dreams and I w-want to be a part of them. I love you and it was killing me to have to smile all night and pretend I was over the moon when all I wanted to do was beg you to stay or take me with you. I wasn’t about to ask you to stay, and I knew I couldn’t go with you. Not yet.” Tears were pouring down my face and now soaking his shirt, but neither of us seemed to really notice or care. “I love you.”
“Fuck,” he muttered with a groan that turned into a tortured whimper. “Ah, fuck.” He kissed my neck but didn’t lift his head. His shoulders shook harder than the rest of his big body. When I felt his tears soaking into my shirt, my heart clenched painfully and my own tears fell faster.
“I love you,” he breathed. “I love you.”
It was nearly dawn before the last person left. Wroth was crashed out on the couch, taking up all the available space on it and still his big feet hung over the end of one of the couch arms. Devlin was asleep on the loveseat and, given that he was the second tallest guy I knew, the sight was something I couldn’t help laughing at. Or taking a picture of. I took several with the Polaroid we’d had for forever. Sticking one to the fridge, I took the other with me into the bedroom to hide in case he decided to tear the other one into a thousand pieces.
In the bedroom, I found Axton asleep by the closet. I didn’t want to know what he’d been doing to fall into a drunken sleep there, and I didn’t have the heart to wake him. Thankful that he had all his clothes on, I tossed a throw over him and I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
Noah had left half an hour before with Chelsea, deciding to sleep at her house rather than finding a place to crash on the floor. Liam and Tawny had been the first two to leave earlier, and I wouldn’t say I was sorry. Even high, I could deal with Liam, but Tawny was another story. High or stone-cold sober I couldn’t stand her for longer than five minutes and even then that pushed the boundaries of my tolerance for the bitch.
After brushing my teeth I washed my face and turned off the light as I went back into the bedroom to climb into bed. I wasn’t sure how long I lay there just staring at the dark ceiling before Zander came to bed. It wasn’t long at all, but it felt like hours. I knew that I needed to get used to not having him to hold me at night, but for now I was going to savor every second I had with him.
I still couldn’t believe what had happened earlier. I was still smiling because that damn emotion, hope, was making me plan our future already. Z would go to California and OtherWorld would get their record deal. They would record their first album and he’d come home before he went off on his first tour. Then, when he got back from that, I’d be eighteen and we could start our life together in California.
After hearing how Tawny was going to be moving out to California with Liam and even bragging how she would be touring with her rock-star boyfriend, I knew that Z and me actually had a chance. This could happen for us.
With a happy sigh I snuggled against him, moaning softly when he brushed a butterfly-soft kiss over my eyes and whispered he loved me before his breathing evened out and he fell sound asleep. Fighting back a yawn, I let my own eyes close and fell asleep within minutes.
The next few days flew by. Zander turned in his notice at the county DOT and started getting things set for his trip to California. He bought me a cellphone and matching ones for Gram and himself. We spent as much time at his grandparents’ house as possible because I wasn’t going to make him choose between spending time with me and his gram when I knew he loved us both. When I saw him slip his grandmother a wad of bills, knowing he was just trying to make sure that she had enough money for her monthly medication, it took everything inside of me not to start sobbing like a baby.
Zander was really a good man and I fell a little deeper every day that week.
I tried to look forward to the fact that Friday was my seventeenth birthday, instead of how sad it was going to be to tell Zander goodbye on Saturday morning. OtherWorld was going to do one last gig at Floyd’s Bar and then Zander was taking me to dinner. It would be just the two of us, and I was going to take advantage of every second we had that night.
Our last night together.
At least for a while, anyway. He’d already promised to come back for Christmas and stay until New Years. I believed him. He’d only ever broken one promise, and that had been for my own good—something I had started to quickly understand that week. Without the guilt of ruining Noah’s life, I knew that Z telling him what was going on at home had been the
right decision to make. For all of us.
“How do I look?” I asked Chelsea with a frown at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
She’d done my makeup at my request and had even helped me pick out my outfit. I’d left my long, platinum-blond hair down, and curled the ends just enough to give them a little wave. My eyes seemed to pop at me in the mirror’s reflection, my lips looking bee-stung and glossy. The dress she’d helped me pick out was one of her own and ended several inches higher on my thigh than it had hers the few times I’d seen her wear the little red dress.
It felt like it had taken forever for me to get ready and Chelsea had sent Noah off to the bar with Zander and Devlin, not wanting them to get impatient with how long it was taking me. I’d been reluctant to have her ask them to go on ahead, wanting to spend every spare second with Zander that night, but Noah had kept on coming to the bedroom door asking if I was ready or not.
The girl who now had my brother’s ring on her finger stood in the bathroom doorway with a small grin teasing at her lips. “That depends. How hot were you trying to look, girl?”
I couldn’t help the blush that flooded my cheeks, making my eyes stand out that much more in my well made-up face. “Supernova,” I mumbled. I wanted to stand out tonight. I wanted Zander’s eyes on me and nowhere else. I wanted…
“Well, you pulled that off, sweetie.” My future sister-in-law gave me a sly wink and turned back into the bedroom. “Now let’s get your hot little ass to that bar and make Zander Brockman sweat until he can get you alone later.”
My blush only intensified at the thought of being alone with Z later, but I had a silly grin on my face as I followed Chelsea out of the apartment and down to Noah’s truck. She climbed up into the jacked-up monster without any problems whereas I had to struggle to hold on to my dignity as I attempted to get up into it in the heels I was wearing. Finally, with a muttered curse, I tore off the high heels—also borrowed from Chelsea—and tossed them onto the floorboard of the truck before climbing in.
Chelsea was still laughing her head off at me when she pulled my brother’s truck into the over-crowded parking lot of Floyd’s Bar. I put the damn heels on again as I got out of the truck and reached back in for my purse. We were running late, and it was all my fault. By the time we entered the bar through the back door, OtherWorld was already out on the small stage Floyd set up for them every Friday night.
Noah was waiting for us in the back room. He kissed Chelsea hello before turning his gaze to me. When he did, his eyes almost popped out of his head, his jaw dropped and it took him several attempts before he could speak. “Um…” He cleared his throat. “You…? Wow, Annabelle.”
My brother’s reaction made my silly grin return and I took his offered free hand as he led us out to the bar. As the parking lot had suggested, the place was packed to capacity and then some. Between the two hundred or so people talking and singing along with the band, plus the loudness of the music, I could barely hear myself think.
There was barely any room to move between people, but Noah guided us through the thick crowd to the front where OtherWorld was playing. I took a quick glance around, noticing how many chicks were in the front row. All of them were chicks except for Noah, who stood like a bodyguard between Chelsea and me. I saw girls crying as they shouted out at the band, some of them already without their bras on because they had tossed them onto the stage. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at that. Really? Did these chicks think that by giving some guy their bra they would pick them out of the throng of other females around them?
I was the stupid one for even thinking that, of course. That was exactly how Wroth and Devlin had actually picked some of the chicks they had hooked up with over the past year. They picked whichever bras they liked the most and left with their owners. I was pretty sure Z had done that same thing a few times before I’d started slipping into his window most nights.
I knew the instant that Zander saw me. His playing turned to pure shit and I glanced up at him to see why. His eyes were glued to me and he was barely playing his bass. The way his gaze was raking over me, I knew he liked what he was seeing and that made me start to tremble. Ah, Christ. I wanted him so badly.
Liam drifted across the stage, still playing his own bass, and bumped his shoulder against Zander’s. Zander didn’t even move, just continued to stand there staring hungrily at me. My panties grew damp, my nipples aching in the pushup bra I’d bought earlier that week at the mall in Nashville. Would it hurt anyone if we left right then? I mean really?
As the song came to an end, Zander finally seemed to come out of his daze. He shook his head a few times and muttered something to Wroth, who was giving him a questioning look. I couldn’t hear anything he said over the noise of the crowd around me, but whatever he said had Wroth grinning. Moving toward the edge of the stage, Zander cocked a finger, waving me over, and I went without the slightest hesitation.
Bending, he brushed his lips over mine in a quick, soft kiss that made my heart shudder in my chest. I wanted to linger but, behind him, the guys were already starting up the first chords of the next song. I started to back away, but Z stopped me. His hand caught mine and he tugged me closer as he pressed his lips to my ear. “Was that the reaction you wanted?”
Blushing even hotter, I nodded. “Definitely.”
I felt more than heard his chuckle. “As soon as this show is over, you’re mine, Anna.” He pressed a kiss to the sensitive spot just under my ear, causing me to shiver deliciously. With a grin he straightened and easily started playing along with the others.
For the rest of the show his eyes never strayed from me, but his playing didn’t turn to shit again. I couldn’t keep my gaze off of him any more than he could me. Tomorrow didn’t matter right then. All I could see was that night.
Our night.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Annabelle
I wanted to leave as soon as Zander stepped off stage, but my brother grabbed my hand and held on to it tightly before I could follow after them. I pouted up at Noah, but he just grinned and pulled Chelsea and me through the sea of fans to the back room.
Several other girls had already followed the band back, but Floyd’s one and only bouncer was keeping them at bay. Noah gave him a small nod as he pulled us past the whining chicks. The door to the back room was closed, which confused me. That door was rarely closed.
Using his foot to push the door open, Noah stepped in, only then releasing my hand as he and Chelsea turned to face me. Behind them, OtherWorld was already waiting, grins on everyone’s faces. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you.”
I didn’t know why, but tears instantly burned my eyes. I tried to blink them back, but it was no use. One tear spilled down my cheek followed by ten more. My heart was full in that moment. With all of my old friends, plus one new one, singing “Happy Birthday” to me, I realized that I was going to miss more than just Zander. I’d miss Liam calling me Anna Banana and Devlin’s smiling aquamarine eyes as we teased each other. I’d miss Wroth’s scary scowl that lightened every time he saw little Marissa. Hell, I’d even miss Axton, whom I’d only known a week but had somehow become someone I counted as a friend.
Stepping around everyone else, Zander produced a cake with a candle shaped into the number 17 while he and the others continued to sing. Lighting the candle, he stopped in front of me just as the last ‘happy birthday to you’ was being sung. “Make a wish, Anna.”
Ignoring my tears, I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. I wish for more of this. More of my family and friends and times like this. Opening my eyes, I blew out the candle to the cheers of everyone around me. Zander shoved the cake into the hands of the closest person behind him, which happened to be Chelsea. “Okay, we did the cake and song. Now I’m taking the birthday girl out for dinner and her present.”
Before anyone could even open their mouths he grasped my hand and pulled me out of the room and then through the back door. Biting the inside of my cheek to
hold back the excitement that was starting to bubble over inside of me, I remained silent as he practically dragged me toward his truck. With his big, quick steps I couldn’t keep up in my heels.
Noticing that I was having trouble keeping up, Zander stopped and swung me up into his arms. A giggle spilled out of me and I wrapped my arms around his neck as he jogged the rest of the way to his truck and opened the driver’s side door. Placing me on the seat, I scooted over toward the passenger side but didn’t get more than a few inches before Zander was beside me.
“No,” he growled when I started to move over again. “Stay close.” He caught my hand and brought it to his lips. From the glow of the parking lot lights, I could see that his eyes were green with only a few flecks of gold shooting fire down at me. This wasn’t my OCD messed-up Z staring down at me; it was my hungry Z, and from the looks of it he was starving. “I don’t think I can breathe if you don’t.”
My heart shuddered in my chest. “Z—”
He released my hand and turned on the truck. Backing out of his usual space, he quickly got us out on the road before draping his arm over my shoulders and pulling me closer. Closing my eyes, I laid my head on his chest and hugged my right arm around his waist. Tears burned my eyes again, but this time I was able to hold them back.
Don’t think about tomorrow. There’s only tonight.
Zander drove on, but I didn’t bother to open my eyes. I only wanted to savor this. Christmas felt so far away so I’d have to live off of memories like this until then. He pulled up in front of the pizza place and ran inside to get the food he must have ordered earlier. He was back within a few minutes with a small pizza box and a huge bag full of two orders of the baked spaghetti I liked so much as well as salads and two slices of my favorite chocolate mousse cake.
The Rocker Who Betrays Me Page 12
